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Anita and her husband decided to dip their toes into the lifestyle as swingers but then he worked so much that he couldn't play. So they came up with a solution that works for both of them, and now she's a Vixen/Hotwife! Anita is on Twitter @AnitaUKslut4u
Leyna: [00:00:00] My guest today is 36 year old Anita, who is in healthcare. And she's a hot wife with some kind of a stag vixen, dynamic loves playing in groups with couples single men. And she has a preference for black men. Anita a welcome to the show. 36 years old. How long have you been in the lifestyle
Anita: okay. So I would say approximately five years now,
Leyna: wow. Um, I mean, that's kind of young, right? Starting at around 31 years old or so is this something that you've always been curious about?
Anita: uh, not really so I can tell you a little bit about how I got up to it. It was actually already suggested by, my husband, And, he had kind of experienced it as a single man in his early twenties. By the time we got together, I was about 28. He was about 29. , and the [00:01:00] conversation came up and, you know, it piqued my interest.
But I really didn't know much about it. Um, that was kind of surprised to hear some of his experiences.
Leyna: what kind of experiences did he have? Like where they threesomes or?
Anita: Yeah. Yeah. Mainly that. And, just kind of being brought on to it by somebody that, he worked with once in a while and he was invited to a party.
And, afterwards, the guys have asked, you know, would you like to play with my wife? And he thought it was a joke and it wasn't and kind of just went from there. And so those experiences and clubs and things like that, and then he enjoyed himself, but he had never been in it as a couple.
Leyna: So before you married your husband, did you know that he had been in the lifestyle?
Anita: yes, I did. Yeah.
Leyna: Um, and it didn't turn you off.
Anita: I was surprised, but kind of curious at the same time.
Anita: Yeah, but not, no, it wasn't a turn [00:02:00] off.
Leyna: In your curiosity, did you entertain the thought of actually like trying something out?
Anita: I guess I was curious, but to be really honest, I was more apprehensive than anything just because I felt like, it might cause a. You know, an issue and the relationship, somewhere along the line.
Leyna: Right. Okay. So, how long were you married before you actually started, you know, exploring the lifestyle?
Anita: I would say about three years.
Leyna: Wow. That's actually a long time having known that he was in the lifestyle, knowing that he was interested and being curious yourself.
Leyna: now, um, can you tell me like the, the process it took to get there? Was there a lot of conversation or did something happen that kind of really piqued your interest?
Anita: It's So, a lot of conversation. It was mainly really. Me saying no, a lot to be honest. I'm good at that. [00:03:00] But, um, then one day he's, he's very persistent. He was like, let's just go to a club, let's check it out, and so we went and to be really honest with you, the first experience was not a good one.
Leyna: Oh, what
Anita: Uh, yes, because it was very impromptu. It wasn't planned. It was with a couple, but as it turns out that the male, half of the couple had zero experience and his girlfriend, I guess at the time was the one who had experience and was curious to play. And, my husband was too, and we never really even talked much.
And there we were at a private room, probably 'bout 10 or 15 minutes after we met. And, wasn't positive because the, the boyfriend couldn't perform. Um, I think he was intimidated by the situation and just hasn't had it been in that situation. And then it just, wasn't a great experience for me whilst the other two. We're hitting it off. So I was very put off and then another [00:04:00] six months went by and I said, I don't think I want to do this again. And then he had said that he would like to see me with another man. And so I said, okay, you know, I might be open to that. And so we went to another club and then we, we found a single guy who was very respectful and you know, it was attractive.
Kind of said all the right things. And so, we took him back to the hotel and, uh, that was my first experience, it was very exciting.
Leyna: Okay. Can you walk me through that first experience? so obviously there's attraction there, you bring back to the hotel room. Like, how do you get started once you walk into that room?
Anita: I mean, there was a loan drive before that, which was probably more awkward, the actual experience, but, um, yeah, I mean, we had, oh, actually prior to the hotel, in the club, you know, in a semi-private, rooms. Um, we sort of started, some oral there and [00:05:00] so we.
Leyna: wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Anita: Me on my husband and this guy.
Leyna: Oh, okay.
Anita: Yeah. But then it was brief because we kept getting interrupted by other people who wanted to join in who were not welcome. Let's just put it that way. And then I said, you know, I don't think this is, the place. Maybe we can just go back to a more private setting.
And so there was a car ride. And so there was a little, you know, of an initial. Foreplay before hand. And then when we got there, I was very nervous. I'm not gonna lie. Um, but the reason why I felt like I wanted to continue is because, my husband was very, uh, excited, seemed to be really enjoying.
, the view. And so, with that encouragement, I felt comfortable. So yeah, that's kinda how it started. And I really enjoyed myself and I was like, okay, this is something that I would be open to do. Yeah.
Leyna: Have you heard this show before?
Anita: Uh, yes.[00:06:00]
Leyna: You know that our guests aren't allowed to just say I had a good time.
Anita: Oh, no. Okay. Well, what do you want to know?
Leyna: Well, so you walk into this hotel room. I mean, it was a little awkward because there's this long drive and probably throughout the whole drive, you're like, oh my God, what's going to happen. How am I going to do it? Right. Like, so, but, so how do you start, like you go into the room, like who kind of gets the ball rolling.
Anita: That's a good question. Oh my gosh . So. My husband was sort of like, okay, this is what I'd like to see.
Leyna: Oh, so your husband started directing
Anita: oh yeah, it's
Leyna: uh huh.
Anita: kind of a theme. And, uh, yeah, he just kind of said, you know, when you guys get comfortable. Oh. And then, you know, I undress and I had some lingerie underneath and all that.
So that's the thing that I like, I like to dress up. So that makes me feel more confident. and then we just kind of started kissing and um,
Leyna: [00:07:00] Is your husband telling you, like, step-by-step what to do?
Anita: No, no, no, no, no, no, not that bad. I know, I know it can happen now, but I'm not like that, but more like, you know, get comfortable then.
, and I was just you know, making eye contact with them just to make sure everything was okay and he seemed to be fine and, enjoying himself rather very excited. And so it's just sort of continued like that, kissing foreplay and then me giving oral him giving me oral. It was just the two of us.
And then later on, hubby joined in to be a M F M, but not like not double penetration or anything like that, sort of oral and,
Leyna: Opposite ends of the torso.
Anita: Correct. You got it!
Leyna: Okay. You said earlier that what kind of helped you along was seeing how much your husband was enjoying it?
Leyna: Yeah. How did you know? He was really enjoying it?
Anita: Really. I mean, the [00:08:00] expression on his face. Excited, smiling. Getting turned on. Of course, you know?
Leyna: So was he fully clothed? Was your husband like fully clothed and just went oh,
Anita: Yeah. He had disrobed
So he's masturbating.
Anita: yes, yes.
Leyna: So you could see that he was, uh, he was up for this.
Anita: Right? Absolutely. And that's, that was my thing. Cause I was like, okay, you've talked about it a lot. I really just don't know how it's going to play out, you know, in real life and seeing. It was like, okay, he's actually into this. I think that for me was, you know, the biggest encourager,
Then I'm like, okay, this I'm into, um,
Leyna: Yeah. When it works right when it works
Anita: you're right, exactly. You know, we all, we all had a good time and that was the whole point. And that's what I like and an experience when everybody's having a good time. So.
Leyna: Um, okay. So there's, the hot wife scenario, right. With the husband watching. And , did you turn into a full swap couple? Did you try that?
Anita: we did. We did. [00:09:00] Um, , that was good too. I mean, you know, we'd meet either on, one of the websites. We would go to a party and then it would happen there. That was fun too watching for me to watch as well, participating, you know, I enjoyed that too.
Leyna: okay. So, but, but does it turn you on the way it seems to turn your husband on to watch you.
Anita: probably not as much to be really honest. Yeah. Yeah. But it's still fun, but yeah, I definitely prefer, um, doing yes.
Leyna: All right. I'm wondering how much of the watching for your part, how much of the watching him and seeing him do something is actually just more like, not encouragement, but just like, oh, okay. So then this is okay. It's okay for you to be doing something since hubby's also doing something right.
Leyna: That it's, it's not so much a kink. It's not so much a sexual turn on
Anita: No. Like, I, like, I don't mind it, it's just that it's not one of my [00:10:00] things,
Leyna: Right. Okay.
Anita: but I don't not enjoy it. I don't know if that really makes sense, but
Leyna: Yeah, it does. It does. Yeah. , some people are voyeurs and like they get off on watching their partner with someone else
Anita: Right, . See, I, but here's the thing. I'm a voyeur , so in general though, like if I'm at an event at a party, whatever, I actually do sit back and watch, you know, so I do enjoy that, but in terms of me getting really, turned, on in particular, by watching my husband or my partner, you know, we'll get into that.
Leyna: So then you also tried the full swap thing. Um, uh, have you been with other women? Are you bisexual?
Anita: I'm, bi selective I think
Leyna: Bi-selective? Oh, that's a new one.
Anita: Yeah, I wouldn't say I'm bisexual, but I would say that I do find women attractive, but I wouldn't just play with anyone. It has to be mutual. Um, but also I'm not also full swap, if that makes sense. I would just be top on top half [00:11:00] only for me.
Leyna: Oh, yes. Okay. I've heard, I've heard of
Anita: for me.
Leyna: right, I wonder if there's a term for that. So they're like they're lesbians above the waist.
Anita: No, but wait, but wait, but I don't mind.
Leyna: You're a pillow princess,
Anita: I know. I'm very selfish. I know. I'll take it.
Leyna: At least you're honest, right?
Anita: I am very honest. You definitely get that for me.
Leyna: Yes. So the ability to just say, this is what I'm into, this is what I'm not into. It kind of sets the stage for everyone and sets expectations.
Leyna: Oh, okay. Uh, is your husband bi?
Anita: No, he's not. He's straight.
Leyna: okay, so you went from, threesomes, you like playing with other men. So you're like the hot wife Vixen thing you've done full swap.
Um, has it changed? Has it morphed into anything else?
Anita: Yeah. Initially it was, we would play together and then, as the years went by, it would be me playing solo. [00:12:00] And part of the reason is because of his work he's away a lot for work.
So I think because of that it sort of turned more into, the hot wife thing as in me attending events, either with somebody else, like a play partner that, you know, he knew about of course, , or just meet, one-on-one me with a single guy.
Leyna: But it's part of the deal. Then you have to come home and tell him about it?
Anita: Yes, yes. Tell record, you know, all that's pictures, all that fun stuff. Yeah.
Leyna: okay. Yeah. You left that out.
Anita: Yeah. Yeah. So that's a big, well, actually I have to say the big kink for both of us. I enjoy watching videos and seeing pictures of myself. For the, both of us. Yeah.
Leyna: Oh. So you, enjoy watching like yourself on video.
Anita: Oh, yes.
Leyna: Uh huh. Oh, interesting. Okay. Nice. And your husband enjoys it, so, and he's okay. Like you never had an arrangement where while he's traveling, he's able to play, like, would you be comfortable with that?
Anita: Oh, absolutely. [00:13:00] Yeah. And he has, yeah. Yeah. So he had full permission because, you know, the reality of the situation really was that I was playing more, you
Leyna: cuz you have more time
Anita: yes, and he wasn't as much. And so yeah, we basically would be very honest with each other and tell each other what's going on and
Leyna: so then you had an open marriage
Anita: Yes, correct.
Leyna: and is it just sex?
Anita: Yes. Yeah.
Leyna: Okay, so there's no feelings involved,
Leyna: no girlfriend or boyfriend thing going on,
Anita: no, but
Leyna: partners, maybe some
Anita: Right, exactly.
Leyna: And there's no like there's a, is there any cuckold dynamic going on here,
Anita: uh, I mean, the only thing that I would say is just the enjoyment of watching me with somebody else and, you know, masturbating to that,
Leyna: but there's no power. There's no power dynamic
Anita: No, like it's not that it's not like a female lead relationship or anything like that. It was just more, he enjoys it. But there was no humiliation or no cages or chastity or any of that stuff,
Leyna: Okay. So we, so he really is. [00:14:00] Indeed just he's the stag, right? He likes sharing his wife.
Leyna: Earlier, you described a situation where it was an MFM, but there was no DVP or DP, but have you tried those things?
Anita: I've tried DVP. It was not easy
Leyna: It was not easy.
Anita: I'm on the smaller side. So let's just put it way
Leyna: right. Okay. So it wasn't enjoyable.
Anita: Yeah, not really.
Leyna: And you only tried it the one time
Anita: Just the one time.
Leyna: and you're like, Nope.
Anita: And actually the DP thing I have tried once. Um,
Leyna: Oh, ok how was that?
Anita: That was interesting. I mean, it wasn't un enjoyable, but I couldn't, I feel like it wasn't something I could carry on for very long.
Leyna: Uh, huh.
Anita: It just was a little, uncomfortable is the best way to put it.
Leyna: So if I asked you, like, what is your favorite, play situation? Cause it looks like you guys have done done quite a bit. Well, what's your like ideal? What's your favorite thing?
Anita: that's a really good question. [00:15:00] Um, usually one-on-one to be really honest it's because I can be really focused on what I'm doing. Um, but I don't mind small house or hotel parties too where I know people.
Leyna: Okay. So what can we haven't covered is your preference for black men. So when did that come up, did that start?
Anita: Well, so I don't always been curious, I would say. But more so after we started , being in the lifestyle, I would say just because he had asked. me. is there a preference? And I was like, well, actually now, like you asked me the question, I think I would really like to try it. Just because I hear so many great things, which, you know, I can verify are all true.
Leyna: oh, what?
Anita: So I get this question. Because, you know, if people go on my Twitter and things like that, we'll see, you know, the pictures that I posted. So they'll always ask, so why, you know, why do you have a preference? Right. And so I'll just say, it's so many things, it's not just one thing, right?
People always assume it's the race, [00:16:00] interracial aspect of it and while that's nice. It's not the only thing. Like for me, it's stamina, it's attraction, it's, um, charm in terms of, you know, flirting and being able to carry a decent conversation. Being able to perform, be able to be good at foreplay. The ability to last a long time, all of those things,
Leyna: But, most women would like that in any man.
Leyna: Right. And could find it in, in any man, meaning that he doesn't have to be black. He doesn't have to be white or whatever.
Leyna: So I'm wondering if there's something else though, because. It's not just that you prefer to find a partner who has all those things.
It's you prefer black . Men. So what, is it a size they come on Anita, let me, let me have it.
Anita: So, okay. I'm not, not a size queen before you say that. Um, I'm not going to say it's not that at all. It's somewhat that, but I really feel it's like all the other things too, because like you said, maybe there are other guys, I'm [00:17:00] not saying that there aren't any guys for any other reasons would did the same.
But not in my experience because having been to parties played with couples of all races. Well, I don't want to say, oh, but you know, white, Latino, um, other race, you know, I just haven't had that experience with other men. I just happen. So for me, yeah.
Leyna: Okay. So let, let me ask you this, because I have heard it from other women I've talked to who have a preference for black men, and they describe like an energy, like almost like, um, just a, like a dominant.
Anita: Oh, yeah.
Leyna: dark, but not like bad dark, you know what I mean?
Anita: I know what you mean.
Leyna: we're okay. So not dark, like black dark, but like a dark, powerful energy that they bring to their lovemaking.
So is that what you're talking about?
Anita: There's that too, you know, and I'd say most. Of the men [00:18:00] I've been with have been dominant. Right? The thing is, I'm very particular about my boundaries so it depends on the person, like the first time meet. I'm not going to be okay with a lot of things just because I don't know you, but if I know you and I trust you, then you know, I would allow a little bit more of the dominance.
So yeah, there's definitely that
Leyna: so outside the bedroom, you're, you're a pretty assertive person.
Anita: Yes. Anyone who knows me will tell you that. Yes.
Leyna: Um, and what's your husband like?
Anita: Also like type A personality.
Leyna: Okay. Any words of advice for couples who kind of don't know what their play style is? been in the lifestyle and are interested in kind of just dipping their toes? What do you do? What's the first step.
Anita: Communication is the first step. I'll say that about anything in a relationship. No, matter what it is, but especially this. Cause if you cannot communicate freely and openly and check in with each other, it's not going to work. Um, explore your [00:19:00] fantasies. Just probably kind of see what turns you both.
on, and then if you are so inclined to take that first step, then, for me, and for many of the couples has been the club, just because you can feel feel it out. Observe, see if you are into it and then you can just play, you know, just the two of you. Um, it doesn't have to be with other people and then if you're both ready and you can do that too, you know, that's what I would suggest.
Leyna: So clearly you're not out, so we can't show your face. I see you. You're beautiful. And I think, again, that people still have this image in their minds of creepy people or, you know what I mean? Or people who are not attractive and, and I find it it's so, so the opposite, I mean, there are people who look like, like Joe blow,
Anita: are. Yes, there are.
Um, but. Do you find that there are people who are attractive, like to [00:20:00] your, you know what you're after
Anita: Yes, I do. In terms of finding a couple, sometimes it could be difficult because I have found there's a lot more attractive women in the lifestyle than they're men. I mean, not every guy's maintaining themselves on every guy's, at the gym or at least, you know, in shape.. And, you know, if I am in shape or at least, look a certain way, I would expect my partner to also look a certain way. And I think, that has been a challenge in terms of finding equally attractive couples, you know?
But in terms of like single men, which is usually what I go for, I have, you know, I've definitely found that, In terms of reliable single guys, not a lot, unsurprisingly. Um, there are out there, there are definitely out there and I'm getting to know some, and I have somebody that I, I have a regular play partner and very consistent and hits all the boxes. So I'm [00:21:00] very happy that I was able to find that. But that's rare. Like it took me years because you know, you, you kind of meet people a few months here, a few months there.
Move on. Consistency is not, is not always a thing.
Leyna: You can get in touch with Anita she's on Twiiter @AnitaUKslut4u or you can find her in our show notes.
Ok, next time, on Consenting Adults, it's the Blasian Goddess, talking about how she and her husband got into the lifestyle and how she worried a bunch about nothing.
Guest: I'm like, Oh, my God. Everyone was there. We started talking, I just immediately started to go, like, I just let myself go. And I was like, take your pants down, take your pants out. You know, I was giving you oral. I was going back and forth and it just started from there.
Leyna. Oh. That's next time, on Consenting Adults.
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