EP 70 Total Power Exchange and BDSM

This couple practices BDSM and has a total power exchange relationship 24/7. She orgasms while being flogged and is also into caning and other impact play. Lady P and Saffer talk about entering subspace, the quest for nirvana, the difference between kink and fetish. Put your seatbelt on, this might hurt a little.
You can find our guests at https://kinkycocktailhour.buzzsprout.com

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Ep 70 Total Power Exchange 
Transcription:

Guest 0:01
I get off on the sound of sex not just penetration sex. I mean the sounds people make there's auralism I believe is what is called as an actual kink. We started with you know, 100 strokes and then we're lap 200 strokes and then we'll have 300 strokes the one day she said, You know, I think you need to try 1000 strokes. 

Leyna 0:22
Oh, are you leaving marks? Are you bleeding bruising? Is that how hard it is?

Guest 0:27
I enjoy the paddle I enjoy. We have this device. It's a carpet beater type. apparatus. Sometimes when I'm flogging her, she orgasms so frequently that by the time I roll her over, she's just dripping. Like literally the fluids are just running down her legs 

Leyna 0:49
Get ready. This is consenting adults. 

(Podcast Show Open)

Leyna 1:30
Before we get to today's episode, I want to let you know about a giveaway that we're doing for December, get on the naughty list, and you can win the performance package 4.0 from manscaped that you've heard me talking about? Go to our website for more information consenting adults show.com. I'll also be tweeting information about it. So make sure you're following on Twitter @consentadults and @LeynanguyenTV.

Leyna 1:54
My guest today are Saffer who is 62 in real estate Lady P is 53. She's a recreational therapist. They are both kink relationship coaches and they're in a 24/7 T P E. Of course I had to look that up. Total power exchange relationship. They're not married, and he told me that she's been collared for three years. I don't know what the heck you're talking about. You're gonna have to explain it to me. What is the total power exchange relationship? What does that mean? 

Guest 2:26
So we are in a sex positive relationship. And in the world of kink, it's always a power exchange between the dominant and the submissive and for many people who participate in kink relationships that happens on a scene by scene basis like they they have roleplay scenes periodically, and so they exchange power for that scene in our relationship. We initiated the relationship from the beginning, in that it's a total power exchange, which is to say, Lady Petra has some hard limits, but inside of those limits, a scene is always on, it never switches off for us. There's no break from the dynamic. It's a total power exchange 24/7 

Leyna 3:11
So that like whether you're having sex or not it You still got this thing going, right. 

Guest 3:16
That’s right. The sex is an aspect of our relationship in the context of our sexuality. You know, it's kink forward, sex forward all the time. But the truth is that at any point of any day, if you were to ask Lady Petra, what she's up to, she will say I'm in service on my dom. 

Leyna 3:38
And so when you say that, that she's been collared, that's what you're talking about where she is submissive to you, and she's like, under your control, for lack of a better way for me to say it, is that what you're talking about?

Guest 3:49
And I'm not exactly you know, collaring is a commitment. It's similar to what the mainstream, you know, community might think of as what happens in a marriage where in a heterosexual marriage, a woman gets a ring from her husband and they commit to each other. You know, that's a marriage collarings a way more profound experience of commitment. It's a act of ownership and belonging. So in many ways, Lady Petra is my possession that she belongs to me, and the collar dictates that 

Leyna 4:22
Alright, to help people, especially the vanilla public, understand what this is all about. You said that she had some hard limits. What are those? 

Guest 4:30
Well we have to define these at the beginning and truly any relationship probably should or has defined these type of things, whether they call them limits or not. They just say hey, I'm not going to do that. You know, I'm not into guns, or gunplay. I'm not into scat. I'm not into adult baby or adult diapering kind of things. I'm not into blood. And so those are my real hard limits. I think I have what's called soft limits that you discover as you discover your kink play and the dynamic with each other because we're two separate people. What's Lucky is our hard limits generally align. I'm not into things that he's not into. So that allows us to play more freely.

Leyna 5:14
What are you into? 

Guest 5:15
Oh, my goodness, that's a hard question because I'm into a lot of things. I'm really into impact play I'm a masochist. Saffer’s a sadist, but I could go on and on like I'm into roleplay I'm into sound is a kink of mine. 

Leyna 5:33
Okay, when you say that sound is a kink for you. What do you mean? What are you talking about? 

Guest 5:37
I get off on the sound of sex not just penetration sex. I mean, the sounds people make. There's auralism I believe is what is called as an actual kink. That is part of it. Plus, I make sounds and in my prior relationship, I was in a pretty much emotionally abusive loveless marriage for 30 years. You know, I was told to be silent during sex, which was not my authentic expression. 

Leyna 6:06
So then how do you practice this? Like how do you get off on this kink the two of you so the fact that you like sex sounds What do you guys do? 

Guest 6:14
It’s a great question. One of the things I noticed early on in our dynamic was the more vocal I was the more aroused she became. And so that's freed me up to be quite vocal in my sexual journey in any particular moment. You know, as as we reach climax, I'm she likes to call it growling, right? But that growl really turns her on, and then she gets very aroused out of that. So that's it's kind of like an augmentation rather than a thing we do on its own. That makes sense. And if you think about it, it's freeing too because both of us were in marriages where we had children I'm sure we were all engaged in sex at times when probably other children are in the household, and you are, you know, to look good or whatever. The reason is, you are silent while you're having sex and it it limits your full expression. And so now we're not in that situation. And so the idea is it's actually a very freeing experience to express yourself however, the scene moves you. 

Leyna 7:19
So I understand that because a lot of people like being vocal like hearing their partner being vocal. I'm trying to figure out what makes it a kink rather than just something you like. Right? Like, like, do you do listen to other people having sex? You know, what, what do you do that makes it a kink rather than it's just something you'd like to do? 

Guest 7:42
Well, it's not a kink. It's a fetish. 

Leyna 7:45
Ah, okay. And what's the difference? 

Guest 7:47
A fetish is something that arouses you and a kink you know, is something somewhat more involved. So dominance submission is a kink. auralism is a fetish. Spanking is a fetish. Dominance submission is a kink. 

Leyna 8:02
All right, but so then you really don't do anything you know, when you talk about normal. It's such a weird term because there's really no such thing. But you don't do anything out of the ordinary for this fetish for your sound fetish. 

Guest 8:17
Well, it was out of the ordinary for her at the beginning, because she was trying to remain silent. And I would, you know, arouse her and make her experience ecstasy in a way that left her vocal that her vocalization was really she was giggling she was trying to suppress that that sound. And as we spoke about it, and as we explored it, she got to intentionally vocalize. Now she's just, you know, a super vocal, and I'm super vocal, and we get super aroused by it in our scenes, which occur frequently. Well, and I would also say, attached to that are also many different layers that happen in the scene, but if you flash forward from where I was not the vocal in the beginning to where I am now, I mean, I'm now at a point where I'm in a trance state speaking in tongues. Oh, and so that's a rousing and if you're talking about what I do to arouse I'm, of course I'm looking at because I'm part of the FetLife community, I'm looking at porn and there's all kinds of things on all the time and so I'm hearing sounds all the time and that's arousing, but I'm sexualized creature 24/7 too. So for me it doesn't seem out of the whatever this norm is, which we know doesn't exist, but but probably to a very population is maybe completely out of the norm. Like I can't believe you do that all the time. But that is what my life is. 

Leyna 9:41
And you said you're into impact play. What specifically do you like? 



Guest 9:45
I deeply moved by flogging heavy leather flogging. I mean, we're talking 1000s of strokes. Oh, I enjoy the paddle. I enjoy. We have this device. It's a carpet beater type apparatus. I obviously love caning because that's the part of our marking ceremony. Wow. Due to COVID we're restricted to where we are. So I mean, we use what we have. I want to just say something about impact play and that is that all of kink. All of the ways we relate in kink, ultimately, you can reduce down to it's an energy exchange and what impact play is is a way for me as her Dom to give her energy or to increase the energy she experiences in the sexual scene that we're participating in. And, you know, there's a reason that we do that that is biological, which is that a lot of the nature of kink is about creating brain chemistry that leaves us feeling euphoric, you know, endorphins and so forth that are occurring out of the experience of a kink expression. So with impact play, we've discovered in our experience, that regular impact play leaves her feeling euphoric, and what that means to us is our relationship state is always in a real high euphoria state because we do impact play really frequently. The history is that lady Petra was an elite athlete, distance runner, and so she had a long experience with endorphins in her life. And when she had broken her ankle and couldn't run anymore, that experience disappeared, and she rediscovered it in impact play and how that happened was she used to have these really great euphoric days after impact play scenes. We used to do our marking scenes on the weekend and then Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, she was in a great mood by Thursday, she wasn't in such a good mood and I noticed it over a few weeks and I said to her one day you know, I think we should do like a daily maintenance spanking. She was like, Okay.

Guest 11:55
And so we started that. And that gave us an opportunity to explore with different implements and we tried different ways floggers. We tried different pedals and we tried riding crops etc. We tried different tools to raise her endorphin level and what she discovered and what she shared with me this is why it's an exploration. What she shared with me was that when I used this one particular flower a heavy leather flogger and I used it for repetitive rhythmic strokes. She had an experience similar to her running experience where the endorphins just became a thing that she could like work with the flogging, and you know, we started with you know, 100 strokes and then we'll have 200 strokes and then we'll have 300 strokes the one day she said you know I think you need to try 1000 strokes. Oh, just see how I go. And so we did we set her up for 1000 strokes and at the end the only reason we stopped was because I had bound her so she couldn't wiggle away. Where's her arms, legs were going to sleep and my arm was tiring out so that's the reason we stopped because she wanted to stop and now because of the nature of our exploration with impact play over time, we're now able to add to those flogging strokes carpet beater strokes, paddle strokes, hard paddle strokes, and the experience of that is it just keeps pushing her deeper and deeper into subspace. This is where she accesses that realm of speaking in tongues for example, we don't we call the tongues we don't really know what it is. She's babbling a language that definitely sounds like a language, but it has no meaning to her or I and we're you know, we've been talking to people about accessing spiritual play. Yeah. Tantra we've we've talked to all sorts people about this to discover what the current thinking is because we're not the only people that have this experience. And you know, now were contemplating are we achieving that sort of state of bliss in our sexuality that came out of this impact play? 

Leyna 14:02
Wow, that's really interesting. When I'm hearing all this, of course, as as a person who doesn't, you know, participate and really don't know what you're talking about. My first concern is just like the physicality of it. Are you much further along than there's actual like, are you leaving marks? Are you bleeding bruising? Is that how hard it is? 

Guest 14:22
So early in the beginning, when you're, let's say, because I'm getting flogged in my rear and that kind of thing. Yeah, I would completely turn black and blue like really severely and because our play was more like (inaudible) on the weekends, I would recover as the week went on, and then now we'd be re impacted and we turn black and blue again, as we've gone on. He's hitting me much harder than he did in the beginning and it's not leaving as many marks because my more frequently because my skin is getting used to it, it's good. So they often refer to as leather butt or that kind of thing, which is, you know, at one point where I can see my marks, it's kind of like this thing you're proud of initially, but now I'm more into the energy play. So for me to not have the marks like that and save those only for the cane marking time. Um, it's actually a great thing because I'm focused not on the marks but I'm focused on the energy exchange. One thing to think about is when we started playing, the impact would disrupt her capillaries in her skin, and they would bleed and she would bruise and you know, all biological systems are the same if you use the biological system gets stronger. So in the case of her subcutaneous capillaries, the impact that we're using today barely, barely raises any response from the capillary. She gets slightly pink with 1000 strokes, and they're harder than harder than they've ever been. Yeah, yeah. So she's condition she's a condition masochist at this point. You know, from the outside look, again, somebody watching that might think oh, my God, that looks really abusive, but it actually isn't. It's completely consensual, outside of the energy aspect of our play, and it leaves us in a state of euphoria, such that the sex we're having is literally mind blowing. That's literally mind blowing. And that happens every day.

Leyna 16:20
Aside from your body, becoming conditioned to it, how about what you feel like I'm of the mindset, whether it's sex or kink, whatever, that the more you have, the more you want, and does it work that way for you were like, you know, maybe in the beginning, a little spanking leaves a little tingle. Now do you like not feel it as much and do you need more? Do you need harder impact? 

Guest 16:45
Yeah, I would say that, um, I think in the beginning, you have to understand I had always been kinky. However, I wasn't in the lifestyle so I went from marriage that I ended to now I'm in a 24/7 which is a huge change and initially submitting to a sadist, even though I I knew I was a masochist at some level, but I didn't really know that he saw me way before I saw myself. So I was a little nervous, like submitting to a sadist because I was like, oh, geez, what am I doing, you know, but I also couldn't unsee him because I was drawn to him. 

Leyna 17:23
How did you guys meet by the way? 

Guest 17:25
Oh, we met on FetLife initially, and then just talked via texting and FaceTime and that kind of thing for many months before we actually met in person. 

Leyna 17:36
And so you're saying that this because for a lot of people they can't like it doesn't compute for them, like how this transfers to good sex. Right? But for you guys, it does. 

Guest 17:48
Yeah, I mean, I'm actually orgasmic with impact play, but that's not uncommon in in general population if you talk to, let's be honest, fetishes, and kink are practice by almost everybody because unless you're having missionary sex, and the only man on top typical stereotype, sex, okay, then I get that you're not in that category. But But lots of people do blow jobs and all these and all of those are fetishes. That's all outside of what's considered traditional normal, you know, I know tons of people that slap each other on the ass while they're having sex. That's a common thing. They just whether they've acted on going further or even know how to go further. They don't pursue it because I think it's initially when you first play in those areas. It's exciting and thrilling and you don't know where to go from there and don't know how to advance it. Luckily, in this community, there's a lot of people exploring this and sharing information about how people develop this further and yeah, now I want more of it. Yeah, and you know, for me, as a sadist, it's a exploration of my own self. expression. So when I met lady Petra, she was new to kink in in a straight real sense. I taken a deep dive into kink and had encounters with women who are extremely hardcore masochists, and it was well outside of my Spectrum I had to learn how to be sexual sadist and then with Lady Petra. In our exploration, I've discovered that my self expression there is as essential sadist so my intention is not just to hurt her. My intention is to leverage in a sex positive way our experience of sadomasochism to enhance the experience of our sex sexuality for us is a journey and sadomasochism is just an aspect of that journey. The outside looking in, it's very salacious, you know, to go oh, look, she's tied up and getting spanked. But really that's that's not the context is in the case of bondage. For example, there are extreme emotional relatedness to the bondage where you drop into subspace and you feel very euphoric in that space. And then the impact increases the energy for example. And so it's really about playing in a world through the physical realm, which is to say, impact play bondage, you know, that sort of thing. But to access something different, something that allows us to communicate in a extremely ethereal way, really, you know, if you were to watch one of our scenes, it might it might last 40 to 90 minutes, right? We don't say a word it's like a dance complete, interactive related, you know, sexual communication that's well outside of the spoken word. 

Leyna 20:49
Have either of you experienced orgasms without sex or you know, oral sex any kind of sex using this other thing that that we're experimenting with? 

Guest 21:00
Like, like from impact play?

Leyna 21:02
Anything anything other than sex? Have you ever had an orgasm? 

Guest 21:06
Yes. Oh, yes. Sometimes, sometimes when I'm flogging her, she orgasms so frequently that by the time I roll her over, she's just dripping. Like literally the fluids are just running down her legs. Wow. The impact itself is not the thing. The impact gives us access to effect. This isn't a foreign thing, though, to for elite athletes. And we're talking all kinds of elite athletes, gymnasts, runners, racecar drivers, whatever people orgasm, they just don't talk about it. Athletes talk to one another about it. But the idea is it happens. And so this is I've tapped into something where I'm unable to access that through my sport anymore. But now I have it in a way where it's tied in also then with my sexuality, and it's just it's amazing. Yeah, there are a lot of women men too, but there I'm going to speak about, you know this in a heterosexual context. There are a lot of women who get aroused through fear. Yeah, people have the rape fantasy, for example. And so you know, we're talking about where sex happens. It's really occurring between your ears. That's really where sex happens. The arousal, the experience of ecstasy, the climax, that's all occurring as an emotional mental experience, but it's through a physical interaction and in the world of Tantra. There's an intention to get to Nirvana. And in the world of meditation, there's an intention to get to Nirvana. And in the world, I think there's an intention to get to Nirvana. So they're all climbing the pyramid from different sides to get to the same point. And so we're exploring that as well through kink through Tantra. Through Hypno kink, we're trying to excite our sexual self expression to the highest level of emotional satisfaction.

Leyna 23:05
You can find out more on what and how they do it at ladypetraplayground.com.

Leyna 23:11
Next time on consenting adults, a bisexual woman finally meets a man willing to let her explore that and marries them together, they've experienced a lot of the lifestyle including how to make his sexual experiences more pleasurable.

Guest 23:27
Men are so your G Spot is around in your ass of in your in your anus, and they're afraid to explore that. And so they will, they will allow themselves to enjoy sex to a next level because they're afraid that it might come off as they're homosexual or that's a homosexual act, but I say it's pleasure and why would you deny yourself a pleasure? It seems ludicrous.

Leyna 23:52
Where is this “Gspot” you’re talking about Brian? That's next time on consenting adults.