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Female sexual enthusiasm is not seen as a positive trait in many Asian cultures so most women don't want to talk about it, but the "Chinese Hotwife" wants to change that. She talks about finding her kink, being a Queen of Spades and how her husband has helped her find this new passion.
EP 41 – Chinese Hotwife
I like large size penis. That's okay. Yeah, so you are into the BBC. Yeah, that's right. Is there any cuckold involved with your husband? To be honest I think psychologically maybe he feels a little bit. He wants to see me with someone who has a larger size.
Do you always orgasm, I mean, is this like a physically pleasurable thing for you to be with men who are that large.
But technically, it wasn't a threesome because my husband wasn't there. First of all, you don't have to use everything you've got there.
We're okay with 60% today. Has it always felt good? What is it about having a man who I mean in one of your pictures, his penis was like as big as your arm. I know, that was really, like, Wow, when I see that I'm like, really, is that, but when you see that that turns you on, it doesn't say like, I don't know if I can do this.
It's a little bit of both. I'm gonna be honest with you the first experience wasn't so good.
Get ready. This is consenting adults.
(Podcast Show Open)
Leyna: I'm really interested to have the conversation, I'm about to have because I know that there are Asians in the lifestyle, but no one, I've asked, is willing to come out and talk about it and I really would like to normalize this conversation, which is exactly what my guest is also wanting to do. She is from Beijing, she met her husband in China, she's been in the US now for six years, they live out here on the West Coast, because they have professional and private lives that they need to protect, we're going to call her “A” her husband is “J”, so you're Chinese American. How about your husband.
Guest: He's American. And he was born and raised here.
Leyna: So you told me that you're a queen of spades. I've never heard that before. What does that mean.
Guest: Okay so, Queen of Spades means the women that are only interested in black men.
Leyna: Oh, okay. And then, what was the other term you told me you're a size queen. What does that mean?
Guest: It means I like large size penis.
Leyna: Okay so you are into the BBC.
Guest: That's right.
Leyna: Before we get into the, all the different things that you're into. I'm interested in knowing kind of the background. I mean was it a good marriage. How did you open the door to the lifestyle?
Guest: Yeah, of course it's a good marriage because we both have pretty happy, and we trusted each other. I believe our level of trust is probably in the way is higher than the average couple. We keep everything, transparent, and we're not really hiding anything. So there's no jealousy and there's nothing like we think we shouldn't let our spouse, know about it. So you have no secrets from each other. I believe that that's the key to the open relationship or to the open marriage case, you know, your spouse isn't jealous about you're seeing other men or women. And there's no reason for you to hide it from them.
Leyna: Does your husband see other women?
Guest: He is allowed to. But he's probably not seeing other people as many as I do.
Leyna: I see. So you're happily married, right, you had a good sex life?
Guest: Yes we do.
Leyna: So what happened, I mean how did you come up with this idea that you wanted to go outside your marriage.
Guest: It actually started even before we got married. It wasn't truly my idea. My husband was the one started it. We had a really good sex to begin with the beginning he was chatting with me and he was asking me if you are allowed to do everything and anything, what would you want to try. What's on your list. I honestly, I thought it was just a very, very like casual type of chatting I didn't give too much thought, but then I was like okay if I want to do something, maybe a threesome. I didn't really take that very serious, but I guess he did.
Leyna: Did he make that fantasy come true?
Guest: Eventually, yes. And he came up with a proposal, why don't we give a try. My first reaction was like, Ah, I don't know about that. But then he brought it up a couple of times, and then that made me think, and I was like, Yeah, I want to do it, it was one of my fantasies, and if I don't give a try now. I may regret one day.
Leyna: Now, was your fantasy, a threesome with two men or a man and a woman?
Guest: With two men.
Leyna: He knew that and he was okay with that?
Guest: He was okay and I guess that excited him, and that's why he kept bringing it up.
Leyna: Okay, so tell me about that first experience.
Guest: I'm gonna be honest with you the first experience wasn't so good because it was a first time for three of us, none of what we were going to do. So, it was his friend. We met each other we had a little bit chat, and we decided, okay, this is something exciting. And we're gonna do it. So then we went to the hotel room, and we're about to get started and every one of us was didn’t know where to begin with and got pretty nervous. So we honestly we didn't really push it through we we made out but then eventually I felt like this is not working. Let's go out, grab a drink.
Leyna: Okay, so it wasn't very sexy right, it was awkward.
Guest: Yeah, first time, it wasn't sexy so…
Leyna: Did you try it again.
Guest: Oh yeah I did but after quite a few years, I was still in China will, we were like in a long distance relationship. Sometimes we chat, and he says oh I'm not with you. How do you feel, do you need someone to, to, to give you a company to have an intimate moment with, and I was like, Oh, I think I'm okay. But then again, he's sometimes he's asking, he said, You know, I just want you to be happy, I want you all your needs to be satisfied. And he says, gee, would you be interested in meeting someone, when you put it out like this, and I was like, yeah, if you were okay with it if it's not an issue for you. You've been encouraging me to do it. Yeah, I'm open to the idea. So then we find a guy who lives in the same city, with me and I met him, is an American as well, and he lived in China at the time, and my husband was back to the US. So, I met him, and our first meeting, meeting great was good, he was good looking he was younger than me and he was pretty hot he worked as a model at his spare time, but technically, it wasn't a threesome because my husband wasn't there, but it just made me feel like it is a threesome because he was there all the way and then we communicate with everything. And after I met this guy, and I told him you know, I may want to record audio if you're not comfortable with the video cuz, I want to share with my husband.
Leyna: So, the guy knew you let him know that you're involved with someone else.
Guest: Yeah, he knew from the beginning. That's why I said, transparent, not just transparent between two of us, and you got to be honest and transparent with whoever in was in this relationship.
Leyna: Okay so you met an African American man he knew you were involved with someone else. You are a queen of spades. Had you been with an African American man before. Guest: Yeah, I did, but I didn't realize that that was my preference, and then before him, Yes I, I dated, Asian, white and black as well but I wasn't that that exclusive
Leyna: What and what is your husband?
Guest: He’s Caucasian,
Leyna: You didn't realize you have a preference for African American men, you married a Caucasian, who now allows you to sleep with black men. You have the best of both worlds right now.
Guest: Yeah, I pretty much have everything I like on the plate. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I would say my preference probably developed later, and I didn't realize that something I prefer until later I oh yeah this is actually the best I've ever had and I'm gonna stick to it.
Leyna: Okay, this is gonna sound, I don't know how this is gonna sound actually so but I'm just going to ask, is the preference because of a size thing?
Guest: Part of it but it is truly a combination, because I'm always attracted to the masculine men who have a really fit nice looking body and the demeanors is very, very masculine but then later on I realized, I realize you can see this feature this attractive thing in black men and size it is one of these things, but if you see there's a white man who has a large size, it probably doesn't sound exciting for me as much as a black man that has a large large size.
Leyna: Okay, very interesting. All right, well, you know, and then everyone's got their thing right and sometimes people can't explain exactly why something turns them on, it just does.
Guest: That's very true, especially when it comes to, you know, different…
Guest: Sex. It’s hard for you take slim why.
Leyna: So let's fast forward, eventually you and the boyfriend get married, you move to the US. Throughout this whole time. Are you taking part in these kinds of activities?
Guest: Yes, it was on and off.
Leyna: Does the husband ever participate with you?
Guest: There are times when three of us are together and yes he did participate, and there are times he participated, a little more and there were times he participated less, there were a lot of time he was there.
Leyna: Is there any cuckold involved with your husband?
Guest: To be honest I think psychologically maybe he feels a little bit, and maybe that's something he felt like oh it's a little exciting,
Leyna: It could be just a hot wife situation too right?
Guest: It could be.
Leyna: But you think that there may be some kind of cuckold going on with your husband.
Guest: The reason I think maybe, is that he wants to see me with someone who has a larger size, so that's where my guessing is from.
Leyna: So after you get married, it sounds like it's kind of an accepted part of your lifestyle, right, this is how you guys are being married doesn't change any of it right now.
Leyna: Can I ask you then, I mean I think I already know the answer but just in case people are wondering, You're with your boyfriend, and you're able to have sex with basically anyone else you want, and you learn that your preference is black men. Why did you marry a white man?
Guest: Well love is complicated. I mean I like sex with black men, but I do love my husband, I love this man who allows me to have any other men I want, and it sounds like, nothing more. I need for my marriage. So, let's say, I still like to have a sex with different people. What if I marry a black man who doesn't want me to do this swing?
Leyna: Have you ever been in a threesome with your husband and another woman,
Guest: Not really
Leyna: Not really?
Guest: Yeah, no, no. Yeah
Leyna: And you don't have an interest in that?
Guest: I think my interest is somewhere else, I never really thought about it.
Leyna: Okay and he doesn't have an interest in it?
Guest: I'm pretty sure every man, every man does. But that's not something like he's most excited about.
Leyna: What is he most excited about.
Guest: He's excited to see me with black men, and he likes to be there, and he likes to watch, and he likes to participate.
Leyna: Now let's get into all the stuff that, that you're into. We know that you like black men, we know that you like, like well-endowed black men. I think there's really no other way for me to ask you this, except to ask you.
Guest: It's okay and we are trying to normalize this conversation. So there's nothing weird.
Leyna: Okay, I looked on your Twitter. I've seen your videos I've seen your pictures, some of it I look at it and I'm like, oh my god that looks like it would have hurt. And you know we're talking a lot of generalities or stereotypes, but has it always felt good. What is it about having a man who I mean in one of your pictures, his penis was like as big as your arm.
Guest: I know, that was really, like, wow, when I see that I'm like, really?
Leyna: But when you see that that turns you on, it doesn't say like, I don't know if I can do this.
Guest: It's a little bit of both so
Leyna: Do you see it as a challenge.
Guest: I did see it as the challenge, and it was truly a challenge.
Leyna: Okay, now you have to tell me about it. Now you got to tell. Yeah, there's this other thing that I hear a lot of women talk about in the lifestyle. And it's the feeling of feeling full. Do you know what I'm talking about.
Guest: Can you elaborate a little bit more.
Leyna: Well, well I don't know because I don't, but a lot of like a lot of women in the lifestyle who'd like to do DVP or DP, Talk about liking that feeling of feeling full. Like how did you get to the point where you're enjoying it where it feels good and not painful.
Guest: Well first of all I don't do DP, cuz I can't, it's painful for me. It is truly if it's truly painful I don't do it. Yes, it, some of the size, like some of the men they are large, and the one you're talking about, like, almost the size of my arm that is not common. I have to say.
Leyna: And that was enjoyable?
Guest: Eventually, and it really is a key, whether these men know what he's doing, or not. If they don't know what they're doing and it can make you felt a pain or ease or they're uncomfortable, and if they know what they're doing. First of all, You don't have to use everything you've got there.
Leyna: We're okay with 60% today.
Guest: And then secondly if you're able to make the woman arouse so like, fully and relaxed and excited, and I don't think it is that painful and I'm, you feel the stretch but stretch is just a stretch is not pain. At least that's how I feel but of course they take you a long time to adapt to his size. So that's why, you know what I'm saying is if they know what they're doing and they may start very slow move, and doesn't use 100%, and then, and he will be able to observe your reaction and go from there like we want, like, speed it up or we want to continue going slow. So it really truly depends on whether they know how to use their tool.
Leyna: So lots of foreplay.
Guest: Yeah, lots of foreplay and you go from slow motion to fast motion you go from 60% to 70 80 It depends on how much you need eventually.
Leyna: How about lube?
Guest: You can use it but I don't really use that often, I think, I, I get pretty wet when I’m aroused, so it helps.
Leyna: How old are you?
Guest: I'm 40.
Leyna: But you've been doing this for a long time, right?
Guest: For a while. Yes.
Leyna: Do you always orgasm, I mean, is this like a physically pleasurable thing for you to be with men who are that large.
Guest: Honestly physically for me, I would say for most of, most of the women. You don't really need a huge size to get to give you orgasm, as long as they're hard as long as they're within the normal range but like it for me personally it's a preference. When I see a large size, it gets me excited. It's a visual excitement.
Leyna: Let's now get to the part where we're trying to normalize the situation, especially with the Chinese population, as you probably know, and I'm only guessing that it's the same with the Chinese that is with the Vietnamese and that is some aspects of the lifestyle, are accepted in the culture like, you know, like in Vietnam back in the day, it was okay for like the wealthy men to have more than one wife. There weren't a lot of males, so there were more females than there were males, and if you were wealthy, you might have taken on one or more wives, and that's just a part of the culture. Yeah, is it the same thing with the Chinese,
Guest: Yes, ancient time. Yeah, a woman can marry like several wives.
Leyna: And it was accepted.
Guest: It was accepted to fulfill a very long time in the history. Right.
Leyna: But the other way around doesn't work. So, when you're a woman you're expected to be with one man, and that's it. Sometimes it goes as far as when a woman becomes a widow. She's expected to then remain celibate, so we're, you know we're talking culturally and historically like, you know, way back in time, right, that's right, but it also becomes like an accepted part of the culture in that men are okay to experiment, men are okay to have a lot of experience, but if you're a female, you are expected to save yourself for one man, and then that's it. Same thing with the Chinese?
Guest: Exactly the same.
Leyna: But we know that women also have these kinds of desires right. Mm hmm. Have you talked with a lot of Chinese women who like to have sex outside of their marriage like you?
Guest: I'm trying to generalize and I don't have a lot of friends that like to have sex with men, outside of their marriage or outside of their relationship, or maybe if they do, they don't talk to me about it, cuz still, the society does not recognize it as a good trait.
Leyna: It's a human experience right it has nothing to do with whether you're white or black or Asian or in right, it really has nothing to do with where you come from, or even how you were raised because there are people who were raised with a lot of strict religious rules, who like lifestyle activities. So it's a human experience. And yet, because of society because of culture and everything that we were taught, it seems like the Asians are still kind of behind on being open about it, and honest about it, so you don't have a lot of Asian friends who are in the lifestyle. Knowing what we know there has to be a lot of Asians in the lifestyle right?
Guest: Well I'm pretty sure they are the reason I say that is I have, like, 50,000 followers on the Twitter account, and many of them are couples in the lifestyle, and many of them are Chinese in China. So, yes there are.
Leyna: Oh, so Chinese in China, which, again, it's a whole different thing whether you're Chinese in China or Chinese in America or anywhere else. Right. When you're in the US, I think people feel a little more comfortable being a little more open.
Guest: Yeah I think so because there are a lot of restrictions. If you live in China, and it's, it's a different environment, and there are a lot of things you can do and some things if you do it can become illegal, even though that's your own business.
Leyna: Let's be honest there's stuff that happens here for instance in the US, that is still illegal or are not socially accepted even though you're doing it in the privacy of your own bedroom with consenting adults and no one –it really doesn't affect anyone else, and yet people judge. So what are you trying to do to change that?
Guest: I try to encourage people that are interested in their lifestyle, do not really think or care too much about how the other people think about your lifestyle, because that's your life and you only be once. If you want to do it as long as it's safe, as long as no one gets hurt physically and emotionally, like everyone involved in this situation doesn't get hurt, and go for it, enjoy it a lot of time when we try to do something or when we want to do something. We always try to think, is that wrong to do it right. So, my definition of wrong is, if anyone gets hurt, emotionally or physically, that's wrong.
Leyna: So you're trying to normalize the conversation as well, How are you doing that, what is your website.
Guest: My website is heidiaoqueen, and it's www.heidiaoqueen.com.
Leyna: Is that Chinese?
Guest: Heidiao is Chinese, and Queen, of course, it means, Queens. So heidiao in Chinese. This means black cock.
Leyna: Oh, and what will people find on the website.
Guest: It's a pretty much like a platform for everyone that are interested or curious about this lifestyle to get to know it and learn what we really do in our life, so it's not a porn website, so you just go there watch the video and it tells you a little bit more about how we do it or what we do, how we think and, you know, what we think and feel about it. And there are also on the other side of all the black men, if they are interested in Asian couple with the Asian wife, and they can come here and to share what they're into
Leyna: Does your family know what you're into?
Guest: Um no, I want to keep it outside, knowledge because I don't think how they're going to perceive it. So now they don't.
Leyna: Any last words you would have.
Guest: Don't struggle too much with what's right, what's wrong. So as long as no one gets hurt as long as everyone everyone enjoys it, and you, you are pleased. From this experience, go for it, don't have to hesitate give it a try, you may or may not like it but you have to try to know it.
Leyna: And while the Chinese hot wife suspect there may be some cuckolding going on in her marriage. Our next guest has no doubt about it. She's known as a cuckoldress, and she's got some pearls of wisdom to share. Do you shower before or does he like it if you don’t?
Guest: Oh, yes, you just hit on one of the like absolute gems of this kind of lifestyle because this is the treasure trove, right here, because that is, for me anyway, the pinnacle of a cuckold relationship it’s called cream pie cleanup, and it's a horrible
Leyna: Wait a second.
Guest: There needs to be a better term.
Leyna: That's next time on Consenting Adults.
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