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Blasian Goddess's life both professionally and personally revolve around ethical non-monogamy world. Kellie Talks about how she and her husband made newbie mistakes and learned from them. They plan lifestyle events and parties and brings a touch of art and physical fitness into the lifestyle. You can find her at on Twitter @ksblasianbabe or facebook at www.facebook.com/KSBlasianGoddess
[00:00:00] Leyna: My guest today and make sure you see this on video. When the video comes out, is Kelly shin, the Blasian goddess. She's beautiful.
[00:00:10] Leyna1: She's been married for 16 years. They're in the lifestyle doing a bunch of stuff and not really your typical BDSM thing that most people think of. So Kelly, you are an adult lifestyle, fitness coach and model. What does that actually mean?
[00:00:25] Kellie: Right. Yeah. That's a lot of things. Right. Well, okay. So, , I'm in the adult lifestyle and I do make, , adult, content and art you know, I've had some pieces shown at the Seattle art festival last weekend, so I, you know, do work on the art side, content. But I very much lived the lifestyle.
I like hosting, private gatherings and really educating and bringing people together so they can learn about the lifestyle. So I'm in it in every aspect and part of the fitness where that comes in, I think fitness is very important if you're going to be in the lifestyle, you know, and fitness is my background.
My degrees are in exercise science. So. Prior to coming into this. my specialty was in human performance, especially in athletics. So due to that, carry that over into the lifestyle because it goes hand in hand, you want to be healthy, right? Like the lifestyle is there's a lot going on in the lifestyle.
You want to be healthy enough, not only for you, for, for other people that you are making contact with and y'know having fun.
[00:01:29] Leyna: right.
[00:01:29] Leyna1: How long have you been in the lifestyle?
[00:01:33] Kellie: Gosh, I think in and out of the lifestyle, I would say for at least past 10 years, And when I say in and out, like, you know, it starts with, you're almost like, you know, dipping your toe in the water, kinda checking it out. so in and out, and then finally really getting into it the past, I would say three to four years, make it a full time commitment for me on my part. Yeah.
[00:02:02] Leyna1: so when you said you dipped your toes, how far did you dip them in there, what did you do?
[00:02:09] Kellie: Well, you know, like it starts with, like the fantasy that you're talking to, you know, your, your husband might, you know, what do you think it'd be like with being another another person? First, you think of that fantasy, then I'm like, on the internet searching like three ways in like orgies and like gang bangs
so then I want to like, see, like, Ooh, It's like this fantasy, like, oh, you know, do I want that? You do want that, but you're like, where do I start? You know? And then finally, one day I was just like, you know what, I'm just going to, I was on a website.
I was like, I'm just going to put, put it out there and see what happens. And I did. I got some interesting, you know, interested people and went through this kind of meeting them. And I had my first, you know, three-way I was like, wow, this was amazing.
[00:02:53] Leyna1: oh, hold on. Was it you, your husband and who? It just a woman or a man.
[00:03:00] Kellie: Oh, with another man, it was another man. That's how it starts. So my first, you know, lifestyle experience with, you know, a threesome with another man.
So, you know, that was really hot.
[00:03:12] Leyna1: and your husband was okay with.
[00:03:15] Kellie: Yeah. You know, at first, you know, you worry about that. And honestly, that's what held me back is that like, you're like, oh, I don't want to like, cause you love this person. Right. And you don't want to. So you're like, Ooh, I don't, you know, then you think like, well, I'll just sacrifice my desires, you know?
And you're just like, I'll just be vanilla. And so I don't hurt feelings and you can't live that way forever. And I just couldn't live that way forever, you know? And we talked about it I think at first maybe he didn't know what to expect or cause you don't know how to feel because you know, it's the same way when we had a woman, like when we had a, a three-way with a woman later down the road, he had like these feelings that I'm sure he experienced.
The first time I did, I experienced later, but you know, I think he thought it was hot. He was just like, oh my God. He was like, I love watching you do this. Like, this is a, turn on, like the, uh, the other participant was like, wow, this was like, awesome. This is great. You guys, you know, like his whole, everyone was like, oh my God, good job.
[00:04:13] Leyna1: So a, was it the other person's first time too, or no?
[00:04:17] Kellie: I think he had done it before he was married, but his wife didn't know. And that's what you get a lot. I've gotten like married men where they're like,, my wife knows I'm like I don't
think so. But some of them are like, my wife doesn't know my girlfriend doesn't know or like single men.
So yeah. I've had, you know, he was like, you know, married, newly, newlywed. Too. So
[00:04:38] Leyna1: wow.
[00:04:39] Kellie: He's a little bit younger, so, I'm sure some people are like, oh, that's horrible. How can you do that? But I'm like, you have the right to make your own decision. I didn't say, you know, I, we met, it was just like, Hey, we're here. We're going to be here.
[00:04:55] Leyna1: let's do what,
[00:04:56] Kellie: Let's do it. If you like, if not, it's okay. You know, that's the thing, everyone has to be in agreement.
[00:05:01] Leyna1: Uh huh.
[00:05:03] Kellie: You know, so . Everyone has to be in agreement.
[00:05:06] Leyna1: It sounds like it went very well. Can you
[00:05:10] Kellie: it did.
[00:05:10] Leyna1: Well, and it sounds like you would like still remember it.
[00:05:14] Kellie: I can still remember it.
[00:05:16] Leyna1: Well, girl, you're going to have to tell me what happened.
[00:05:20] Kellie: at first I was like really nervous, you know? Cause we were at a hotel and I'm like, what if they see me walking with like two men? Are they going to know or are they going to know what we're doing in there? You know? So I did like kind of get over them. My hands were like clammy.
I'm like, Oh, my God. Everyone was there. We started talking, I just immediately started to go, like, I just let myself go. And I was like, take your pants down, take your pants out. You know, I was giving you oral. I was going back and forth and it just started from there.
[00:05:48] Leyna1: Oh, so once you got room, it was like, you, you were, you
[00:05:52] Kellie: yeah, all, all of that nervousness and, oh my God, are they going to see me?
Like just went out the window
[00:05:59] Leyna1: Okay. So,
[00:06:01] Kellie: let go and have fun.
[00:06:02] Leyna1: right. But, so then you were concerned about other people. Was there any concern about how it would go, I mean, you know, with your husband and you know, some guy you really don't know, were you concerned about that?
[00:06:14] Kellie: Um, I was at first and that's again, that's why I said it took me a little bit to get there, but then, you know, after a while it's like, you've got to get over. Like, you know, I had to have a talk to myself. You can't, not excuse but, you can't keep having these what ifs or would ifs, or what, you know, what if, I don't know, maybe what if not, you know, so it's like one of those things, like let's try and then just kind of go from there,
[00:06:35] Leyna1: Were there any rules?
[00:06:36] Kellie: And that's why, um, there were rules at first, you know, it was like, Hey, like, um, please finish on me, right. Like from the neck down,
[00:06:49] Leyna1: not the face,
[00:06:51] Kellie: that's the face.
not the hair, just neck down. So that was the rule, like, uh, you know, no anal, nothing excessive,
[00:07:00] Leyna1: but what would there any rules between like that you and your husband agreed on? Or was it like full swap first time
[00:07:05] Kellie: No, not really. And that's where we messed up, you we were like kind of talked about it and had like loose terms. We'll never like sealed, you know, made it concrete. And there was one occasion where he did get offended, but um, he left the room. Well, he, one occasion he left the room and we kept going and he was like, when I leave the room, you stop.
But that was never, we never really talked about that, you know, so I didn't learn that later on. And so he got hurt and it was kind of weird cause I'm like enjoying myself and I'm like, oh, something's not right. You know, like this, like hard to, you know, you know, cause you feel bad. And so we talked about it.
So I feel like as we were going along, you learn, cause there's no handbook, you know, there's not like somewhere I can go to and go, I'm going to go and you know, figure out how to get, you know, you have to yeah. It's already not it's kind of underground, so you, it's hard to find other people, you know? ,
[00:08:03] Leyna1: tell me about the experience first time with you, your husband and another woman. Now, are you.
[00:08:08] Kellie: Oh,
[00:08:09] Leyna1: Oh, boy, look at face, your face. Just lights up
[00:08:13] Kellie: That's a story right there. But yeah, go ahead. Sorry. I
[00:08:16] Leyna1: no, don't tell me about it.
[00:08:18] Kellie: Oh, well it was a very interesting dynamic because we were in a Weird. spot in our marriage. And so, um,
[00:08:28] Leyna1: Weird. meaning what?
[00:08:30] Kellie: You know, I feel like the we've been married that long. Like everything's not like ice cream and rainbows and stuff.
You know, there was times where it's like, you know, moldy ice cream, you know, like, you know, or whatever your freezer burn, ice you know; I was trying to figure out what I wanted and I think he was kind of going through things professionally. So we weren't communicating very well.
It was just that we were acting out, you know, instead of saying, let's go do this. We just went and did it without having much discussion about, so we, you know, we went and met up with this couple and I was just happy because like finding females to like join in, it's like really hard. It's super hard, like men all day long.
Like I don't get a man right now. Right. But like for women it's different, you know, it's not, you know, it takes time and you know, like it goes, it's just different. So we met and, you know, went well. We went back to the hotel room. And we were in the same room, two different beds. So she was with my husband and, I was with her husband.
Well, her husband, um, , he was not the healthiest. So like his performance, like, you know, he was like, oh, I can't like he had some heart condition. And he's like, I can't really. Yeah. He was like, he was a little heavier, you know, so I was kinda. I
[00:09:52] Leyna1: were you taking one for the team?
[00:09:54] Kellie: it was cause she was gorgeous. So I was like, I, yeah, cause I know like he's done it for me.
Like there's, you know, so I feel like maybe there has been times where he's like, you know, I know you want to do it's I'll do it with. You know, by rather go take a nap or something right now, and so like, so that's why, and so we nothing really happened. And so they started playing and stuff and then I kind of went over there and try to play too.
She wasn't having that. I was like, I gotcha. Yep. So I like kind of backed away and then I kinda, I made the mistake and I left and I went downstairs and this is why I was telling you this was, I was in a different mind frame, marriage wise. And then I came back up and I think I was gone for like, oh, maybe I was gone for 15 minutes or something.
I think I went for a walk, walked around or something came back and then they were done. So I was like, well, all right, God, but okay. So, you know, we left you know, got in the car and we kind of talked when we got home. And then I said, oh, well, how was it? You know, he's like, oh, okay. I go, oh, where did you finish?
And he goes, oh, in our mouth. I was like, what? He's like, I was like, she took it in her mouth. He was like, yeah. And that like made me, like, I was slightly furious. I was like, but then I had to tell myself, like, do I have the right to be upset? But I was like, yeah, I do have the right to be upset. So, you know, we talked about that cause I was like, Hey, like we didn't talk about that. That's kinda, I feel like that's an intimate thing, you know? And he's like, well, that's what she wanted.
She asked for it so I was like, oh, okay. And then I was thinking, well, you know what? Maybe like I start thinking, you know, you put things in, try to think about other people. Like, you know, I saw her husband and her husband couldn't do much, so maybe she really needed it, you know? Cause I'm like, sometimes people need like good sex.
Like it's healthy. It's, you know, you know, maybe she just needed needed that. So I was like, you know, I'm glad that he was able to help her out with. So I try to turn it around that way. Instead of being like, you know, my first impulse was like, what that, you know, but, I had to like take a step back because this was our first time with a woman.
But like, I dunno, like eighth or ninth time, you know? So like, I felt like I didn't really have. You know, it was like, I don't know, I have good basis to be mad at him for this, you know, for this. So, and then we just talked about how we have to have better communication.
[00:12:28] Leyna1: Sure. Now, have you ever done like a threesome? I think you earlier, you said you did a threesome with a woman too?
[00:12:35] Kellie: No, that first one. Oh, actually we did. I'm sorry. It was a house party, uh, funny because, uh, some of the people we worked at the same place, so it was kind of weird seeing like,
[00:12:48] Leyna1: oh
[00:12:49] Kellie: yeah, like, yeah, but it was cool. Cause no one talks about it outside. You know, when, once you left the house, it was in a normal neighborhood.
Like literally like normal house. And it was an older woman and I was there first and my husband was driving up. Cause we lived separately at that time. So he's driving up to see me. Cause I was like, hurry up, get over here. I'm at this, you know, this gathering. It's really cool. I met an older woman and she was like, coming, coming on to me.
I was kind of like, okay, cool. You know, I never Had a woman come on to me. So I was like, I didn't really know how to take it, but I finally got relaxed. She was super nice. And then my husband made it and, you know, we start talking and then we went into a room and we just, again, wanted to the rooms, like the door closes and then everything is out the door.
Right. All your like nervousness and stuff. Like, so everything just, and that was great. Actually, it was not, that was a really good experience. It really was. I just don't think my husband was prepared for it, but yes,
[00:13:45] Leyna1: Had you been with a woman before?
[00:13:47] Kellie: Um, no.
[00:13:49] Leyna1: oh, did you want to, I mean, did you have that fantasy?
[00:13:53] Kellie: That's why I was saying like, women are hard to find. That's what, like, you know, it's like, it's different for like to find a guy to like, you know, women are different. Like it's not as, um, you know, you can go get a guy, you know, like I said, now, if that's
[00:14:07] Leyna1: know they're like, they're like lined up the outside right now.
[00:14:10] Kellie: Like you
[00:14:11] Leyna1: Like I could get behind you too. Like we could just like go away you guys,
[00:14:18] Kellie: you know, but it's different to find a woman. It takes a little bit of time, you know, but yeah. I like, you know, I like women, I don't want to be in a relationship with a woman, you know, cause I'm difficult enough. So I don't, you know, but I do find women attractive and I do, I don't mind being with them in a three-way situation.
[00:14:36] Leyna1: Okay, so you're, so you're bisexual, but did you know that or were you just curious? Because like a lot of women are curious
[00:14:44] Kellie: I don't know if you don't. I don't know. I guess I never sat there and analyze like, are you bisexual? Or, you know, it's like, you like what you like, and you don't know why you like it. And I, you know, I don't want to, you know, you see something you like it, you know, do you always have to explain why
[00:14:58] Leyna1: No.
[00:14:59] Kellie: can't it just be?
I like it, you know? Yeah. So I'm like, I like it. Like that's hot. I think that turns, you know, that would totally turn me on. That's hot. She's hot. Let's, you know, let's all. be hot together you know,
[00:15:13] Leyna1: Right. Very nice Okay. So it looks like you're, you're moving along. W w where it stands today, what is your preferred play situation?
[00:15:25] Kellie: I love like, the events that we have, the lifestyle events, where, you know, there's a gathering and, you know, peopleare all there and, you know, consensual and wanna, you know, that that's the fun because it's like you see the energy, feel the energy or within this energy.
And like, I don't know. It's just great. It's like, it's hard to duplicate, you know, it was like, it's
[00:15:48] Leyna1: private sex parties
[00:15:50] Kellie: Well, I wouldn't call them sex parties.
[00:15:52] Leyna1: what'd you sex
[00:15:54] Kellie: If you choose to not everyone some people come and just hang out and talk. Some people choose. I wouldn't say. And that's the thing, like when people are like, it says sex, I'm like, no, it's a gathering.
Like anything else, if you go to someone and you're like, Hey, would you like to maybe make out with me on the bed? And they're like, yeah, let's do it. That's fine. That's where it is. If they go, no, I do not. Alright. Thank you. And you go and do something else. So it's not, you know, I wouldn't say it's a sex party
I think that's such a, I don't know. I just. That term is, I don't know. it
[00:16:28] Leyna1: It's a lifestyle
[00:16:29] Kellie: correctly
It's a lifestyle part. Yeah, exactly. That's exactly what it is.
[00:16:34] Leyna1: Um, but do you have a preference as to, you know, do you like threesomes with a woman better? Do you like full swap? Do you like, have you done a gang bang?
[00:16:44] Kellie: I have not. But people have asked me to, uh, I have not, um, that might be something, you know, in the future. Here's the thing, even though I've been in the lifestyle. There's something new all the time. It's just like life, you learn stuff new all the time. Like, oh man, I've never had, you know, So, there's like so much more to do.
I just haven't done all of it yet. So like when you're like, have you no, I haven't done one. I'd like to all those things you talk about. Yes. I'd like to put that on my list, you know,
[00:17:09] Leyna1: So, so you still have a long list
[00:17:11] Kellie: oh yeah. I'm not done at any means. Like, this is like just really. Like, I feel like I I there's really, no, I feel like I just scratched the surface, to be honest with you.
I was just kinda like, like I said, putting my toes in the water now I'm like in merge in it, you know, I live in it, you know, so, and there's much more to explore.
[00:17:33] Leyna1: Right,
[00:17:34] Kellie: We can go a little deeper, you know?
[00:17:36] Leyna1: yeah. So have you done a DP?
[00:17:40] Kellie: Yes.
[00:17:40] Leyna1: Oh, look at that.
[00:17:44] Kellie: Yeah, it feels great. I personally, I enjoy anal. Yeah. Like I know like it took me a while though, but I, um, yeah, it's it's feels great.
[00:17:55] Leyna1: How about, uh, DVP?
[00:17:58] Kellie: No, no, I have not done that. No.
[00:18:02] Leyna1: And no desire. It doesn't sound like there's
[00:18:04] Kellie: You know what, I'm not, I might not. I don't. Yeah. You know, I'm not never going say never, maybe in the right situation, but that when I think about it, not particularly now, just because like, I think it'd be difficult because, um, sometimes those positions are, you have to, everyone has to be in agreement because everyone's so close and touching and everyone has their boundaries, you know?
So if you have someone like, Ooh, that's too close, then it's like, okay, that's not going to happen.
[00:18:31] Leyna1: Uh huh. Okay. Um, and you've done orgies?
[00:18:36] Kellie: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Smaller ones. Not like we know what people expect, you know, but like, you know, smaller ones. Yeah.
[00:18:46] Leyna1: How do people find. Like, like your party sound like fun.
[00:18:51] Kellie: Well, amazing last night and it was amazing last night cause we were able to be, and they dug in a very nice Dudgeon so everything was there and supplied. And so it was really cool. Um, FetLife, you know, I'm on this site callrf FetLife. It's a great little community and there's a lot of events on there, you know? but a lot of it's on FetLife. You know, I'm on FetLife. I missed, you know, Kelly shit on there and we'll post the beds. Like we're going to have an, and our next one in Las Vegas.
[00:19:19] Leyna1: Oh boy.
[00:19:20] Kellie: Yeah, so that's going to be in June. Yeah. So like, again, like these are parties, I wouldn't even call them parties. And I don't, these are events, you know, like you meet up, you know, we met up actually at a different place, you know, talk and then, you know, some people wanted to go back to the, the venue they did and some people left.
It's totally up to you. It's just that we're, we're just there to say, Hey, we're a group of people. Uh, we have this event, if you're like-minded they want to come check it out, hang with us, please come by. You know, if you, you know, we're not your cup of tea, that's okay. They'll have to, you know, just, you know, again, it's not anything forced,
[00:20:01] Leyna1: so you're just facilitating, you're facilitating a meetup.
[00:20:05] Kellie: and meet up with people who are like-minded, you know, because how you do, how do you find that?
[00:20:10] Leyna1: Sure. And then do you travel around
[00:20:14] Kellie: I can't go on Yelp, right?
[00:20:17] Leyna1: I'm sure. Some people would lose leave you some good reviews. So, Um, do you like travel to different states?
[00:20:24] Kellie: Yeah. So we were here, um, in LA and then next month it will be in Vegas. And I think our, probably our third one later on, I want to have one in Tennessee, maybe in the fall. It might go Vegas to Tennessee. We'll see. But Vegas for sure.
[00:20:42] Leyna1: . Lastly, what do you think being in the lifestyle has done for your marriage?
[00:20:47] Kellie: It's made my marriage gray. Like he's my best friend. Like he's my life partner. Like, you know, like, no matter what happens, he has. You know, so to me it was, it made my marriage?
stronger. Now for some people I've heard the opposite. We did have a couple from Australia on a podcast and, they were saying how it made their marriage stronger because you have to communicate.
So you're constantly communicating. I think that's what happens in relationships. Right? You stopped communicating. and then once that happens, it's like, everything goes downhill. Open communication. There was times like, sometimes he can't go with me. No, I can't go with you.
So you go by yourself, you know?
[00:21:31] Leyna1: You so you've guys have gotten to the point now where separate play is ok?
[00:21:35] Kellie: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, I'm fine with it, but he doesn't seem to be too interested in it you know, he's kinda happy with how things are and that's totally fine, but I, he does have the option. So, you know, sometimes he's like, yeah, I can come with you. And sometimes, you know, you got to go by yourself. It's great because he really wants to see me happy. And I feel like, um, At this point in my life, like, I'm like, Ooh, I feel like I'm really like finally letting go and like living life, instead of being worried about, you know, like I told you are they gonna see me?
Or what are they going to, you know, like, even like, there has been times where I've been in and out of this, that's why I said in and out. Cause I remember I recognized someone at work was like, oh, Hey, I saw you on this website. I was like, oh my God. Right? So I'll like, I don't want, you know, so you, you learn to overcome that. You know, so I learned to like overcome insecurities, which makes me a better partner to, you know, for my husband, you know?
[00:22:34] Leyna1: you seem really happy.
[00:22:36] Kellie: Yeah. Like it's been happy. It's been great for, you know, like I can only speak about my experience, you know, can't speak for others, but for me and for my marriage and for my, whatever, the path I'm going on, it's, I'm happy right now.
And you know, it's great. Cause I haven't been, you know, it took me a while to get here.
Leyna: You can find her on Twitter @KSBlasianBabe or you can find it in our show notes. Ok ,next time on C.A...Not too many people in the lifestyle are out to their friends and family but Megan is. She even told her 16 year old son!
Guest: We'd rather have him know that we're in the lifestyle and that we're open rather than have him think his parents are cheating on each other.
Leyna: Hear why it makes life so much easier and better to be out and open! That's next time, on Consenting Adults.
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