If you enjoy Consenting Adults, please consider becoming a member or making a one-time contribution to support the show and keep the conversation going. Click below to see what membership includes.
A sexually conservative couple discovers cuckolding to be a huge turn-on. Jack explains the nuances of this kink, how it progressed from porn to practice and why humiliation isn't hurtful but actually hot.
EP 35 – Cuckold Couple
I'm about to ask like, really personal questions, go for it. Okay, does she jump in the shower first or as part of kind of her having, having that still on her part of the turn on.
Oh yeah, maybe I could be, quote unquote on site, in the closet, maybe? In the closet maybe outside the door, or maybe you know she could even call me and put me on speaker and leave her phone by the bed. What are your desires in in that bi play? I think in general, I just I really find dicks to be really attractive. And so, I, I'd really like to give a blowjob. She had jerked this guy off in his car, and you know he came all over her hand and her ring and stuff like that and then later when we were in bed together. I asked for her hand her left hand, and I was kissing it while we were having sex, and that was an incredibly powerful moment, you know she'll compare for example my size to his size and things like that and that's called small penis humiliation or has pH and I really like that a lot. So we do a lot of that kind of stuff too. You know obviously they've been making out I kissed her, I can taste that she has been kissing somebody else. Yeah, that's an insane turn on for me for sure. Get ready.
This is Consenting Adults.
Leyna: My guest today is Jack, who is married to Bunny. They're both in their early 30s He's an engineer, she's a stay-at-home mom. They've been together 11 years which is actually a very long time for someone as young as they are. Married for nine years, and in a cuckold marriage for the past several months this is going to be a first for the podcast because I don't think I've talked to anyone about this yet. And to be honest. Each time I see that word. I'm a little uncomfortable because one, I don't know what it means. And two is like, like do you pronounce it the way it looks, or because it kind of looks like something else. I don't know what the heck is going on So Jack, you're gonna have to help me out, let's get straight to it. What is cuckold. Is that the way you say it?
Guest: Yeah, yeah, that's the way you say it cuckolding is a type of relationship where actually I wanted to say this first, because I'm gonna be using the language that I'm familiar with, you know, I'm, I'm a man married to a woman so I'm gonna be using that language but cuckolding can be enjoyed by all different kinds of relationships, but for my wife and I cuckold thing is where the marriage is open on her side. So, my wife has the freedom to meet and date and explore sex with other men, and I am monogamous to her. And so in a sense, it's kind of like swinging, but it's just one sided.
Leyna: How is that different from having a hot wife.
Guest: Yeah that's a good question so actually hotwifing is more so like one sided swinging. I think what differentiates cockling from hotwifing is. There's also a power dynamic involved, where the wife is dominant, and the husband is submissive to her, and what that could look like it takes a lot different forms, but for us, that just means that she has complete power as to who she wants to play with, You know, and things of that nature.
Leyna: Okay, I've gotten so many questions. I've got so many questions, but let's go back to talking about you guys, so you've been together 11 years married for nine. How did this suddenly come up or has it been something that's kind of been lurking in the background the whole time you've been together?
Guest: for me it's been lurking in the background for quite a long time. I would say that probably a year into our marriage. So, eight years ago I found some porn. And it wasn't necessarily cuckolding porn at first it was more so, swinging how I think just non monogamy. And at the time for me that was very taboo. And so it really had a big impact on me. And, yeah, that impact meaning what it really turns you on, oh yeah it really turned me on. Like I said at the time I was a very conservative both my wife and I were. And so, yeah it was it was very taboo and kind of forbidden and it really turned me on in a big way.
Leyna: But then you were watching it alone right or were you watching it together.
Guest: Oh yeah, I was definitely watching it alone. Even the concept of watching porn was a big taboo in our marriage for a long time. So this was something that I had been thinking and fantasizing about by myself.
Leyna: Okay. Are you guys religious is that where the conservative nature comes from?
Guest: Yes, we were religious, we were both raised in a pretty conservative environment. We're not so much anymore, But yeah, that's where that came from.
Leyna: Are you Mormon?
Guest: No, we were our Christian.
Leyna: Alright so, you found this, you kind of secretly enjoyed it and wanted to share with your wife.
Guest: You know I kind of brought it up, I would say pretty poorly over the years just kind of like matter of fact, hey you know I think it'd be really hard if you slept with another guy and did you ever take you seriously or worse. No, I didn't think so I was like, Are you crazy, I could never do that. No way, you know, we didn't really have a conversation about it, it was more so me bringing it up and her saying No way. And that was, You know that's where we were at that point in our marriage, but as I mentioned we kind of matured open our minds a little bit became more comfortable with each other, and I had been writing about it just personally because I found that to be a good outlet for myself since I couldn't talk about it to my partner. And so last year I decided to share some of my writing with her she was really receptive to it which was very surprising to me and then you know that opened up a lot of conversations and we just went from there.
Leyna: So it was gradual it wasn't like a one time. Hey honey, let's do this right?
Guest: For sure it was very gradual over the course of a couple of years.
Leyna: Okay, so then let's solve it let's skip to the part where, okay, we're going to do this right. How did you do it.
Guest: Well I would say that process is also very gradual. It was kind of a progression of us talking about it in her being like, well yeah that sounds really hot, but like, obviously we would never actually do that. And for us, it happened over a period of a couple of weeks where we just kept talking about it every day for hours a day, and it progressed to okay yeah that's just really hard and I think I maybe could do that to the point where she said you know I think I actually want to do this, and that was a really exciting moment for both of us but, I mean the place that you start is she just got on some dating sites and started putting herself out there and then we're also both on Twitter so you know we meet people in network on there as well and it's just been kind of a process of her putting our feelers out there and you know we met really young, kind of like you alluded to show. She's never actually dated as an adult before so that aspect of it is really new for her as well so it's kind of these multiple new things that we're exploring at the same time.
Leyna: Let's get to the first time you did something. Explain what that was like.
Guest: So the first time that she actually went out on a date was really exciting for both of us she met this guy on a dating app, they messaged for a while.
Leyna: And did he know she was married.
Guest: Absolutely. Okay, yeah, we think that it's important that everyone is on the same page and knows what's going on. Because in cuckolding, the husband and wife are kind of, you know they're the couple and we're involving another person into our marriage but we want to make sure that that person is not only, you know, sexy and respectful but also, you know, they kind of know their role in the dynamic it's a three way relationship between the husband and the wife and the third party so we definitely want them to know that we're married. So yeah, he knew that we're married, he knew that he was taking my wife out on a date. and you know the first time was really nerve racking, I mean I was watching her, you know, get ready in the bathroom, like she would for a date with me but I knew that she was going to be going out with somebody else, and that was exciting, it was it was really exciting. That's just the way that my brain works. So yeah, she went out on the date it was a first day, nothing crazy happened, they talked, you know they made a good connection. And she really liked him, he really liked her. And they, you know, both wanted to go out on a second date really quickly and you know that's when things really kind of started to take off from there.
Leyna: Okay, when they finally got intimate with each other. She comes home to you, then what happens.
Guest: Yeah, I mean when my wife gets home from a day, and she has had some level of sexual encounter with her day. It's typically pretty late, kids are in bed, obviously, I'm in our room. You know I make sure that our room is nice because I know that we're about to have fun, and she comes in the door, and you know she takes a few minutes to kind of get her bearings, you know, and settle in, but we both know that she has things to tell me, and that's kind of where we start. And there's that real anticipation. On my end of really being excited about what she's going to tell me went on. So we get in bed together. You know we get relaxed, and she just starts to kind of recount how the day went, you know, she, she tells me, kind of what went on between them, you know what they did and that gets us both really turned on. And then, yeah, we, we have pretty insane sex from there.
Leyna: Okay so I'm about to ask like, really personal questions, go for it. Okay. Does she jump in the shower first or as part of kind of her having, having that still on her part of the turn on.
Guest: Oh yeah, she typically does not shower first. And I can tell you that when she gets home she smells different, and that's a big turn on for me. Just knowing that I can maybe smell his cologne or, you know obviously they've been making out I kiss her. I can taste that she has been kissing somebody else. Yeah, that's an insane turn on for me for sure.
Leyna: Wow. Okay so, so when she's telling you about what happened are you then doing the same things to her,
Guest: Um, not necessarily. It really just depends. I mean, you know if she's given someone a blow job for example, she might be giving me a blowjob. At the same time and kind of telling me how she did it or and things like that. There was just one time where she got home from a day, and she had charged this guy off in his car, and you know he came all over her hand and her ring and stuff like that and then later when we were in bed together. You know we were having sex, and I asked for her hand her left hand, and I was kissing it while we were having sex and that was an incredibly powerful moment. So it's not necessarily like I reenact what happened, but we definitely talk about what happened on her day. And then we do things like that to kind of connect the dots.
Leyna: As I understand it, and I haven't talked to anyone yet really but there are different levels of cuckold play. Is that correct?
Guest: Yeah I would definitely say that's correct.
Leyna: Okay, because I think that maybe the majority of people who who have heard it or maybe have seen it on a porn site or something. Think of humiliation as part of the whole experience for sure. And and is that part of your experience is that part of something you enjoy.
Guest: Yeah, I do enjoy humiliation and we definitely play with it. And what does that mean really, yeah you know humiliation is kind of a scary word just like cuckolding can kind of be a scary word If all you've ever seen is the porn aspect of it but what humiliation really means is, is just teasing. It's all done in love and it's done because it really really turns me on, and her, you know she enjoys it to some extent as well but mostly because it turns me on so much,
Leyna: But is it just verbal or can you kind of explain more when when you're talking about humiliation during cuckolding Yeah, what are you actually talking about?
Guest: For sure so I mean, for us it's it is mostly verbal. I almost think of humiliation, as you can have it really explicitly like telling someone directly like, you know you can fuck me as good as you can or you're so worthless or something like that you see that a lot in the porn. That's not how it looks and sounds for us, it's really much more implicit humiliation of her telling me how amazing he felt, and things like that and so she doesn't necessarily have to say anything directly to me to make me feel teased and humiliated it's more so about the experience that she had, but she also will tell me you know she'll compare for example my size to his size and things like that and that's called small penis humiliation or SBH and I really like that a lot. So we do a lot of that kind of stuff too.
Leyna: Okay so, but then you like. You like that the other man is larger.
Guest: Oh yeah, definitely it's yeah it's just, you know, it's a tease. And it's kind of hard to explain why I like something like that I just know that it really does turn me on.
Leyna: Have you heard of the royalty perk.
Guest: I am familiar with the term but I don't remember what it means.
Leyna: Well, I'm wondering if royalty perk was explained to me and it made a lot of sense in that. The reason why partners would enjoy seeing their partner with someone else are knowing that their partner was some with someone else, is that you see how desirable they are to someone else. And then at the end of the day, you know, they come back to you, so it's like you're getting a piece of fat like she's yours, and it's a turn on that someone else would want her.
Guest: Yeah, I think that's absolutely a component of it, for sure. I mean I definitely enjoy the fact that she puts herself out there. And all of these people are wanting to be with her. I mean it definitely does give me a little bit of an ego boost for sure.
Leyna: Now, has it progressed, I know I know you haven't done it very long but you know from say day one to where you are now. Has it changed much, or is it still just the same thing different person?
Guest: Yeah that's a good question. I think that our level. And when I say our I should really say my level of comfortability because from the very beginning and this is something that I'm so so happy about. She has been excited and ready to go, she hasn't had a lot of anxiety or hang ups about anything it's mostly just been me, you know, adjusting to something very new for us and us spending a lot of time talking through what we're comfortable with our boundaries, and my level of comfortability, has really matured very quickly. So for example, that second date that she went on ever. She had talked about maybe kissing the guy. And that was before she went on the date and I just remember feeling, you know, excited but also very kind of jittery you know beforehand. And that was kind of back when we were still communicating our, you know boundaries and things of that nature. And now we've progressed to the point where she can basically do whatever she wants with whoever she wants. And, you know, I'm perfectly comfortable with all of that, and that's happened within the span of a couple months. Right. Yeah,
Leyna: So you're getting more comfortable but then is she doing things that are Wilder.
Guest: Yeah, so, like you said, we haven't been in this for very long and it's actually she's picky, rightfully so. And so it's actually pretty hard to find a guy to be that comfortable with to get more wild with, and so she's still looking for that right guy. You know we're both really excited for the time where she can actually go all the way with somebody that hasn't happened yet.
Leyna: Oh wait, so wait a second you mean so she hasn't actually had intercourse with anyone.
Guest: No, not yet. Oh, yeah. So, so far it's been what just oral and kissing and like anything but, yeah, kind of, yeah kind of anything but that. I see. Yeah.
Leyna: And you're looking forward to that.
Guest: Yeah, yeah, we're both so excited for that. We can't wait. And I think that, You know all of these little steps that we've taken along the way have just been very validating for me because you think about something for so long, and you're not quite sure. Okay, I know this really turns me on, in theory, but could I actually, you know right handle it, how is it going to, in real life and so you know when she said for the first time she sent me a picture of her making out with another guy that really turned me on. I couldn't stop looking at it and then the first time she sent me a picture of her, you know, blowing a guy that really turned me on. The first time that she came back and told me the story about how she jerked this guy off that really turned me off like Okay, I just want more and more and more we both want more and more and more and so I feel like that's the trajectory that we're headed.
Leyna: Aha, well see can you see why I have to keep asking questions, I didn't know like that pictures were involved, is there video involved?
Guest: Oh yeah, so, I mean, that's another kind of a central component of cuckolding is that the husband is involved in some way, and that just depends on what everyone's comfortable with. So, for example, my wife plays solo, and that's the way that it's going to be for the foreseeable future, because that's how she's most comfortable, she's not sure how comfortable she'll be with me, actually present. So for now, she takes pictures, videos, and she tells me stories when she gets back.
Leyna: Do you have interest in being there.
Guest: I do. Yeah,
Leyna: As like a silent partner meaning not actually no interaction just in the same room, right?
Guest: Yeah, um, you know, we've talked about even varying levels of that, you know, maybe I could be, quote unquote, on site, but
Leyna: In the closet, maybe?
Guest: In the closet maybe outside the door or maybe you know she could even call me and put me on speaker and leave her phone by the bed, she could FaceTime, I mean there's all sorts of different ways you can get creative with it. I could also be involved in the way that I'm holding her hand, I'd really like to kiss her while she's having sex with somebody else. Yeah, I look forward to that kind of stuff too.
Leyna: Are you straight?
Guest: Um, I am not completely straight. I do have some interest in playing with other guys call it by curious hetero flexible,
Leyna: But you've never done it before?
Guest: I've never done it before.
Leyna: And what does your wife think about that?
Guest: You know, a couple years ago when we were still I would say, not as open minded as we are now, she was a little bit alarmed by that just because she wasn't sure what the implications were for our relationship. And of course, you know, she never had anything to be worried about there. And, you know, we've since processed that and she's fully comfortable with the fact that I have some curiosities, but other guys, she's just not sure how comfortable she would be to see me like that. I guess that's something that we'll still, you know, we have some opportunity to grow in our comfortability in that way.
Leyna: And can I ask you what like when you're, when you fantasize about that, what are you wanting to do, what are your desires in in that bi play.
Guest: I think in general, I just I really find dicks to be really attractive. And so, I, I'd really like to give a blowjob. That's kind of my number one fantasy when it comes to playing with another guy, is giving a blowjob.
Leyna: What is your wife's thought on that. Is she open to letting you explore that? Oh yeah, now that you're a little more comfortable in knowing that this is just a sexual thing that it doesn't, you know, it doesn't speak to any feelings that are less for her.
Guest: For sure. Yeah, I think she's definitely uncomfortable with it. And I would say, my, my ideal would be to do it in that three way cuckold dynamic, it would be kind of a nice bonus to be able to play with her guy while we're all three of us together. I think the reason why that hasn't happened yet for me as far as experimenting with other guys is because there's something about having my wife present with me, that I don't know I just, I think about myself playing with another guy all by myself or even another woman, I can't even really get myself there either. And it's just not as attractive to me.
Leyna: So part of your turn on is like wanting to do that but wanting your wife to be there.
Guest: Yeah, and I don't know if that's, you know, having her there and would enhance the experience for me but I just, I feel like, you know, my wife has been my only sexual partner and we've been together for so long, it's hard for me to imagine having a sexual experience without her.
Leyna: And have you talked about, would she be comfortable being there and letting you do that now that she knows that it's, it's a turn on and it has nothing to do with whether you love her.
Guest: Yeah, I think she, She could probably get there.
Leyna: Does she watch that porn?
Guest: As far as?
Leyna: The threesome but like the bi threesome where it’s like hold on let me get it right, M is it MMF? Yeah.
Guest: Yeah, that's it. I don't really know we watch a lot of we watch a lot of porn together, well we don't necessarily watch it together but we'll send each other stuff, and it's mostly cuckold type porn. I don't think there's a whole lot of contact between the men. So, I don't know, I could see her becoming comfortable with it someday.
Leyna: Now, on your wife side. Does she just do this because she knows it turns you on, or I mean other than I want to ask, does she get anything out of it but clearly she does. I mean, other than the ability to sleep with someone else, is there something about doing it with her husband not there, that she enjoys.
Guest: Yeah. Well, To answer your first question. She definitely is not just doing it for me. And that's something that I'm really happy about because I think since getting into this lifestyle what I've seen in her is just a total transformation as far as her self confidence. She's embracing adventure and trying new things, and I think she's really getting in touch with her sexuality in a new way for the very first time because we spent a lot of time as a married couple, not exploring, because of the ways in which we were repressed and then we, you know, took a couple of years to have some kids, so she's never really had the space before to really get in touch with her sexuality. And so when I look at her and all the ways in which she enjoys this lifestyle, it's definitely for her. She really enjoys the variety. The newness, the excitement of being able to go out on a date with somebody she told me she really likes the attention of of another man. And yeah, she definitely does it for herself, but she also absolutely enjoys me as a part of it. She'll text me all the time when she's going on date I can't wait to come home, or something she'll tell me, I'm on my way home I can't wait to tell you everything. So, the reconnection sex afterwards is also really enjoyable for both of us.
Leyna: Okay, so this changes because earlier when I asked you if she showered, after she got home from a date before you guys get in bed together. You said now again I'm getting very personal. I didn't know then that she wasn't actually having sex with these guys so if she was to do you think that would change, does the thought of that turn you on where you wouldn't want her to shower after she got back after having sex with someone.
Guest: Yeah, we've actually talked about that and it kind of gets into logistics because I had definitely would love to have sex with her right afterwards, right after she has been or somebody else unshowered. Obviously if she's playing solo with somebody, whether it be at a hotel or somewhere else. We've talked about it and she's going to shower before she comes home, I would probably do the same thing. But that just kind of makes me excited for when we eventually get to the point where we're all three of us playing together so that we can have sex. Immediately afterwards, and she's still, you know, smells like him and, you know, everything like that.
Leyna: I know that you said that right now, you're kind of focused on what you can do with your wife. Do you have no interest or can you see where you might change your fantasies and desires might change where one day, you may be going out and playing solo or that you guys will actually be swingers.
Guest: Yeah, so, you know cuckolding was kind of the first topic of discussion where we started exploring non monogamy. And during that time that we were talking about it. We kind of started talking about everything. And all of a sudden, you know, we're coming from a relationship where we're very kind of closed, the world is very small and then all of a sudden everything's kind of opened up and anything goes, we can kind of do whatever we want. And it was actually my wife that brought up. Well you know maybe swinging would be fun. Or, you know, one time we were talking about her dating and she said well maybe you should go on a date sometime. And I think both of those things really surprised me because I never expected that she would be open to that. On my end kind of like how she never expected I would be open to her dating other people. I haven't put a lot of thought into it, I feel like right now I'm just really focused on the cup holding and her being with other people and I'm very satisfied with that, I don't know that I have any interest at this point of going out solo with somebody, but I think that if we were to meet the right couple. I think this way it could be pretty fun. Is your wife straight. I think she is. Yeah. You think she is. Well, we talked about it I mean she she's, she tells me that she doesn't have any interest in, in other women but, I mean who knows.
Leyna: You're, you're still really young. You're younger than most of the people that I've had on the show. I would say that you've progressed a lot in the short time that you guys started doing this, do you really feel that it has enhanced your relationship is this now more like an identity for you?
Guest: Yeah it's really interesting question. I never really thought about it as an identity but I can tell you, it's 100%, enhanced our relationship. For sure, in the beginning like wow this is so crazy, it's so new, like I'm kind of a skeptic in that way of like okay, well, this is too good to be true. When's this bubble gonna pop you know she's, she's probably just gonna lose interest or are we being impulsive, you know I think about all those types of things, but then I go back to, like, why is this been so good for us. And I think one of the keys is that our communication has just gone through the roof. We can talk to each other about anything now. If my wife can tell me, You know what she enjoyed about having sex with somebody else, like all bets are off. We can talk about anything and be totally comfortable with each other. This is my sexuality so in that way, I guess you could call it an identity I really get off on my wife playing with other people, that has just been totally exciting for me, but she also feels an immense gratitude towards me for the freedom that she has and so I really feel like this whole, you know, exploring the lifestyle together has really brought us closer together and so, you know, are we going to be a cuckold couple forever, who knows. But all I know is that right now we both really, really love it. And we love what it's done for a marriage.
Leyna: You are not open about this right your friends and family don't know?
Guest: No, I don't think people need to know the details, but I do wish that I didn't have to hide the fact that we're not anonymous. My wife has the freedom to, you know date other people I think people can read between the lines without point. It's deepened our love for each other. I don't like that there's such a stigma about it that I'd have to hide it because I'm proud of it. I mean, it's, it's done amazing things for us and at the end of the day it's all about loving people, that's the way that I see it, and so I wish that I didn't have to hide that aspect of it.
Leyna: Jack, thanks so much for sharing your story with us you can find Jack and his wife on Twitter @cuckoldkisses. And next time on Consenting Adults, a sex party connoisseur, someone who actually works sex parties, answers a lot of questions that I have, including a question about a certain sex toy.
Guest: You have nervous, right, your sphincter, it can feel things it can be aware of things well, those, those sensors down there, can experience pleasure and butt plugs what they do is they kind of keep touching the pleasure sensors around they're both on the inside and mostly on the outside, I would say.
Leyna: That's next time, on Consenting Adults.
Consenting Adults is produced for the ear and is designed to be heard. We strongly encourage you to listen to the audio which includes emotion, emphasis, and humor that isn't expressed in the written word. Transcripts are generated using a combination of automated and human transcription and may contain errors. Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.