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A 50th birthday at a clothing-optional resort opens the door to ethical non-monogamy for a happily-married couple. They discovered instead of feeling jealous, they felt turned on and happy to see their spouse with someone else. It's also opened the door to bondage and other things like an anal hook. Don't ask--I already did!
This couple is on Twitter @NewWithTagsPod
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EP 81 Nude vacation leads to swinging
An anal hook where she’s suspended and if she comes down… yeah
It’s an actual anal hook? If you saw this couple you'd be like just There's no way
That’s a kind of a cool thing. I wasn't jealous. I was like that's a pivotal moment I think for us because I was like okay, yeah, we can do this. We don't know that. This is the secret sauce and we can't share it with them or we have it yet.
So you stuck with one of your rules. Yeah, exactly.
The other woman's Fantasy was to suck two cocks at one time she had never done that. Her words were this will be the best vacation of the worst vacation we ever have.
Get ready. This is consenting adults
The conversations you're about to hear are intended for mature audiences. If adult themes are offensive to you, you may want to use that safe word.
So dirty talk so sex talk. Yeah, it started off as dirty talk. I was actually like, very excited to see my partner with somebody else. She looked at me and said, so you want to have sex with other people? That's what you’re saying. And you find it a turn on to hear about what he did. Yeah. And then it's like, I want to come home and get it the way she got it. Does he know you have a boyfriend this is consenting adults with Leyna Nguyen.
My guests today are Paul and Jamie Paul is 54 He's in business consulting. Jamie is a nurse. She's 53 years old. They've been married almost 30 years. Hey, you guys, they're still together. We are swingers. Woohoo. I'm wondering, you know, the more people I talked to I'm wondering if the fact that you’re swingers kind of helps the part about you still being together and being happy.
Yes, it I think it brings us closer because we get to see each other enjoying life to its fullest.
First of all, Did either of you have prior experience?
No. We met in college. I was I was engaged before? Not to me. That's you so yeah, but since we got married we were we were completely monogamous. And it wasn't until I sort of stumbled upon a vacation idea for Paul's birthday that we realized that the swinging lifestyle even was a thing she scheduled a vacation for what asked me about it well in advance of hey, what do you think about this? And it was intriguing and I was a little bit mind blown knowing she's a nudist, by by nature I’m an exhibitionist, not just in the exhibition is so we had never even been anywhere topless. So we were looking she felt somewhere where the clothing optional. It took me a little while to get my head around. Hey, this could work. She was comfortable the whole time until we were on the way from the airport to the resort and I thought she was gonna get sick. She started she's like, oh, like I'm gonna throw up a second thought so she's her her words were this will be the best vacation of the worst vacation we ever have. And it was the best. We were voyeurs we just watched but we got to know people and realize how authentic how authentic people can be when their guard is down and and the clothes are off. No clothes, no jewelry, nothing to say much about to other than who you are. And we love that because we are very much about the social aspects of this of the lifestyle.
Yeah, so you told me your social swingers. I think I've talked to a couple of couples who, who identified themselves as such. What's your definition of that?
We put friendships first. Getting to know people and getting to spend time with people and really getting to know them is really the thing we get the most enjoyment out of Believe it or not. So I often joke we have friends with benefits. There are some people who are out there literally just to notch the bed posts and good for them. But for us it's much more about really making friends and friendships and people that we met on our very first trip living overseas we still talked to they swung by just a couple of weeks ago as they were passing through town because they were in the States. And so you know, it was so it's really important to us that that it's a connection rather than just a sexual chemistry connection.
So you go to this clothing optional resort, takes you a little time to get comfortable, right and you just watch like what are you seeing?
I mean it was just really watching people connect and I think some people fear that when they go to a resort like this, that you're going to see, you know, orgy sex everywhere and you're not going to be able to get away from it and it's just going to be in your face all the time. And that's just not that's just not the case. It's live porn. That's the whole the whole take of it.
I think. I think that people who haven't been and who hear it I think what you just described like, oh my god, it's gonna be crazy sex everywhere. You know, like, what if I don't want to see it? So describe, like the scenery or what you saw.
That's much like any other vacation resort it's you know, got a pool and a bar and people just talk I mean, you strip all the layers away. I don't know, if you have $100 million in your bank account, or $100 in your bank account. You are who you are as a person. And so you don't have all of those trappings and so you're you're basically standing around the pool. You might see either sex or maybe a blowjob. I mean, you can turn your back and not watch. It's not like it's everywhere. And it's not like everybody's doing it. You're the only person who wouldn't be doing it. We're warm, very different thing of this type of vacation versus family vacation somewhere else is people interact. We've been on vacation. It's actually not far from for this resort, but it's just the two of us. And we are very, we try to be engaging people. And you know, the most the biggest response we got back was Hi, right? No, I mean, like we like to get to know people. And this is a great environment for that. So
Yeah, I've heard that that it's kind of part of the reason of going is to meet people and get to know people so everyone's very open and engaging.
The other question I get asked a lot from people who are like so what's it like there? You see every body type there is you see, every age demographic? 20 to Gosh, how old was that come from late 70s, early 80s. You might have been in his 80s. So a whole gamut of age, a whole gamut of body types. Are there some you know, really superduper in shape people Absolutely. Are most people average. Absolutely.
So you watch and you're enjoying that. That first vacation. You guys never did anything publicly or within other right?
We did. That was my birthday. But we it took us until what three in the morning, two in the morning to kind of get up the courage to do public and we were there was one bed next to us or another couple was doing the same thing for the first time as well. Both of us are watching each other and just it made it a really sexually charged environment for the two of us to just have great sex. We did actually meet another couple who had been in the lifestyle a long time. And you know, I still wasn't so sure about this whole swinging thing when we went and we had had dinner with them just talking getting to know them. And I kind of had walked away and I came back and I saw Paul standing next to this other woman. And I thought to myself, wow, they make a really good looking couple. Oh, and I sort of had this moment of what did I just think what was that? And it was at that moment that I went okay, this is this is something that maybe we can do and this is that's a kind of a cool thing. I wasn't jealous. I was like, that's a pivotal moment, I think for us because I was like okay, yeah, we can do this.
So you get back home from the vacation. Was there a lot of discussion?
I think it started before and I don't think it stopped honestly, I think that's the other thing. You know, we were talking about that moment I had, and I was like okay, maybe maybe this would be okay, maybe you you could play with someone else. And oh gosh, I mean, if we probably talked about it three days a week for months processing through it and really figuring out if it's something we wanted to do and I bet it was what maybe four or five weeks after we get home we booked our second trip.
It sounds like Jamie was starting to discover compersion.
Paul, what were your thoughts were you thinking, Okay, that's great. But no, I don't think I'd like to see you do anything or were you thinking Hey, I wonder if I'm, I'm okay with it, too.
I was more comfortable with it. Before she was that part of it. I was even before we went. I was comfortable with that aspect. We had conversations leading up to this and she's like, I'm comfortable with that and like Well, what about me, I kind of put it back the other way of would you be comfortable with me and though she just she actually before we went on that trip we actually had a fight. But we Yeah, it was there's a lot of tension there from it because I hadn't really processed her and thought about it. So she's all about her. So he was thinking I enjoy whether it's just the two of us or us with others. I love seeing her happy. I love being happy myself too. But that that makes me that energizes me.
I don't know if you guys could help better explain this to me because a lot of swingers talk about conversion. But there's also the the turn on, which I think I don't know is separate from from compersion. Is that true that the fact that it turns you on is kind of different from compersion where it's like oh, you're happy.
You’re not jealous, right?
I get turned on watching Paul with another woman. It's really it's really hot. I get to see views that I never get to see. But interestingly for me, it's also tied up because I have compersion for the other woman because I know he's in he is pleasuring her. And so I have compassion for her. So I'm like, you know, this is great and so it's it for me it's really intertwined, but you're right the the reason yes the turn on is a very distinct part of that. And I think that's maybe the hardest thing for people who aren't in the lifestyle to understand.
So can you then tell me about the first time you actually did something with another couple another person?
So it was the following trip. There was a couple that we had met on the first trip. And so we timed our second trip for when they were going back so it was maybe four or five days into our trip before we played, but I can remember walking to their room and I had butterflies and again sort of that nausea just kind of like I did when we were coming to the resort the first time. But it was it was an anxiety right? How was this going to be? I've never it's unknown.
Is it kind of like you know when you're younger and like when you're in high school and you know the boy you like fine you get this little butterfly so it's like a good anxiety right?
Right anxiety but still a bounce in your step. Yeah. Should we shouldn't we, wait, this is this is exciting. And and watching each other's eyes was kind of like many years ago when we could see the light in each other's eyes with each other. That was the same same feeling
Okay, so you you knock on the door.
The door was open. So we walk in and we're sort of talking and I don't describe myself as bisexual. Always if I walk in a room the man is always the first person I'm attracted to. I really like women. I like kissing women. I like touching women. We had somebody who one time described herself as a lesbian from the waist up. And that's kind of that's kind of how I am that's kind of my playstyle but so the girls were on the bed and we just started sort of kissing and touching one another. And we put on a show we absolutely put on a show the guys were standing kind of at the foot of the bed and I remember just looking at
Doing what Paul? What were you doing there?
We were we were watching and that's it. The other gentleman was so wounded he left the room like would walk in and out he was just pacing of he was so like you want to jump in. Was it was it was me keeping him back from jumping in at that time. He's like, this is so hot to watch, but I want to join in. But yeah,
Okay, so you look down and you see you see these two men at the end of the bed. Kids in a candy store.
Like exactly that's exactly the face that's exactly the face that I saw. And I remember leaning in and whispering into her ear. Like if we don't let the guys join us soon. We may not see them like so. We did. We did a lot of stuff. I mean that was stuff that I was surprised that we
Jamie, have you heard my podcast before?
You did a lot of stuff?
So we did I mean, I was surprised up to that point. I had not you know, and I've given another man a blow job since you and I got together you kissed a girl. I had never kissed a girl until her. We actually at one point she wanted to do kind of a spit roast. So she was sucking you. And he was in coming in from behind.
Jaime What do you do with what's happening?
I had my hands on all three of them. But it's worked for me right so I had you know hands on back sort of everywhere. And normally now I would I would like help guide the cocks into places but I didn't do at that time because that was the first time so she was sort of the center of attention for a while and then it sort of it flipped and I was the center of attention so it's still not something I love really it's not my I don't like all the attention on me. It's just not which is interesting because it's always all about her. She's a little she's a little uncomfortable in that at times now. You actually you actually touched swords do that's the only time because the other woman's Fantasy was to suck two cocks at one time she had never done that. So she did swords crossed just a little bit that was that was different.
Like did you freak out at all?
No. And that surprised me
After the swords crossing there was like full swap.
No, no, no, that was going back to your own own spouse and having great sex, right? Yes.
So you stuck with one of your rules. Yeah, exactly.
The other gentleman, wanted full swap, you know when we were in the moment, and I'm like no, the other the other woman she had rules. Hers was no penetration, like not crossing any rules. And it worked out great just to you know, we were all tempted and we're like they always set the ground rules. Let's stick with them for tonight.
So then, so have you pretty much done all of the, like the full menu of swinger activities.
We have now we have full SWAT DP she mentioned Yeah, we have not done DP right. We haven't done anal with anyone else nor I haven't done it with anyone else that you have either. But we're in the room. We have frequently had three couples together playing that actually, multiple times. It's been three couples we just it evolved in the mean that she mentioned kind of the people on the people.
That’s the puppy pile that I hear about!
It is exactly the puppy pile. She very much enjoys that women tend to do that.
We’ve done bukkake. We haven't done gangbangs. we’ve done we've hit way way we've done that.
Hold on, hold on. I heard that word. I don't know what it means.
So basically I had other men cum on me like
That’s what that word means yes?
So like a fantasy. Like it's, you know, like, I want just like, that was a thing. So we had two other men and Paul. And so I just said, Hey, you know, I've always wanted to do this, like, well, let's make it happen.
What do you want to do that you haven't done?
But we keep checking things off my bucket list. To do well like with us we've done predicament bondage predicament bondage. It's usually tying in a position where she'll have to choose the lesser of two evils of how to move. It's a more of a head game than a physical game, but she she is bound in she has to choose like sometimes people on their toes, the hook hook an anal hook where she suspended and if she comes down
it’s an actual anal hook?
Yeah, yes, it's it's you know, it's got a ball at the end. So it's not painful. If it wasn't me, so maybe you have to judge that. But it it's more to keep the context. So she's on her toes and she's going to diminutive as she is. So she's it stretches her and if she comes down, it's going to hurt more and pulls it pulls more so so it's like a fish hook it's shaped like a fish hook.
I think we got her. I didn't think we'd be able to do that.
Ladies and gentlemen, if you saw this couple you'd be like just There's no way that's amazing.
So it's it really it really doesn't hurt me it really doesn't hurt it makes it's it's a head game of if I move this way I'll be more comfortable and like a lot of the head game to go with the physical aspects to this is what my chapter of my life is is living my authentic life and checking things off my bucket list.
I don't even think I have to ask if this has enhanced your marriage because it sure sounds like it has Right?
Very much so even with kids. All of our kids friends view us as like the perfect parents were the bar and they don't know that this is the secret sauce and we can't share it with them or we haven't yet but this this does mean we were rock solid way before we were into this. This is just really enhanced today. Right? You have to be I've had other people approach us things in my marriage are going great. Maybe we should look at at swapping and I'm like yeah no, like that's it's just and that's the thing I that's I think another misconception of people is that people who do this must not be in love. It must not be a happy marriage. They must be missing something in their marriage. We were very happy before. And now I say we're sort of blissfully happy which is great. We love it. Been a good 30 years.
And here's wishing you 30 more years of blissful happiness. If you'd like to connect with Paul and Jamie they're on Twitter at New with tags pod. In fact, they have a podcast called New with tags podcast. Alright, next time on consenting adults. A man twice divorce is still looking for that partner who will accept his bisexuality. And boy did he have stories to tell
The guy I’m next to while I’m peeing, starts going down on me.
After you are done.
No. While I’m peeing!
That's next time on consenting adults.
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