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Scarlet and her fiancé went from monogamy to swinging to cuckolding. She describes the trend in interracial sex, what makes a real bull in the lifestyle, and why the best sex she can have is with black men even though her fiancé white. She also thinks penis cages are beautiful and talks about how chastity works.
EP 045 - Evolution of a Cuckold Couple
00:00:00 - 00:05:08
It would, for instance would turn you on to watch your fiancé for a lack of better words fluff the bull for you. Yes. It's fascinating how men have so many pleasure centers in their bodies that they just generally in a vanilla relationship, don't explore. What I'm trying to understand is, is there any cuckolding dynamic when it's you and another woman? There can be like. I can give you an example. I went out. And I had black bulls and I slept with black bulls and the I was having with them was mind-shattering. It was mind-blowing. Is part of that also like like the dirty talk that goes on? Oh yes. Right that kind of interaction that is not physical with the cuck. But that's what you're looking for? Well it could be physical. It could not be physical. Oh how is it physical? There is definitely in our culture right now a fascination with interracial sex especially with a black man and a white woman and you know you have to admit, the skin contrast is pretty striking. It's very aesthetically pleasing right? I have to ask you about this cage thing. I hadn't even heard about it. My first thing is what if he gets turned on while he's in it like is that painful? It's not painful. Get ready. This is consenting adults.
(Podcast Show Open)
Leyna: My guest today is Scarlet from Houston Texas. She is engaged to be married. She and her fiancé have been together for seven years. And they have evolved into a cuckolding relationship. I mean they started off being monogamous. Then somehow got into swinging and then somehow found this new lifestyle that is kind of misunderstood in a lot of circles. Scarlet. Welcome to the show. Okay got lots of questions for you questions for you. Okay so. I mean you guys were like what vanilla people would would describe as… you guys were in a regular normal relationship right?
Guest: Absolutely precisely. When we started our relationship we had no intention or understanding of where things would lead us by. Yeah for the first year or so We were entirely monogamous without even introducing any kinky elements.
Leyna: And then what happened.
Guest: Well you know as you grow in trust and communication and as you get to know your partner more and more especially when you have a connection like my fiancé and I have. It's truly the best connection. Most deep and intimate that I've ever had with another human being and so that opens lots of doors, possibilities especially in the bedroom.
Leyna: And I think that that is probably the usual course for a lot of people in the lifestyle where it comes from a place of we trust each other so much…
Leyna: And people who are not in the lifestyle--first place they go is that well something must have been wrong right. Something must have been missing when it sounds like. It's actually the opposite that it was there was so much comfort and trust that you were able to discover the lifestyle. So let's talk about how… I mean what was your first experience?
Guest: Our first experience was with a gentleman that we met online and it was just a mfm situation. But you know the way that my fiancé was explaining it to me at the time was it's easier to get a guy to come over than a couple. We'll go out will meet couples but right now we have this itch we really wanna scratch. Let's let's meet up with a guy. Of course he'll show up and he did and we'll have a wonderful time so that was our first experience.
Leyna: And was it a wonderful time?
Guest: It was.
Leyna: It wasn't awkward or anything?
Guest: No, before my relationship currently when I was younger I did have a pretty promiscuous past and so I had in my late teens, early twenties experimented a bit with kink world and with having multiple partners. So it wasn't like a first for me so it wasn't all that awkward and with the trust and communication and just the safety I felt in my relationship it was just all over a great experience.
Leyna: Okay so then did you actually get into swinging?
Guest: We did. We were a couple for about a year and a half and it was a situation where I call it like pseudo stag vixen period.
00:05:08 - 00:10:07
Because I think every swinging couple they're dynamic is different but for us, I wound up getting a lot more of the play than my fiancé did. And he seemed to really like it that way and so we just knew what worked for us in our dynamic but when we started being introduced to other couples we noticed that it may be different. The husband may be getting the majority of the play or it may be one of those situations where it's just entirely equitable. All I knew was that our dynamic was working wonderfully for us. Well my fiancé. Did play with some other woman throughout swinging times and he enjoyed that and I enjoyed it as well. It definitely was a little bit of a different journey. And I learned later on why that was but at the time I was just enjoying myself and having the time of my life.
Leyna: So what what did you learn.
Guest: My fiancé had almost from the nexus of introducing non-monogamy, he had been interested in cuckolding and he had been doing a lot online reading erotica you know watching the porn, looking a little bit into the community. And I had no idea what cuckolding was. So what eventually happened was that these desires that he had as we started having experiences, I think became more and more pervasive in his mind and he eventually shared these desires with me and kind of opened me up to a whole new world and I just really really took to it.
Leyna: What were these desires that he was sharing with you?
Guest: So the desires that I would take more control in our sex life. The desire for me to be the person who's guiding our sex life for him to be in a more submissive role for us to experience things like chastity and denial and for us to really grow within that dynamic but unfortunately Leyna, there are certain stigmas that surround cuckolding desires for men. And it's really unfortunate because these stigmas are entirely unfounded and they cause people to experience a lot of shame and you know, I don't want to speak too much for my fiancé but I do believe that's what he was experiencing and that kind of kept him from fully divulging his desires to me. But I'm so glad that he was courageous enough. Because it really is courage, and vulnerable enough to open up to me because this is without a doubt the relationship style that we were made for, without a doubt.
Leyna: So probably, he was worried that you might look at him differently right?
Leyna: And did you? I mean did you for someone who had no idea what cuckolding was, and you started to hear some of this stuff, did you look at him or think of him differently?
Guest: I never thought of him differently. To this day I have never thought of him differently. I have always been an abundantly open-minded accepting person so to hear these desires which I was very unfamiliar with. I was curious. I was fascinated. I was intrigued but I was not at all against it. I did not balk at it. I asked him for time to do my own research, process through. And that research actually continues to this day three and a half years later almost three years later. You know but I was genuinely intrigued. As far as his masculinity or you know the place that he has in my heart my life, that could never be changed by anything.
Leyna: But don't you think that there has to be something within you? I mean you have to be turned on by that kind of thing because
Leyna: Not everyone would be, right? Like again you never know how you're gonna react to something until it happens right?
Leyna: But I can tell you that like if my husband said to me that he wanted me to just go and sleep with whoever I wanted to--I don't have that interest.
Guest: Right. Yes you have to have the interest. And for a lot of woman there isn't much interest there. I think that my you know fiancé, knowing me as well as he did when he introduced this to me, had an impression that this would be something that I would enjoy. You know so. I definitely had the right ingredients there. What he did was presented to me. Give me the option and encourage me. And then I took flight from there.
Leyna: Do you remember your first cuckolding experience?
Guest: I do you do quite fondly.
Leyna: Tell me about it.
Guest: I was very. I was very eager in the beginning to introduce a bull into our dynamic and really experience what this three way energy triad that I was hearing about really felt like and so I reached out to someone I had met online.
00:10:07 - 00:15:00
You know. He introduced himself as a bull. And that was back at the time where I thought mistakenly that everybody who introduces themselves as a bull is a bull. I've learned since then that is not in fact the case
Leyna: woah wait wait.
Leyna: School me, because I… okay for anyone who is listening who is not familiar. What is the bull. A bull is a gentleman who fulfills the role of the person that the cuckold dress is going to have sex with and essentially cuckold. Her husband boyfriend or fiancé in my case. That’s a bull. And since the popularity of cuckolding has skyrocketed a lot of people are labeling themselves as bulls that don't really have, in my opinion, the essential elements that a bull needs.
Leyna: Which would be what?
Guest: So the bull in the relationship ideally and again this is just my opinion, but he needs to be as excited and into the cuckolding dynamic. The dynamic the couple has as those in the couple. Like a lot of men will dawn the title of bull because they enjoy the sex that they get and that's the primary drive but cuckolding is so mental and so intellectual that there really has to be especially for us, that level of stimulation and so he needs to be able to mentally stimulate the cuck. He needs to be ready to go especially for someone like me, three four five six rounds in a night.
Leyna: Woah, Scarlet!
Guest: Oh yeah.
Guest: Leyna he's gotta bring that heat, okay if he's going to be a bull so so it's not just someone who will have sex with somebody's girlfriend or wife you know.
Leyna: It sounds like you're saying that it needs to be someone who understands the power dynamic that's going on and likes it. Like you know knowing what's going to turn the cuck on right? Not just what's going to turn the woman on but understanding what turns her boyfriend or husband on.
Guest: Precisely. You're engaging with me and my cuckold fiancé. And so a man who not only gets that but revels in that and enjoys it and participates. Aw that's the real eroticism of a cuckolding dynamic. And so you know you can see how a guy just coming in-- bringing his dick and having sex, compared to that what I just described? It's it's not really even in the same universe.
Leyna: And is part of that also like like the dirty talk that goes on the--
Guest: Oh yes.
Leyna: Right? That kind of interaction that is not physical with the cuck. But that's that's what you're looking for.
Guest: Well it could be physical and it could not be physical.
Leyna: Oh how is it physical? Oh I think I know I think I know, tell me anyway.
Guest: Well. I think that you know there can be varying levels of physicality between my cuck and a bull depending on really, it's depending on me and my energy. And what I'm enjoying. The three way power dynamic that we enjoy playing in is that the bull is dominant to me. And I am dominant to my cuck. We’re both submissive to the bull. You know that may involve my cuck making drinks all night may include my cuck cleaning up. It may include my cuck placing my bull inside me. It may include…oh I'm getting excited about. It may include you know my cuck readying my bull with his mouth, so it just. That's an element of the lifestyle that gets very fetishized but it's really all about the three way energy dynamic between us. And yes, dirty talk is a huge part of that. I loved dirty talk. But you know it may even go beyond that just depending on the bull we’re with and the mood we’re in.
Leyna: So it for instance, would turn you on to watch your fiancé for lack of better word “fluff” the bull for you.
Leyna: okay. that's still a thing right? That's still that term fluffing.
Guest: I don't like that term personally.
Leyna: What do you call it.
Guest: I call it service. That's the umbrella. I think fluffing just kind of has a porno connotation so that's why I'm not a fan of it.
Leyna: I see, okay. Now before all of this. Did your fiancé have any kind of bi tendencies?
Guest: Not that he had shared with me. No. You know. I don't define his sexuality. I'm a proud bisexual. You know. he can define himself however he likes sometimes he defines himself as cuckosexual. But you know it's definitely an element. We all enjoy when we play like that.
00:15:01 - 00:20:03
Leyna: Let's get to this this other thing and so I'm just going to ask these questions because it's something that I'm seeing a lot on twitter. A lot of cuckoldresses, I see that a lot of them describe themselves as queen of spades who means that which means they are only with black men. And I'm seeing it all over twitter so like is that a thing that many, if not most women who are cuckoldresses prefer to be with black men?
Guest: That's a great question, Leyna and you know. I think that one can deduce based on what you see online that many cuckolddresses do have an exclusive preference for black men. I m a queen of spades. So I fall under that moniker. However I met many many many cuckoldresses and have close close friends that are not queen of spades. As a matter of fact so funny. I threw a lifestyle party last weekend. And I was talking with a couple of I've known for years and years and he asked me what is the equivalent of a queen of spades for Latino men and I said I don't know I don’t think there is one. I don't know why specifically women who have a sexual preference for black men have a moniker and other women with other preferences don't, but that is what that means to be queen of spades. It's about having an exclusive sexual preference for black men as I do, and for celebrating that preference with donning that title. I say we wear it like a crown.
Leyna: Now is this a preference that you later discovered. Have you always had that preference. I'm trying to find out why a lot of what I see is a lot of BBC action in cuckolding relationships. I don't know if it is at a size thing too.? I'm trying to understand why. I see so many cuckold couples involved with black men.
Guest: So for me personally. I had had sex with black men prior to my current relationship and like many people I know in vanilla space, I was really more attracted to the person than their ethnicity or their body type or whatever. But when I was introduced to cuckolding my fiancé explain to me exactly what you are describing that most cuckoldresses prefer to be with black men. And I didn't quite understand it at first either. I was like here. We are and you're giving me this beautiful gift of being in a relationship where I can really explore and have sex with whoever I want and choose to involve you however I want but you're telling me that most women only choose to be with one type of man or one ethnicity of man and I was like why? I don't understand it, but I was intrigued by. That's for sure. So I went out. And I had black bulls and I slept with black bull and the sex I was having with them was mind shattering. It was mind blowing. And there's something to the eroticism of the three way dynamic of cuckolding my white fiancé with a black man. That is the most erotic thing I've ever experienced and you know ever since then, you know I'm in a relationship that celebrates and encourage me to have the best so in my experience--black men have been the best lovers I've ever had especially within this dynamic. So why would I want anything less than the best right. But there is definitely in our culture right now a fascination with interracial sex especially with a black man and a white woman and you have to admit the skin contrast is pretty striking. It's very aesthetically pleasing right?
Leyna: Is there any cuckolding going on with you and another woman? Meaning does your fiancé get anything out of that or is that not weird enough. What I'm trying to understand is is there any cuckolding dynamic when it's you and another woman.
Guest: There can be like. I can give you an example; so I went to a meet and greet this was before the pandemic with my fiancé. And he was in a chastity cage. And I was wearing his key and it was a cuckolding, hotwifing meet and great. And as soon as we walk through the door. This beautiful tall woman walked up to us and she greeted us and she said you're here because he's too little to to please you right that you need a bigger dick. That's why you're here hopefully meet one right. And that drove my fiancé wild. He just about lost it so that energy coming from other woman he enjoys and on the flip side of that I enjoy having sex with other women and sometimes I will use that to tease him.
00:20:03 - 00:25:00
I'll use my proficiency in having sex with women to tease him. Like to say to him” I bet you know if you met her in a bar you can never take her home and have sex with her but I am having sex with her right now you know so there's-- it's because my cuckold lifts up and celebrates what I enjoy and I enjoy including him in all that I enjoy. There's always a way to make him feel sexual and turned on by whatever it is I choose to do whether it's with woman, a man or a woman and multiple bulls or three women and one bull you know. Just it's it's really more for him about the feeling that he gets from knowing I'm well satisfied and he's included.
Leyna: I have to ask you about the the cage thing. Now I hadn't even heard about it. And when I was looking up your stuff and you know how on Twitter's --like you just you click on one thing and pretty soon it’s down a rabbit hole. Like I don't know how I end up in some of the places I end up but --then I ended up on page and all I saw were these cages. I've never seen them before.
Guest: Aren’t they beautiful?
Leyna: My first thing is what if he gets turned on while he's in it-- like that painful?
Guest: It's not painful but it can be uncomfortable. The cage does not allow the erection to protrude out so it stays within their groin abdomen area. Yeah it's really interesting. I've come to know the male anatomy in more ways than one, better than I ever have since I started cuckolding.
Leyna: How often does he wear. Is it just during play is it --can you explain how and when he wears his cage?
Guest: For us it's definitely changed and evolved. So chastity, the idea is that he is denied from touching himself from masturbating from any sort of sexual contact. That is pleasurable. In that the focus of his sexual urges sexual feelings sexual desires center in land on me. And so that is really beneficial when I can't see a bull for a few days. And I tell him you know what you're not gonna cum until I cum, so I'm going to lock you up for these x-amount of days. And then after I have the wonderful satisfying sex I have you can be unlocked. So it serves for denial. It serves for playtime. I'm pegging him or we're doing anal play, you know it's enjoyable to have him in a cage, and it also just looks really good. I just like the way that it looks. So sometimes I just want to know that it's on because it's aesthetically pleasing for me. It's a sex toy in that it enhances our sex and I don't use it cruelly or to actually you know. Sometimes I may deny him. But it's something that we both really enjoy in that heightened sexual experience.
Leyna: Has he ever ejaculated while he was in his cage?
Guest: Not fully. I've gotten close. That's actually a goal we have that's funny. But it takes a lot of denial and a lot of sensitivity to have a caged orgasm.
Leyna: Would that be an orgasm with like without any actual stimulation.
Guest: Well you could achieve that with anal stimulation and you know with like a vibrating stimulation like from a from a vibrator. So it's definitely possible.
Leyna: Wow .
Guest: Yeah I know it's fascinating how men have so many pleasure centers in their bodies that they just generally in a vanilla relationship, don't explore. You know because again of that stigma and shame but if I have a pleasure center on my body, trust and believe I want to see all of that does.
Leyna: How does this thing work?!
Guest: Exactly. And how will it make me feel and so we really enjoy having the safety and trust in our relationship that we can really get to know and explore our bodies very intimately and so, that's that's a benefit of cuckolding I feel like that doesn't get talked about a lot so I'm very glad you're asking me these questions.
Leyna: Do you know any cuckqueans?
Guest: I do not and let me tell you. I was just talking with my good friend Goddess Aina on twitter about this. We would love to talk to Cuckquean but I do not know any. I have read some information from cuckqueans about what their experience is like and it seems so different than the male cuckold psychology. That's what fascinates me about it. Yeah.
Leyna: Well I've been trying to find one. I did talk to someone who like isn't ready to share her experiences. But I'm finding out that you know you've got many more cuckolds than you do
00:25:00 - 00:26:05
Cuckqueans, so just let it be out in the universe any cuckqueans please come my way. Scarlet and I have a lot of questions for you.
Guest: We really do. Not just not just Leyna and I. We would love love to hear that perspective. Because it's one of those again, those underrepresented perspectives. And oh gosh. That would be wonderful. I wish you all the luck in the world.
Leyna: I’d really liked to talk to cuckquean. So if you're one or if you know up one please send her my way. You can find us on twitter @ConsentAdults. And if you'd like to see what Scarlet us up to, you can find her at cuckoldressScarlet dot com. Next time on Consenting Adults a couple, both on their second marriage is making up for lost time and having all sorts of fun like going to surprise orgies.
Guest: You weren’t planning positions. You weren't saying okay. Well you do this. I'll do this. Everyone was just kind of in a big pile which was really awesome. And then once the blindfold came off then it was sort of a free for all. That's next time on Consenting Adults.
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