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It takes time and work in the lifestyle to meet people, first online then in person. This DTF couple has a system down for sifting and sorting through swingers so they don't waste time on couples who aren't ready to play. Isis and Eros prefer separate beds or even separate rooms because people have different rhythms and styles in bed. They admit to making a lot of mistakes in the beginning and regret the opportunities they missed.
EP 59 – DTF Couple Sifting & Sorting Swingers
I’m Mexican so I fuck to the Mexican hat dance with them. I'm over here like…and I’m
more r&b You know, and if you're on the same bed it's horrible so that separate bed…
In the beginning, did you have to make a lot of mistakes before you got so good. Oh yeah, lots of mistakes. She's a little hottie white girl. Oh yeah, with a great body firm pretty ideal. Fresh vagina, fresh breath.
I went the other bed with his wife and I'm pounding her and she's like, fuck me hard. Oh yeah, and I'm like, drilling her into the mattress and making it the whole bed shape and she's like, come inside my pussy she is very vocal. I was wearing condoms, yeah, here we are making a lot of noise, his wife is being very vocal, and you can imagine he's on the next bed three feet away, struggling to get an erection. When we got our hormones in balance, I got super horny, and I made a confession to my husband, I said Hey babe, I think I want to try chicks. Oh, get ready. This is Consenting Adults.
(Podcast Show Open)
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Leyna: My guest today are a really sexy couple ISIS is 37 She's in the medical field Eros is 40 He works in commercial real estate, a successful intelligent couple boy doing things in the bedroom, no one would guess. They've been married. They’ve been together for over 16 years they have kids, and open marriage for three years, so you've only been in the lifestyle for three years, or, I mean, is there a difference between being in the lifestyle, being swingers and having an open marriage.
Guest: Yeah, hey Leyna there is a difference. Yeah, we have been in the lifestyle or what, when we considered we started the lifestyle for a little over three years now, three and a half I mean for a long time we didn't do anything, we fantasize, we had a lot of talk in the bedroom, and then it was a while before we actually started playing with other couples, there's quite a spectrum. When you hit when you say lifestyle it's really an umbrella. Some people want to go and just be voyeurs or be exhibitionist or some people are into playing or polyamory, they want to have relationships with other couples are a boyfriend or girlfriend on the side so there's definitely a spectrum, but you've been together for 16 years, what made you delve into this.
Well, my husband will take this one but our doctor.
Leyna: Wait what? your doctor?
Guest: Yeah, okay, we were vacationing in Las Vegas, we, our libido was okay but it wasn't great, we decided that we needed to visit somebody to help us with our libido, so we found an anti aging specialist. The type of Doctor who does testosterone level checks, endocrine work, and just to make sure your body works as youthful as possible. Turns out my wife and I were both low in testosterone. Yes, we did blood labs, they pulled a lot of blood maybe six little, eight little vials and they checked everything from our liver function to everything having to do with body and optimal performance right this guy does bodybuilders and celebrities, things like that people who want to be at their best. Turns out, based on our labs that once we got on testosterone and we started eating better doing stable exercises. Getting back to really the basics of good health right yeah, eating well good sleep. Yeah, that our libido went through the roof so we till this day we tell our doctor hey man you turned us into slaves, he's like, but are you having fun first comment yeah, having fun.
Leyna: Nice. Okay, so this doctor gets you living and eating a little bit healthier, but what the heck, how did the whole swinging diamond what. How did that start.
Guest: Well, when we got our hormones in balance, I got super horny, and I made a confession to my husband, I said Hey babe, I think I want to try chicks.
Guest: I want to experience other women, and he said, Well, let's go.
Course, let's go. So we went online, we went you know seeking arrangement or Craigslist, that's, that's all we knew at the time, and that turned out to be a disaster. Because the single women had a lot of drama or they wanted their rent paid and we're like, we don't have to do it this way. So we met some couples they turned us on to swinger dating websites, and then we started meeting couples, and after we met the right couple. I had a couple of Girl on Girl experiences that lasted like two weeks, and then we were soft swap which we can talk about it's everything, you know, a type of play style where you do everything up to penetration, and that lasted for two weeks, and then once we met the right couple I'm like baby you know what I prefer dick. I'd rather have a man. Let's fight other couples, and he was like, okay, Because you wanted to fuck the chicks under percent.
Leyna: Had you ever had any kind of bisexual tendencies or anything.
Guest: I did not have any play experience but I noticed that I would get really wet when I would watch Girl on Girl porn, so I thought okay, well there's something to this. I'm curious about it. And once I had the actual experience between a man and a woman I realized that the man did it for me. I mean of course it has to be the right man, but men in general do it for me and I'm okay with women, but I'm not bi curious anymore, and I wouldn't say I'm truly bisexual, you know I wouldn't feel comfortable just having a girlfriend on the side or having only girl on girl, time, my wife will tolerate it.
The other woman needs to have an appetizer. She's a good sport. My wife is a very good wingman, are nice. Yeah.
Leyna: All right, so can you tell me about your first full swap experience.
Guest: Yeah, I mean, that we call it our full swap gone wrong, because we were actually kind of dating a couple. We met this couple on a swinger dating website we went to lifestyle club we had the girl on girl time they were actually really brand new just like us, we were their first play experience they were ours, and the girl was more into it than the guy so she was always a couple steps ahead, she was really flirty really horny was sneaky she was really naughty, like her husband and I liked her for him.
The guy was cute kind of nerdy, you know, but, intelligent, she's a little hottie white girl. Oh yeah, with a great body for pretty ideal pressure, pressure, pressure, like just great. Yeah, yeah, and the guy also a white dude. Yeah, we became very attached to them and I think that was my mistake early on is that we were looking. Originally, we didn't play a lot because we were looking for perfection and others, and we were screening people for polyamory situations, but we really should have just been screening them for people we can hang out with and have a great time with and then leave. But so this couple of that full swap gone wrong, we had done. We went on several dates with them over several months, a lot we saw them a lot. And we started with the soft swap. We met at clubs we played together, then we finally decided to go full swap the guy ended up in tears. Oh, he stole our potato chips, they ran out of the room.
But what's important about this is that like my lady said, many couples are in different velocities in their own head of the lifestyle, and we found this out early on and we know we can pick up on it very quickly now. And in this case the woman wanted a lot. She wanted to go on vacations alone just with me. The guy also wanted to do some chit chatting with my wife, but their velocity was different than ours, and we just wanted to fuck like we wanted to play with them and leave children go back to life go to work. They wanted more they wanted to come over all the time, things like that. Okay, so it was a situation where eventually we just started getting a little bit more distant with them and we just started becoming unavailable to their date requests, and, yeah, basically the guy couldn't get it up and I, I'll see this on here. Yeah, a lot of guys do get in their head so they suffer with erections. Yeah, they can't get it up when a moment comes because they're either low tea or they don't work out well they don't sleep well whatever it is, but or they just get nervous or anxious overwhelmed yeah just performance and anxiety, and so this man had that situation he didn't have a problem before right with getting as dick hard now when we were doing soft swap stuff, but when it was time to fuck and he saw my wife, my wife, she's has nice curves and super sexy very beautiful, you know, I think everyone else. Thank you, but when this key had her on the bed, it didn't work wasn't happening and then so, and then here I am on the other side on the other bad we always get two beds, by the way, you need more real estate, yes.
And I went the other bed with his wife, and I'm counting her and she's like, fuck me hard. Oh yeah, and I'm like drilling her into the mattress and making it the whole bed shape and she's like, come inside my very vulnerable. So I was wearing condoms. Yeah, but here I am thinking I'm going to break this cop cuz I'm going hard at the federal mic I'm going to come, I'm going to give her what she wants. Exactly. So here we are making a lot of noise, his wife is being very vocal, and you can imagine he's on the next bed three feet away, struggling to get an erection, so he's scenario that was our full swap gone wrong, whenever I first experiences it put us in a little bit of a funk but yeah that's it happens to a lot of people that are learning lessons, yes, but it's,
Leyna: but it didn't turn you off to the whole lifestyle thing.
Guest: Oh no, not at all, every date, or every experience we have in the lifestyle we consider it a learning lesson, we used to in the beginning we used to kind of get down on ourselves, we call it the swingers funky fog, you know like if there are periods of time where you get messages but the couples aren't ideal or or no message, or no messages at all, or, you know, you meet for a drink, those don't work out all the time or people flake or for whatever their own reasons are, we went through that swingers funky fog but we realized soon after that it's not about us, it's about what the other couples going through and you really have no idea what they're going through. Yeah, we became really good at screening couples. Yeah, like we were no bullshit right now and if anyone ever contacts us with terrible opener. How you guys doing today, how they're gonna go to the bottom of the list probably won't even open it will open it.
But, we call it the down to fuck spectrum. Uh huh. The velocity of a down to fuck date has to be at least over 50% Meaning, they have to be flirty with us we need to find them attractive they need to send pictures they need to show great effort, and in their initial message they need to cover the basics right, who you are, what do you want Where did you hear from us, like who, where do you find out about us from what website, what do you look like, what are you looking for. We want people to show effort, and so we became really good at screening people I think if your listeners. If they get good at screening people, that is going to help them dramatically because Gone are the days where they go on a blind date to a bar and the couple looks totally different.
For the no show right now, So you can sound like you've really gotten the system down you've gotten really good at being swingers right but in the beginning, did you have to make a lot of mistakes before you got so good. Oh yeah, made a lot of mistakes, we had our moments where we had those. I wouldn't say there were arguments, necessarily, but we had play scenarios where were like, Oh, I thought, My husband went too far, he thought I was too loud or when we met a couple, you know, we didn't leave quick enough or you know we missed out on a lot of opportunities in the beginning because we were really picky. And we had this selection criteria that was, you know like 100 point checklist like a mortgage application, it was a big mistake, it was a big mistake that was one of our biggest mistakes in the beginning is that we were looking for perfection, and we were looking for a replacement for our spouse, well it Okay, someone with similar qualities like we didn't want to replace ourselves yeah we wanted someone who was as good, not necessarily as good looking because we are not really, we don't really care if someone's sexy, and they have a great vibe and the chemistry is amazing, then the looks are, they're important, but, yeah, maybe that could be number 234 They have to really bring some good energy and good flirty momentum with the situation but when my wife said there, we missed out on friendships we missed out on the opportunities we think back now on couples that reached out to us when we were very fearful in the beginning, and we were full on germaphobes, we didn't want, you're gonna have to suck his dick and you're gonna come and kiss me right.
No. And then my wife, you can eat her out. Don't you French kiss me after that, I don't want that in my mouth. Yeah, exactly. And then we think about it. No, we're like, that sounds amazing.
We take a look at the photos of the couples that we said no to in the beginning. Yeah, and we feel idiotic I mean we, we feel like we missed out on. Hey, because they could have made, they could have made wonderful friends. And also, we found out that the way we were screening for people with our mortgage application multiple point checklist, we found out that we need to meet them in person first, because at that point. A lot of the things that we were looking for in an ideal mate that we would share ourselves with and be intimate with and fuck that, those other things wouldn't be that important. So we started giving people the chance. And then, in our heads we were giving them a chance but the truth is and I think every swinger can relate and if they don't go there in their head with this, they need to. You think you're giving someone a chance. A lot of times they're giving you a chance. Yeah. A lot of times they're, they feel like they're taking one for the team to meet you. You have to be very confident in the lifestyle. Sometimes you become overly confident that you think you're the one calling the shots, you're not. You just have to be good at screening, and that's one of the things that we, We started getting super good at is sifting sorting and prioritizing our couples when we go to Vegas, we're in Vegas every weekend, not every weekend like every other weekend twice a
Leyna: wait a second, wait, where do you guys live?
Guest: Los Angeles.
Oh we work in Vegas with buildings.
Leyna: Yeah, it sounds like you guys have experienced a lot. If I asked you, like, what are some of the hottest situations you've gotten yourselves into is the answer the same for both of you or do you guys have different episodes in mind
Guest: a little different. For me, the hottest experiences that we've had so far. When we've met a really wonderful couple. And we've done a separate room, play scenario with them. Meaning, we all go out on a date we meet on the same night, and then we move either at a hotel or their house, and then we go to separate bedrooms, to play, I go with the husband, and my husband goes with the swap wife. Yeah, and then we check in with each other and about 90 minutes or so, probably have a drink maybe a small bite and then do another round around to separate room plays amazing, I didn't have it only works when you know a couple well and you've gone out before and maybe you've done a same room swap a full swap but you know two beds in a hotel or something like that. And once you know a couple pretty well, and they're also cool with separate room there are a lot of couples and love that, for many reasons, by the way, many guys can't get hard unless they have a little privacy they start feeling a little bit more sneaky. Yeah, they can see the things with their wife right next to them on the same bed so same bed is really terrible actually yeah I don't know why swingers love that it's for us it's terrible. It's hot, it's miserable, and it the cadences are different, the movements are different and I'm Mexican so I fuck to the Mexican hat dance with them.
I'm over here going …
I’m more r&b, you know, like, Oh, yeah.
And if you're on the same that is horrible. So that's separate. So we have what we call a few separate room couples that are go to couples that we've known for a while, and those are so hot, those evenings. Yeah.
Leyna: Wow. All right, so we know what you're really like, is there anything that you just don't like, like you just, you're not going to do that, you're not going to go there and not even give a chance.
Guest: Well no anal know about stuff I mean I'm okay with it like licking yes eating as you'll let a guy lick your, yeah, yeah, a little finger is okay to finger about probing you're asked with his tongue. Yeah, you're good, I'm good with that. You just no anal sex, no, yeah exactly no dig up my button. Okay, then no violence. That's a big no no.
Leyna: Well, you mean like impact play stuff. Yeah, you see it as violence.
Guest: Well yeah, no, no I don't want to bleed I don't want to be left with a mark right on my body, that I'm not into that,
Leyna: and you're both straight,
Guest: well yeah I mean I, I don't I don't really want to gain an enemy at all. I'm not a homophobe. I'm more about comfort, and I don't want a guy's hairy leg next to me, if I'm trying to focus on his wife, yeah,
Leyna: wait a second what if it’s shaved.
Guest: Well you know we've we've been in scenarios where the guy there, there's what we call needy couples that, you know they need to be close to each other, they love it, they want to they want to kiss each other than they kiss the other person, and they want to gravitate and they want to reach over and grab a leg, and kind of orgy style, right, that people love the puppy pile. Yeah, we hate that shit, my wife gets overheated she gets sweaty she feels gross she gets turned off. Yeah, I can't concentrate. I prefer to focus on my partner, and so does my husband.
So that's why we grew to really enjoy separate beds, two beds in a room is five beds in the same room later I want to say something for the benefit of your listeners. Yes, we found over the course of the past three years that when you're all on one bed. The guy holds back, how many times we will the man whisper in your ear, very low volume Yeah, telling you, you have a perfect pussy. You're so beautiful, and they're so quiet because they don't want their wife to hear. Exactly. They're so quiet that I have to ask them, like, how did you say, what would you say that's so sexy. Yeah, exactly. And then he has to be loud and he doesn't want to say it again, because he knows his wife is what his wife is right there and the woman is whispering in my ear going your cock is so thick I love it.
Oh my goodness, to do it and then, so she's whispering in my ear. The guys whispering in our wives here, their wife and I, we think you know this is a shit show everyone's holding back right, and then my wife she'll she'll say like well I don't want to make it feel like his caucus so huge, so I'm not going to exaggerate my pleasure sound right, so I'll do some pleasure sounds, but I'm not going to go crazy so now my wife's holding back, and then me, the wife will ask me questions. Oh yeah, that's that feel good, and I'll say things like your, your heart, or your pussy so pretty. Yeah, and I'm telling her things, but I'm also holding back. So you have a shit show. When you're on one bed. The rhythms are totally different. The, the guy wants to do oral for 20 minutes with my wife, I, the lady is asking me to fuck her right away so I'm going to start moving the bad mechanics away carsick and moving.
A woman is whispering into my, into my ear because she doesn't want her husband to hear how naughty she is and her naughty fantasies. And then, ladies all the time they'll say things like, come to my pussy fill me up, fill me up deep and then I'll see you know we're going to condom, but I'm her fantasy is such that come in my pussy and then I'll ask questions like, to me to come deep inside your pussy. Deep inside, or on the outside so you can see it on your pussy lips, and then they'll say, you know, different women will say different things. Oh yeah, deep inside. Yeah, and then it's no secret yeah and I'm thinking, look, you're living the most amazing life that all of your neighbors and your friends would love to live, would love to experience, and you're holding back at the most critical beautiful moment you have permission from your wife. Yeah, from your husband. You're doing this together as a team, what happened to being good wingman we're having to being in living this to the best potential. Yes, and they're holding back so what did we do two beds that solves it. That helps him everything. Yes. Leyna: Okay, so two beds helps two rooms, even better.
Guest: Oh yeah.
Remember we would only separate with a couple that we know respect and trust, and we played with him before so I know that the guys, he has a certain level of, he's, he's gonna bring it, he's gonna do a good job, he's gonna perform, he's not gonna be some kind of weirdo, or he's not going to try to do some, something just. Yeah, well the good and the bad thing. Yeah, well yeah, look if my wife, she got freaky enough or if he smoked her out or if he you know, didn't she might actually she might do and I do it, if we know them long enough, yeah.
Leyna: How do you guys find people, what have you found is the best way to find potential playmates.
Guest: You got to get online. When you're dating websites are the best way. Yeah, we talked about the, the velocity the lifestyle is all about momentum velocity, but before you get to that, it's all about sales and marketing, because your pictures have to catch the eye, we have to like what you wrote. And we have to find you at a base level attractive, and we have to be able to tolerate you in a bar setting, at least for 90 minutes and then in a scenario. Right, so it's a little small, small steps to a wonderful evening. Yeah, so your swinger dating website profile is going to be your best marketing tool to attract people's attention, singles or couples, you know, whatever you're into, and attract our attention enough to send to get them to send you a message and start a conversation that hopefully leads to an in person meeting, and we talk about how to create a wonderful profile that gets results on our show. Yeah.
Leyna: So where can people find you to kind of learn how to navigate this.
Guest: You can find us on our website priory society.com That's PR, i, o r y, you can find everything about our show on the website we've got merchandise, I mean it's fun, we, we always say, there are more people out there than you think, oh yeah, most people I think they have the swinger DNA, they just don't give themselves permission to express it, you know, we want to help people get to the fund faster, because like we said early on, we wasted a lot of time about a year, not playing because we were super paranoid super picky, we didn't have a podcast to listen to, we didn't have someone holding our hand. So we want to be there and give back to people who are thinking about this are already in the lifestyle but maybe they think they're not doing it right or they're having issues struggling a little bit, any kind of data that they can receive that will help them screen people better, I think it's going to be awesome hearing stories such as on your podcast, hearing the mistakes people have made, so, so critical because the community, yes it's expensive and expensive once you join, but for someone fantasizing about it, they might feel a little bit odd if they were brought up in a religious household they may feel like they're super sneaky something's wrong with them maybe they're gonna burn in hell.
So the escape, especially with the times that we've been living in the United States for the past year and a half. It's kind of nice that you would find a level headed, and similarly minded people out there that you can have a drink with I mean maybe someone new, is listening to us right now and all they want is to have a flirty conversation with a potential, and with a thought of maybe doing a swap in the future. And then of course, you've got perverts like us, we won't want to drink with you, unless we know there's fuck at the, at the end of the tunnel like is there is there, flirty potential. I don't care about that is it do you do you fuck other couples and by the way that's appropriate. Yes, because you have field and all these other websites that where people are like, well I'm this and I'm binary this and non binary and and and people have labeled this thing through the roof. That is kind of hard to figure out what people actually do and what they will do so our go to question for all your listeners is, do you guys fuck other couples, Because all you want to know if you are a non binary, this and that and you're this and that but you're open to poly and you do swing and you'd like to be unicorn if you're a chick on the weekend, and the the guy is like well I'm not gonna manage them this I'm like dude, do you fuck other couples Yeah, it's all we want to know because you can go back to your world of all the beautiful things that you that you've labeled yourself that's awesome but we want to know when we meet on Friday, is this thing going down or are we just going to chit chat about something else. And you don't have any time for that. Well we have children, businesses, and I think by the way, I think that the people that resonate with us, generally Lina, these are people who either have careers, they have children they're busy they might have church on the weekends, they have a lot of things going on and they don't have time for bullshit. They don't have time to cultivate a relationship by chat, only to have the person not show up, or the couple that show up because, oh they just wanted a flu. Yeah, what are the chances you both have a night off together, you pay for babysitting, you have the evening free for several hours maybe overnight to do adult things, I mean there are couples out there that only play when they're out of town or they may not get out very often. And so, this couple has made all the arrangements to have a date with you, and they're ready to play. You know you we don't want to waste people's time, we don't want people wasting our time. We're so we're very direct in that way.
Leyna: And I for one really appreciate that directness. If you'd like to connect with this couple, you can also find them on Twitter, They're @priorysociety. Alright, next time on Consenting adults, even in the lifestyle, there are committed relationships. But what can happen when one of you breaks up?
Guest: something happened in their relationship and they ended up breaking up. And when that happened, we were kind of left with nothing because we weren't we hadn't been dating, our profiles hadn't been active. We hadn't been going to a club, we kind of were like in a freefall of, well I guess we're out of a lifestyle for now and we didn't, we spent a couple years not making any moves to re engage anything just to kind of like reassess.
Leyna: That's next time on Consenting Adults.
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