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Sophia is a stay-at-home mom who sets up dates for her husband and enjoys hearing about his sexual exploits. She's bisexual and finds it difficult to find other "real" bisexual women in the lifestyle. Having had her share of pillow princesses, she's looking for other women to share with her husband who also want to please her as much as she enjoys pleasuring them.
EP 54 – Searching for Real Bisexual Women
One experience I remember we were making out on the couch and the girl goes. So, you cannot put your fingers in me, do you can't, you can't touch me down there. Oh, she's saying this to you. Yeah, and I'm immediately like we're at her apartment or on her couch making out and I'm like, I wanted to really, I wanted to like run away because I did not expect to have all these rules set out on me like right before you know what my favorite thing though is I love scissoring like that is my most ultimate favorite thing to do with the. I'm on my back so missionary he's inside me, and then I had the gal on top of me and I was eating her out. She was sitting on top of my face, but then they were making out at the same time.
Oh, so she was turned around see yeah you've got you've got that right. I mean she could be reading a book. For all I know.
This is the part that I don't understand about myself really is that I was turned on by the fact that he would have these experiences, he'd call me right after. And then, I was so, that was so sexually charged by it, and then we usually had phone sex at that point. Okay, my husband's gonna be in your town, and I'm okay with it. I'd like to set him up for a date so he has something to do at night when he's done working
right there's a difference between someone, a woman who's really bisexual, right, who, like wants to be with other women gets off on it, the way straight women get off on being with men. Yeah. Can you tell the difference when you're like in a sexual situation.
Oh absolutely, someone will say I'm bi comfortable, you're not bisexual you'll, you're just like, Yeah, I'll kiss your boobs and and fondling you but I'm not into you, I want your husband. So oral was not really a big thing but just using our hands for stimulation, you know, playing with each other's clip that was, that was always a big. Get ready. This is Consenting Adults.
(Podcast Show Open)
Leyna: My guest today is 38 year old Sophia, who is a stay at home mom, her husband Jake is 39 He's an engineer. They've been married for 18 years so got married pretty young in fact they've never slept with anyone else but each other until 10 years into the marriage, They played with another couple Sophia. What brought that up. Was it like a dinner party that kind of went wild or what happened.
Guest: Well, the funny thing is is that we were very young, obviously 20 years old when we got married, and as we progressed in our marriage, I opened up to him about how attracted I am to women. And so we knew that was always in the back of my mind, so yeah it was a it was a drunken night to be quite honest, a close, couple of hours and I remember the wife started kissing me and touching me it just was, it just kind of happened. Next thing I know, we actually were in separate rooms and switch partners that quality.
Leyna: So, okay, the wife kisses you and then you end up like with her husband and a separate room.
Guest: Yeah, that's it, that's what happened because he was her husband was not comfortable with all four of us being together at the same time.
Leyna: Oh, is he shy. He was so Alrighty then. Did this kind of happen unexpectedly or did you kind of have conversations where if the if the situation presented itself you'd go for it.
Guest: It was completely out of the blue, and Jake knew how I was attracted to women so he let the kissing and the touching move forward and she started engaging with Jake and her husband, kind of stood back you know and then it came up that he wanted to just be separate, so I just kind of went with the flow because I was excited I'm like this is fun and we've never slept with anyone else but each other and I could tell from my husband's cues that he was okay. How was the experience, it was good it was fun but they ended up staying on our house that night, we woke up in the morning and they took off as fast as they could have, of course, we're like, oh my gosh, we're fine, but are they okay, you know, there was that experience though that led us to realize, okay, we want to explore the openness in our marriage more now.
Leyna: Did you ever talk to that couple of you I mean they were close friends right did you talk to them after?
Guest: We did talk to them and we had a couple more experiences, hanging out with them as far as connecting sexually and everything but the further on that that progressed, I could tell that her husband was not quite comfortable. He just wanted to have sex with me and her, but he didn't want her to sleep with my husband.
Leyna: So, do you know whether they were in the lifestyle.
Guest: They were not, no.
Leyna: Okay. All right. So how long did it take you before you guys decided to like get a look for other people. Let me see. I mean as you take a long break or, or were you guys like gung ho ready to go.
Guest: Well, We ended up having our first child, and so that slowed that down, we had a lot of conversation but didn't know where to find what we were looking for. So we had our first child and then after that, we, we first started on Tinder, and we put our posts up separately, expressing that we were married, you know, but looking for people to play with play with. Yeah, essentially,
Leyna: and did you, did you find anybody.
Guest: So it started weird, because the whole point of starting this was for me to experience my, my sexuality my so yeah bisexuality, but then what ended up happening was my husband was working away so much. He was actually meeting people on Tinder while he was working away and, oh, we knew about I knew about it I was okay with it I was involved in the setup and everything, of them going on a date and wherever it went from there. So it actually started there, and then. But no,
Leyna: Hold on a second,
Guest: I know. Go ahead,
Leyna: so well so was he going out of town then yeah he was out of town, so he was then hooking up with women, when he traveled.
Leyna: and he would sleep with them.
Leyna: And what did you get out of it?
Guest: you know, I enjoyed it and I, This is the part that I don't understand about myself really is that I was turned on by the fact that he would have these experiences, he'd call me right after. And then, I was so, that was so sexually charged by it, and then we usually had phone sex at that point.
Leyna: So then he would call you after he was done and like describe what happened,
Guest: or Yeah, yeah, explain the whole situation
Leyna: was there, jealousy,
Guest: you know, I would lie. Yes, definitely was like if I if I said no, I'd be lying but, but I realized that the desire for him to have like that pleasure was more exciting than the than the jealousy that I experienced. And how long did that go for. That was a few months, that happened. And then I remember one time, one worship he came home and he's like, I don't want to do this without you want us to be involved. So from there we looked on Cassidy saw all these parties and realize, okay, we can get out there together, but it had to be super planned because of little kids and everything, you know, so that's how we were able to engage together and getting out.
Leyna: So the whole time that he's traveling and having sex with other women and just telling you about it. You weren't doing anything you weren't getting any, any action, and, and for a while you were okay with that.
Guest: Mm hmm.
Leyna: Yeah okay, when he told you that. Okay, I think we need to do more together, were you at that point of feeling the same thing yes or no, or were you still okay.
Guest: Yeah, no I mean I always wanted to be involved. It really was a situation of I just wasn't able to finding a babysitter and all that our circumstances made it harder. Right, so but I did want always be involved but I don't know I mean even if he goes on a date now today I'm still getting excited that he's doing that.
Leyna: Have you heard about Cuckqueans?
Leyna: And as you probably know there's a whole spectrum right just, just as there is with everything else. Have you given any thought to maybe that you, you may be one or have that within you.
Guest: I definitely think I do, to a certain degree, and just looking up the definition of it, you know online I don't reach that, that major. I'm not trying to humiliate myself or downgrade myself, but I do realize that it is there to a certain degree where I like to set him up on dates where, I mean I've gotten contact with women and said, okay, my husband's going to be in your town, and I'm okay with it. I'd like to set him up for a date so he has something to do at night when he's done working, and then we end up talking in a group chat, and I'm involved to the whole time, you know, there's so they'll text me and say hey we're going to dinner right now we're meeting up for drinks and and I'm okay with that because I'm fully engaged right now
Leyna: are these women single or are they married or, like, Are they for sure the lifestyle or or does it not matter,
Guest: no they're all for sure in the lifestyle we've met them on Kassidie, one was married and her husband was okay with it, they had a profile together,
Leyna: do any of these dates include pictures or video or audio for you.
Guest: Sometimes, yes to the pictures, and that depends on the comfort level of the women. I like the pictures just so I can kind of envision myself being there.
Leyna: Like what kind of pictures.
Guest: One was him going down on her, and then another one was her, her giving him a you know a blowjob.
Leyna: And seeing that does that turn you on, even more to be able to actually see it yeah it's a super turn on each time he's describing his play date. Are you masturbating or do sometimes just listen, or is it always a sexual thing.
Guest: It always starts with us on the phone but then as he's describing everything then we end up both of us will be masturbating at the same time. To be quite honest what phone sex is right now,
Leyna: have you progressed to the, to the in person playing the in person watching your husband.
Guest: Okay. Yes.
Leyna: Tell me about that what what what do you like to do or is there a certain situation that that was really good.
Guest: We've primarily just been threesome, the FMF, I always get that off wrong but that's primarily the way how we play is just another woman. I've tried to explore the option of adding a guy in but I never seem to find someone that I'm comfortable with.
Leyna: So you haven't done it since the first time, like with your friends?
Guest: Correct. Wow, I know,
Leyna: in the play dynamic outside of you and your husband, you prefer other women. Yes, the women that you end up playing with, are they always bisexual, and, and I don't mean like just playstyle, like, you know, they'll play with other women but do you know whether they're also bisexual into you, is there a difference?
Guest: that's what's been interesting is I realized, I only want to play with women that are bisexual. So we've had a few encounters where the woman has portrayed herself a little differently to me where I thought she was definitely into me and that Jake was just, you know, adding to it, but one experience I remember we were making out on the couch and the girl goes. So, you cannot put your fingers in me. You can't. You can't touch me down there. Oh, Leyna: she's saying this to you?
Guest: Yeah, and I'm immediately like we're at her apartment or on her couch making out and I'm like, I wanted to really, I wanted to like run away because I did not expect to have all these rules set out on me like right before, because she wasn't really honest about her comfort level with women.
Leyna: So she basically wanted your husband.
Guest: she did, she wanted him, but you know, for him, I was right. I was okay with that but I'm like,
Leyna: but that's not what you signed up for
Guest: No it wasn't.
Leyna: I appreciate what you're saying because I like when I asked a question you understood right away you didn't, you know what I mean. Yeah. And so I want to kind of expound on that for our listeners and that is, there's a difference right there's a difference between someone, a woman who's really bisexual, right, who, like wants to be with a woman gets off on it, the way straight women get off on being with men. Yeah. Can you tell the difference when you're like in a sexual situation?
Guest: Oh absolutely, someone will say I'm bi comfortable, but you're not bisexual, you know, you're just like, Yeah, I'll kiss your boobs and and fondling you but I'm not into you, I want your husband, you know, right, so we did a swinger cruise, and we're on the dance floor drinking and as typical I didn't see any guys I was into. So my husband goes to get me a drink and he comes back and he goes, Hey, I just met this girl at the bar and she's, she's really into you. She wants to meet you. I'm like okay, so I just kind of blew it off because I didn't really think it was anything I go up to the bar and I get my drink and then she comes up to me and I could immediately tell that she was drawn to me to want to be with me, but then she liked him also, But it was, it was a good package deal for her, you know, we ended up playing with that Leyna: chemistry,
Guest: yeah. Chemistry right Yeah, exactly. And we did end up playing with her that night we invited her back to our cabin. She was just immediately, connecting with me physically before she got involved with him, so I could immediately tell just through this physical experience that this was about me, which was, I loved it. And that was honestly the first time I really felt like that true bisexual energy back. And it's been hard to find that to be quite honest, in the lifestyle, because most people just want to do the couple's swap thing.
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Leyna: Have you run into do you know the term pillow princess.
Guest: Oh my god, yes. I've had my share of plenty of them. I'm over them.
Leyna: Tell me about it.
Guest: Oh my goodness. Okay so one experience. This is funny. We've gone to a club for the night, you know to party and hadn't found anybody that I was interested in. So we're like let's just go play together and because we have just as much fun playing together being in that environment. So, we go into one of the little rooms, and there was these two girls that were walking out to go into the room at the same time and we just met at the same time and it happens so quickly, it was, oh are you guys going in there, like, yeah, well we're gonna go in there and play and do you want to join us. Oh, sure. So one of the girls, she goes into the room with us, and I mean she was beautiful and she was attracted to us too and her friends like okay, well, I'll see you later after this like, you know, come find me. So then it's the three of us, and we had such a great time as far as it was just fun and she said she's like I've never done this before. Oh, you know, we had sex with her, and she did not engage with me that much, she was buying me and we were touching and stuff but she was just more having the pleasure of my husband. Oh, and, but it was still fun experience. So we exchanged numbers. And then, it was about like six months later, we had messaged her just to say hi and she just goes, Hi, you know, good to hear from you and she's like, so are you, are you wanting another hookup, she's like just being honest. I'm like, Well, yeah, if you're interested, like most definitely and she's like, okay, she's like whenever you're coming down, she lived in San Diego, she's like whenever you're coming down, you know, just let me know. So we set it up to meet up with her and we meet up for drinks, get into an Uber and head back to the hotel fooling around in the back of the car, and we get to the hotel and she just straight up goes and lays down on the bed and just goes okay. Come please me. Yeah, exactly. and I was really taken back by it but, you know you're there. Yeah, I mean, it was fun. It was like, oh my goodness right. See what I'm involved in sexual experience I want to make sure that the other person is going to be getting as much pleasure as they should, but this was an absolute situation if she didn't care if either one of us were getting what any pleasure, s
Leyna: he just wanted to be taken care of.
Leyna: Isn't that just a huge turnoff?
Guest: it was I, we never, like, we never contacted her again.
Leyna: And are there a lot of women like that in the lifestyle where they say they're bi comfortable, And when it comes down to it, they're really just wanting to be pleased by anybody.
Guest: I mean, I think so, but I'm sure I'll get tons of hate mail from that one, but I really, I really do think that a little bit, yeah.
Leyna: Your husband is straight,
Guest: he is. He's happy obviously with just keeping up with the threesome situation. He keeps and he does keep saying he's like I want us to be able to find a couple that you feel comfortable with that, you know we can swap with,
Leyna: but so what. What is your deal Sofia like why can't you find a guy that, that you'll be okay sleeping with, I don't know. What is that are you looking for an emotional thing, or, or do you just like haven't found anyone attractive enough.
Guest: Yeah, it's, it's looking, I guess. I'm always looking for a whole package, and the personality It's. am I attracted to the looks, and then, but then there's also the is the wife attracted to my husband is my husband attracted to the wife I worry about the whole dynamic, instead of just letting go and like thinking about myself. I can't let go of worrying about all four people involved. I definitely have found other men attractive but then I get really really shy, whereas with the women. I'm so much more forward and we'll be honest about what I want, but with the men I am not like that at all.
Leyna: In your experience so far. Do you find that women are any better at going down on other women.
Guest: Hmm, that is a good question, and I can tell you that only one of them has gone down on me. Out of all these women.
Leyna: Whoa, what, what,
Guest: yeah, I know
Leyna: how many years have you been in the lifestyle.
Leyna: six years in the lifestyle as a bisexual woman, where you only do threesomes with other women, and only one has gone down on you,
Leyna: Okay, Sophia,
Guest: I know.
Leyna: We need to get you to the place, and I don't know maybe it's an age thing because when I talk to women who are much older than you, like, 40s 50s, they start to look back on themselves, right, it's okay for you to just go after what you want, that you deserve to be the one that is satisfied that sometimes, what you may think is selfish sex is actually the best sex you can have. I know and I think a lot of women in their 30s I certainly know that I was like that where you're always concerned about the other person, enjoying themselves. Right, so you're a pleaser you want to please the other person. Yeah, you're, you're, you're concerned, if they're enjoying themselves, that you'll kind of forget that you're in it for the same kind of fun, but you would rather that they enjoy themselves first and foremost, and then if you get something out of it. Great.
Guest: Yeah, and as I'm getting older, I realize how much more forward I need to be in…
Leyna: in asking for what you want.
Guest: Exactly. And I know that comes with age and I, and I do feel like I mean because when we started we were early 30s When we got involved in this and I do feel like that's young, and I do see the difference in people that I meet, that are in their 20s or my own age in the lifestyle and then versus those that are in their later 40s or early 50s You know I do see that major difference. So I'm looking forward to
growing up more.
Leyna: Looking forward to just caring a little bit less about others, which is actually kind of one of the jewels of of aging, I think I hear it from so many friends just had a lunch with a friend last week, it was the same thing it's like, she's like you know what, I just don't give a fuck anymore. And she's enjoying life and sex and she's feels sexier at 50 Something than than she ever has. So, we're gonna have to do a follow up with you because I want to see you get there it's like, especially since you guys have found the lifestyle. Yeah, at a pretty young age. You know you've got a lot of miles left on you that you might as well enjoy it.
Guest: Right, right.
Leyna: Alright, so only one right now has gone down on you.
Leyna: Was she any good.
Guest: She was me she cared about what she was doing, for sure. He knew what my favorite thing though is I love scissoring like that is my most ultimate favorite thing to do with a girl.
Leyna: Okay, so this is how vanilla was okay, like a couple episodes ago I talk to the so called the unsuspecting swingers. And one of the things she says is I love scissoring. What do I have to do. I have to look up what she actually means I'm like oh okay I get it now. But that's your jam
Guest: Hmm, it is, yeah, absolutely. We had one situation where we, we met up with a girlfriend and she invited another friend of hers that this is actually probably one of my favorite as times I've had to meet they were both truly bisexual. I remember they brought baby oil and they introduced scissoring to me, I'd never done it before, and I was hooked immediately from them.
Leyna: So is this, there's okay. Alright, Sofia. Okay. Like is there, is there a whole process, to it, like the baby oil thing is it better if you get all oiled up lubed up whatever,
Guest: so this was funny, so you want to make sure that you put towels down over the whole bed. I remember the three of us just got right next to each other on top of the bed and just started pouring it all over and it just was extremely sensual and you know we're touching each other's nipples and just all over the place, and so you're already charged physically at that point. And she had his way down and she just got on top of us and it was the extra lubrication like from the baby oil that made it so much more pleasurable, you know, I know it's a different position for some women so I know, there might not necessarily be comfortable with it either.
Leyna: Do you orgasm that way.
Leyna: Do you Do you like it better than receiving oral?
Guest: I do, actually.
Leyna: Oh, well that is gotta be good.
Leyna: it makes sense, if you're able to do other things. So if you've been in it six years and have only had one woman go down on you, then I'm kind of wondering, What the What have you been getting out of it. You have to have been doing other things too, right. So scissoring is one of them. So there is one of them. And what else do you enjoy,
Guest: well we've done a lot of a lot of, you know vibrator play with the girls. And then, there was never so oral was not really a big thing but just using our hands for stimulation, you know, playing with each other's clit that was, that was always a big thing.
Leyna: Can I--- would so as you ever. Yeah, okay. Have you ever been in a good threesome in which, you know, you're all involved at the same time.
Guest: Yes, yeah.
Leyna: Okay, yeah, what is like the ideal best position, yeah.
Guest: So, one of our favorites is, I'm on my back so missionary he's inside me, and then I had the girl on top of me and I was eating her out. She was sitting on top of my face, but then they were making out at the same time.
Leyna: Oh, so she was turned around see yeah you've got
Guest: I forgot to add that.
Leyna: right. I mean she could be reading a book facing the other way for all I know.
Guest: I remember one time, Jake was behind a gal, and I was under her and we were both using the vibrator at the same time. So those are,
Leyna: see, again, I again, I don't know who's facing where.
Guest: ok, so I would be so bad at pillow talk.
Leyna: you would.
Guest: So I'm on my back, she's on all fours, and she's facing down on me and we're making No, but I'm not, we're not directly underneath each other so I have like the vibrator on her, and then Jake is, you know, standing up and he's doing her from behind, he's doing doggystyle behind.
Leyna: But wait, So, but are you in the woman in like a 69 position,
Guest: no we're faced.
Leyna: Oh, you're facing each other. Okay, so do those positions where the women are 69 and the guys behind one of them. Do those actually work,
Guest: it did for me, girl, you never told me about it. They're difficult positions but I was on my back, and then was the the girls were 69 She's been right there, giving oral while he's inside me at the same time. Oh, yeah, it's kind of complicated but
Leyna: you know, whenever I've seen it. I'm always thinking, I don't know if that's actually doable because, like there's a head in the way.
Guest: When everyone's gonna be comfortable to with it whatever you are
Leyna: with where your faces are
Leyna: Alrighty then, very graphic show very graphic episode this one. Okay, so you're from Southern California. Is there a big population of swingers out here,
Guest: there is, there's tons, Orange County is huge.
Leyna: When I first started doing this podcast, someone told me, like some crazy stats about Orange County and Swingers, and politically Orange County is supposed to be a little bit more conservative, right, and yet man, you guys are freaky down there.
Guest: Yeah, for Southern California, there's just, there's literally I think there's almost a party every single night. Oh, wow, from LA to Orange County to San Diego to Palm Springs.
Leyna: Here's to you getting back into the swing. If you'd like to connect with Sophia, you can find her on Twitter, she's one of our followers go to @ConsentAdults, and she goes by therealSophia, in fact check her out. Check the rest of our followers out there really cool people. Alright, next time on Consenting Adults, they're cuckold newbies, a woman talks to us about how and why they discovered they want to be a cuckold couple.
It was awkward because we had never done that with another man before. Right. And so we had just like he took his pants off and I was kind of like playing with my husband while also, you know, having sex with this other man behind me. There's a lot of times where I just like had my hand on my husband or maybe I was giving him head, or she was kind of like bringing me water and supporting me. I wasn't interested in having a three song, I really didn't want to tie the two together.
Leyna: That's next time, on Consenting Adults.
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