Ep 65 Tom Leykis on Marriage & Monogamy & MFM Gone Wrong

He enraged many with his "Leykis 101"--lessons on love and money, teaching men how to get sex from women by spending little to no money. Popular with a lot of men for his no-filter, in-your-face, non PC views, we wondered...what does The Professor  really think about love and sex?  Leykis has been married 4 times and talks openly about marriage, monogamy, and an MFM gone wrong.  

You can find Tom at www.PremiumTom.com

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Ep 65 Tom Leykis on Marriage & Monogamy and MFM gone wrong
Transcription:

Guest 0:02
We don't want the boss to believe we stay up all night drinking champagne and having sex in the hot tub, and then we filled out the work in the morning all buttoned down.

Leyna 0:11
Then I'm assuming that you don't think humans were made to be monogamous.

Guest 0:17
Well I don't think humans are monogamous, I think, humans have created this standard. They took me upstairs, and we suddenly what all three of us in bed together was, I'm not gonna lie, it was a great experience, until. 

Leyna 0:34
So are you anti marriage?

Guest 0:36
I don't think marriage is good for men.

Leyna 0:39
What do you think it's good for women?

Guest 0:41
I don't believe in paying for sex, when there's so much free out there.

Leyna 0:45
But are you getting quality sex for free?

Guest 0:49
We want to find a woman with the highest level of attractiveness and the lowest self esteem, and that's how you avoid paying out. We were sharing the woman at the very same time. Right.

Leyna 1:01
They call that now a spit roast. Oh,

Guest 1:04
interesting.

Leyna 1:05
Well you're into barbecue you need to know these things. Get ready. This is consenting adults.

(Podcast show open)

Leyna 1:47
Okay before we blow things up here with Tom I want to give a quick shout out to a few people, Dan and Kim he's in his mid 50s She's in her mid 40s They found this podcast just beginning to dip their toes into the lifestyle. So welcome aboard. Also, Doc B. 61, save you Barry and Joanne, for being our top tier what we call cherry on top members, just go to buymeacoffee.com/LeynaNguyen and see how you can support this podcast because of course we depend on the support from listeners, like you. My guest today is none other than the professor himself. Tom, Leykis, who is of course known as a talk radio personality, the Tom Leykis show ran from 1994 to 2009 it was nationally syndicated, and then after that he did this thing that I hadn't even heard of. He was doing a podcast, Leykis 101 for anyone who's not familiar. What was that about?

Guest 2:46
Well, I just want to one, as we build it was an on air adult education course to teach men how to get more tail for less money. And teach Women how men think an awful lot of women misunderstand, where men are coming from, especially when we are strangers. We are not looking to know about you, your family or the people at work or the girl you hate or your kitty cat, we don't care about any of that stuff, we are that's the price of admission, listening to talk, is the point we are paying to get what we want, and and I'm just very open and honest,

Leyna 3:25
Right, because of the nature of the show and all the stuff that you were talking about I mean, that's why they called you a shock jock, because for anyone who, one doesn't agree with what you say or it's not used to hearing someone verbalize those thoughts. It's shocking. You were telling men how to like get what they want for what spending as little money as possible?

Guest 3:49
Yeah, zero is optimum as I always say. You know that term shock jock, I'm not offended by it, but I don't think what I do is being a shock jock because I believe that a shock jock is somebody who comes in at 5:30 in the morning and makes a list. How many times am I going to talk about my penis today, and then throws those mentions in from time to time or what outrageous things am I going to say new kind of guy writing jokes for you on a yellow pad and passing them over to you. I never said anything, I didn't believe, and when I said these things, I wasn't saying them to be shocking, they were shocking. And to me that's the difference between making some contrived shocking comment, or just stating your beliefs, my beliefs may be shocking to some and others they make perfect sense,

Leyna 4:39
Right, which is why they call you the professor, you're like, teaching them, and they agreed with the stuff that you were saying, Do you realize what parts of your beliefs are shocking to people like well what are people really turned off by?

Guest 4:54
Everybody isn't turned off by anything to be honest, unless you're going to say I love Hitler or something like that there's nothing that you can say that everybody is going to disagree with and I'm sorry to say that in today's society, saying I love Hitler everyone doesn't even hate that I think you're right. I mean really that's the way things are. And so in my case, I do believe that, obviously if you're a woman you're going to be shocked, because you actually believe that the man you are with is the man of your dreams and he's fabulous, but I did this bit on the air that flipped people out. When I said ladies. Tomorrow morning at the breakfast table, take a look at the guy sitting across from you. I said, Remember when you were child, and you were watching Disney movies, Prince Charming or somebody would come along with the glass slipper on a white horse, right off with him with a sunset. That's what you dreamed up and now take a look across the table, you've got a fat balding guy scratching his balls and watching ESPN all day long. That's the dream. There he is right there, you're looking at it right that's what you've settled for. And the reason people get angry about it is because there's so much truth in it, and I don't think cuz it's so shocking because in reality it describes a good portion of America.

Leyna 6:09
Can we talk about you personally, what is your, like marriage and relationship background past history?

Guest 6:16
Not good. I'm married and divorced four times. I do believe it's because my parents were married for 40 years until they died. And so every time I got a marriage wrong. I felt it was something I was doing, and I never blamed it on the other person and to this day I don't talk trash about my exes, because, in my opinion it was my fault if I got with someone who wasn't like me or didn't like me or I gave them the key to my front door I did that I own that responsibility. I don't blame it on the others. But in my case, I kept getting married because I kept thinking, I did something wrong and I need to do it right. And then finally after the fourth time around again beating over the head, I realized that not everybody is meant to be married and and I'm one of those people.


Leyna 7:07
So you're not going to get, there's not going to be a fifth.

Guest 7:10
No, no, I've spent a long time, so I've been married. Well, how long has it been 20 years. Oh,

Leyna 7:17
and you're happy. Yeah, I'm

Guest7:18
real happy.

Leyna 7:22
Okay, so are you anti marriage.

Guest 7:25
I don't think marriage is good for men. 

Leyna 7:27
What you think it's good for women? 

Guest 7:30
Frankly, I wouldn't recommend it to anyone, but our target audience was met, and so it's primarily who I was talking to, I think marriage is great for people who don't have any money, or who need a roommate or someone to take on the rent. It's great for that. But I don't believe it's great for people who have means, people who are viable, people who are employed, viable employed. I don't think it's great for them because what you ultimately do in America you simply are transferring wealth to the person you're having sex with. And he's to call that prostitution. And it's not even gender specific. I mean, the one with the most money is the one who is keeping this arrangement alive.

Leyna 8:15
Speaking of arrangements and talking about money and sex and all that, what are your thoughts on paying for sex.

Guest 8:23
I don't believe in paying for sex, when there's so much free out there.

Leyna 8:27
But are you getting quality sex for free.

Guest 8:30
Well here's the thing, you don't get quality sex by paying $100,000 or by renting a limousine, or by buying lobster for someone that doesn't guarantee quality sex.

Leyna 8:35
You kind of have a point

Guest 8:41
Some of the hottest chicks I've seen in Los Angeles are behind the register of Ralph's, they have very low self esteem, and as I said, unlike us one on one, you want to find a woman with the highest level of attractiveness and the lowest self esteem and that's how you avoid paying out.

Leyna 8:56
Okay. So, obviously, love and sex, don't always go together for you.

Guest 9:04
Well I think love and sex are actually the same thing you do. Meaning, when the sex wears out. The love is gone,

Leyna 9:13
But can you enjoy sex without being in love with the person you're sleeping what

Guest 9:18
You enjoy more frankly, because you have no obligation to that person, you don't worry about their medical issues or how much money they need or what Bill they can't pay or they're not going to tell you, don't drop your socks on the floor or whatever, you know, And the other thing about falling in love is usually we fall in love with people we haven't lived with, and we haven't seen their socks on the floor, right, we haven't seen one sloppy things and you haven't seen these the cap off the toothpaste. And so, when we move in together, it turns it into this mundane situations my experience on dating situation where the person who were voracious for and you couldn't get enough of is suddenly reminding you what time to take your pill or telling you to pick your shirt up off the chair, you know, that's not what I got in this for.

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Leyna 11:37
Then I'm assuming that you don't think humans were made to be monogamous.

Guest 11:42
Well I don't think humans are monogamous I think humans have created this standard, saying, you know we are all to get married in the house, suburbs have children. But the reality is that that's not how life is, It's just a bogus narrative that we all tell, so many of us, we'll tell our parents the truth about what we're doing, or who we're with what we're doing it with, we don't tell them anything, because we, many of us live double lives. I'm sure people you've interviewed are living double lives the people at work don't know what they're up to the people, their parents don't know what they're up to their nieces and nephews don't know what they're up to it's some pretty amazing thing. So, you know, I do believe that we have a world where we try to maintain this narrative that will pass muster with the boss, you know, we want to look like reasonable organized people, we don't want the boss to believe we stay up all night drinking champagne and that we have sex in the hot tub, and then we showed up to work in the morning all buttoned down, we want them to believe we go to bed at a reasonable hour do reasonable things, we're not gamblers we're not drug addicts, we're not having sex with everybody on the street. But we maintain this narrative, very few people who live an alternate lifestyle, go around advertising, they're sending out press releases about it, they keep the narrative alive. Well here I am I'm married, three kids and I have a leased BMW and good over here. We don't go out advertising what we actually do, right, you know, I mean I will tell you a story which I've told on my show, so it's not a secret. One time when I was in a declining marriage, and it wasn't getting any better. I went to the broadcasting convention in another city, and my wife at the time thought I was up to no good. And so she decided to follow me to the convention and not stay in my room. That was okay. I had another hotel room two blocks away. And so we board her to death by after a particular appearance I made. We went to a bar and played asteroids, until she couldn't take it to a board that I said, well you wanted to come honey, this is what we do on the road. And so she went home, went to bed in my hotel room, and I went to the other hotel room when I was done, we all keep a narrative going, but the reality is, most of us don't live that though,

Leyna 14:20
Have you ever been in a relationship though where you could be that open, where it was okay for you to not be monogamous.

Guest 14:28
Yeah, you know, I've been in situations with people like that, but I have always found that one person or the other. Ultimately, as for my experience, one person or the other always gets jealous, or angry, or suddenly turns on a dime and isn't working out so well anymore. I did a radio show in Miami with a bunch of couples who had open relationships, and these two people were characters on the show they would call in all the time. And you know one day we found out that, in actuality this woman who was going on the radio and spinning tales about how wonderful their alternative lifestyle was one day she contacted me and said she was in the hospital that her husband had a broken Heiniken bottle and stuck it where the sun don’t shine, and she finally left him after years of abuse. Wow. I'm not saying that applies to everyone, I'm just simply saying, I've seen a lot of unhappiness my I, I had one experience myself with a woman and a man who was a man who advertised on my radio show, I'm talking 40 years ago, okay when I was a kid, and I was doing my, my radio show in Albany, New York, and there was a guy who owned a jazz club in town, and he was an advertiser on my show and he invited me to come down and dinner on him and try the music and so I came down, and I turned out that his wife was younger, much younger than him, and even younger than me. She was a fan of mine, and so it was, she was behind this invitation. And so at the end of the evening when they plowed me for booze. They took me upstairs they lived above the club, and they took me upstairs, and we suddenly what all three of us in bed together. It was, I'm not gonna lie, it was a great experience. Until the wife called the behind the husband's back and said you want to get with just me, and somehow he overheard this or heard about it. And this advertiser on my show approached me in the gun


Leyna 16:38
Oh my God

Guest 16:39
Don't you ever meet with my wife without me don't you ever do that, and you know it kind of turned me off the whole experience really. I mean look, the bottom line is that if you are single and you live single, you don't need to live a lie. You don't need to make up stories, to protect spouses or children or other relatives. Mom doesn't find out, You know right now in my life I live on 20 acres in the Santa Ynez Valley up in wine country north of Solvang. You know, nobody is looking in on what I'm doing or not doing. And I enjoy that a lot more than having to talk someone into doing something that are comfortable with, or one person wants to more than the other, or get into these jealousy games that I've seen with many people who do this, usually one person is having a great time, but the other person is going along with it to keep the marriage alive. I haven't seen people who are happy this way for many years, I have seen people were happy this way for a year or few months or year and a half. But ultimately, somebody cries Uncle.

Leyna 17:54
Let's get back to that time with the man and his wife. So, was that the last time you had a threesome?

Guest 18:01
Yes 40 years ago. Yes, yes, because again I all things I believe about this I saw in that experience. I don't want to be in that kind of a situation again and you know what, you never know who you're dealing with, you can try to know them, invite them over for barbecue and skinny dip in your pool you can do things like that but you're never going to really know what issues people have, you know, just just in one on one relationships. I just found out that one person who is litigious, so I can't say who she is the one person I was with for many years, who constructed a web of lies about who she was, what her criminal background was, where she came from, who she had or hadn't dated in the past, things like this. She had constructed a whole narrative. It was so elaborate. She didn't want me to meet any of her friends in all the time we were together it was here all the time we were together, I met one friend of hers, and the rest are all just stories I heard about never saw them. And then what happened was recently I had a conversation with a family member of hers who spilled the beans on everything. Totally everything that I've been lied to. And I was just blown away. It was a breathtaking experience of very sad when I first heard it, but quite a relief to know that I wasn't crazy to get out of the situation.


Leyna 19:31
It's really amazing to me, and I've always had the saying at this you really never know anyone. And I think maybe it's because you know coming from a news background and covering like crazy stories, how people can just lose it, how the net, you know, the nice guy next door can, you know, kill his whole family. I've always had this you never really know someone. So I totally get that back to that threesome again, Tom.

Guest 19:59
Oh yes.

Leyna 20:00
Okay, do you know all the letters like the MFM F, F at that, do you know all that stuff.

Guest 20:06
I don't think all that stuff existed 40 years. Okay,

Leyna 20:09
so, but so was there any stuff with you and the guy or was it just you and the woman, or were you just sharing this woman.

Guest 20:15
We were sharing the woman at the very same time, right.

Leyna 20:19
They call that now a spit roast. 

Guest 20:22
Oh, interesting. 

Leyna 20:23
Well you're into barbecue you need to know these things. 

Guest 20:26
I understand. 

Leyna 20:27
So you're at opposite ends of the torso, pretty much, but 

Guest 20:30
That’s exactly what it was. 

Leyna 20:32
There you go. But it was a spit rose gone wrong. And that's too bad.

Guest 20:38
It was good while it lasted. Pick up that phone and call me behind his back and then All hell broke loose.

Leyna 20:44
Right, well, you know what though, I also think because you being who you are. Sometimes, you know, people get obsessed with you. Have you found throughout your professional career, it's actually been very difficult to date when I was single, I didn't like it. If a guy I went out with said oh I'm a fan that that bothered me. Yeah,

Guest 21:08
I felt the same way. But But then again,

Leyna 21:12
if she's hot.

Guest 21:14
I was, I had to be honest with myself. I'm not dating for love I'm not dating for marriage. I don't want you to have my kids, I don't want you to have my front door key. I'm dating to see you naked. That's what I'm dating for, and once I get that. I have no incentive to be nice to you that time to spend money on you. I saw the goods, I tasted the goods, and now I can move on. I live in obscurity, I live in a rural area in the middle of nowhere. I don't give out my address I don't give out any information on where I am or what I do, because I've had stalkers over time. When you live a good lifestyle, meaning financial, you become that much more attractive to a certain class of female, like the woman who worked at another radio station right there, who came to my front door at 12:30am and rang the doorbell for 45 continuous minutes. Oh my god. And I finally had to tell her I have 13 security cameras, and I know your boss, the program director over there. And if you ever call me again, I'm going to post this online, and I'm going to send it to your boss,

Leyna 22:18
See I'm telling you it's because of who you are that sometimes you attract people who end up. Okay, don't you think Tom, I mean we're not in the completely same industry but being in media, there are a lot of really messed up people in the media?


Guest 22:35
There are messed up people need to Yes, including people you think you know, right, you know, either let me name, a name because he's dead, he can't sue you or me Chris Burrows. Here's everybody thought they knew man and there's something so it's every day and tell you about where to eat and the little old ladies on the watched him on Saturday morning they all thought he was wonderful, and they didn't know that he was heading off to the Days Inn after work, leaving his wife and kid out there, and resume meeting somebody at days end up, you know, with the ball and gag. Yeah and then we got to death. I mean, you know, you don't know who people are so often. So forget about the, the viewers or the listeners. How about the personalities themselves?

Leyna 23:21
Where can people find you?

Guest 23:22
They can find me on my website premiumtom.com I do three new episodes every week. 

Leyna 23:38
Oh my god

Guest 23:38
I love what I do. By the way, here's the other way I'm gonna tell you right now I make a comfortable income, and I never leave my 20 acre compound.

Leyna 23:47
Well, just so do I have to Tom, do I have to come to you, Do you realize that you still owe me like a pound cake.

Guest 23:44
Oh, you know you're right, a pound cake or maybe even a marble cake.

Leyna 23:49
Right, right. And you make fabulous steaks.

Guest 23:52
Yes, steaks, also whole grain pizza, I'm added all the time ribs smoked ribs, I'm a smoker, but a lot of smoking,

Leyna 24:02
oh you still you've got that tweet your meat thing right

Guest 24:05
yes tweet your meat, #tweetyourmeat, people love to show off their wares whatever they have smoked, whatever they have barbecue and it's all out there. Nice. You know, again, it's all about life being more carefree and worrying less about all this stuff people have worried about pre and post pandemic. You know people don't come to me for misery they they don't come to me for the numbers of the bills that are coming up in Congress, talk radio has just turned into a disaster area unlistenable unentertaining, that  a word I don't know but it's not for me it's not where I want to be in my life right now. Life is short. I don't want to spend my time talking about tragic isn't one of them I want to be talking about Afghanistan, things like that, no interest, no, none

Leyna 25:00
Fun talk that's Tom Leykis everyone you can find him at premiumtom.com also be on the lookout for another episode with Tom where we talk about his professional life, the why and how of his podcasts, he talks about his revenue stream and how he's turned his love of Talk radio into his own business so again premiumTom.com look up for his next episode. All right, next time on consenting adults, a couple married a long time, turns Pillow Talk into reality and tells me all about the ups and downs of being newbies in the lifestyle.

Guest 25:35
I wasn't nervous about having sex with somebody else, I was more nervous about somebody else seeing me naked.

Guest 25:42
We had the most amazing sex of our entire marriage during those five
months.