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During their first trip to a sex club, a couple gets into a fight but things quickly change when they're approached by another couple. J & K talk about "false advertising" in the lifestyle, how he feels about bringing single males into the bedroom, and what their code is for getting out of a situation.
EP 32 – Texas Swingers
First couple that says hello sound and music to Eyes Wide Shut it’s forget about it. And it got me so hard being at work thinking that he was talking to her in this something might happen where she was going to end up at my house. I mean, we love the club sex and having sex with other people, but the intimacy with Him and we get home is just incredibly hot in so many levels. I understand the occasional cross, you know, cross swords and stuff but I'm not there yet. Wait, did you say yep, you never know. It was all business like we all four of us knew what we were there for we just we just went right for from the pictures and I'm expecting the Marlboro Man. And I go and open the door and I'm looking up and I ended up looking down. And I was like shaking but smiling at the same time, I mean it was, and then to have J behind me and him in front of me I mean it was, it was incredibly hard. We have probably about 15-16 people watching us. Doing what? well we swapped yeah you were with her I was with him. And then I was on her. And then, as long as he's smoothly saved. And I never take the blindfold off.
Okay, so but you're open to, you know, if something were to happen, you're not going to freak out. I do enjoy women in the moment I just, I, it makes me uncomfortable to maybe my game sucks with women. Get ready. This is Consenting Adults.
My guest today, are a couple I'm somewhat familiar with only because I gave him a shout out on an earlier show because I noticed that they were new followers of ours on Twitter. JK, TX couple on Twitter. I know you're gonna go look for him, so just let me warn you. Just let me warn you. The stuff they post, I mean some of it is funny, they've got a great sense of humor, and some of it's kinda provocative and some of it is super provocative so just be forewarned. And of course you know that now that I said that everyone's going to come looking for you guys. Okay so JK TX couple now I know what it all means. He is “J”. she is “K”. They're from somewhere in Texas. He is 50 She is 44 He's in construction, she's in health care. Interestingly enough, unlike the other couples that I've interviewed. You guys are not married, you're dating.
Guest: We might as well be that we're under the same roof. We've got four kids between the two of us we're, we're solid.
Leyna: Four kids for teenagers as I understand right?
Guest: 4 teenagers, yes,
Leyna: In the same house, and how do you find time to, like, do anything.
Guest: We don't, that's our biggest challenge. I haven't had sex in three years.
Leyna: Okay. So, J and K have been together for three years right about three years, and they've been in the lifestyle for almost as long.
Gyest: Yeah, we pretty much dove in right away.
Leyna: But when you first started, were you monogamous with each other?
Guest: Yes, yes, for the first two weeks, two weeks, oh my God, that's not true.
Leyna: Well But then what happened, how did you, I mean what brought it up.
Guest: She was on vacation in, in the Atlantic somewhere with an ex-husband in our kids, and I was hung over once we got on the phone and started, we just started talking about it, what our fantasies are what we, What we want to do, let me just preface this by saying that it is absolute corniest when he's hung over. So we were having this conversation he was super hung over and okay go forth and while we just started talking about like what turns us on the most, what gets us going and it pretty much like steamrolled from there.
Leyna: So people might be talking about different positions that turn them on or maybe different fantasies, they may think about are maybe a little BDSM or whatever, but did either of you actually say you want to have sex with other people or a bunch of people.
Guest: I don't know that, but it's just the whole. What brought it up was wanting to see her with somebody else.
He wanted to see me with a woman.
Leyna: Okay, see that's different.
Guest: Every, every man wants to. And at that time, you know, I had just gotten out of a marriage for a very long time and so, and I think him and I both have just sort of this freaky side that we always sort of, you know, shut down deep because it's so taboo and then when we just started talking about it, we're like oh my god, you know you're like me and I'm like you and then it just steamrolled from there.
Leyna: Okay, you got to tell me about some of this stuff though.
Guest: Okay. Like…
Leyna: What do you mean freaky
Guest: More than just her and I. I mean it's like group sex Sure. I mean, do we want to get all tied up and whipped and stuff, maybe not. I do. Well maybe you do, I don’t.
Like we were both in marriages before from suppressed, I guess, suppress sexual activity from before. It's just now it's like we want to live our best life.
Guest: And luckily, both of us had those feelings we both wanted to embrace it and it just it just happened so yeah so initially it started out with, he had been on Twitter, long before I didn't even know that the freaky side of Twitter existed, and he had been on it before more as you know as a single male, and so then he started showing me things I was like oh this is really interesting. This is really cool and he was like and you know I'm friends with this one and this one and you know just the conversation just started leading to what he wanted and then of course that got my freak flag flying. And so before we actually did anything in the lifestyle we we were on Twitter, we were taking pictures and, you know, experimenting with that and talking to other couples and it wasn't until probably almost a year later that we actually were officially in the lifestyle where we went to you know our first party or our first club.
Leyna: But before this, neither of you actually were in the lifestyle, right.
Guest: No, no.
Leyna: So you had fantasies about it but neither of you were, we're in the lifestyle. Guest: Right.
Leyna: Okay, you figure out that you've got something in common and that is, you're both freaks. Right, freaks. You're both closet freaks. And so you kind of jump head in. How do you start that, what was your first move?
Leyna: So we started researching clubs here in the area, and we just decided to just go and our, our planet are great and we're supposed to do a reconnaissance mission. Yes, we were just gonna go and see what it's all about, you know I was dressed nice but I was not dressed, how you know women dress in the clubs you know I just I was just gonna be a wallflower and kind of take it all in and see what was happening, but Jesus got flown well as we're there so we're you know we're watching everything and I kept telling him we were we were standing in front of this big window where it was the group sex room and I was watching these people on top of people like puppy dogs, and I was like, Come on babe let's go in there and he's like no I'm not ready. I was like, Come on babe let's go in there this. Let's just go in and he was like No, I'm not ready and we actually almost got into a fight, because he knew I was pushing and he was saying no, for, for women, he's like, it's easy, y'all. Y'all ready guys hit performance anxiety is little J doesn't want to cooperate.
Leyna: Wait a second at 50 They're still naming their penises.
Guest: Well, it's just half of me. It's the stronger half of me.
Leyna: Okay, so I mean, understandably, you're a little nervous about, you know if you're going to be able to perform if you do go in there, did you end up going in?
Guest: So we ended he compromised with me so there's this like semi private room upstairs, and we went up there and we were messing around, I was giving him head and you know keep her walking by and so but he was still just not completely into it. And so I was like alright fine so we went back downstairs and we finally I surrendered and I was like our it'll stop pushing you,
and it was like, you know, this is every guy's fantasies like, you know, this group such as people all over the place you want to be part of this, and I just could not get into it, and we were on like she said on the verge of getting into a fight and I said look, let's just stop. Let's, you know let's peel back a little bit and let's go back to our original plan of just being here to observe. So we went downstairs and with all good intentions, You know, just gonna observe first couple that says hello. Sound of Music to Eyes Wide Shut. Forget about it.
Yeah, first couple was like Hi, what's your name shook hands, , somehow, he ended up in the group theater room
on the back couch, We had probably about 1516 people watching us,
Leyna: Doing what.
Guest: Well, we swapped yeah you were with her I was with him. And then I was on her. And then, you know, we were just standing around and new people all around us started getting excited so I looked up at one point and there's women giving their, their men head. There was one guy jacking off behind us, I mean it was a full on show. Is it finally. The four of us kind of, you know, busted are bubbling high lift each other we're like well maybe we should somewhere a little bit more private. So we went back up to that to that semi private room upstairs and then we just had so much fun.
Leyna: Oh my gosh, you build me up, you build me up.
Guest: He was all, it was all business like we all four of us knew what we were there for we just we just went right for it and it was a full swap so he J took her and I was next to him with with her man and we just we fucked for, like, God, probably not that long, maybe like an hour or so, but people kept coming up and watching and having their drinks and then they walk off and then I mean but it didn't faze us we were just having it was
the funnest part was driving home talking about it I've been having sex till like four or five o'clock. That's my best.
Leyna: Oh my gosh, you know, I've heard that I've heard that part of the story, with just about every couple. After the wild, you know, the wild sex part then you come home and it's like you can't keep your hands off each other.
Guest: You can’t. and you relive all the naughty things that you did and you know your dirtiness and you're just so hot for each other and I think it's a combination of like, oh my god, this just happened, and then also the reclaiming part of it where like I love him so much and he allowed this to happen for me and I for him that it just, it creates just this crazy intimacy that's just through the roof. Like I mean, we love the club sex and having sex with other people, but the intimacy with Him and we get home is just incredibly hot in so many levels.
Leyna: Now, because you guys were dating and it was fairly new in a relationship, was there any jealousy issues at all.
Guest: We knock on wood have never had any jealousy issues at all.
Leyna: Not even that first time, like the first time you're looking over it instead turned you on.
Guest: Yeah, because I think both of us know at this point in time where we are and what we want. So it's like, yes, yeah this is what you signed up for, so there's no reason for you to be getting jealous.
There's none. And not to say I mean I'm sure it happens down the road at some point to everybody but it we that hasn't surfaced for us at all. At all. In fact, I have this fantasy of just him being with another woman without me, and we were talking recently he was talking recently with a woman who he used to date, and at first you know I always said to him, we can never be with somebody used to date, but for some reason when he wanted to start talking to this other woman, like I encouraged it and it got me so hot being at work thinking that he was talking to her that something might happen where she's going to end up at my house, and they're going to be fucking all afternoon and then I get to come home and then have him all to myself.
Leyna: Like maybe a few months ago, that might have surprised me to hear it from anybody, but that it, There's this common thread, I don't know, it's this confidence, right and trust, people who don't understand the lifestyle will listen to a story like this and say, Well, clearly she doesn't love him.
Guest No…I've never had this level of trust in anybody in my life. And before in my, my mother marriage, I wouldn't leave my phone unguarded unlocked face up on the dinner table. Leyna: Well, wait a second, why not?
Guest: Well it's just, it's my privacy, like I didn't want to share anything
well and she wasn't really supportive of him watching porn and stuff like that either.
I don't care, I'm like an open but there's like absolutely zero, I have zero skeletons in my closet, it's like I know there's people out there that are married, they've been married for years. They have skeletons in your closet. I have buddies that are like that. I have zero skeletons and that's like the most refreshing thing ever just like you don't walk around on eggshells you don't worry about anything. Everything is out in the open. Correct.
Leyna: Let me ask you, because you're now, you're, you're 50 and she's 44 You've both been divorced you've kind of lived life and you're more mature now. Let's think back to your 30 something year old self even. Do you think you would have been able to handle something like this back then.
Guest: Um, I'm pretty sure I could have, if I'm being completely honest I didn't even know that this existed.
Leyna: Right but were you ever a jealous person back when you were younger, like, Um Could you have imagined being turned on by watching your guy with someone else.
Guest: I think the difference is, yes, I have been jealous in the past but the difference is the only way that this works is the level of transparency and trust that we have, so of course when you're dating somebody in the past and they're you know, They're being a little shady and stuff like that, then of course jealousy is gonna creep in because you become insecure and you're wondering and all that but whenever you're in the same thing field and you're completely open and honest with each other. No, there's no jealousy.
Leyna: Is there anything that you discovered about the other person, having been in the lifestyle now that you didn't know before.
Guest: She's a freak.
Leyna: No, you knew that, you knew that.
Guest: No… that's a good question.
Leyna: Like, Well, did you know that she was into a little BDSM?
Guest: To be honest, I'm the one that had the ropes and stuff. But I had.
I played with that before, not so much time myself a baton, a partner that I was with,
and he would tell me stories about those experiences and it really got me excited so as I can, let's do it let's do it. So, which leads us, I mean, if I could tell you quickly our first single male experience like this was super hot, it was. So, the experience was super hot but it was also a major rookie mistake move on our heart to tell me about it.
We were looking for a single male, which aren't hard to find, and we had rented a hotel down in downtown. I was going to have him come up like as a waiter, and end up, you know, just taking advantage of her while I'm standing there, but that that didn't work out so then I set it up to happen at my house. This is before we moved in together, and I just hurried through the process, invited the guy over.
I don't know what's gonna happen, I have no idea. And so we're at his house and then all of a sudden, he tells me to be there at a certain time and he tells me what to wear, and then we're in his bedroom and then all of a sudden, He takes these ropes out and he ties me up with my hands over my head in the doorway, so I'm kind of like semi suspended with my hands tied above my head, and on the, on full display on full display and a blindfold and then all of a sudden I hear a knock at the front door. Oh, Yeah, and I was just like, What the hell is going on.
So he's like, Hold on, I'll be right back. So he goes to the front door I go to the front door and I'm expecting from the pictures and I'm expecting the Marlboro Man.
And I go and open the door and I'm looking up and I ended up looking down.
Leyna: Oh no.
Guest: Yeah, so I was like well, bro. You're here.
Leyna: Welcome to the lives of 99% of women.
Guest: Well I said you're here, you got a pulse, come on in.
But in all fairness, it was a very nice experience he made me feel super comfortable, it was hot. I mean.
Leyna: No no no no no no. Okay, so. So you let him in…
Guest: Yes, I let him in. At this point, like I'm breathing heavy because I'm like, what does it have to happen and then all of a sudden I hear them, and they're coming closer and then I feel these stranger hands on the remain he's saying things like, oh I like and then he starts kissing my neck and he starts playing with my breasts and there's nothing I can do but just stand there completely vulnerable with my hands over my head and just let it happen and so and I was like shaking but smiling at the same time, I mean it was, And then to have J behind me and him in front of me I mean it was, it was incredibly hot. So we played like that for a little bit and then move to the bed and
spent a couple hours. Yeah, a couple of hours and got so spoiled. I got so spoiled,
Leyna: Was there any interaction between the guys.
Guest: No, we came close, and he did make mention, but, no, no J's not into that
he understands like the, like, I understand the occasional cross, you know, cross swords and stuff but I'm not there yet. Wait, did you say yet.
Leyna: Wait, did you say YET?
Guest: You never know.
Leyna: Oh very nice so, so you're.
Guest: I'm not saying I'm open to it but I'm just saying, you know,
Leyna: You never say never.
Guest: you never say never. When you get kind of never know what's gonna happen. Yet, you know, caught up in the moment and I don't know. I can't tell you what's gonna happen. Leyna: I've been dying to ask most men this. Let's say you're in a play situation everything's hot and heavy. Let's say that the roles were reversed and you had the blindfold on. So you can't see who it is. What if it was a man who went down on you.
Guest: We actually recently just had this conversation. And as long as he's smoothly saved. I never take the blindfold off.
Leyna: Okay, so but you're open to, you know, if something were to happen, you're not going to freak out.
Guest: I couldn't answer that question 100% I'd have to be in the moment.
Leyna: Right, okay. Now, K, is that something that would actually turn you on to see?
Guest: No. No, it wouldn't I want to see him with a woman.
Leyna: Okay so you're both straight shooters.
Guest: Yeah. Yes, pretty much.
Leyna: Well, wait a second. Did I hear you earlier K. say that, then you got on the other woman?
Guest: It's been a progression so when we first started out, we talked a lot about, you know, a threesome with with me and another woman in him and that's really where this all started, but as we've been going through the lifestyle, I've learned that my first taste is for men. So I can take it or leave it with women and you won't find me flirting with women, you won't find me picking them up in bars you won't find me approaching them in clothes but in the heat of the moment. Yes, absolutely. But I won't pursue, and it makes me uncomfortable to be pursued, but once we're in bed, that's a different story. Does that make any sense?
Leyna: Well it kind of so I'm gonna, I'm on a follow up because I'm a good reporter that way. So, in the moment. Are you just wrapped up in the moment, or is there actual attraction there?
Guest: In the moment there's actual attraction. I do enjoy women in the moment I just I, it makes me uncomfortable to maybe my game sucks with women, I don't know. It makes me uncomfortable to pursue or be pursued, you know, out in public or,
I don't think your game sucks has really gotten pursued by by a girl at that one party.
Leyna: Oh, yeah, her.
Guest: That's it, that that was we were at a Christmas party and I ended up getting fucked by a 22 year old girl with a strap-on. Oh, yeah, she's not into that.
Leyna: Again get back to this thing is it is it just purely sexual there's no emotional thing, right.
Guest: No, there's nothing.
Leyna: Because pursuing someone and flirting with someone is a little more emotional, it's not a purely sexual act right there's a different kind of attraction there, it's almost like romantic. Yeah, it sounds like when you're in the moment, it's just a sexual act.
Guest: It’s animalistic.It's primal visceral it's. Yeah, it feels really good in the moment but outside of that…
Leyna: How much have you guys progressed, like So you went from, you know just wanting, maybe the threesome that 99.9% of men out there, fantasize about to what?
Guest: Well we've had, we've had a pool party here. Five, five couples here granted not all five played and stayed.
There's been group experiences, mostly group experiences I would say the, the single male was a threesome. But then everything else was, oh and then we had that full swap first experience but then everything else has been a group like multiple couples.
Leyna: Is it multiple couples, just in the same room, or multiple couples like puppy pile.
Guest: um, in this same room, so when we went to a Christmas party we ended up with the, with the 22 year old and then there were two other couples there as well and so we had two beds and, You know, we were just kind of all, just meld it all every time. Yeah, just going back and forth and swapping and I mean I don't even know these men's names.
Leyna: Merry Christmas!
Leyna: Is there anything that you want to do that you haven't yet.
Guest: Um, so I think our next progression that we really talk a lot about and we haven't done yet because we haven't found the right people is, we've always played together. We've always been in the same room, same people, same experience and I think that we're ready to start venturing out on solo play. I know me, I would really, really love if he had a single woman play partner, like even on the regular. I would love that, that just that gets me so hot whenever I think about that.
Leyna: Is the rule then that he's got to tell you about it.
Guest: Oh yes, oh yes and I have to. And also one of our big rules I think that helps with the transparency is that all of our communication with everybody is out in the open, so were we all
Leyna: Do you have to approve of the other person. Yes. Oh, absolutely. It was like she comes to me with her shopping list. Yeah, I like this one. And I like this one.
Leyna: So, what's your fantasy, J?
Guest: My whole thing is watching her. Be satisfied. So it's like my whole thing especially when we're having sex is I always talk about like, what would it be like if somebody else was behind you, or, you know, she's got a fantasy. She's got a really dirty fantasy and is really really really really want to fulfill it for her.
Leyna: Girl, you're holding out on me.
Guest: She's got a five man limit right now. I just I just want to be used and abused and spoiled rotten by like five to seven men at one time.
Leyna: So you want to gang bang.
Guest: I do, I do.
She'll she'll be on, like some of the swinging sites and she’ll like she'll come across, because there's a lot of single guys on the swing sites and she'll she'll come across when she goes I like this one. So, I'll start up a conversation, and this time I'm going to vet. I'm going to meet,
Guest: Well see okay so going back to our single male, how it was a rookie mistake was originally J was supposed to meet with him for drinks just so you know kind of feel him out, you know, get to know him, you know, make sure that physically he's what I would like, and we ended up not doing that so it was a surprise when it came to the door but then the other big giant surprise which totally turned us off and we've never talked to this person again in fact we blocked him on all of our social media outlets and was we're lying in bed afterwards and we start talking about you know just random stuff and he tells us he's married and his wife has no idea that he's in the lifestyle.
Leyna: Oh no.
Guest: I know, I know we were pissed.
Leyna: I bet. What's interesting is I think that people who are not at the lifestyle, don't understand is that there is still a code of morality.
Leyna: Qithin the lifestyle you know people think this just people who don't approve think that this is so immoral and just
Guest: it's just like a fuckathon right it's not,
Leyna: but it's about a lot of trust. And there is a moral code within the lifestyle.
Guest: There absolutely is.
Leyna: They don't stand for cheating and lying and hiding and all that stuff.
Guest: You meet some of the best people in the lifestyle, some of the most upstanding people you'll, you'll ever want to meet some of the nicest people you'll ever want to meet. I mean if I don't have sex with half of the people I've ever met in the lifestyle, just knowing that they're there to talk to.
Yeah, we've made a lot of really good friends that we've never actually even played with the lifestyle people are so cool and yeah there is a code of ethics that comes with that and I think that's one of the things is everybody's just so you know upfront and transparent, with the exception of that one. Yeah. Yeah, I was so pissed.
Leyna: J, are you saying your, what's your fantasy?
Guest A reverse gang bang.
Leyna: A what?
Guest: A reverse gang bang. Well, he was a whole reverse game. Oh,
Leyna: Oh, you want a harem.
Guest: No. But no seriously, I would, I would love, my fantasy is to fulfill her fantasy. I would love to see her in just complete bliss. But then, on, on the other hand, I would love just a huge like 1970s Key party, It’s not like that anymore. It's not like that. I'm in it for her. As cheesy as that sounds. I'm in for her. Granted I get my thrills out of it but
You absolutely do you get spoiled. The challenge is, for men, is that there's, I mean, single men I mean, there, there's so many, you know, but the finding women is very difficult.
Leyna: Right, well that's why they're called unicorns.
Guest: Are you single?
Leyna: No, I’m married.
Guest: Oh, sorry.
Leyna: Okay last words. Last words on either how this has affected your relationship or your life, or if you have any advice for people who were kinda like you before all this you know, like having to suppress those freaky ideas that they've got.
Guest: I would say if, if you feel that you have to suppress them with who you're with. Now, I wouldn't push it. I mean it's a whole nother level of trust, and I mean if you're if you think that swing is going to help your marriage, it's not. If anything it's gonna it's gonna make it worse really so if you have a bad marriage you already have insecurities and going into the lifestyle if you already have insecurities, you're just going to multiply.
Guest: J and i have conversations before we have any experience about okay what are our boundaries what what's the no go tonight. What are you comfortable with what's our safe word like how do we, you know, tell each other that, you know, we went out of this like, you have to have a whole lot of conversation.
Leyna: How do you communicate “I need we need out” how is it like a hard thing or do you have code or a way to get out of it nicely?
Guest: Oh, we haven't. We haven't used an out yet. We haven't had to yet but I'm thinking, let's let's set parameter now and say if I ever need a Coors Light. Oh, I'm out. Okay, all right, that sounds good, so we're good.
Leyna: And here's hoping he'll never need that beer, j and k, thanks for being on the show and sharing with us your story. Alright, next time on Consenting Adults have you heard of the term, Yoda swingers? They're couples who have a lot of knowledge to impart because they've been in the lifestyle so long and have a lot of experience. Threesome.
Guest: Yes, yes.
Leyna: Public sex?
Guest: Yes, yes.
Leyna: I don't know. Now I'm just finding out exactly how vanilla I am. So catch the next episode of Consenting Adults do or do not. There is no try.
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