Ep 44 Swinging Baby Steps

How ladies' night at a strip club served as the first baby step into swinging. At middle-age, Mr. and Mrs. Diamond discovered they were protecting each other from their fantasies.  Open communication has turned that fear into fire!  Not only have they discovered their own play style as swingers, but recognized that it's ok to experiment even though everything society tells them says the opposite.​

​EP 044 - Swinging Baby Steps
Transcription:
 
00:00:01 - 00:05:05
 
(Sizzle Reel)
It was orgy night so I had anticipated being in a pile of bodies knotted up. And I think we didn't know how to interact with other people. I mean because you don't identify as a bisexual man right so you were just experimenting like I'd like a but how far does that go? Is it just a sexual moment or was there something else there like there is with the Mrs. We'd believe that if everyone's not a fuck yeah then we don't do it so we we’re all fuck year we’re doing this. It was clearly a four-way fuck yeah. We have done the DVP one time. It was amazing. I was surprised because both gentlemen were huge. Why thank you! Ok, I’m gonna have to get graphic-- so in your experience with this man like what all, what did you do? Like for some, you know kissing another man is something they wouldn't even think about or you know oral or did you actually have intercourse. We had a great time, we didn't tell them it was our first time until after and they were deeply shocked. Oh really okay. Okay. And flattered, I think.   So you go back to their place… Social norms tells you that you're not supposed to be thinking about other women or other people outside your marriage. And were you thinking about other women? Yes.  Get ready. This is Consenting Adults.
 
(Podcast Show Open)
 
Leyna:             My guests today are Mr. and Mrs. Diamond. He's fifty three works in tech, she's fifty four. She's in healthcare. They've been married over twenty eight years in say that they've always had crazy hot sex life and until about two and a half years ago--it was monogamous. What the heck happened?!  Well apparently, a chance meeting with a male stripper changed everything . Mrs. Diamond, you've got some explaining to do!
Guest:             Yes. I was at a professional convention and the Uber driver accidentally dropped us off at a co-ed stripper club instead of our restaurant and I was on the phone with Mr. Diamond and he strongly encouraged us to go in and the other husbands were saying no, don't go in there.
Leyna:             And you went in of course .
Guest:             Of course.
Leyna:             Okay, had you been in a strip club before?
Guest:             Never.
Leyna:             Okay. A lot of people go to strip clubs. They don't all end up as swingers right. So how did that happen. You had a great time. You came home and then what?
Guest:             Had a great time and then when Mr. Diamond was asking me about it though, I was downplaying it, didn't wanna hurt his feelings and let him know that I was attracted to someone else besides him . I kept saying it was nothing but he really wanted to know the details and was so turned on by it and I didn't understand that at the time why he would be turned on with me being with someone else .
Leyna:             Well, that you were seeing someone else because you didn't hook up with a stripper did you?
Guest:             No I didn’t hook up with him, I did run my hands down his abs- to give him lots of twenties.  $20 bills were exchanged.
Leyna:             Gosh if I'm going to be a strippe, I'm going to be a male stripper. Women are so much more generous than men. They'll stop somewhere and get a bunch of singles. Okay Mr. Diamond.
Guest:             Yes ma'am
Leyna:             So wife ends up in a strip club. She comes home. You keep on asking for details. Were you surprised that it turned you on.
Guest:             Definitely what exacerbated this little bit is I was actually when she called me I was getting ready to fly overseas for work and was gone in multiple times zones away so we didn't really have a good time for both of us to talk about it for a good week, so I was in a foreign country with my thoughts and a raging raging erection.  For about a week.
Leyna:             Not the whole week.
Guest:             I had to think about why that was but did it surprise me? Kind of it's something. frankly that I’ve fantasized about for a long time and we had pillow talked about from time to time. But it wasn't something that we talked about frequently. The intensity of my reaction absolutely knocked me over, yes.
 
00:05:05 - 00:10:05
 
Yes but it opened up this conversation of how do you really really feel and  What are you really really attracted to. 'Cause we learned that we had been protecting each other from our thoughts on certain things because we didn't win hurt each other's feeling but it opened up this whole world of intimacy of where are your thoughts. And how are you feeling. And and that level of depth when we thought we had already been very open emotionally and intimately right.
Leyna:             What were you protecting him from.
Guest:             Well I just thought that a wife shouldn't be thinking about other people didn't want him to think that I was n’t attracted to him. Just a lot of social norms tells you that you're not supposed to be thinking about other women or other people outside your marriage…
Leyna:             And were you thinking about other women?
Guest:             Yes but I hadn’t told him that either.
Leyna:             Now. Is that something that you'd always had lurking in the back of your mind or at. What point did this come up.
Guest:             Yeah I have always loved the look of a woman's body but growing up by were either heterosexual or homosexual. And then if I was attracted to both men and women I just thought that I had to choose either or.
Leyna:             Now. Had you ever experimented?
GuestL             No.
Leyna:             Ever?
Guest:             I had been propositioned and I'd always declined. Leyna, I didn't believe this either.
Leyna:             You didn't believe you believe suddenly all your dreams came true?!
Guest:             He kept joking with me that I was a lesbian in my mind somewhere.
Leyna:             So get come back into the same time zone. You probably had some conversations. How did you jump into the lifestyle.
Guest:             Well we had a big anniversary coming up. And I wanted to do something special and we'd always fancied ourselves to be hotly erotically Monogamous so I started looking up sexy vacations and where could we go that we might be able to have sex in public. I started reading about it. And looking at videos and things that I was terrified to ask Mrs. Diamond about it so the morning after I got back into the country as I’m heading into work I handed her a laptop and said take a look at this, I want to go on vacation here, goodbye.
Leyna:             So Mrs. Diamond. You look at the search history. And you see that the hubby's been looking at lifestyle resorts. What's your first reaction.
Guest:             I was so turned on. I thought it was such a sexy atmosphere. And we plan that trip but didn't want to show up like dear in  the headlights and started doing research on what lifestyle is and discovered that our perceptions of what swinging is is was very different from what is.  Each couple defines what what it means to them what they wanna do and what they don't wanna do and just thought oh. Well we'll try. It's a two way door. If we don't like it we can go back in…
Leyna:             Go back into the monogamous room.
Guest:             Yeah exactly.
Leyna:             Was your first lifestyle experience at the resort or did you do anything before you actually went on the vacation?
Guest:             Before the vacation. We took a research trip to our local club where we didn't play with anyone except each other and it was terrifying and exhilarating.
Leyna:             Was it everything you thought it would be?
Guest:             Not at all. It was so weird  It was very different from what we expected.
Leyna:             What did you expect?
Guest:             It's hard to say, I mean you envision it being – I don’t know.  It was orgy night so I anticipate being in a pile of bodies knotted up.  And I think we didn't know how to interact with other people so we didn't know whether to expect everybody to be super aggressive or  kind of stand offish. An it was kinda like you know any other awkward cocktail party at first. And then when we finally decided to go play with each other we went back in a play room or other things going on and we thought we were being super adventurous out in the open exhibitionists having a great time and I looked up and Mrs. Diamond was looking away in waving at someone.  She was waving at the woman who had checked us into the club who had her partner with her and they were commentating about what they were seeing and one thing I didn't expect was how quickly I could lose my concentration if you know what I mean. That was a big surprise and kind of a
 
00:10:05 - 00:15:09
 
scary thing. So we thought your exhibitionists but then realize that we get distracted really easily and are shy but we were very turned on by the atmosphere and each other and doing something new in a new environment.  And I think we learned that generally for us. We're better in small group settings or going out to dinner cocktails with someone to get to know them rather than meeting at a club.
Leyna:             So you'd like more like a dating scene rather than just hooking up.
Guest:             Yes we've learned this and there were definitely conflicts also because it's all new and we're learning.
 
Leyna:             What do you mean when you say that. Jealousy?
Guest:             Jealousy, absolutely sometimes comes at the most surprising times. When you're not expecting it and we both have had that.
Leyna:            Like what. What what do you mean? I'm assuming and this is just from talking to other people. I'm assuming that you would expect to feel jealous to watch your partner have sex with someone else and yet you find yourself feeling that jealousy over the smallest things that wouldn't seem to be triggers. Is that right.
Guest:             I think it's different for everybody. I think speaking for me. It's mindshare right. So if I feel like if I'm not connected. That's a real problem for me, I've found I've learned. And I've learned that most of that is manufactured in my own head by the way so I think a good example is we got a little overconfident after having a wonderful first full swap experience our second full swap experience was very different. We're with a couple. Wear Mrs. Diamond and the gentleman had a very strong very quick attraction and the other lady and I were struggling and it was. It was difficult for me. There were so many things going on that again concentration came into it and that was a challenge for me. I got in my own head. Meanwhile Mrs. Diamond than the other gentlemen are doing laps around the room and good for them really in hindsight.  But at the time that was that was hard for my ego. I would say and I think also there was a bit of jealousy in there because I just felt like I wasn't measuring up.  And I get more jealous of him if he's having a great conversation online and he's a great flirt and if the other guy is not flirting with me or conversing with me, that's where I get jealous sometimes. Although we've learned to work through it where it doesn't happen as often now.
Leyna:             Since you've been married for so long been monogamous for so long and neither of you had any experience in the lifestyle. Can you take me to that first full swap experience? You met him online did you meet for dinner? Can you walk me through like…How did it happen because unless you know how to do it you-- I'm thinking I'm going to be have like a ten course meal before I'm even comfortable leaving the restaurant!
Guest:             We’ve actually learned to eat light. But our first full swap experience. It was a couple that we met online. They were and are just drop dead gorgeous people inside and out really cool you know. We kind of started with online chatting and a little bit of flirting and realized there was you know at that level, there was enough chemistry that we wanted to continue with them. And so we met them out at a restaurant. We thought at the time thinking you know the the dogma is that you stop and confer and come back and say here's here's what we're going to do. And some how they had conferred under the table while they were looking at us the whole time and realized in that we’re in.  Nonverbally. And we basically said we need a second then we held the menu up and said yes!  And that was that.  We went back to their place and had a great time. We didn't tell him it was our first time and they were deeply shocked.
Leyna:             Oh really? okay okay.
Guest:             And flattered, I think.
Leyna:             So you go back to their place then what happened. I mean you've never done this before. Was it as much of a turn on? Was there that much sexual energy that there wasn't any awkward moments. Did you just jump right in?
Guest:             I would say it was awkward at the very first but then we sat down and had a drink and had a little bit of weed together.
Leyna:             Oh, you forgot that part.
Guest:             Forgot that part. And then I think this is Diamond and the gentlemen started kissing and lady came over to me and we kinda got after it. And it was pretty quick after that. I would say. It was definitely great chemistry and said that there are some awkward moments that we believe that if everyone's not fuck yeah, then we don't do it. And so we were all fuck yeah we’re doing this. Clearly a 4-way fuck yeah.  It was great.
Leyna:             So were all four of you in the same room and then close started flying off and before you know it
 
00:15:09 - 00:20:01
 
you're having sex with someone who's not your spouse or was there a lot of checking in with each other. Was there a lot of you know keeping an eye on your spouse?
Guest:             Yes. There was a lot of checking in. We're all in the same room that was one of our rules so it was just hot fucking each other, and then fucking them and going back and forth. Remember the other lady made a point tt was almost like she was a tour guide. She made a point to grab my hand and walk me over to watch Mrs. Diamond the other gentleman for a while cuz  she's also --she likes that a lot and so that was important for her. I thought that was really cool.
Leyna:             The first time you're looking over and you're seeing your spouse having sex with someone else. Can you describe that to me.
Guest:             I would have thought. I would have been jealous. But it was like an out of body experience. Cuz I could see how beautiful it was and how sexy it was and I didn't have an ounce of jealousy watching him give and give and receive. And I learned that I particularly enjoy it at the first moment of penetration. Seeing the look on Mrs. Diamond’s face is just. I'm getting hot and bothered right now.
Leyna:             Keep your hands to yourself until the interview is over.
Guest:             Okay okay.
Leyna:             Sounds like a fabulous first experience. What have you gotten yourselves into since this journey started? So you went from soft swap to full swap then what?
Guest:             We have a single lady friend that we see frequently. We've had experiences with a couple of single gentlemen that are not local but they were fantastic experiences. And probably the wildest thing we've done for us is we had one experience--we chose to do where we were in different parts of the country and we both played on the same weekend. And that's the only time we've done anything like that played separately.   It made us turned on all the more for each other and when Mr. Diamond got back. The sex is just amazing. We didn’t make it out of the airport parking garage.
Leyna:             Oh wow suddenly you're acting like teenagers.
Guest:             Yeah, exqactly. It’s so fun.
Leyna:             You tell me that you really even before all this had a crazy hot sex life righ?t And what has this done for your sex life?
Guest:             Like you said it's it's like you're you're a couple of teenagers or it's like the level of thrilling excitement that we've always had in our best moments. It's just a lot more frequent  and you learn new things you know. Mrs Diamond never knew that she liked to have her nipples pinched, now we know lthat.
Leyna:             Like, like hard?
Guest:             Yeah , I never knew that.
Leyna:             Oh my, okay. Do you guys have fantasies. you haven't explored yet? Like any interest in gang bang or do you did you try and orgy and not like it?
Guest:             I remember, I was listening to one of your shows where somebody said I think it was Jay said that an orgy is at least seven people. Six I think is our highest number. It was a great experience. We had a great time and I think for us, if it's spontaneous. That's really interesting. I think something like that would be really difficult to orchestrate. I have a fantasy where I put Mrs. Diamond on a plane to go visit one of the gentlemen we know. And I'm not there but he brings a friend and I get to hear all about that later.  We haven’t done that.  Right.  Gang bang is not on my list. Yet I prefer smaller groups but a if there’s an opportunity though and it looks like a fun experience we would be good with it.
Leyna:             How about the DP or DVP?
Guest:             We have done the DVP one time.  It was amazing. I was surprised because both gentlemen were huge, why thank you.  And never not dp because I'm not into anal. The DVP was was crazy and fun. And that was kind of a spontaneous thing too, It was one of the single gentlemen and he suggested it. He was a great coach –coached us through.  We’re like oh my gosh. We're doing it. We had no idea we can do this.
Leyna:             And you found it physically pleasurable?
Guest:             OH, yeah absolutely. We've been talking about it ever since. It's part of our dirty talk. Yeah, that was one of our best experiences, I would say, over all.
Leyna:             Mr. Diamond didn't have an issue with being with all that incidental contact with another man?
Guest:             No, I would say that was intentional contact even because we will DPing right.
 
00:20:02 - 00:24:16
 
No. I thought that was, I thought it was great.
Leyna:             But you're straight?
Guest:             I would say. I am open minded.
Leyna:             So situational. Have you ever other than the the DVP, have you had any sexual experiences with other men.
Guest:             Yes briefly really with with one other gentlemen that's a good friend of ours. And I think I was more curious than anything else but it was a great experience.
Leyna:             Can ya ell me more?! Since I mean because you don't identify as a bisexual man right so you were just experimenting.  But how far does that go?  Is it just a sexual moment or was there something else there like there is with the Mrs.
Guest:             Well let me  say that I have been encouraging him cuz I don't think it's fair in the lifestyle that women are given all this freedom in exploring their sexuality.  So I’ve been encouraging him to let loose. And I'll let you that.   I think it was more curiosity for for both of us for both me and the other gentleman. And it's not something I fantasize about or something that I think is kind of frequently in my playbook but I'm open minded to it if the conditions are just so I guess I would say.
Leyna:             What are we talking about. Are we talking about just oral. Are we talking about you being really adventurous?
Guest:             I thought oral was pretty adventurous. And I'm not sure I would -- I'm not sure about oral quite frankly. Yes that happened but I'm not sure if that's my thing so…
Leyna:             Fiving or receiving?
Guest:             Well I I do love to receive but I don't know that giving is my thing.  And I don't feel right about receiving if I'm not willing to give so.  And those are things you have never had never contemplated until I was presented with the moment so.
Leyna:             And so you're okay. I'm gonna have to get graphic. So in your experience with this man like what all, what did you do? Like for some you know, kissing another man is something they wouldn't even think about or you know oral or or. Did you actually have intercourse like what, what all did you do?
Guest:                Hand stuff in some oral stuffing. Keep in mind again. This is someone that we had known for a very long time and they built up, have built up a lot of trust with.
Leyna:             And was the Mrs. there?
Guest:             Everybody was there. All four of us. Yeah we talked about it before hand that It was just something we were curious about.  The way we started it we are firm believers in the six-handed massage where one person’s blindfolded. There’re 4 of you, the other three touching them so we started there.  Each of us took a turn as the recipient of that. That’s how it all started.
Leyna:             Do you see yourself doing this now until like for the rest of your-- until you can't anymore.
Guest:             We haven't—that’s an ongoing debate.
Leyna:             Oh why? Why is it a debate. I figured that if you're really enjoying yourself you're really not talking about stopping.
Guest:             We're not. I think it's more of a long term debate like I'm not sure I want to be the octogenarian at the club in Mexico you know no offense to octagenarians, I think they're wonderful people and I’ll be one one day I hope but uh…I hope I AM the octogenarian and still having fun.  So we're thinking about opening a naughty assisted living facility.
Leyna:             And you can find this lovely couple on twitter at @MMRSDiamond. Thanks for sharing your story with us.  Next time on Consenting Adults. They started off like many other couples getting into swinging but now they are full blown cuckold.
Guest:             It may include my cuck cleaning up. It may include my cuck placing my bull inside me. It may include. Oh, I'm getting excited about. It may include you know my cuck readying my bull with his mouth.
Leyna:             That's next time on Consenting Adults.