EP 71 Poly Swingers

Brian and Iskra don't live a secret life, they live a sexy one! Isra wanted to explore her bisexuality but the men she dated weren't open to that. When she met one who was, she married him. Brian is Type A personality until he gets in the bedroom where he likes to be submissive. They are committed to each other and allow each other to experience pleasure with others. He found his G-spot and finally has a woman who likes to stimulate it in ways many men are too shy to explore.
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​Ep 71 Poly Swingers
Transcription:
Guest 0:01
I've had pegging done on me obviously my

Guest 0:02
wife just likes to take it up the butt is what he’s trying to say

Guest 0:07
Size does make it go faster but I can't start with something large. I got to build up to

Guest 0:12
it. Yeah, we went home and then her and I got into were pretty hot and heavy to a point where I forgot Brian was in the room.

Guest 0:22
On top of each other are cocks inside of her. I came before the other guy, and I felt like oh, what happened? That never happens to me. It just felt so good.

Leyna 0:34
You said you're attracted to male to female. Yeah,

Guest 0:37
Yes. Right. I wouldn't be opposed to either. I just you know,

Leyna 0:41
Have you tried the other?

Guest 0:42
Yeah, the right connection is there I have not

Unknown 0:45
definitely like a element of like exploration. Can I you know, suck on different parts of you like what feels good. There was a lot of communication.

Leyna 0:54
So let's get to it.

(Podcast Show Open)

Leyna 1:31
Well, welcome to December everyone. We've got an exciting giveaway just in time for the holidays. So make sure you get on our naughty list for a chance to win the performance package 4.0 For manscaped you've heard me talking about it. It's like the primo thing and below the waist grooming. The winner will receive the lawn more 4.0 the weed whacker ear and nose trimmer ball deodorant, ball toner, anti chafing boxer briefs and a travel bag. This all retails for about $300. So go to our website for details on how to enter consentingAdultsshow.com.
My guest today are this lovely couple Brian who is 48 years old, his lovely wife Isa 36 years old. They're down there in San Diego. Now I know there are swingers in San Diego we're going to have to find out how many there are. You may recognize them. If you're a big shark tank fan. They were in season 10 They had this female shaving thing. That's a whole other show we can do but they're in an open marriage and thank you so much for being open about this. Showing your faces not having to hide in the shadows. Because I think it's good for people to see that there are like regular normal people and good looking people in the lifestyle so it's not so scary. So welcome to the show you too. How long have you guys been married? 

Guest 2:56
We’ve been married 10 years in January and 

Leyna 2:57
You’re happy/

Guest 2:59
Very happy. 

Leyna 3:00
How long have you guys been in the lifestyle?

Guest 3:02
Pretty much since the beginning of our relationship before we even got married. I actually realized I was bisexual right around the time when I met my husband. I really wanted to explore that side of my personality and I just told him that monogamy doesn't seem to fit within that exploration phase and have been a lovely husband as the ethical slut that he is or embrace the idea tremendously.

Leyna 3:33
Well, but I think that I mean when you're talking about bisexual women, I think that most men, at least on the onset would say Okay, sure. Right.

Guest 3:43
Well, you think that actually my two previous relationships before my husband was a as open and accepting to it I tried to come up to them a couple of times we explore the idea of a threesome they both felt somewhat threatened by it, and I didn't have the freedom, the freedom to embrace to accept myself and to explore.

Leyna 4:09
Now Brian, were you married before this?

Guest 4:12
No, I've been single my pretty much my entire life obviously if I've had several relationships over the time, but pretty much I've I was a committed single person and never thought I would ever get married because I never thought I would meet anybody that was open to the same things I liked. I tend to like more kinky things. And

Leyna 4:31
Hold on. Like what?

Guest 4:34
Well I've you know, I like strap on I like being submissive. I'm a very type A personality and in my life and I'm always in control and I've you know been CEOs of companies and you know in the bedroom I really just want to relax and not have to think about things. And the issue I always found was most women, whether they want to be submissive, always tend or want to be dominant. They always tend to be submissive. So I always struggled, and I never thought I would meet anybody that would be a match. We both gave each other the space to explore and she's a very dominant person. So that kind of carried into the bedroom and I love it.

Leyna 5:08
So then let's go back 10 years because even today, the whole subject of ethical non monogamy is still taboo in a lot of circles, right? I mean, you don't see me doing a lot of video interviews because people have public lives and they have a public image and the ethical non monogamy stuff doesn't fit in with most people. So 10 years ago, certainly it was more so. Did you find it difficult to find your way in all this? Like how did you meet people?

Guest 5:39
That's a great question. Actually. I was very unfamiliar with the whole lifestyle in general, like I didn't know I hadn't heard anything about it again. He was believed on this because he been single for a long time. You know, he had a little bit more experience with swinging with couples and you know, with just other people, and I didn't so when he started sharing his stories, I'm like, Well, how do we go? Like, I want to dip my toes into this. Like, I want to explore this. It sounds so great. How do we go about this? For the most part 10 years ago, it was Craigslist. It was called missed for us? Yeah, most definitely. That was I mean, I know it's taboo. And you know, people don't like to talk about Craig’s list. There's definitely a dark side to it. There was a dark side to it. For us. It was the easiest, most accessible way. And there was no other platform like that to connect lifestyle people together. Then you know we've gone to a couple of swinger parties that I wasn't necessarily really into. 

Leyna 6:42
Ok why not?

Guest 6:43
Well, not enough females.

Leyna 6:44
Oh, okay. So

Guest 6:45
To begin with a lot of male energy in the space and when that tends to happen, the male energy tends to be more aggressive towards the female energy in the room and I’m a dominant, so yeah, I didn't like to be objectified in that way, you know, so it wasn't necessarily our thing. Our biggest thing was meeting with couples with other couples single people. And just messing around with them. But yeah, as far as coming out of you know, non monogamous I think we were very honest with all of our friends since the very beginning and to be honest with you, for me, it was mostly watching their reaction to Yes, I love shocking people, like the more the most ridiculous, you know, kind of reaction that I can get out of them. That just makes my day because of kind of what you mentioned, you know, they like these taboos, they're so deeply ingrained in us, you know, when they get challenged by somebody around, it's just it's kind of a fun little game, you know?

Leyna 7:52
Well, you know, the more people I talk to the more I'm convinced that like, everyone knows someone who's in the lifestyle. They just don't know it, right. It is so pervasive. But people are hiding it because they they fear judgment, but we're talking people with great jobs, great personalities, great marriages, right?

Guest 8:15
Yeah, absolutely. And it's so interesting, because, you know, ever since our journey started 10 years ago, obviously we've grown like we've realized what we like what's for us what's not necessarily for us, just allowing each other the freedom to be who we are to explore who we want to become who we want to be. It kind of fades away all the judgment from other people because you look around and you see all these miserable marriages, all these couples, you know that struggle with communication and struggle with sex, you know, not enough or wanting more than the other person you know, all that not having that communication style. So, you know, we've had judgment from friend and some people that I hold that so weird, I could never do that, you know, and I'm like, well, you're depriving yourself of like, so much freedom, so much different experiences. And on the other hand, you know, the history of non monogamy is actually far longer than the history of monogamy.

Leyna 9:08
Monogamy was was the new thing. Yeah. We would then adopt

Guest 9:12
it. It came with a poacher you know, it came with like religion and building all the rules. So we're actually not the weirdo.

Leyna 9:20
Brian, are you straight?

Guest 9:22
So I am straight. I'm heterosexual, heterosexual but I am a pleasure anarchist. So I don't put labels on anything. So whatever that involves, I am attracted to only women but have I had experiences with trans Yes. I've had other experiences. I've had lots of experiences with couples. Nothing really would shock me but I'm attracted to women. So I consider myself heterosexual but you know,

Leyna 9:48
okay, so you're romantically attracted to just women? Yeah. But when you're talking about the sexual acts, you're just attracted to pleasure and you'll do whatever.

Guest 9:58
Yeah, yes, pretty direction it takes me. If it feels good, I'm probably open to it. I've had bad experiences, good experiences, so I know what I like but I always say you don't know what you like until you try it. And I'm very open minded. I am a like she said, I'm an ethical pleasure slut. And I like to find pleasure and whatever direction that takes me. I don't want to limit it to anybody.

Leyna 10:22
So let's, let's hear about some of these things that you've that you've tried and liked.

Guest 10:27
Oh wow. Well, I mean, I've been the the bull in a relation in in a situation to where you know, I've had couples want me to come in and be the dominant person and have sex with their wife why they watched I've had threesomes or foursomes different situations. You know, I've had pegging done on me. Obviously, my wife just

Guest 10:51
likes to take it up the butt. Yeah, he's trying to say, well, you know,

Guest 10:55
it's always funny to me, and I've always defined even before I met my wife, I was always very open about that. I always thought it was funny that men are so your G Spot is around in your ass have in your in your anus, and they're afraid to explore that. And so they will. They won’t allow themselves to enjoy sex to a next level because they're afraid that it might come off as they’re homosexual or that's a homosexual act, but I say it's pleasure and why would you deny yourself a pleasure? It seems ludicrous to me.

Leyna 12:27
So where is this G spot you're talking about Brian?

Unknown 12:30
Well, it's right up your butt the prostate, prostate gland

Leyna 12:34
Okay, so for anyone who has not explored this, like if you had to, if you had if you had to teach a class on how men could find their G spot like how do you explain it to them?

Guest 12:49
Well, ironically, we do do coaching on that. The biggest takeaway I would say is you know, my first experience, I had a woman and she wanted to use the largest thing she could find as far as I and it was larger than I am right. And it was terrible. It was a horrible experience. It hurt really bad and this is probably my mid 20s And that was my first experience with it and I left saying this was terrible, but maybe two weeks later, I said wasn't really that bad. I kind of but it did hurt. So maybe I just did it wrong, but I did a lot of research. So the biggest thing is prep. Relax, make sure you're clean, clean out using you know like one of those butt plugs. Butt plugs that kind of loosen it up. That makes a difference so you can enjoy the pleasure Okay, and then if you're


Guest 13:35
gonna bring a partner and there has to be a very good level of communication as to like why do you want to try this? How did it come about like how does your partner feel about it because most women to just like man like, oh, I don't know, like the butt you know, like a thing that we perceive as something dirty and gross, which is not it's just part of our Elimination System, you know, and it just happens to you know, be the access to pleasure for men. I had

Guest 14:01
an ex girlfriend and I remember bringing it up to her saying Well would you do that because I'm pretty open minded. And I want to express myself and she first thing she said to me was “Eww” right. And as a person that's true. Yeah, don't eww other people's yums because that literally until he closed me off and that probably kind of was the downfall of our relationship because I knew that if she was eww, too that, anything else I bring up is gonna be double eww, right? So I became closed off and no longer can I communicate with that person. So Isa has allowed me the freedom to be who I want to be and we can communicate. So it's really in the open lines. of communications. And that's kind of what we teach is communication, because that's the key to having a great relationship.

Leyna 14:47
Earlier. You said that you had some experience with trans. Can you explain that to me?

Guest 14:52
I've just had several experiences with trans. I love trans

Leyna 14:56
Because there's trans male to female and

Guest 15:01
male trans male to female, and I had a a experience when I was younger, and I didn't know that they were trans and I was much younger, and it was a very enjoyable experience. And it was kind of just a situation where I kind of went into it and I was open minded to it. 

Leyna 15:19
What happened what what was your experience? 

Guest 15:21
So we went on a day, I assume she was a woman? A woman? She was a she was she was all men, of course. Yes. But back then. Right. We had different terminologies for language than we do now. And so I went on a date, but when she told me on the day I was I wasn't shocked. I was like, Well, this is something new. I've never tried it. Let's see what this kind of experience thinks us and I had a great experience as far as I as I was concerned. That was a woman in my mind. So I didn't even and it is a woman of course, so I didn't think anything of it.

Leyna 15:50
Okay, so like Okay, so like I am still confused when when we talk about trans male to female and and female to male. You said you're attracted to male to female.

Guest 16:04
Yeah, yes. Right. Close to either. I just, you know, have you tried the other connection? Yeah, the right connection was there I have not no. Okay, well,

Guest 16:16
a little interaction with the trans person. We were together with a trans, yeah

Leyna 16:19
What happened?

Guest 16:22
I met her first. We went out on a couple of dates. So we connected really well. Incredible person. She was just down to our just a mellow person. And for me, I think I'm most attracted to people and their personalities rather than their gender,

Guest 16:40
if that makes sense. And I'm that way as well, to an extent. Yeah.

Guest 16:44
So you know, we went on a couple of dates and then I asked her I'm like, you know, would you like to get married? She knew right away like I was married and would you like to meet my husband? So the three of us went out and you know, there was just connection all around. All three of us. Yeah, we went home and then her and I got into it pretty hot, heavy to a point where  I forgot Brian was in the room. And I don't think he really minded that per se and then at some point, he was like, Well, you know, can I get into that as well? So it was a great dynamic. It was there. was definitely like a element of like exploration. Like, oh my god is the like, can I touch you like this? So can I you know, suck on different parts of you like what feels good. There was a lot of communication and that dynamic, which was really great. Brian joined

Guest 17:39
I topped her while. Yeah, she was going down her. Yeah. You want to see details? Yeah.

Leyna 17:47
I'm trying to picture it right now.

Guest 17:49
You know, there was a lot of sensual play between me and her. I would say the water world, a lot of a world there wasn't a whole lot of penetration, which was really nice. I think that you know, I'm not always eager for penetration. And a lot of times I need some time, especially if I'm, you know, there's two dicks involved, you know, and usually

Guest 18:10
when there's two guys all they want to do is have sex. Everything is about sex was more very sensual. It was two women together. Yeah. Making Out and oral and kissing and then I kind of just joined in where I saw an opportunity and I came from behind and made sure I had consent and Yeah, and

Guest 18:29
so yeah, Brian was the top in the situation for both of us

Guest 18:34
and obviously top means I was in, you know, it was a penetrating Wow, the penetrating one in case people wonder what top beam she was the bottom meaning that she's on the bottom and I basically,

Guest 18:45
she was going getting penetrated. Yeah, I think that I just I was so excited to try something like this new and different. It was definitely it's definitely something that I've built a craving for, you know, that type of connection. So and we made a great friend at the end, so

Leyna 19:03
very nice. Do you guys have any, like fantasies that you haven't fulfilled yet?

Guest 19:08
We do. We do. I am a size queen. So when I'm with males, they need to be large, extra extra large.

Leyna 19:21
Oh, yeah. How, how large are we talking?

Guest 19:26
I mean, her eyes are bigger than our belly though. Let's just put it that pretty greedy.

Guest 19:29
I'm pretty greedy. The bigger the better. Yeah, I would say nine and over. Nice little girth. Yeah, definitely. Like to feel stretched. I like to feel sore when I'm done.

Leyna 19:43
Yeah, okay. And do you do the DVP thing? Um,

Guest 19:47
so we've done double penetration once and I cry not. Oh, double that's

Guest 19:54
a double. Yeah, double vaginal, but we she's not big.

Leyna 20:00
Oh, okay. Like so he's more anal than you are?

Guest 20:03
Yes,

Leyna 20:04
definitely. Did you do the other one? The DVP.

Guest 20:08
Yes.

Guest 20:08
That was

Guest 20:10
That was great. I actually came so fast and I cried as I was coming. Oh, that was really fun.

Guest 20:17
And the funny thing with that is, is that I'm somebody that takes a really long time. Really long time. Sometimes it's frustrating. And in the past, women always kind of say, oh, it's me, it must be like I'm doing something wrong. And they take it personally. They take it personally and the reality is it just takes me a lot longer and I get it by even I get over myself sometimes. So it's not a stick a finger out there and watching Yeah, and so the funny thing is like us rubbing our on cocks on each other our cocks inside of her. I came before the other guy, and I felt like oh, what happened? That never happens to me. It just felt so good because it was a complete different feeling and I couldn't because it was different. And same thing with when when she's used strap ons are pegged me i Last like I said very long but with those it could be two minutes.

Guest 21:08
Oh 20 seconds. Yeah. If I use the big one. And so the size does make it go faster  but I can’t start with something large, I have to build up to it. But then uh, the reality is I feel like I’ve been getting better right. Much better. We’re training. Yeah we trained him well, cuz without having anything in his ass, he might not even cum even if we’re having sex for 2 hours. No quickies really over here but it’s a different story if we play around with his butt and me start putting stuff in there.

Guest 21:41
He tends to cum much faster. And the larger the item going inside of him is the quicker he cums. Now let’s make no mistake, I I’m not getting no fist or anything like that when we say larger, just a little bit larger

Leyna 21:57
Okay and what, are we talking sex toys?

Guest 22:01
Yes, strap ons

Leyna 22:02
Wow! You guys are fun!

Guest 22:04
Thank you and we do like to have fun. People go oh my god, you must not get jealous. I’m like that’s not true. People in non monogamous relationships get jealous all he time, we just deal with it. We communicate, we look at where it comes from because jealousy is something that is not external, it’s not the other person making you jealous, you happen to be jealous. Somethings triggered inside of you so we communicate we address it then we work on it. Because we are committed to each other contrary to what other people might think. You know, we are committed to our relationship and to our life together. Yeah everyone thinks we’re cheating on each other. And I’m like, it’s not cheating if your telling the other person. She tell me I’m gonna go see this guy tonight. And I’m ok have fun. 

Guest 22:50
I like being part of it in all honesty, I like helping her get ready. I can always say like, I feel like she's representing me.

Guest 22:59
The same way when he goes on date. I'm like, Babe, you're not leaving the house with that on Yeah.

Guest 23:04
Like we're also that sexy, you know, and I guess a fantasy that I want to see and we haven't done but we talk about it all the time. So sometimes I forget that we haven't done it is I really want to watch her with a really large man. It would really I think it'd be really cool to be on the bed and and see that penetration Yeah, penetration and I want to see up close and the only thing is that it's hard. To find the right match because you can have the big dick but are you a douchebag yeah, sometimes big dicks come with big dicks. Yeah.

Guest 23:40
Big dicks are attached.

Leyna 23:43
Right it’s the it’s all the extra skin called the man that came with it right?

Guest 23:50
Yeah! That’s Great.