Ep 56 The Sexy Bisexual Poly Librarian Swinger

​Some things you can't learn in a book, like how you're going to feel watching your partner have sex with someone else, whether you're ok playing separately, or how bisexual you really are.  This sexy librarian and her husband found they prefer a relationship over just sex, and playing separately is surprisingly enjoyable.  They immersed themselves in the lifestyle and learned specifically how to enjoy better orgasms and a new dynamic with other partners. 

EP 56 – The Sexy Bisexual Poly Librarian Swinger
Transcription:
(Sizzle Reel)
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(Podcast Show Open)
0:01
My guest today is a 39 year old librarian. Oh my goodness. You know I think they may be some of the wildest people, it's so deceiving, Eliza is here with us her husband is Jack they've been together since they were 17 and have started this journey down the path of ethical non monogamy, they've been doing it for about two years now, so let's talk to Eliza, and first of all find out why you started looking into this Eliza.
Guest:     We started looking into it on accident. We've always been very sexual people very close and our relationship really very inseparable. And my husband Jack had the idea to go on a nude vacation that's always kind of been a thing, and after I was done having all of my babies. We have four children, he finally convinced me and we booked a trip, and we had a great time and met some of the most amazing people that we've ever met, open, honest, friendly, welcoming, and as it turned out a good portion of them were what we called back then swingers. And that's when we really discovered that swinging was an option before that we were both raised really conservative. I just never occurred to us that people actually did that in real life, you'd been together since you were 17 Had you been with other people, have you experimented, we dated like high schoolers, date, a little bit before and and never had sex with anyone else besides each other, and in college we kind of experimented a little bit actually as a couple. Mostly me with other women. After we got married. It was kind of in our mind something, shut all of that out so well you started having kids and started being parents, right, right, and I think also just the way we were raised, and being the rule followers that we were back then, you know, marriage meant no more, no more sex or playing with anybody else.

2:00
Leyna:     But you would say that you still had a good relationship, right, like before you started going down this road, it was a good marriage good sex life?
Guest:     Oh, fantastic. Um, I will sound vain here and say I think we have one of the best marriages of anyone I know. We are best friends we we communicate better than any other couple I know we tell each other everything. And our sex life, I think, consequently was fantastic because all of that carried over into the bedroom as well so we didn't think we needed anybody else even after learning about swingers we, we thought that was for other people, and we were so satisfied with each other but the more we got to know other people and sort of the line in the sand kept moving we and we had more and more fun and actually we've grown closer and closer together.
Leyna:     Okay, so you went on like a nude  vacation had a great time. Then, I'm assuming, like so many other couples you started kind of researching more about the lifestyle. Right?
Guest:      Right. We actually, through our first nude vacation. We learned about another resort in Jamaica hedonism, which is more of a sex resort. Jack already knew about that place but I got to talking about other women with other women about this place and it didn't sound so scary as I used to think it was, I would say for a year, we just kind of, it was all Pillow Talk, not even research because we weren't taking it seriously back then. It was about two years ago this summer that we went on that first vacation, and, and then we really got interested in the whole non monogamy path. So when you went to the lifestyle resort, what happened was that kind of your first experience with lifestyle activities. Yes, so what that resort offers is they have some workshops they have a play room, you're allowed to have sex in public and I think this was set always had been a huge turn on for my husband to do things in a public setting so we explored that more than anything on that vacation so like sex on the beach, sex a few times in the play room just with each other, and attended a tantric workshop where I orgasm did a more intimate setting with other people so that was, it was all
Leyna:     Oh hold on a second, what does that mean, like, are you all in the orgasm workshop.
Guest:     Well, it was a workshop to help women discover their G spot and then to help their partners discover it. So, and you can perform all of the things right there so I think there was something about that setting that like invigorated us as far as like, oh we. There were other people there that we've been chatting with throughout the week.
Leyna:     By the way, how did, how did you find your G Spot?
Guest:    um, you know, it's kind of funny because Jack and I discovered it long ago in high school, and it was something that we played around with for years we actually didn't have vaginal intercourse, until we had been dating about two years, but we've done just about everything else we were conservative and that was like a thing you didn't do in our minds and then a way to prevent pregnancy, which ended up being good because we had four kids a little too easily.
5:20
It was like 10 years of pregnancy and breastfeeding for me and I shut out so much of my sexuality during that time. And I was never interested in that, to be honest that workshop like we saw that in the little brochure that you get at the resort of the day's activities. And I thought, oh my gosh we used to do so much with that back in the day. Let's go and, and they demonstrate what you kind of where it is. Well, first your clip has to be very warmed up, you have to be a route so I should preface with that. And then once you put your your fingers in and kind of push against the front inside part of your vaginal canal, I might not have the, the terms write stimulating that area in a way that feels good for you can can give you a G Spot Orgasm so that's something that we have fun with.
Leyna:     Okay, so in this workshop, everyone is with their own partner and doing this in a room full of other people doing the same thing.
Guest:     Yes, if they choose to. So it's one of those environments where you can, you can try it you can just cuddle and talk with your partners but they they set the whole stage, I actually did a big write up on this on my blog so there's a, there's all the details over there too.
6:30
But, but I did orgasm in that setting. Kind of rediscovered that spot for myself, and I don't know that kind of opened our eyes to like this wasn't so scary doing it in front of other people it was in some ways invigorating
Leyna:     so okay so was this first vacation, primarily just public sex and just doing things in front of other people. Yes, Guest:     We never did anything with another couple on that trip, I would say a lot of people down there are more of what I would consider swingers than ethical non monogamy.
Leyna:     Well what's the difference?
Guest:  in my mind swingers swap in it's more about the sex than the friendship. We are looking for more relationships, friendships, where we sleep with the people to almost a boyfriend girlfriend situation. Okay and so that to you is ethical non monogamy.
Leyna:     But if there are feelings involved, are you looking at, like polyamorous relationships?
Guest:     Potentially, we've actually found the labels to be so hard for us because we we'd like to describe what we want, and then it's like we almost have to go out and check what label that aligns with. So So I suppose it's a little bit more polyamorous but then on the flip side we hesitate to describe ourselves to others like on dating sites and such, too much with that term because, because you're open to having sex with people without a commitment, um, possibly, I would say there has to be a certain level of chemistry, but also, there has to be some kind of a connection before we'll have sex with other people. I see a lot of people I feel like on some of these sites, and it looks like they, they all just one, one night stands, and that's not something we're interested in, mostly because of the safety aspect.

8:17
And also because we just don't feel that it's, I mean we have really good sex because we have such an incredible bond with each other, Jack and I, and I think that when we started to mess around with people in the more swinger sense or the one nightstand sense, that was missing, and the slow buildup of a relationship, and all that chemistry and all that sexual tension building up between us and other people and also knowing that I don't know there's something almost like pure and beautiful and spiritual about it when we really feel like we know and connect with these people on some deeper level, where we're more interested in that.

8:55
Leyna:     Okay, so you come back from this vacation at what point did you like start swapping and doing these lifestyle activities?
Guest:      we joined the lifestyle site within a month or so of returning home from vacation, the only one that we heard of from other people on our vacation. Within a few months we've had our first date, describe that, well, they were a nice couple, but I think we were all just looking for sex at that point it was all about Jack and I say it's, oh, it was all about mechanics at first for us. And it was like we all only soft swap, we'll only, we won't kiss on the mouth was one of our original rules.
9:34
These have since changed, it was partly to protect ourselves or we thought to protect our relationship, and the first day was nice, they were nice people. Looking back, I think what was missing is I couldn't see myself like being friends with them long term, I was only looking at them as potential play partners, and that was the thing that was missing so we didn't do anything with them on the first date, but we did on the second and ploy was soft swap on the second. It was soft swap, I would say it was empty, though, those feelings were missing. It was very much just about sex and, and later we've had the opportunities to be with people that we have some feeling for, and it's so much better. So, so we want that.

10:22
Leyna:    And how long did you go until you decided to do full swap. Did you wait for the feelings before the full swap, Guest:     yes we waited for a feeling of connection before the full swap I would say, and I'm glad we did. Number one, because we were more educated about all of the risks involved just, you know with STIs and such. So, it's kind of a short story we met people, we had a ton in common, it was kind of like the most amazing first date. In contrast to our first date ever as a swinger couple, our first date with the people that we eventually full swapped with I mean there was nonstop talking and laughter and connection. I think some of the things that I find what I like about the people that I need on this journey when I'm so open about myself and my sexuality is that we talk about everything so there's, it's not small talk about the weather, it's, you know a lot of people that around this journey of exploring non monogamy, I think, think really deeply about life and love and relationships and self growth. And these are the kinds of people that we've started to meet and connect with. And these people, I mean you know we got to talking about mortality like the reasons like that we do this are partly that we want to feel alive and connected to other people during the short time that we have here and and meeting people on that wavelength is just fantastic.

11:51
Leyna:  Okay, so it was a lot of connection you felt close to them. Um, can you describe, like the first full swap and what it was like for you since neither of you had slept with other people.
Guest:     You know what, because I think of the connection that we felt with them, and we're really good at communicating, Jack and I have a lot of practice communicating with each other in bed and I think that our comfort level with them. Our communication, and our connection. It felt like we were, we were all four together, it felt like all four of us had been doing this for years. And I don't think everybody's first full swap goes that Well, I mean we had so much fun for hours and hours together. It was awesome seeing my husband with another person. It was so nice to have all these good feelings going around.
Leyna:      Did you deal with any jealousy.
Guest:    No, actually, um, and I know jealousy can creep up at any time, and anywhere but in that situation, the physical part of sex, there was no jealousy whatsoever. I would say there's the opposite that feeling of compassion that a lot of ethically non monogamous people use. We did not deal with the jealousy aspect there, where it has come up is like in situations where we text, people separately and I think you know if one of us is texting with the other person more it's like jealous like I wish that other half of the couple would text with me more or I want you to pay attention to me right now, but that's about as much jealousy as we've dealt with at this point,
Leyna:   but it's a turn on as well not just a compulsion as in oh I'm so glad my husband is having fun. Is it also a turn on.
Guest:    Oh yeah, I well I mean, yes, it's it's fun to watch. And then, how have you progressed, so you said that you started with no kissing rule, when you went into this full swab, were there any rules, no that that's been a part of our journey as well so all these rules about mechanics at first as far as like soft swap and no kissing that all these rules that we thought would like protect, protect us, turned out to get in the way of why bother having any of this experience which is to connect with another person. And this raw spiritual almost level through our discussions and analysis of everything that we've gone through, we realize that we trust each other 100% And as long as everyone with the situation is consenting, and being safe. We trust each other to use our words in the moment if we don't like something that's happening. And have you had to, in like a, like more of a technical sense like, Oh, don't do that right now we're not there, you know, I mean that's okay
Leyna:    but you didn't have any you haven't had any issues with. Don't do that to her. I don't like seeing that.
Guest:    Oh, no, no, we haven't experienced that.
eyna:  So what all have you done, like what kind of combinations of people, sex acts etc, have you been able to explore.
Guest:   I hesitate to say too much about the sex acts.
14:51
We full swapped, We've been with a few different couples. We've played separately, which we found that we enjoyed much much more than we thought we would we'd again, maybe to protect us, we thought we would all want to be, you know, in the same room, but we were surprised by how much we liked playing separate where we really get to focus on another person and not worry about what the other two people are doing or needing. So I found that to be very intimate and fun, and I like hearing about what he does differently with the other woman when they're separate.
Leyna:   is most of your play really intimate like that when you're just, you know, with one, maybe two other people maybe together whatever but it doesn't sound like you're into the kind of the Wilder group stuff that I hear about, like, orgies and, you know, all that stuff.
Guest:  Oh, we've had fun in that realm, but I really like the one on one connection, the group sex is a little bit more overwhelming in some ways there's a lot going on.
15:56
So you're, it's, you're pretty busy.
15:59
I do like the intimate connection with other people so I think that's something special that Jack and I share, and we share it very often. So it's very unique to be with another person, And one thing that I've been lucky with as far as we get to play separate we got to play in a group. I've also been able to date women alone. So I guess that's more of the polyamorous road that we're going down there where she's not someone that my husband would play with. So I'm sort of looking for a separate relationship perhaps outside of my marriage that is supported by my husband. You know you were bisexual. Yes, though I think I was hesitant to ever use that term, until a couple years ago, so that was something. Looking back at some of my emotions and feelings that I had in high school, and some of my actions in college as well, because I did explore that with a couple of girls at that point, with Jax knowing and support. I hesitated to use that term because I'd never been fully with a woman, and I never had officially dated a woman, you stopped questioning your sexuality, sometimes I think once you get married or at least if you're conservatively brought up person like I was, it just didn't seem to be something to consider for many years until we started talking about opening up our relationship again.
Leyna:     but do you and your husband sleep with a third woman regularly.
Guest:    No.
Leyna:    So that's just something that you have special for you.
Guest:   That's right, yeah. Yeah.

17:37
Leyna:  All right, and you're documenting your experiences, through a blog.
Guest:  I am so it's interested in sex comm. Originally it was just, I've always been interested in sex and I love reading about it I love listening to podcasts about like sex in psychology. I love listening to that podcast, Jack and I have what I consider a pretty good sex life. And when we talk about it with what we call our vanilla friends or friends that aren't a part of this lifestyle or non monogamy in any way. They always kind of made me feel like I was a sex addict or a sex freak or a sex expert or whatever compared to them. So I thought I would I would write about it.
Leyna:   Do your vanilla friends know about your lifestyle?
Guest:  They do a number of them do so because it sort of progressed naturally for my husband and I, as it was happening, we're like, hey, we went on this crazy vacation and guess what happened, we, there were these swingers and they were hitting on us and, you know, our friends were like your swingers and we're like haha no we're not you know, so they've, they've heard about our journey as we went along and it's funny because COVID isolated us so much from this journey, but also from each other. And then we slowly started to you know really long for new relationships being isolated and quarantined for as long as we were when we started to hang out with people, again, it was people that we were meeting with open relationships, and it seems like we, we sort of dove in fast there again and. And so we've started opening up slowly just recently more and more to our vanilla friends about really where this path is for us because very much before COVID It was really just about the sex, and now it's about more and I think there. There are many who think that we're crazy and they're equally as many who are intrigued and want us to talk about this more because they want to know more.

Leyna: Eliza thank you so much for sharing your story, if you're interested in hearing more from Eliza, go to      interestedinsex.com And really, who isn't. Alright, next time on Consenting Adults, it's a bonafide BDSM couple, and she had to be punished during the interview. Doug, please, smack her ass for me because that is not allowed. There you have it, Even I felt that. Okay, so you were allowed to explore Doug's body, any way you wanted to. And what did you do. That’s next time, on Consenting Adults.