EP 99 Coming out as Non-Monogamous

After a couple of text message mishaps, this couple decided to come out to family and friends about being in the lifestyle. How did it go? How do you explain to your children? Hear their experiences as well as how they went from being swingers to poly to stag and vixen. Find Megan on Twitter @snsultry13Support this show and get bonus and exclusive content at BuyMeAcoffee.com/LeynaNguyen

Leyna: My guest today is 36 year old Meghan. Who's a dental hygienist from Georgia. She's been married 12 years, been in the lifestyle almost six years. She's got three children and she's doing this interview via video because she's out. So like Megan do your kids know that you're in the lifestyle?
Megan: My oldest he's 16. He does know we told him probably a year and a half ago. We did it together. We had told ourselves that if we ever got to a point where we felt like he thought maybe we were cheating,


Megan:
We'd rather him know that we were in the lifestyle and that we were open rather than think that his parents were cheating on each other.
Leyna: Right. So did, did something happen?
Megan: Well, I was actually at that point we had kind of gone more towards poly for a little while. We were both dating and we're kind of Seeing how that felt. I had a boyfriend and we'd probably been together for about six, seven months at that time. And I was FaceTiming him in the office at night and he walked in and I thought he maybe saw me talking to like a man.
And my husband travels a lot. He's pretty much out of town all week. And so I was just a little nervous that maybe he was thinking something. Saying anything about it. So we just decided, you know what, let's just do it. Let's just talk to them about it.
Leyna: Okay. And how did, how did that conversation go? Like what do you tell a 16 year old?
Megan: It actually went way better than I thought I was um so nervous about it. Like I was like, you know, hyperventilating before we walked in his room and, you know, we don't do like those serious talks that often. So We walked in and we basically approached it as you know, he has friends at school that are gay.
Their parents maybe are gay. We kind of explained it as, there's all different ways to have a family. There's people who, you know, they have been divorced and they co-parent with their kids, there's people where their parents maybe aren't around. And so their grandparents help take care of them.
 People have gay parents, all different scenarios and situations, and there's no one way to have a family. And so we just kind of approached it like different lifestyle. And We said, you know, me and dad we're actually polyamorous have you ever heard of that? And he's like, doesn't that mean you guys are open?
Leyna: Oh,
Megan: what do you think that means? Yeah, I know. I was like, I was like, what, what do you think that means? And he said that this like blew me away. He was like that y'all's communication is so good that you can have other relationships.
Leyna: wow.
Megan: I was like, okay, maybe we were doing pretty good at this parenting thing. Okay.
Leyna: Nice.
Megan: it caught us very off guard. Yeah. So. He actually had, had a pretty good idea for like a year before we told him,
Leyna: Yeah.
Megan: He'd seen something on his dad's phone and was like, what. But then I guess, I don't know if he just like scrolled a little bit to kind of look at the conversation and you know, Tommy's very upfront, with anyone he talks to that, I know that, you know, we're open da da da.
So I don't know if he read that. Something about me as well, like, Oh,
yeah, my wife, dah, dah. But he's like, I just figured if dad's doing something you knew about it and I'm like, okay.
Leyna: Wow.
Megan: Yeah. So it went way better than we expected.
Leyna: Nice. Okay. Before telling your son, did anyone else in your family know?
Megan: No, he's actually the first one we told,
Leyna: okay. Did that lead you to tell other family members.
Megan: Actually one of my brothers knew because I think he saw some boobs on my husband's phone. Obviously my husband needs to work on covering his phone a bit better, but yeah, after we told him and it went so Well, I was like, okay. You know, it just got to a point where we were hiding so much of our life.
We almost felt like teenagers lying to our parents. Like we were sneaking out and, you know, trying to cover stuff up. And all of our main friends, like even the vanilla friends they all knew At that point? I think the next one I told was my mom. That one didn't go as good.
Leyna: No?
What happened?
Megan: At first she seemed, Okay. She asked a lot of questions but then she kind of shut down. I try to tell her, you know, if you have any questions I want you to just ask I'm more than happy to explain things to you, but I know how her mind can kind of, you know, get, get crazy and go off in tangents. So I just knew she was like imagining us having like full-blown orgies up here while my kids were sleeping and I'm like, oh my gosh.
So she was just a little passive aggressive for a few months until I called her out on it. I was just like, mom, what do you want to know? Like, you're treating me different. If you want to know something, ask, I know your mind is thinking way worse than it is. Like, just talk to me.
Leyna: Yeah. Do you feel just a lot better that, you know, some of the closest people to you already know,
Megan: Oh,
Leyna: does it feel better?
Megan: I feel like it allows me to really embrace who I am a lot easier and not feel like I'm doing something necessarily wrong. I feel like I can just be more authentic and myself. Like, I don't feel like there's anything wrong with being able to care about multiple people in this world.
Like, I have a really big heart. I can love my husband and I can care about someone else and that doesn't take away from the love that I feel for him. But I think that's very crazy concept for so many people.
Leyna: Right.
Megan: So I think, you know, if I can help make that a little less crazy in some people's minds. And I feel like I'm not hiding as much and being able to just be myself without constantly overthinking and wondering what everyone's thinking about me, that it's just been a lot better for me.
Leyna: It seems like this is more of an identity rather than this wild thing you guys are doing on the side.
Megan: Oh, for sure. I mean, when we started, it was definitely like, Ooh, let's see what this is all about. And it was like, you know, kind of crazy. And you know, just like. Every time, it was like a little bit wild and you never knew what was going to happen. We didn't really have those like wild twenties.
We got married young and, we didn't really drink or we didn't really like party or anything. And so it was kinda like we were doing that, but safely and responsibly as adults, I guess.
Leyna: And together.
Megan: Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, supporting each other and helping each other. And we could talk to each other about it, like, well, was that weird?
Did you like that? I don't know. What do you think about it? And it was like having my little partner in crime kind of,
Leyna: Nice.
Megan: now it's, it is, it's just a part of us. I feel like our communication is so much better. Just help us grow. Like as humans, as people. I just feel like I am a lot stronger than I was before we went into lifestyle.
Leyna: Nice. Let's talk about how and why you got into it. It sounds like in the beginning it was just kind of a fun, wild, crazy thing that you started to explore. What was the first experience was, was it a threesome like, like for so many people?
Megan: Yeah. I felt like that's lots of people's go to
Leyna: The first step is the threesome. Hello?
Megan: Well, I am bisexual, so I did always kind of have that curiosity. I'd never like experimented at all. So Tom.
He was a Virgin when we got married
Leyna: oh.
Megan: I'd only been with two people. So we were both pretty innocent. And I basically was like, look, I know you've wondered what it's like with someone else. Like, that's a very normal thought it's not going to make me mad or, you know, I'm like, so would you ever want like a hall pass or like, would you, you know, want to do something like that?
And he's looking at me like, this is a trap. I don't, I'm not answering this question. So like, this is why are you asking me? But so we just had like a really honest conversation and, you know, I also used to joke about threesomes. Like, I'd be like, oh, she's hot. What about her? You want her for a threesome? And he's like, okay, are you kidding?
Are you serious? Like, I can't tell if you'd ever actually do that. we talked about it for like a year before we did anything. But we didn't get a threesome, like a female male, female until a year into the lifestyle.
Leyna: Oh, wait, what was your first experience?
Megan: Our very first was at a strip club.
 That was almost like a little teaser. It was kinda like making out with the stripper in the back room.
Leyna: Oh,
Megan: that kind of thing, but that was just like, give us a little taste.
Leyna: Hmm.
Megan: And then we went to trapeze, which is a sex club in Atlanta and we, our first night we ended up doing a full swap.
Leyna: oh!
Megan: With a couple.
So we just dove right in there
Leyna: Oh. Oh, so, but, okay. Hold on. Before you did this, did you have the, here are our rules talk or no?
Megan: We did, but we were, we didn't really know anything. So we just kind of were talking to each other. How are you? You good. Do you feel well? You feel okay about this? Are you okay with this? Yeah, I'm okay with it. Okay. So that's kind of what we did all night long
just kind of like checking people out. Originally, we just went thinking, we just thought there'd be like tons of single women lined up. And we could just like, Hey, you want to have a threesome, but obviously that's not the case. So we just kind of, I think me and him were just making out and a couple kind of approached us and wanted to watch and we were just like, sure.
Okay. And then they were super nice and like kinda took us under their wing a little bit. They probably saw fresh meat, newbie eyes, but we ended up, we just ended up doing full the swap and the next morning we came downstairs and we're like, are you good, everyone? Are we good? Everything okay. Yeah.
Okay. Do you want to do that again? Yeah.
Leyna: Nice. Okay. So w what I'm wondering is the, you know, when you go into your first experience couples very often, will say, okay, well, then let's not do this. Let's take it slow. You know , did you have those kinds of rules? And then did they all just go out the window or did you not set any rules?
Megan: I think as long as we were together, you know, we, we just check on each other every once in a while.
That was our main thing was just making sure the other was okay and kind of staying together. But we didn't have more rules than that. Cause we didn't know what the rules should be.
Leyna: and, and how was the experience? I mean, it, clearly you enjoyed yourself, but was it something other than just being with someone new? I mean, what was the experience like knowing that your husband was with someone else..
Megan: I think because we'd talked about it so much and we'd also watched like some porn and kind of like together and kind of like, okay, , like, we'd pause it mid porn and be like, if this was me, how do you feel? Like, do you think that would bother you? Like we'd had so many discussions about it already that by the time it happened, I was just like, oh, that's kinda hot.
 I have learned that in the lifestyle that kind of allows me. That's like the one place where I let go. Like I have, my husband says I get a different look in my eyes. I become lifestyle. Megan,
Leyna: Oh,
Megan: I'm just like free and I don't overthink anything. And I just live in the moment, you know, like being a mom with, I have three boys.
So being a mom, I'm like, so I have to take care of everyone and everything and you know, in the lifestyle, I'm just like, we'll just see what happens. Just live in the moment. So I
Leyna: this is your playtime.
Megan: yeah, I just, that it's like my free place to just be myself and be a little crazy and just not have to overthink everything.
So I thought it was hot. Now, Tommy has said, if you would have told me that I would watch my wife, fuck somebody. And I would like it. I would have punched you in the face.
Leyna: Oh, but, but he does like it.
Megan: Who does. Yeah, but he like, and I remember the first time we met up with a couple, like at a hotel, we were all hanging out and he's like watching me.
And I started like given a guy head and he's like, that's my wife. She's sucking a guy's dick. Ok, I kinda like it. It's like my wife's in a porn. Okay. I kind of like watching it
Leyna: oh,
. All right, I'm going to have to talk to your husband. Will you tell him to come on the show and be a guest of mine?
Megan: Oh, for sure.
Leyna: All right.
 I'll bring Tommy on and we'll hear his side of the
story.
Megan: Pick his brain a little bit.
Leyna: Yes. Yes, indeed. Um, Okay. So it sounded like you started out as swingers. Did it stay that way?
Megan: So we did do the whole same room swap stuff for probably about a year. Just cause most of the people we met, that's what they did and we didn't really know, so that seemed safe to us. And so we did that for like a year and then he let me play alone after about a year.
And that was probably the first time we had like a little hiccup was when I played alone for the first time.
Leyna: Tell me about that.
Megan: Well, we had a single male. We met him for a drink and just had like some appetizers and he was really nice, polite. So we were like, okay, let's try this. That was our first male female male. You'd probably be better getting Tommy's perspective on that, that one threw him off a little bit. He wasn't really sure what to expect. And, you know, you have two different guys, two different possible stamina's. They don't necessarily have the same rhythms going on.
And so you're trying to find like what works and he got in his head a little bit. And then the first time I played alone, he decided to let me do it by myself. He was like, you know what? I think I might do better if you just kind of do it and then tell me about it if I'm not like there with you.
And so that actually went a lot better. I just called him after and kind of went through it, a play by play. But another time he was in the basement watching on a camera and that one. Yeah, we had like a live feed camera going on and he was in his office in the basement and that one, he was kind of, over-analyzing all my noises.
Like, does she make that noise with me? Do I last that long? Like, do I turn her that way? Do I flip her around like that?
Leyna: wow.
Megan: He kind of got in his head a little bit with that one. So that was our first like hiccup. Same thing. We talked about it, we communicated and then we were fine after.
Leyna: Have you ever been in a situation where you didn't like something.
Megan: A long time ago, I actually was super jealous. If you can believe that. I know. I used to be really jealous to where it really bothered me because it was more of a learned, I think thing like the women in my family, or just, you know, movies, they portray like jealousy as like this passionate thing.
Like the more jealous you are, the more you love someone. So that's kind of how my brain thought. Tommy was never really a jealous person and it would almost make me mad that he wasn't, because I'm like, do you think anyone wants me? And he's like, yeah, everybody wants here. Cause you're hot, duh. But. So I really worked on that to really understand where that was coming from and why I was that way.
Cause it pretty much just made me feel like shit, nobody else. Yeah, I'm like, this is just making me feel terrible. Like I don't want to feel like this. I need to figure out why I'm feeling this way. So I really worked on that before we got in the lifestyle. Um, But every once in a while I get little twinges, but mostly I just need that reassurance that like, you know, we're good.
You know, I'm his person. I think for me, the emotional stuff was a little harder at first jealousy wise than the physical stuff. When we approached like poly type situation,


Leyna: So you went from like swinging and then you did the whole like stag, vixen thing, right? And then you would play separately.
Megan: Yeah. and he played, yeah,
Leyna: issues. with him.
Megan: no, he played alone. He pretty much would just call me after or tell me how it went. And I, at first we'd do the whole play by play, you know, like the specific
Leyna: And then I did, and then she did this.
Megan: Yeah. And at first we did that and then you know, in some people that, that turns them on, like, they love that.
For us, it got to a point where I was like, okay, like, I don't need to know all of that. Just tell me, like, was it fun where the, like, he pretty much wants to know? Did I have fun? Did I have a good time? Were they respectful? Did I feel safe? Okay. That's cool. So that's, that's kind of where we were at for awhile.
We just he did play alone. I played alone. We played together. We have, you know, friends that we'd go to trap with or house parties, but we'd also play alone. So it was kind of a mix of it all.
Leyna: Yeah. Okay. So you weren't, you like we're open to just about everything.
Megan: Yeah.
Leyna: And then you moved into the whole poly thing.
Megan: Yep.
Leyna: Both of you or just one of you?
Megan: He actually started that one. So I was at a point where I was kind of already starting to feel like I kind of wanted to have a little bit more, like I wanted the people that I played with to almost like. You know, more care about my well-being. If I was sick, like, are you feeling any better?
Just like common courtesy things, if nothing else, like, just like a friendship or a little bit more of an emotional connection, like not just a body or, Hey, are you up that kind of thing? But he was seeing a girl. Like he would talk about or any like laugh or tell me something funny. She said, and I'm like, like her? And he's like, no, I don't.
She's just my friend. I mean, she's a cool person. I was like, you like this one.
I can tell I'm like, you don't even realize you like her yet, but you do. I can see it. Cause I know you. And he's like, you know, he totally was like trying to put those walls up, but I could tell it was developing. All Right. So instead of like fighting that or being like, Oh,
my gosh, you're going to leave me.
I was like, okay, I'm kind of wanting more of an emotional connection. I can tell you're going in that direction, whether you know it or not, I can see it. So let's just see how it goes. So that's kinda how that's the poly stuff started kind of on accident.
Leyna: Is that part of your thing now, are you guys, you guys sound like you are the type of couple that's, like if it's going towards poly, you're not going to stop it. Right.
Megan: Yeah, I feel like we're kind of odd balls because we aren't really anything specific. We identify much mostly as stag and Vixen, we're not searching for a boyfriend or girlfriend or searching for poly, but like if I met somebody and it kind of was going that way, we're fine with that.
If we want to go to a house party and have a big orgy, that's fine too. As long as we're both good in our relationship and we're communicating, we're kind of leave it open to whatever.
Leyna: Of all the things that you, that you've done right, or that you like to do, what, what is your, like, what's your ideal thing?
Megan: My dream scenario would be I have like a boyfriend but then, and him and Tommy get along. And so sometimes we all play. But then I'm also allowed to every once in awhile, like go to house parties or do the swinger thing still. I don't want to completely cut that out because I do like that wild freedom and just like that raw sexuality and that euphoric sexual energy that's involved in all of that too.
 I like a lot of people, like, I like orgies because I get men and I get women and I'm a pleaser. And so I'm like touching. There's just like bodies everywhere and you're touching everything. And there's just So many fun things to play with.
Leyna: What has this done for your marriage?
Megan: You got to dig deep in the lifestyle. You got to do a lot of self work and you gotta figure out, okay, why do I feel that way? Is that like, is that my issue or is that something, you know, that's causing that, that we should change? So I feel like. It's made us communicate on a whole different level.
And also me being able to like dissect my emotions a little bit better and figure out why I feel certain ways and dealing with that rather than putting blame on someone else or, well, you did that. And it made me feel that way. It's like, well, why did I feel that way? Like, I feel like I just questioned myself more like, and look a little deeper and do a lot more like self work.
and I just feel like there's no reason to ever lie. Like if you can talk about really hard stuff, , anything else is so easy to talk about.
Leyna: Megan dental, hygienist, Meghan,
Megan: yes
Leyna: you have an only fans.
Megan: I do. Yeah.
Leyna: When, when did that come about and what are you doing on it?
Megan: It's probably been a year and a half now. I do a lot of stuff just as I don't fit in a box in the lifestyle. I kind of do a little bit everything.
 It's almost like my naughty Instagram or my naughty social media. Like if I go to a hot wife, BBC party, You're going to get to see some of that. If I go to a hotel party, you're going to get to see some of that. If I am in my mom van and I meet a single man on his lunch break, you might get to see that in my van.
Leyna: Oh, oh,
Megan: Yeah. We call it the milf mobile on Twitter.
Leyna: She has her OnlyFans info on her  Twitter she's @snsultry13 you can also find her in our shownotes, on Consentingadultsshow.com. BTW I'm going to start putting more of our episodes on youtube so find me there, it's youtube.com/leynanguyentv. It's the video portion of these interviews and if you'd like to share your story, get in touch with me on consentingadultsshow.com