Ep 51 Sapiosexual Swingers

​A doctor and his wife experiment with role-playing and BDSM and end up in the lifestyle as swingers, but they're not in it just for the sex; there has be an intellectual connection.  They also re-define bisexuality after experiencing pleasure with the same sex without emotional attachment.  The good doctor explains the difference between the G-spot and A-spot and how to reach and stimulate them.

EP 51 – Sapiosexual Swingers
Transcription:
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(Sizzle Reel)
0:01
We're gonna cook. You know we have a hot tub. Oh boy. Yes, Leyna it all starts in the hot tub. I know it! And alocohol. To see my husband licking me while another man is fucking me was like, wow, I mean it's, yeah, it's crazy. After you get past the whole, you know in your head thing of oh my god I've got these two cocks in my in my vagina, um, it's extremely, I don't know, you've got some rocking orgasms. Fulfilling-- So physically it's good for you. Oh yeah.
And so I asked his permission I said, Can I play with her clit, while you're doing that and of course he's going yes because obviously my hands gonna be very close to his penis. And then, and then I started that and then I asked him, I said, Hey, is it okay if I lick her clit. While you're doing that, and he was fine with it. Oh my god. So anyway, I did that and I think we had to pull her off the ceiling, that was mind blowing. That was so fucking hot. Oh my god. Looking over at each other and watching that for the first time was just, I can't explain it, it was like mind blowing it was like, oh my god, is that what he looks like fucking me?
When I'm doing DVP with her. It's not just her vagina that I'm in contact with obviously I'm in contact with the other man, and you start to discover that penis to penis contact provides a certain level of stimulation that you're not used to get ready. This is Consenting Adults.
 
Leyna:             My guests today prove there's no such thing as over the hill, if you're doing it right. They're both in their 50s they're from the Midwest, they're both in the medical field. Been married seven years in the lifestyle for six years, they're into all sorts of things, Anna and Christian, welcome to the show. So you're both in your 50s but you've only been married seven years is it safe to assume that this is not the first marriage for you guys.
 
2:41
Guest:             We've been both been married two times previous and have gone through some difficult situation with you know with the previous marriages. So, Anna hates for
me to say this but we both came out of non-consensually non monogamous relationships where our spouses is decided to do things without us.
3:01
Leyna:             Okay, So you met each other, you fall in love. Was there any talk of non-monogamy, before you got married, like consensual.
 
3:11
Guest:             Yeah, I don't think so but what there was was, I was reading 50 Shades of Grey and hence our names Anna Steele and Christian Gray. So, that book kind of led to some really great conversations that were a little frisky and stuff that we'd never really experienced before. So we really started playing with each other and having some fun outside of what we normally have done in the bedroom before.
3:37
Leyna:             Well like BDSM stuff or actual non-monogamy stuff?
Guest:             We were kind of playing a little bit with the like BDSM stuff like some blindfolding and tying up and play, right.
Leyna:             At what point though, does it move beyond that and you start, you know, delving into the lifestyle.
3:57
Guest:             I was having a pretty big birthday coming up. And so, Christian decided to put a birthday party together for me and got a couple of our closest my best friends and their husbands to come over for the weekend and just hang out, drink, we're going to cook. You know we have a hot tub.
Leyna:             Oh boy.
Guest:             That’s right Leyna, it all starts in the hot tub.
Leyna:             I know it!
Guest:             And alcohol. So, you know, we had a great time, everybody was having some drinks and we end up in the hot tub, and then of course the girls take off their tops because that's kind of, in the water, and, and then, so my husband then…
 
4:34
Leyna:             So hold on but this is just like a vanilla thing right?
Guest:           yes, they're vanilla but they're open in a way of, they're fun, they'll be sexy but you know that's pretty much it. So we took our tops off, and then, the husband comes out and he says, What, oh, my hot tub, my rules, and I dropped my bottoms. And I almost had a heart attack. But, my friends, husbands were like, oh hell yeah and they did this, like, pull them off into the same thing and then everybody was like, Oh my God, what's happening right now, but nothing really happened, other than just a little bit of touching on the top, I got a little bit of attention since I was a birthday girl. And then that was pretty much it and everybody got out and one of my best friends said well wait a minute she means her birthday spankings. And so, Christian says oh I've got just the thing for that and he comes back in the, in the room with a riding crop, like a horse riding crop for a jockey.
Leyna:             Oh.
 
5:34
Guest:             Like a little spanker. And so one of the other girls decided to give Anna her birthday spanking nude bent over the couch, which was pretty hot and then everybody went to bed after that. So the next morning after everyone left after breakfast and whatnot. Anna and I were having a discussion. And she looked at me and said, Honey, how can we have more fun like that, and that's where the whole discussion started was after that weekend, and we started exploring what the lifestyle was getting on the internet. We started exploring what was going on, put together a dating lifestyle profile. And then, immediately, I think there are people who scope out the newbies because we started getting our inbox pretty full of people wanting to meet us.
Leyna:             Can you talk about the first lifestyle experience, how did that go.
 
6:23
Guest:             We met a couple and they were extremely nice we had dinner, and then we'd kept talking to them and a couple of weeks later they invited us out to their house to spend the night and just kind of hang out and I drank way too much because my or what in the way. And I ended up just being way too intoxicated to really do anything I remember I decided we were only soft swap All right, yeah. Yes, thank you. So anyway, we went to bed that night. The next morning I ended up getting really sick off their back balcony outside, which was, wasn't very sexy.
Leyna:               Doesn't sound like it was it.
Guest:             But anyway, so we got that part out of the way and that's, you know, we moved on and started. I actually started listening to some podcasts and trying to familiarize myself a little bit more with the lifestyle, and we just tried to keep meeting people and it got easier and easier, you know, each one that we would go to and it got to be a little bit more exciting and kind of like going out on date and it just, you know, it kind of evolved from there. It was a lot of fun and then we had, we had a pivotal moment,  where we had to call for a stop for a period of time. Yes, we did.
 
7:44
Leyna:             OH, Why?
Guest:            So we're playing with a couple and had, we were still soft swap, we each kind of got to the point where we were making out clothes were coming off, and then Christian went down on the woman, and for some reason that just really flipped my lid and I had to, you know, politely say hey guys, you know you have a minute I really am freaking out right now I don't know why I'm freaking out, but I was, and they were very understanding. Very nice and we all just kind of stopped and talked about it for a little bit, and they said you know what hey if you're not ready right now I totally get it and understand and you know we're here for you guys. And and it, it was it ended up being a really good thing. But we did take six months off after that, and we needed to you know talk about things process and things in my mind, and we came back together and then decided about six months later to go ahead and get back into it, full swing.
 
8:46
Leyna:             Oh, before this moment. Had you not seen him go down on another woman?
Guest:             Absolutely not, that was first time. Yes
Leyna:             Oh, so it really you went from making out to taking the six month break to full swap.
9:04
Guest:             Yes. She listened to a lot of podcasts got very much involved in educating herself and figuring out where we were and we had lots of discussion when it opened up a lot of discussion. And then one day she comes to me and says we need to talk and I said yes dear, what would you like to talk about she goes, if we're going to do this. I figured out my problem was we were setting too many limits, if we're going to do this, we're all in, but then she looks at me says understand something, if we go all in, you're opening Pandora's Box. Did you hear that little slide giggle, by the way. Yeah.
 
9:40
I asked him, I said look I want to try all the things that are out there that are available, let's you know, let's book some hotel takeovers, let's do the naughty in New Orleans, we did a meet and greet
 
9:51
Leyna:             You went from just making out with people having a serious issue seeing him go down on somebody taking a break to then saying, Okay, if we're gonna do this it's like balls to the wall it’s everything's on the table.
Guest:             That's correct. Yep, that's pretty much how it happened.
Leyna:             But how…I'm assuming the issue you had was feelings of jealousy, yeah.
 
10:14
Guest:             Yes, there were some feelings of jealousy that I had to work through also I was raised in a very Christian environment which opens up a whole other you know issue that I needed to process that was a lot of it just kind of going from seeing my husband kissing a woman, you know, was a little bit uncomfortable at first but then after a while, it was kind of a turn on, and then that was just the next step. And so I had to stop and just really kind of get through my brain and process, you know, hey, this is, this is okay, I mean this is something that we have discussed, and something that we as a couple really want to do together, and it'll be alright.
 
11:02
Leyna:             When you had your first sexual experience and it was a full swap. Was there any jealousy leftover.
 
11:09
Guest:            Absolutely not. We actually when we got done with our experience, we both when we walked out of the hotel room we both high fived each other back to our room we were like high fiving each other, so excited I was like, Oh my god, what was I so I just don't know what I was so worried about you know it was just a great experience, so it has a lot to do with it being the right couple the right people, you know, we're not time yeah and the right timing is in all this stuff, it just together made for a great experience.
 
14:24
Leyna:             So then tell me about that, that experience who, what, what happened.
Guest:             The guy really was amazing. He turned me on the woman was beautiful and I loved seeing my husband with her. We were all in the same room, and it just clicked in it was really sensual and hot, and we had discussed at a time that any one of us could could basically pull the ripcord and say and say we're out of here right but we talked about it and when it came down to it, it was very hot foreplay lots of stuff was going on and it came down to okay well it's time to do this, and the woman told me go get a condom and I looked over at Anna and I said hey, are you okay, is everything. Are you fine, and she went, Oh yeah, we're great. And of course he got a condom, I got a condom and we proceeded to have sex, and it was phenomenal watching my wife and hearing her having an enjoyable time and she was having a great time watching me and
15:24
looking over at each other and watching that for the first time was just, I can't explain it was like mind blowing it was like oh my god, is that what he looks like fucking me. I mean, because that is really hot, I mean I wow. Now, we have to the we've gotten to the point where I get so turned on watching him with another woman, because I'm going Oh God that's what he does to me to feel so amazing when I want you have an orgasm with another man. It really is a turnoff to me and of course, you know, if I if he's doing everything exactly right and really gets you to the big one. That's phenomenal. Yeah, he's done a great job. He's done a great job, high five.
16:06
Leyna:             Are either of you bisexual.
Guest:            I have just recently, I guess, come to the realization that I guess I am bisexual. I don't necessarily like going down on a woman but I love being wrapped up with a woman, and have used to strap on and have had a strap on you saw me before, and that's really hot and fun. The other thing is I've recently got a girlfriend that her and I are so close, as far as how we are outside of the bedroom, we're both very much into, you know, we have the same similar, similar interest pants on, if you will, I've gone actually away with her on the weekend and we've had a great time shopping and hanging out just like girlfriends during the day and then at night, you know we've gone back and had a couple of glasses of wine and then we'll get kind of frisky and kissing and making out and taking pictures and videos and sending them back to our husbands, and so I've had one experience with that and it was phenomenal, and we're looking to do it again. Her husband, and, and we all play for together as well, but her and I also have the OSI relationship that we can. The guys have like said oh god, you guys go with it and have a great time. I hear that you're, you're on the manhunt for a unicorn, right now.
Well, we were the big hunt is for the right single guy, more so than the unicorn right. Oh really.
 
17:34
Yeah, both actually. I think that what we were looking for a single guy for me, I have a fantasy that I wanted fulfilled and, which is what for me, it's all about connecting in my brain, so I need to feel kind of sexy through talk and you know foreplay I guess if you will, like, doing chats and things before we meet. So we've been looking for a guy want to meet this guy go to a bar, have some drinks, Christians gonna sit on the other end of the bar somewhere where the guy doesn't know he's there, and kind of watch because for both of us we want to be kind of involved seeing, so I'll be drinking having some drinks with him and then if the chemistry is right. I'll take him back to the hotel room, where he and I will start. And, you know, whatever happens happens and then give Christian about, I don't know 40 minutes or so and tell him to come join me and then he's gonna come up and maybe take some pictures have a drink or so and then join in.
18:38
Leyna:            And join in as in MFM no mmF?
Guest:            Yeah, he's going to, you know, he'll help whatever ways that he can tell her about the moment that you helped me when another guy was fucking me. Well, cuz that was really hot.
 
18:56
You've got to always ask consent and and whatnot but we were with another couple and the other guy was doing a really great job of taking care of Anna.
Leyna:            And what does that mean?
Guest:            He was really having a great time. just fucking her hard, and it was really good, and I was kissing her, and the other woman was on the bed with us. And so I asked his permission I said, Can I play with her clit, while you're doing that and of course he's going yes because obviously my hands gonna be very close to his penis. And then, and then I started that and then I asked him, I said, Hey, is it okay if I lick her clit. While you're doing that, and he was fine with it. Oh my god. So anyway, I did that and I think we had to pull her off the ceiling, that was mind blowing. That was so fucking hot. Oh my god.
19:48
Leyna:             But why was it so hot. Was it like physically really pleasurable or was it in your head like, like,
Guest:           Oh God, it was physically pleasurable, and to see my husband licking me while another man is fucking me was like, wow, I mean it's, yeah, it's crazy.
Leyna:             So, by far, that's been your favorite so far.
Guest:             Oh yeah, that was pretty hot,
Leyna:             And you're looking to replicate this amazing experience. Christian.
Guest:             Yes, ma'am.
Leyna:             Was there something in that for you are, other than pleasing your wife.
 
20:24
Guest:           No, I was primarily pleasing her, I mean I really enjoy pleasing her and that brings up a whole other discussion because obviously I was very close to the other man, and, and there's been a lot of discussion in the lifestyle lately about bisexuality and why is it accepted among women and not among the men in the lifestyle, and I've recently changed my profile to go from saying I'm straight to saying I'm open minded about things because obviously I was very close to this man, I don't have a problem with incidental contact and being close to another man I'm not seeking any relationship with a man or having sex with another man, but I have a hard time now reconciling the fact of me being quote straight, if I'm doing that. And the other thing that Anna likes that she didn't mention yet, was she likes double vaginal penetration. Oh yes, Well…
Leyna:                 Anna, you’re holding out on me. Come on now.
Guest:            There's so many things. But, so, again, when I'm doing DVP with her. It's not just her vagina that I'm in contact with obviously I'm in contact with the other man, and you start to discover that penis to penis contact provides a certain level of stimulation that you're not used to, even if I'm doing it with her, and I'm not seeking out that alone, but when I'm having sex in a threesome and I'm deriving pleasure from that, I have a hard time reconciling saying I was straight alone so I say I'm open minded, I'm not looking for a bisexual relationship with another man, but as it pertains to having sex in a group setting, I'm not opposed to contact.  That’s so hot. Yeah. So hot. It is.
 
 
22:06
Leyna:             Can you. Anna, tell me about the DVP you really enjoy DVP.
Guest:             Absolutely. My husband is is very you know, he's well endowed, and if I have two well endowed men, it, it can be a little uncomfortable. I can kind of I quote stretch. I am very well. I have it. After you get past the whole, you know in your head thing of oh my god I've got these two cocks in my in my vagina, um, it's extremely, I don't know, you've got some rocking orgasms. It’s very Fulfilling.
Leyna:             So physically it's good for you.
Guest:             Oh yeah, Oh yeah
Leyna:             So it's not just a hey you're doing this kinky thing.
Guest:         No, it's very pleasurable. No, she's had some pretty big orgasms. Yeah, doing that. And they're different orgasms than your, your regular orgasms, I, I'm multi orgasmic and I guess I can have anywhere from feel goods to what is the one that you call it, we call the rocking mind blowing, like, I don't know, the big O I guess if you will, because recently I've discovered that I like my A spot, I can have a big orgasm with my A spot and my O spot, it's just,
Leyna:             Whoa, wait, whoa. A and O spot, what are you talking about?
Guest:             She means G Spot. G spot, Oh God not O. Sorry Leyna.
Leyna:             I was starting to feel really stupid.
Guest:             I’m sorry!
Leyna:             Okay so G Spot, What’s the A spot, doctor?
Guest:             So the A spot is further up into the… It is a deep sensation area. Okay doctor. Okay.
 
23:42
It is a deep. It's anterior to the cervix, it's very deep in the vagina, and it involves very deep penetration, and prolonged area of penetration and also stimulation up very deep in the vagina,
right.
Leyna:             Okay, so A is past G spot.
Guest:             Oh yes. Yeah, way past G spot.
Leyna:             And you get that with the DVP?
Guest:             I do. And, among other things, but yes, that it's it's pretty phenomenal.
 
24:13
Leyna:             So Anna, certainly sounds like she's enjoying everything that the lifestyle has to offer, Christian. What about you, so you have spoken to the fact that you know this any incident on contact with other men has been enjoyable. What else do you enjoy about it.
Guest:            Well, I'm a giver and a pleaser. so I enjoy anything that involves pleasing a woman, but most especially Anna, one of the things that I always enjoy is when I have the privilege of being with another woman and I'm allowed to be with someone's wife or someone's girlfriend to learn what pleases them. And so I'm very much a pleaser and giver, so I want to know exactly what it is that they want me to do for them, and that's what real I really enjoy is the ability to communicate on a level where they're able to communicate with me and allow me the privilege of bringing pleasure to them. And also, in discussing with the other man, what it is that he wants to see me do with his wife or girlfriend as well. We've had the privilege of being with a few couples for their first time, and that's been a lot of fun.
25:22
And I've heard him mentioned before to another woman, you know during play. What can I do to please you. What do you want me to do to you, that will get you around say hey,
I don't know you as well as your husband does, you need to direct me and tell me what it is I need to do. Yeah, and that's what pleases me because I'm a giver.
 
25:24
Leyna:             We ike men like you, don't we Anna? We love men like you do.
Guest:             We do, we do. Thank you Leyna. And he's very good.
Leyna:             What do you think this has done for, for you for your marriage for your relationship.
 
25:56
Guest:            We've had a great time together, we have grown together as a couple, because, as so many people have said when you're in the lifestyle, it requires a lot of communication and trust, and growth, and we have both grown a whole lot in it and when you're sharing these intimate moments, and you're sharing your partner with another person. That's very intimate and for me it has just really helped our relationship be a lot more fun. We've had more fun in the bed we've explored more together and our sex life is amazing because of it.
 
26:32
Guest:             I echo what Anna said. I've never had this kind of communication in a relationship in my entire life. It's been, it's probably been very strengthening for our marriage, and that goes counter to society's belief. And that's why we so enjoy individuals like yourself, that are bringing this to the forefront that it's an option, and it can be a very positive thing for relationship rather than as most people say you're doing this because you've got a troubled relationship, and we've got anything but a troubled relationship.
 
27:07
Leyna:             If you'd like to connect with this couple she goes by Anna steel on Twitter but her handle is a little hard to remember, you can find AP consent, adults, or LeynaNguyenTV on Twitter. She's one of our followers so Anna Steele, and we'll get you guys connected. And speaking of Twitter we had a listener, ask, how a single male can get involved in the lifestyle. Well you're in luck, because next time on Consenting Adults. We talk to a single male who has documented his experiences in something that's called the hot wife diaries, and even as a practicing Christian inside the lifestyle. Looks like some lines are blurred.
Guest:            First she was sucking me while e was inside of her fucking her. Then I felt a different pressure on my cock, and that was him sucking it. 
Leyna:             That's next time on Consenting Adults.