Ep 62 Not Quite Swingers

​Two married business professionals enjoy lifestyle experiences just short of swapping. From voyeurism, exhibitionism, parallel play with other couples, and FFM action, this couple's sex life is sizzling hot despite no swapping.  They call themselves "not quite swingers" and say there are many in the lifestyle with the same play profile.  You can find this couple on SDC, Kasidie and SLS as "Not Quite Swingers."

EP 62 - Not Quite Swingers
Transcription:

​​0:00
Guest: The Other Woman immediately came over, got down on her knees and started going down on her and eating out the what, I guess the porn term would be a cream pie.

0:12
Guest: Whoa, men are doing stuff to you, you're like, Man, if I could do that I knew I could do that a little bit better I can just tell you how to do that, let me just just show you how to do it.
 
Guest: We played together there, but it was just, 

Leyna: Oh whoa whoa whoa whoa, the first time you did?

Guest: Yeah, yeah, 

Leyna: But was it like full on sex or were you just…

Guest: I think it was, yeah, yeah, I gave him a blowjob first like in front of everybody and then I think we went in the back.

Leyna:  Wow, 

Guest: I wonder if this woman realizes what she's diving into and then yeah when my wife said something out loud. The woman just stuck her tongue even further in there so okay all right. I can't even provide that for him.

Leyna 0:52
Leyna:You only have one mouth

Guest: I know you've had a woman with him that just quite frankly was very obviously a prostitute and she was on a call or in a leash like whoa, I actually enjoyed it more going down on women, But, yeah, she's, she's the giver.

1:13
Leyna: So, let’s get to it…

(Podcast Show Opens)
1:48
Leyna: Welcome back to the show everyone before we get to today's guests. I want to give a couple of quick shout outs to some of our new members on buy me a coffee dot com, slash Leyna Nguyen that's how listeners can show support for me in the show so we can keep the conversation going, a big hello and thank you to Joanne and also sub Mello for becoming cherry on top members, of course, we also have some hot fudge members, and a couple of vanilla members as to and that's fine because hey there's something for everyone. A couple of things that were on there. If you haven't seen it yet. Friday confessions are getting hot. We had one from David, telling us about Vanessa's first threesome. In fact, David was a guest on consenting adults from Episode 52, and also a couple's first time at a lifestyle resort, and boy did they go all in. Again that's buy me a coffee.com slash Leyna Nguyen and show us a little love.

2:43
Leyna: My guest today are J and A, he's 42 She's 41 They're business professionals down there in the big state of Texas. And they describe themselves as not quite swingers. I love this because I think there are a lot of people who are kind of curious about the lifestyle, but maybe after listening to some of these episodes are thinking, wow, that's like way crazy don't think we can do it. But like everything else, there's a spectrum, right, and you guys would kind of fall on like the light end of the spectrum would that be fair to say?

Guest:  Yeah I think so. I think so. Yeah. I also think like what aspects because I think a spectrum isn't like a line I think it's just kind of what you like is what you like. So, you know, we might be in the things that people who you listen to that you're like whoa are not into. 

Leyna: Okay, so let's get into it and see what you're into. How long have you guys been together?

Guest: So we've been married for two years together for three but we actually dated for a couple of years as teenagers

Leyna: is this a second marriage for you guys? 

Guest:Yes, yeah. 

Leyna: And was there any kind of this kind of exploring in your first marriage?

Guest: No, no, definitely not. 

Leyna: And was that a problem, I mean, was it ever an issue because there was something lurking somewhere inside you that wasn't being fulfilled. 

Guest: I wouldn't say it was, it was a problem. And it certainly had nothing to do with either one of those, you know, marriages ending but. But yeah, I mean there were certain things that I was curious about or to cross my mind or you hear about or whatever that I just had, even just curiosity, or you know if it wasn't the point of interest, but at least curiosities that I certainly didn't feel comfortable bringing those up or talking about and we're asking questions about and that just wasn't really the vibe of that relationship. 

Leyna: Okay, like what, what were you curious about?

Guest: um, actually it ended up being the first experience that she and I had together which was like going to a you know a club a lifestyle club I heard of these things I knew they existed didn't know anybody who'd ever been, but eventually found myself kind of clicking around online and just again, out of curiosity and obviously that curiosity was below that was some interest. And no, that was not something I ever even suggested or or asked about or anything else, and then fast forward all those years and that actually ended up being the first, I guess experience within, if you could call it lifestyle we definitely weren't considering it lifestyle at the time. 

Leyna: Okay. A, how about you any any kind of this thought while you were in your first marriage that you didn't explore. 

Guest: No, and I just think our relationship is just a different kind of relationship or we just, you know, we have open books to each other and, you know, we know that, regardless of what we say we've got to love each other no matter what. So I think that trusts and understanding and everything is there and our relationship where I just think that my personal relationship before did not have that. 

Leyna: So you guys have been together for this for several years. At what point did this subject come up?

Guest: We were just talking before we got on the call with you we don't really remember exactly how the idea of a club first came up but we had just chatted about it, and kind of laughed and joked about it and then eventually it was me that said, would you actually want to go, and she was like, Yeah, I mean she she's got kind of a natural exhibitionist aspect of her personality and so that, that definitely appealed to her, and we went with no intentions whatsoever have any kind of playing with others or swapping and that's exactly what we did was we were there to to watch, watch and be watched and just, you know the eye candy and we always joke him and get your popcorn out because yeah there's the people watching is unmatched. 

Leyna: Okay, tell me about this first experience so was the sex club like near your home, did you, did you even have to look hard to find one?

Guest: No, we didn't have to look hard, there's, there's two in our city actually and, and we didn't have to look hard to find it and I think we were nervous going but excited like an excited, nervous, so, yeah. And then the funny thing is it turned you know there was there was a number of things that we thought we might see, you know, sexually speaking that we didn't happen to see but then there was another, a number of other just small oddities that kind of not even sexual again just kind of the people watching that caught our eye and made us laugh or intrigued or entertained or whatever and then this is a funny thing that we started doing after that we, on my phone, we have a, this is ridiculous, but it's fun, it's like we have so much fun to go this is a, we have a homemade bingo card and things we were guessing are we going to see that night at the club and stuff, and so we'll like Mark with our fingers to see if we can get a bingo on on a lot of them are like really sexy topics like they have like this giant orgy bed and there's never hardly anybody on it so like six or more people on that orgy bed is like on our bingo card so that's kind of like

Leyna: What are some of the things that you saw? 

Guest: The first time we saw an older man definitely older than we would have probably thought to see there, he had a woman with him that just quite frankly was very obviously a prostitute and she was on a collar and a leash like whoa, okay, that's not what we would have thought. And the funny thing is leash and collar is on our bingo card after that we've never seen it since then so that was, I think that was a one time thing. So yeah, I mean that's an example. Uh huh. I don't know I mean you see a lot of, I guess after listening to you, we realize, and being in the lifestyle for a while, we realize that people have a lot of really close friendships that they have and so yeah you know we usually are hanging out by ourselves, but there's always giant groups of people saying hi and giving each other hugs, 

Leyna: It’s a very friendly atmosphere, yeah?

Guest: Yeah. But yeah, this definitely I mean there's people with, you know there's couches everywhere and so forth that's we're kind of sitting and drinking and hanging out and whatever, but there's people with reserved seats and the couches, I mean they must have some sort of, I don't know, lifetime membership or something I don't know. Yeah. 

Leyna: Okay. So you went, it was fun. Like did you go back right away?

Guest:  We actually did we went back pretty quickly back the next week I think.

8:52
Guest: Yeah, I think we're back next weekend so it was, it was fun, it was again it was sexy, it wasn't that we mean we played together there, But it was just, 

Leyna: Oh whoa whoa whoa whoa, the first time you did?

Guest: Yeah, yeah, 

Leyna: But was it like full on sex or were you just, 

Guest: I think it was full on sex. Yeah, yeah, gave him a blowjob first like in front of everybody and then I think we went in the back. Wow, there's rooms that have beds but there's also like a movie room it's just got a bunch of couches and people are just like porn playing on the screen I think we had sex in there first, I think the first time we even go back to like the private room, I think, in the movie where does the movie room, if I remember right, 

Guest: So you went back the next weekend, did you, did you at this point, realize that hey this is like we've really stumbled onto something here?

Guest: Yeah I think so. So again, I think that exhibitionist voyeurism part was, was really sexy and an like I said, we also just had goofy fun too, as evidenced by our ridiculous bingo card I mean we just had a lot of fun together and, and, as a lot of your other guests have talked about when they after they have an experience and they get home and then they're like super sexually charged and they, they enjoy that aspect together and, and now it just did not definitely didn't turn into an every weekend thing by any means but yeah I do think we went back very quickly. First time So, 

Leyna: Was there any conversation as to, okay what's on the table, what's off the table, did you have the rules talk, 

Guest: Okay I have a funny story on the road so we didn't, we didn't actually have the, it wasn't about rules we just knew neither one of us were interested in playing with other people, but here's the funny thing she was thinking ahead and I was too about, okay, you know, are there going to be kind of aggressive people they are creepy single guys or whatever and she was talking in almost a way like she was kind of coaching me that there's probably going to be people there that kind of come up to me and by me I mean her come up to her and approach her or hit on her and just, she was trying to like coach me like okay if that happens, we just got to be respectful, we got to be polite and calm and whatever, and we're there, and, and by way This never happened, nobody ever kind of came up to her was aggressive or anything thankfully they were all respectful but there was a time when she was giving me a blowjob in the movie room. And then this other woman who we don't know hadn't talked to whatever she walks up drops down on her knees right in front of me like to join my wife and give me a blowjob. And my wife just about nearly slit this woman’s throat so I was like no, yeah. 

Leyna: Interesting, 

Guest: Yeah so it played out the exact opposite of how I thought it was going.

11:27
Guest: Yeah, she, she turned into, no.

11:31
Leyna: So, boy. A boy, so you're not a sharer,

Guest: I’m not I'm an only child, so, you know, I don't share well. But yeah, oh and um we were kind of skipping to chapter two here But fast forward then there was quite a bit later. The first time we had a female, female, male experience. My wife invited the other woman to join her in going down on me, and it didn't actually happen at first time the woman declined, which is fine that was not what she was interested in doing and then it did eventually happen with a different woman another time and the woman, my wife invited her to join the women join obviously was a huge fan of this situation.

12:10
And my wife thought it was like incredibly hot and, but it was funny because when it wasn't her idea. And it was the very first time and it just kind of fell out of the sky, she got very protective. Which is fine, I thought that was like actually really sweet. I didn't mind that at all. It was really sweet and she was that protective and but then later fast forward when it was her idea, and had some time to kind of think on it, she wanted to try it and did and and really enjoyed it, so. 

Leyna: Okay, tell me about that. 

Guest: I definitely, I mean I it was my idea for her to join us and I asked in my head at the time I mean not only was it hot because I was engaging with her, you know, um, he was being included and of course like guy doesn't want to blow double blow jobs like every, every guy wants a double blow job, But I guess in my head at that moment I just kind of felt like, well if that's what he wants, like, I can't even provide for him.

13:01
I mean, so I 

Leyna: You only have one mouth, 

Guest: I know so I mean, I just kind of, you know, use that as an opportunity of like an extension of myself and I guess that's how I like view the situation and it was it was like really super hot. 

Leyna: Okay so you viewed it kind of like a gift to your husband. 

Guest: Oh yeah, but she was enjoying the gift too.

13:23
Leyna: Okay, but you described it as an FF M was are you bisexual, A?

Guest: Well, I guess I'm like discovering my, my comfortable side of that, we want to throw a rewind a little bugs that we kind of skipped a chapter, maybe there in the story so after we gone to the lifestyle club, a few times we actually, again the snake a little backwards we went to a strip club. And while we were there, you know I was paying for her to get lap dances that was a better return on investment, watching that for me than for me to get one. And obviously that was really hard for me to watch, but I could tell she was really enjoying that like more than it was very natural and more than I had thought she would have and then one of the women now you can say a stripper will tell you whatever they think you want to hear and that's, they're so fact but I actually really do believe this particular woman meant what she's saying after she was done with the dance. She said tomorrow, you've got a really strong bisexual energy. I said, See, I told you, 

Leyna: Suddenly your dreams came true to J.

Guest: That night yeah that's right so, so, after a few of those types of experiences, I'll use the word grappling I think she was maybe internally grappling with her liking that or how much she liked that. What does that mean or whatever and not getting too worried about labels and so forth but that's when we, you know eventually had a female female experience. 

Leyna: I want to hear from A on this. So, you know, a lot of women in the lifestyle, are curious about it right I mean, it's all you ever really see on porn. Yeah, right. Yeah. And you never know whether you're gonna like it. Whether it's really as hot as it seems on the screen. Yeah, yeah, right. What did you find?

Guest: I’m pretty open person anyway, so, you know, none of that stuff like grosses me out or anything like that and I don't have any negative connotation with it I just didn't know. Yeah, I guess you just don't know You don't know what that flavor of ice cream is gonna taste like until you taste it. So, you know, being with a woman is a totally new experience and it's fun and it's almost kind of like when men are doing stuff to you, you're like, Man, if I could do that I know I could do that a little bit better I can just show you how to do that, let me just just show you how to do it so it's kind of like even that kind of, you know aspect of, let me show you what I got kind of situation and 

Leyna: Do you think that women are better at going down on women than men are? 

Guest: You know, I think that's just dependent on the person.

15:44
Guest: Yeah I think that's dependent on the person, 

Leyna: But you enjoy it, you enjoy it when a woman goes down on. 

Guest: Yeah, and I actually enjoyed it more going down on women, but yeah she's, she's the giver. She that's that's what she enjoys more actually. 

Leyna: Okay, so, as her husband. Is it different for you whether you see her doing it or you see someone else doing it to her?

Guest: No, I don't think so. I don't think so.

16:12
Guest: I actually put out another thing but I probably would say that yeah, her giving is probably a little hotter for me than her receiving, but I'm not going to say no to either one.

16:26
Leyna: All right, you're beginning to kind of get your groove on right you're finding out that FFM is is good. 

Guest: And by the way, when we say FFM I was not having intercourse with the other woman so we talked about not quite swingers or not swapping if you want to call girl girl swapping then yeah but beyond that, no so

Leyna: Right so it's FFM and not FMF, Sure, yeah, that's exactly right. Yeah, okay, but are you doing anything with the woman. 

Guest: No other than again I mean, maybe like, light, touching, if that. And 

Leyna: So she's not going down on. Well, well, hold on a second. So there is a little bit of of her going down on you, you're not doing it to her, 

Guest: Right, when my wife initiates it and the other woman says, Sure. And yeah, that that is that has occurred a couple times. Yeah, 

Leyna: Okay, what is the most that you've ever done like, you know, the furthest we've ever gone is what 

Guest: We’ve had a few different experiences with other couples, and there's the female female play aspect and then there's the each male playing with their own partner I think our first couple experience we were, they invited us back to their house after we'd gone out. This is the second time we met them in either hot tub.

17:39
Guest: Oh, yeah, so they had the cliche hot tub, and we were all naked and then the women started off kissing and playing and going down on each other and then, you know, then the women started in with their with their men and then at one point there was kind of the women were kissing and playing each other kind of face to face, and the men were behind each one of them having sex and then. That was one experience there's another one where different couple were the women were 69ing and the men were on respective ends that were playing or having sex or whatnot.

18:17
Leyna: And that's as far as you've gone right as far as swapping. 

Guest: Yeah, so we don't we don't swap. 

Leyna: Can you walk me through what is actually happening because like when you guys describe stuff in my head I'm not sure I got it right. Who's laying where and who's doing what, 

Guest: Like the configuration seems a lot of the course of the night.

18:41
Guest: But you know like basic would be both the guys laying on their backs, both with their heads on their pillows or whatever and then the girls sitting on top of them and writing them and 

Leyna: Okay so the guys, the guys are parallel to each other. Yeah, and the women are perpendicular to them. Yeah, yeah, so you really are just about being with each other and being in a sexy atmosphere, where there's occasional playing with other women. 

Guest: Yeah, we don't soft flap or full swap. No Swapping.

19:10
Guest: And it's funny because we found ourselves having to not having to but people asking why. And actually when you step back, I kind of laugh about a little bit like only in this context would you have to explain why you don't like the other 99% of the population would be saying Why would you do that, you know, And again it's just something this is not of interest to us. And the thing is I would say we don't look at it as evolving or progressing or it's a goal I mean, who knows 5,10 years now what we might be interested in but it's not about trying to work up to some, we're not trying to level up like a video game or something. 

Leyna: Right. Have you found a place for your play style. Do you ever feel any pressure to do more.

Guest: We don't ever feel any pressure I mean, you know, as you've heard from across the board like everybody is very nice and welcoming and respectful and you know while we were at Naughty in New Orleans. You know we, we had met friends online and like, you know, and then went there and met them and had a great time, but you know when it was time for them to do their thing they're like bye, see you later. And then they were gone, so we were definitely like low on the priority list there. When it comes to, you know, lifestyle happenings. Other than that I mean nobody really know and I would say, you know, on the various kind of lifestyle websites you know we're clear about what we're interested in just like others are and there's actually been a number of people or couples have met up, or read reached out to us and some we've met with somebody haven't where they say, Oh finally somebody else who doesn't swap, you know Yeah, or there was a couple we met, we've actually met them twice now where the first time we met and they said this was reassuring for us here because they said they'd been in lifestyle for 12 years I think they said, and they don't swap, and they said, and there's people that are trying to change us and but that's just not what we're into and we don't do that it's encouraging to hear them say that a they've been having these experiences for a long time and finding their style of play partners.

21:11
Leyna: So then let me ask you this, I hear a lot of people saying that, the more they do the longer they've been in this, the more doors open up the more they're, you know, comfortable with doing things that they haven't done with you guys. Does it kind of stay pretty level like you don't feel like you need more you need something different? 

Guest: In our last experience there were things that happened that never happened before that were like, Whoa, you know, we did not. There was one point where I was laying down and, and my wife was riding me, I guess cowgirl style if you want to call it that and then the other one that came over and started fingering her. So her fingers, and, oh, I were inside my wife same time and I didn't know that was a thing. Okay. All right, so this is happening. And then the one that was the most I would use the word extreme I didn't know this was going to happen till it actually happened. So I had just orgasmed inside my wife, and then she's stood up, I stood up off the bed. The other woman immediately came over, got down on her knees and started going down on her, and eating out the what I guess the porn term would be a cream pie. Yeah. Whoa.

22:30
Leyna: And how was that?

Guest: I first I was like, I wonder if she realized what she's doing, I kind of said something. I think she knows, I think she knew I know well, I obviously I said something I was like oh she knew because she was like, more aggressive after and I'm like, Alright, go for it I'm like that's hot 

Leyna: How about for you, J?

Guest: It was surprising that oh wow this happening you're saying response you had with I wonder, I wonder if this woman realizes what she's diving into and then yeah when my wife said something out loud. The woman just stuck her tongue even further in there so okay all right so she doesn't know and so it was, I would say yeah it was hot, but it wasn't something that I mean turned her on more than turn me on, wasn't something we sought out, it just kind of happened but back to your question, is there this desire to go further and swapping or whatnot, no. Am I going to try to predict, five or 10 years from now, what we're interested in, no but not something we're interested in a moment, not something we're like trying to build up to and yeah, to even earlier question we have found quite a few people that are, you know have a similar profile.

23:36
Leyna: J and A thanks so much for sharing your story because I think there are probably a lot of people out there who want to dabble in the lifestyle but don't really want to go on.

23:48
Leyna: Alright, next time, on consenting adults, he's a polyamorous hypersexual kinkster was for partners, and he also works for couples on intimacy. He's got a lot to tell us about the impact play to breath play medical staple Oh no. Whoa, whoa, hold on. Yeah.

24:08
Leyna: That’s coming up next time on consenting adults.