Ep 31 Hot Wives

Putting societal stigmas to bed about women and sex, these two hot wives are not shy about their sex lives. Both married to men, they found each other on a lifestyle website and clicked as a foursome. Now, they have a podcast together and talk about open marriages, kink and BDSM, meeting couples to play with, their first time seeing their husbands with someone else, things they're just not into, controlling emotions, and becoming a quaran-team during the COVID-19 pandemic.

EP 31 – Hot Wives
Transcription:
 
0:00
(Sizzle Reel)
 
How about your husbands.  They’re both straight. I'm actually a little surprised at how unruffled, they are you know you get into like a DP or a DVP there's a lot of incidental touching, and you don't even think about it. I do like anal play of this is taking it to a whole nother level.
It was a lot of sensation going on, and it was pretty overwhelming and it was pretty amazing. I have to say you know you have nerve endings there. With a hidden secret door. Oh. And it's soundproof and it's filled with toys, what you guys have kids too, right, we do. Is that why there's a hidden door. Yes. And a lot of soundproofing That's right. Just thinking about it makes me want to clench my whole body.  But I knew that I liked anal play, I like a finger. I like, you know, touching around the area. One guy, who's the anchor, usually the biggest guy, and I don't mean his biceps, laying on the bed, and then you the woman would get on top of him sort of cowgirl style. Once that position, you know, once you're kind of good in that position. If you lean forward a little bit. The other guy can be behind sort of straddling the first guy's legs, and an Enter, Enter you from behind, lubrication is an absolute must. I think that might be why a lot of swingers are in their 40s Right, that's when our kids are getting to an age where we're like okay now what, yeah. Now, let's have some fun for us. Get ready. This is consenting adults.
 
2:24
Leyna:             My guest today are two women in their 40s, both business owners, both in committed relationships, in fact their marriages and you're both in open marriages. That's right, it's gonna get very very interesting. What I'm gonna love about this conversation is that society doesn't really look kindly upon women who are enthusiastic about sex, right so if you're a woman, and you're really experienced, and you want to experiment. Society has always kind of looked at those women as like promiscuous right, they've got y'all they're whores their sleds or whatever, but if you're a ban. Ooh, then it's, oh he is, he's experienced, he knows what he's doing and, and we don't look at men. The same way we look at women, when we're talking about sex. That's not fair.
Guest:             Exactly right. Yes, the the messages that women get from a really young age about sex is just phenomenally fucked up and contradictory right, young women are not expected to want sex there's supposed to be good girls and get also have, like, amazing oral skills as soon as they walk into the bedroom, it's very very mixed up messages, well and then we're supposed to relate with men who've been given exactly the opposite message. And so how are we supposed to come together with any kind of real cohesive costed sex life. Right. Leyna:                  Okay so, but aside from being open about talking about sex. You guys have gone and taken a step or 20 further. And that is, you're in open marriages and now you're doing this podcast and you're talking about things like, you know, BDSM and hall passes and being with you know other partners and, and I'm not sure all your your into so we're going to get to that, but did you guys know each other before or how did this happen this friendship.
Guest:             We met on a lifestyle couples date, close to two years ago so we both sort of independently discovered the lifestyle with our husbands and had been active for a while before we met each other and we just sort of immediately clicked, as a foursome which is really unusual.
Leyna:             I wasn't sure whether you guys are just like two girlfriends who have this cool show and you're going to talk about all things sex, or if you actually have had have been intimate with each other.
Guest:             Mostly we sort of husband swap, if you will, but we have, you know somewhat a sexual relationship as well but really it's more being girlfriends.
Leyna:             Is there a difference between open marriages and swinging.
Guest:             I prefer the term open because it doesn't seem to have so much baggage so much labels associated with it. Most people think about swinging as just sex. Sometimes even just anonymous sex.
Leyna:             Which by the way, there's nothing wrong with that either, right?
Guest:             Absolutely we, you know, to each his own.  We just like it to be a more all encompassing term, you know, if you're saying swinging and people immediately have certain ideas of what that is that's all we are.
Leyna:             I want you to tell me all the wonderful things you guys do so. Besides, swapping  Okay, so besides swapping, What else are you guys into?
Guest:             I think that's a great question because we meet so many lifestyle couples whose sex lives are actually kind of boring boring really vanilla.
6:12
And we have explored a lot of different kink spaces that was something that Mr. Ams that I actually got started in before we discovered the lifestyle was was kink and BDSM. So we were exploring that space for a few years for catch that's new for ya BDSM is not something that I have explored prior to really this for some relationship, and we sort of have, you know, Mr. Kat and I mostly were interested in erotica, and how to make our sex lives more fulfilling just for the two of us. Yeah, but when we started talking about opening up our marriage, it was more, how do we meet other couples that are like minded, wanting to do the same kinds of things that, that we like to do and the erotica that we were reading was sort of in that realm of, you know, opening up your marriage voyeurism husband swapping Yeah, and it got more and more interesting, it just really the conversation just went in that direction and the more and more we talked about it, the more we found that we were mutually interested in, in pursuing that. So yeah, we are happily married women and sex is our hobby.
Leyna:             The first time I heard someone describe sex as a hobby. I compared it to bowling.
7:39
And it's like, because it. So many of you treat it like that, it's kind of just something fun, it's extra curricular you do in addition to the already great relationship you already have.
Guest:             Yeah, I think that's exactly right. Yeah
Leyna:             And wouldn't you say that most couples in the lifestyle, have a great relationship, because people outside the lifestyle, they're like, oh well, you really can't love your husband if you want to share them.
Guest:             If they don't have a great relationship, they're usually out of the lifestyle pretty quickly or they're out of the marriage pretty quickly. Yeah, most of the couples that we've met have been amazing and you can see the bond you can see the connection that they have with each other. Plus, there is no bigger turnoff than meeting a couple who are disrespecting each other, right, we want to know that they're loving and happy and that they're, nobody's being dragged along into the experience.
Leyna:             So let's get to you guys individually first Ams, Can you tell me about your first experience, what you would call a lifestyle experience for a sexual experience.
Guest:             Yep. Super fumbly very very funny. Really nice couple who was also very very new to the lifestyle, and we met them on a date, and we got along really well just the chance to talk so openly with another couple was such a new and fun experience for us because you can't talk about sex with anybody. So we had a great first date, and we set up a second date, to play. We got a really nice hotel room and met them in the hotel lobby. Now the hotel rooms aren't quite as nice. They're still great, but you know when you start doing this for a while. The hotel rooms add up so we found ones that aren't quite as expensive as the first one.
 
9:36
But we went up into the hotel room and we played a card game, so a little like truth or dare Spin the Bottle card game, then then we started kissing each other, and the idea of the experience was a lot sexier than the experience itself.
Leyna:             Why was that?
Guest:             Well, we didn't know what the fuck we were doing for one, the other gentleman had a little bit of trouble, I don't want to say performing but just his head wasn't in the game. I think he thought the idea of, of seeing his wife with another man was going to be a turn on. And at the end of the day, it did not seem to turn him on.
Leyna:             The situation wasn't as sexy as you thought, it would be and it wasn't anything that was physical right it was actually just the vibe?
Guest:             Yeah, well the physical wasn't great either like it took a long time. For me personally, and Mr. Ams, to get better at communicating what we liked what we wanted, what we needed from a new partner because we've been together for so long. We knew each other's bodies so well but when you start to play with a new couple. If you're not communicating how you like to be touched and what turns you on, you're pretty much guaranteed to have a mediocre experience.
Leyna:             Okay, let's get to Kat like can you tell tell me about your first sexual experience in the lifestyle.
Guest:             First date in the lifestyle is really just sort of, you meet up, you see if there's any chemistry at all. And we have a rule that we don't play with anybody on the first date, takes the pressure off immediately, you don't have to worry about anything. And so we went on three dates, all of them were not great.
11:27
Leyna:             How come?
Guest:             I think it's a lot like any regular dating site right like okay Cupid or or Tinder or whatever, you, you talk to a person online and you see pictures and then you meet them in person, and it doesn't quite match up with what you thought it was gonna be. And we were so new to this whole thing it was we really didn't know what to expect. We didn't know we didn't know anything. So we sort of just jumped right in, but knew we were just going to take things slow, and when we found a four way connection which is really hard to find. Yes. Then we would be like, thumbs up, though my personality is a little flirtatious and outgoing and I tend to just have a good time wherever I am and so I think you know with our first couple of dates, well with the very first date for sure. I think that Mr. Kat Thought I was on board and I was not on board, but finally we did meet a couple number four that we hit it off with right away, there was physical chemistry there was mental chemistry we talked, laughed, had a good time. And then we set up a date with them.
 
12:38
Leyna:             And?
Guest:             Dot, dot, dot.
12:42
They actually were more experienced than we were. So this they knew too that this would be our first experience and they were, they were so great, you know, they, that's one thing that I think is amazing is that most of the couples, I would say almost all the couples that we've met, whether we've hit it off to play or not have been really sweet and respectful and just really cool and so these two they, they sort of knew that they were, they were bringing us along. You know, they had us over to their house, where they grilled steaks. I think that's the thing, swinger code or you're getting laid.
13:23
But we were drinking wine and I don't, I don't typically drink wine. I think I got a little tipsy. I wasn't getting tipsy and then doing something I didn't want to do though, I mean I knew what I was there to do.
 
13:36
Um, we ended up in the hot tub, and then they had a little room that they had set up like a playroom, little time in the hot tub and little wine and fun and great conversation and one of them I think just said like let's, let's go to the bedroom, and I was like, okay, and it was great, it for me, this first experience was fantastic, and I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that the other couple was experienced, so there wasn't a lot of fumbling Enos they sort of took the lead and kind of brought us right along and we had a great time we had a lot of fun. And at the end of the evening, though I, I was a little dizzy and Mr. Kat got me out of there very quickly, because he knew that that meant I was in trouble.
 
17:21
But it was a lot of fun and I have a very good memory of that first experience.
Leyna:             Can either if you talk to the like the first time you witness your partner with someone else, like you know how you're one, that one guy Ams, You know, thought it would be great and sexy and didn't seem to really like it when he saw his wife was someone else. What did you think it would be like, and what was the reality?
Guest:             It's interesting that you asked that question because I had actually the opposite concern. I worried about how Mr. Kat was going to feel when he saw me with someone else.
 
17:58
I just I worried that he would no longer see me as his girl is. His, yeah, yeah and that worried me more than anything and I think that was a lot of my hesitation. My husband's a stud.
18:13
Sexy he's, yeah, I didn't, I don't know why I, I didn't think I was going to have a hard time seeing him with someone else and seeing him with someone else. I enjoyed seeing him enjoy himself. I liked seeing him Have fun. He was connecting with me the whole time. You know, he may have been with her, but he wasn't completely, just with her he was when we were all in the room together, so he made lots of eye contact with me. There was, you know, reaching over and touching me and we were in close enough proximity he could whisper in my ear. It was great, but I, I mostly worried about how he was going to feel see me, And it turns out he was okay with it.
 
18:58
For me and Mr. Ams…he had always expressed a fantasy of seeing me with another man, that turned him on him, and I knew that going into the lifestyle. It actually turns out. Once we have done it for a while and we've done some separate play and it's less of a turn on for him than he thought, which was an interesting, that was kind of an interesting little hurdle to overcome. For me, watching him with someone else. For the first time I felt a term that we learned through the lifestyle which is compassion, right I felt I could see how much joy, he was experiencing with someone else, and it brought me joy. It's kind of like when you give a really great Christmas present and you see somebody open that up and, and, you know the joy that you bring to that person by giving them something that, that is how I feel 98% of the time. Every once in a while, I will see Mr. Adams, have a look on his face. And I think, Oh, that's my look.
 
20:13
And I have to sit with that for a minute and just, you know, sit with that level of discomfort and let it kind of wash over me, and then it's gone.
Leyna:             Through your journey, both of you. Have you experienced anything that that really you didn't think you'd be into, like before you got involved in all this stuff, like to me, I hear so many people talk about BDSM and how much they enjoy, like there's no, there's nothing in my head that even makes me want to try it because it just, there's nothing, you know what I mean. So have you guys discovered anything that like you like that you didn't even think you'd like.
Guest:             I'll say that I'm, I'm with you on that one, because I didn't think it was anything that I would like either and in fact that's why I didn't go there, I think that I thought BDSM was a sort of cruel mean and I didn't want anybody to treat me that way I thought, why do I want to be hit. I don't like that and I think of it as being hit, but I realized that it's more about creating a sensation, and I'm not experienced for sure, with any of that but I'm learning and I'm, I'm trying to explore them, trying to be open minded about it because in the space that I'm in, I trust completely, the people that I'm with. I will tell you one thing. I'm not sure what kind of like spanking. Yeah, I know. Well, you know, it builds up, it's not something, it's not like all of a sudden, you're being spanked really hard and it's, it's not coming from a place of of aggression at all. But I really like being tied up. I like being restrained. It's something that clicks in your mind that's just Whoa, it's really makes my heart pound and yeah it makes me feel tingly all over.
 
22:04
For me, the whole idea of lifestyle and playing with other couples was not actually what Mr. Adams and I were seeking out from the beginning. Yes, we thought okay, we'll have some play experiences, but it was always approaching it as sex toys, right, you made some really cool fun people and have a fun sexual experience but they're like your little sex toys, and then you go back and you have your own relationship it's all just for play for our relationship.
 
23:02
What I have found in the lifestyle, is that we've developed really close ties, obviously with with Kat and Mr. Kat, but for the sex if for nothing else, I find it's really important to me to have a connection with the people that I'm with. So the more I play with the same couple mostly the same guy, the closer that connection, builds, and the better that sexual experience is, so we kind of went into it thinking there's no feelings involved right it's just sex. And as we've played in the space, the more that there's some attachment there's some emotional connection, the more I enjoy it.
Leyna:             Is there ever. You know when you talk about building those relationships so let's say the four of you. Okay, you have a relationship and emotions there that you don't have with other couples. Does it ever like Do you ever feel any kind of jealousy toward other couples, like, you know, let's say, you know, Mr. or Mrs. Kat find this awesome new couple. Is there ever kind of those jealousy or envy feelings.
Guest:             No, no, because that was never the rules of the game right what was never the relationship that we have with the four of us was never an exclusive relationship, there was no assumptions of exclusivity that we had to overcome it was always open.
Leyna:             Right. A lot of people, you know talk about rules. Yeah, you're when you're dealing with emotions, you can't like you can't say okay, let, we're not going to fall in love with people. So you can have that rule, whether or not it happens is just something whether or not it happens right. So and I think the the jealousy and love and anything else. Those are kind of emotions that you really can't control. So when you're talking about following rules, then you're talking about control. I'm not sure that people have total control over those emotions.
Guest:             Yeah. As the relationship between the four of us built, there was a lot of talk and drug all over. Is that something that we are okay with. And you're right, you can't control feelings. You can control actions, and for a long time, until we felt a higher level of stability and comfort for Mr. Ams and I, we had rules around actions, what we could or couldn't do to kind of box in the experience, the frequency of separate plays so for a while there was no separate play at all and then, when there was separate play, it would only happen so often so we kind of, you can't ask someone not to feel some way that that's not fair and it's not feasible, but you can control actions, and that's where we kind of kept it safe.
Leyna:             And  it sounds like you keep on like, you keep on pushing the goalposts back. Guest:                    In some way, maybe I mean as the trust between the four of us has built over time. Yeah, the rules change, because we're more and more comfortable but I would say, You know my feelings for Ams, are, are paramount, and that that's the most important part of this foursome to me, because if I don't have a good connection with Ams, then none of this works. I think the friendship that the two of us have built together has been what has propped up a foursome the four, the four of us together.
Leyna:             Has there ever been any kind of drama like hurt feelings like with any friendship, right.
Guest:             So far so good. So far as I guess, how long have you guys known each other or been together, close to two years, well and a lot of this grew out of this pandemic, we can't go to meet and greets we can't go to events we can't meet other couples really, and we already knew that we liked each other so we just decided to form our own quarantine and hang out with each other and we hung out with each other so much that we just became closer and closer and so if there's a problem that comes up, we talk about it, there really haven't. I wouldn't call them problems, or like challenges, but what you're talking about isn't completely foreign to us I mean, the fact that we were developing real feelings for each other was a topic of discussion.
Leyna:             Are you both straight Are you bisexual Are you bi curious are bi situational or whatever?
Guest:             Situational I like that yeah, maybe the best. I never thought that I was bi, from the beginning, but curious, for sure, as we have been with other couples, that sort of that feeling is just women are beautiful. It's very easy to cross that line a little bit and then a little bit more. We hug and kiss each other all the time, like, you know, when we see each other on the street. Men don't do that with each other, but we do. And so, crossing that line just a little bit, just a little bit more, just a little bit more, it's not. And it doesn't seem weird to me at all, it's comfortable and it's very situational. For me personally, it's not something I seek out, we've met plenty of women in the lifestyle who are in the lifestyle because they want to explore that part of their sexuality. If the, if the vibe is right if the mood is right if the lighting is right, then sure, I'll go there. Yeah, but it's also, I played with plenty of couples where the, the woman has said, I am straight I don't want to play with women at all and that's cool, we can all still have a great time.
Leyna:             How about your husbands. They're both straight. I'm actually a little surprised at how unruffled, they are you know you get into like a DP or a DVP there's a lot of incidental touching. You don't even think about it, right, since you brought it up.
29:16
Leyna:             This dp and dp thing is that, like I am surprised to hear of how many women have done this in the lifestyle. Like, I would never even think of it, you know, that is, like, that has always been something that people joked about when they talked about porn. But it sounds like so many people do that, is that something that you did I tell me how you got here.
 
29:51
Guest:             So, not something that I had ever experienced, prayed lifestyle and it's not, it's not something that I ever thought I would do in the lives Yeah, it's, I mean you need to have a lot of trust with your playmates and that then the guys need to like each other really well sure, and so it's, you know it's not on the menu every day it's more seasonal.
 
30:15
It can be a really exciting, fulfilling overwhelming experience. If you are with partners that you trust, it's I highly recommend giving it a try, but, but it's not for everybody.
Leyna:             Can one of you really explain it to me. You know, everyone seems to talk about it as if it's just this thing like you should try meditation, it's really, it's so completely different like, can you explain the physical feeling, how do you enjoy it. Did you get to the point where you got to enjoy it or is it just all in your head like, wow look at this wild and crazy thing I'm doing.
 
30:58
Leyna:             Hello?  Are you there?
 
31:00
Guest:             We're here. Okay, let me jump in and then Kat, you had your first last night, right. Okay, so I'm gonna let you let you take it home but the way to start right can't draw your picture because we can't see each other but the way to start would be one guy who's the anchor, usually the biggest guy, and I don't mean his biceps, laying on the bed, and then you the woman would get on top of him sort of cowgirl style. Once that position, you know, once you're kind of good in that position. If you lean forward a little bit. The other guy can be behind sort of straddling the first guy's leg, and an Enter, Enter you from behind, lubrication is an absolute must for any kind of anal play. I think it's great for any kind of play, I'm a huge fan of lube, but it's absolutely necessary in that situation, I would say as like 50/50 whether it works. Everybody has to stay hard and and you got to get a rhythm going so it doesn't have like the highest hit rate but if you get if you get a rhythm going. It just feels really like overwhelming. It's just a lot of sensation going on at one time so it can be very exciting habit you all right well how did that go well.
 
32:28
I'm not super experienced with anal to begin with. So, for me, this has been a more, a slower entry into this Yeah, but I have to say. So, you know, the important thing is the trust that you have with the people that you're with, they go very slow and it was kind of amazing. You’re blushing.  I know, I wasn’t expecting talk about this.
32:55
It was a new experience for me it was something that I was interested in. I do like anal play of this is taking it to a whole nother level. It was a lot of sensation going on, and it was pretty overwhelming and it was pretty amazing. I have to say you know you have nerve endings there, it makes sense and so to have everything being stimulated all at the same time, pretty fucking amazing. Yeah.
Leyna:             Because when I think of it, it sounds painful.
Guest:             Yeah, I would tell you that that's how I thought of it for a long time too. In fact, just thinking about it makes me want to clench my whole body.
33:33
But I knew that I liked, anal play, I like a finger, I like, you know, touching around the area. And when you're having sex and you're, you know, there's a little finger there and you see that you. Oh my gosh, it just takes you to this next level, you realize that you want to explore that a little further and then a little further. And so, I would say you know for me, I'm kind of tiny in general, you know, so I think that it took a little bit to get me kind of used to something bigger than a finger practice Yeah, but when everything is moving like it's supposed, it's pretty, it's, it didn't make me want to clench anymore. Yeah, pretty cool. It's fun. You shouldn't have sex. That's painful. Right, right. If you are doing anal play, or any other kind of sexual position, if you're in pain stop, like why is it that women will continue to have sex when it's painful for them. It's fucking ridiculous, like, take the time to get aroused or to lubricate or you don't just give yourself time to build that pleasure and stop, if you're in pain, and don't do anything, you don't really want to do. Yeah, if a finger doesn't turn you on, then, then the other isn't going to either so forget it.
Leyna:             Is there a lot of toy usage in the lifestyle?
Guest:             That's an interesting question. It took us a while to feel comfortable bringing toys to a play experience, took us a while to even just bring out lube in a play experience. And now, I would say, probably 75% of the time, bring out a toy. Wow, you guys have a big stash, so we record in a play room. That is off of Mr. Ams in my bedroom that with a hidden secret door. And so, it's soundproof and it's filled with toys.
Leyna:             Well you guys have kids to right?
Guest:             We do.
Leyna:             Is that why there's a hidden door.
Guest:             Yes. And a lot of soundproofing. That's right.
 
35:48
Leyna:             Speaking of children, you guys are in your 40s So your children are young. Yes? yes, school-age children. How do you do all this, when you have kids, I mean that's a lot of scheduling.
 
36:03
Guest:             It is. It's a balancing act, we are really fortunate and having a few friends in the lifestyle and we've kind of gotten into the habit and our kids are all friends with each other. So I've kind of gotten in the habit of sending the kids all to one person's house and then the other to get to play and kind of round robin that way.
Leyna:             Lifestyle daycare.
Guest:             My children. My children are just a little bit older, I have a daughter who's more mature and so you know they can stay by themselves for several hours and yeah, and my daughter will watch the others and it was very liberating when the kids were old enough to be left alone for a few hours at a time and not have to get a babysitter for every single first date. I mean, we've met plenty of couples who are still in the babysitter phase and it's tough. They just can't really play as much as they would like to or even just meet people as much as they would like to, I think that might be why a lot of swingers are in their 40s Right, that's when our kids are getting to an age where we're like okay now what, yeah. Now, now, let's have some fun for us. Leyna:              So you just turn this video on Johnny, you guys just play for a little bit, right.
Mommy and Daddy. We'll be right back.
 
37:20
You know when you reach your 40s and you know your kids are a little bit older and they're a little more independent. But what about you guys, what about reaching the age where I don't know are you more comfortable with your bodies are you more vocal about your wants and needs. I mean, do you think your age has anything to do with how much you're able to enjoy your sex lives now.
Guest:             I do, yes. I mean, you know I think Ams talked early on about how much just bullshit. We are fed, when we're younger, you know, save yourself for marriage, you have to be a good girl, he won't want you if you give it to him for free.
38:00
As we get older we have kids, we, we move through these stages of our life, it's sort of like we grow as people we explore different things we are exposed to different things and we realize there's so much more out there than then sort of what we're sort of fed, you know, from, from a young age and when we start to explore those things what between now and dead, you know, fun, that's awesome fucking fun Yeah, and it's really been fun. Yeah, I think of it as Mr. Ams and I kind of had our midlife crisis together, and that's a good way to put it, you wake up one day you realize maybe close to half your life is is over and how do I want to spend the rest of it, we knew we wanted to be together, we knew we wanted to have more fun. We had a couple of friends who were going through divorces and that was a huge wake up call like how do we not take our relationship for granted.
 
39:01
And, and so we were mature enough to have that conversation and to really explore without feeling like that was going to be a threat to our marriage, but gosh I wish that I had been more open in my 20s and I hope that kids in their 20s are things that are a little bit more, figuring this out earlier than we did well and I would say, to like, here we are in our 40s we're hanging out with people who are, who are like minded right we're hanging out with a lot of lifestyle friends, it's not always playtime. No, we hang out we barbecue we, we do all kinds of things we go to concerts, we go skiing, we have whole weekends where there's no sex, other than with your own partner, yes you know it's not like it's a an orgy every, every time we get together, you know, but what's nice is that there's just this comfort level, where you can just say whatever you want, you just talk about everything and it's so much fun and it's just liberating.
Leyna:             I think that our audience, unlike a lot of other podcasts where it's all lifestyle people. A lot of our audience are not lifestyle people. If it sounds intriguing. What are the first steps, what do you do how do you get in without getting burned?
Guest:             We started with erotica, reading about it, talking about it, you know, Mr. Kat sent me stories. And I would send him stories, his stories got more and more exciting and salacious and sort of started to push the envelope of openness and swinging, and it opened up discussions. I would say, you know, have some conversations, but you have to approach it without deciding that the other person has some sort of ulterior motive in mind, right. I mean, he, he was sending me a lot of different stories from a lot of different genres of of eroticism, right, and, and so I made an effort not to judge what he was thinking, but just, you know, listening to the words he was saying. And I would just say there's no harm in exploring there's no harm in talking about it, there's no harm in reading about it. You don't have to do anything, you don't have to go all the way down the street. You know sometimes the place you are is just is just right and there's nothing wrong with, with talking about it. Yeah. So, what we like to say kind of over and over again in our podcast is use your motherfucking words.
You may or may not know what turns you on, sexually, especially women right we have such a tough time separating out like what we enjoy sexually, from what we think we should enjoy or what our partner enjoys. But the only way you can explore your sexuality with your partner is to tell him what you want to explore so take the time erotica is a great way to like start to explore the things that turn you on whether that's lifestyle with it that's kink and BDSM whether that's exhibitionism or an awesome sex vacation, like you have to think, what is it that I want, you have to tell your partner what you want, and then, oh my god shocker. He wants to give you what you want. He's thrilled to make your sexual fantasies come true.
 
42:33
Leyna:             I think a lot of women would be pleasantly surprised. Men want to hear what's going to turn you on, yes. Yeah, right. I don't know what it is is that because they think it's so out there do they think they're gonna turn their man off. Do they think, Oh, he's gonna think I'm a slut. I'm not sure what it is but over and over I keep on hearing like men want to hear…
 
42:56
Guest:             Because we're so fucking confused, women have no idea what they want and guys, God left us, didn't have great cocks, we’re a huge fan, but they're simple creatures they just want to be told what to do so, like, if I had one advice for the women out there, figure out what you want. Tell your partner what you want, he is dying to give it to you. Yes.
 
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Leyna:             And there you go advice from the two hot wives, you can look them up at 2hotwives.com they're also on Twitter, just look up the number 2hotwives. Next time on Consenting Adults  a couple in Texas, decides to go to a sex club, It almost ends in disaster as they get into a fight inside the club, but things got better pretty quickly.
Guest:             First couple that says hello sound and music to Eyes Wide Shut – it’s forget about it. Yeah, first couple was like Hi, what's your name shook hands. Somehow, he ended up the group theater room on the back couch, we had probably about 15-16 people watching us, Leyna:                        Doing what?
Guest:             We swapped yeah you were with her I was with him and then I was on her.
Leyna:             That's next time on Consenting Adults.