Ep 29 Accidental Swingers

This couple accidentally agreed to a swinging playdate and haven't looked back since. From learning the rules to first experiences with toys and swinger etiquette, Myrina & Tristan share why, despite an awkward first experience, they're in it for good.

EP Accidental Swingers
Transcript:

0:00
(Sizzle Reel)

So they literally showed up with this huge duffel bag full of toys, and which apparently was only a sampling of their collection right. Well, we, we narrowed it down to our favorites and I was like holy shit, I don't even want to know, probably never in a million years and we said, let's walk in and find a random couple to fuck, I would have said, Oh, hell no, that's not how I roll, but because it happened, the way that it happened it was one of the hottest things, and I still don't know their names, and she tells the husband. Oh, get the magic wand and use that on Myrina, and I'm like magic wand. What's that, so I don't know Leyna if you're familiar with the magic wand is but it's a super high-powered vibrator. He whips out the magic wand and plugs it into the wall the lights dim the whole hotel probably went dark for a minute, turns this thing on touches it barely to my clitoris, and I probably blew three feet off the bed my eyes rolled back in the back of my head, I couldn't talk. The wife turns to me and she says well it's okay with me if it's okay with you, and I said, It's okay with me if it's okay with you, But I didn't know what I was agreeing to one second, so it's okay with her husband is okay with her and it's okay with you, how did you cuz he's like how the fuck am I supposed to be with this woman like I've only been with one woman for 20 years and I suppose and she started talking about what she watches our Well, first of all, she started out by talking about flogging and paddling. All this BDSM stuff that we had no knowledge of whatsoever. Triangular clear plastic thing that you can put on her vulva and then you pump it up and the theory isn't a draws all the blood, and it makes her more sensitive, but it really did though is just kind of make everything kind of puffy and disturbing looking and really wasn't very sexy to me, but she liked it so did that. So let's get it!

(Podcast Show Open)

2:41
Leyna: My guest today are a couple in their early 50s Who three years ago, accidentally fell into swinging. After being monogamous for 25 years, they started recording themselves talking about their experiences so after coming back from a date or an event or a party they would record themselves. And so now they have a podcast that's going to be different from other podcasts and that they're able to play that raw audio to bring back the experience and really listen to what it was like right after it happened so we'll get to that in just a minute. Let's meet them and find out how this accident happened, Myrina and her husband Tristan are here. So you've been together for a long time and you're monogamous for 25 years. what happened.

3:36
Guest: The short version of the story is that we actually were going out to dinner with a couple that lived in our neighborhood that we've been friends with for a couple of years and we just never gone out to dinner or anything with them, we didn't really talk about much about swinging or lifestyle stuff then we weren't into it we didn't know anything about it, but, but the conversation had a sexy undertone to it and so there was some alcohol involved and we were just having a really good time, but we had such a great time we said well let's go out again so we planned a second date to go out to dinner with them. And at this point in time, we went out with them and things turned very sexy in our conversations, and there was a little bit more alcohol involved and we went dancing, and things just kind of, kind of took a turn and the husband of the other couple leaned over and kissed me on the dance floor and I said oh goodness that's unusual. And so I said well we you know, I don't, I don't know what, you know what you're thinking. And so he said oh gosh that's okay here, let's go back over to me Tristan and my wife and so he said to his wife, do you need to take her to the restroom you do ladies need to go to the restroom. So, as ladies often do what I said okay so we were going to the restroom and the wife turns to me and she says well it's okay with me if it's okay with you, and I said, It's okay with me if it's okay with you, but I didn't know what I was agreeing to

5:07
Leyna: Wait a second, so it's okay with her husband is okay with her and it's okay with you, how did you know that it would be okay with your husband?
Guest: Because I've known him long enough that that was not going to be a problem and I was right.

5:24
Leyna: In all the years that you've been together, have you ever discussed this kind of thing with each other. Like how did you know you would be okay.
Guest: Yeah, we have from time to time but not not in any kind of serious way. And typically it would be, you know, we were watching something on TV or watching a movie and we would see, you know, something sexy and we wouldn't say hold that would be really fun to, you know, to just kind of try something new and spice things up a little bit. And at one point Myrina had seen a an HBO Real sex special, that was about a resort in the Caribbean which we presented as Hedo more now than we did then. And I had gone to bed she woke me up in the morning and attacked me and said you got to see this. And we got to go to this place. And at the time we were in our early 20s And it just started dating and had no money and last thing we're gonna do is go to Jamaica on a sex vacation, things like that over the years, every couple of years, something would come up, it would spark a little conversation and a little interest and then it would just go away, but it was always in the background.

6:27
Leyna: Nos, it was it was it just purely fantasy because, I mean I've talked to some couples where it may fantasize about it but when it gets right down to it, a lot of husbands aren't okay watching their wife have sex with someone else. 
Guest: Yeah, and honestly I didn't know whether I would be okay with it either, until it actually happened. And turns out that I'm quite okay with it, but nobody absolutely right. I mean, you really can't know until, until you're actually experiencing it. 

6:55
Leyna: Ok, so, take me back to that night so you're, you're in the ladies room, everyone seems to be okay with it, then what happened.
Guest: Well, then we went back out onto the dance floor and I did not get a chance to talk to Tristan at all. So we continued on and but Tristin saw what was going on, and so he decided he would kiss the wife, and she was accommodating and she was, you know, very okay with that. And how were you with it. Oh I was fine again because it really is bizarre and I do not recommend that by the way I do not recommend this for most couples, this is not something you should do, without talking about it first. We've been together for a very long time and know each other very well, and, and we knew this couple very well and so things just fell into place very easily for us, had it been a different couple or a different situation, we probably, this would not have happened. But anyway, so we went back into, like I said back out of the dance floor, and we just decided to kind of kiss and there was some hot steamy Latin dancing and some touching and and it carried over into the Uber ride home we had taken an Uber, and so we just let it kind of unfold and do its thing and trusted and the wife were in the back of the Uber and the husband and I were in the middle. And so, Tristan kind of kept an eye and he figured that he could do whatever I did so that that way he couldn't get in trouble because he said, Well if you you know, put your hand on his leg I could put my hand on her leg and he knew he couldn't get it 
Leyna: So was it a long ride home or was this a short trip. 
Guest: No, it was like 40 minutes or so. It was like high schoolers in the back of a van making out it was crazy. Like I said there was a little bit of alcohol involved, and our neighbors had to get up at like 630 in the morning, so that was it and I was over there was no yes that was some hot and heavy petting and kissing and things like that in the car, but there was nothing going to happen beyond that. So we walked home, we walked down the street, we're like what was that what happened like what are we, what are we do we said Do you think that they're swingers and, and we talked about they still hadn't told us

9:16
Leyna: What was your first clue, Myrina. Hello. 
Guest: I still we still didn't know. We didn't know any debt we didn't know anything. We didn't know words to use. We didn't know what people would say we didn't know it had they done that before they'd never told us that they had special friends with benefits that lived in their neighborhood before where they lived from years ago and so we didn't know anything and we kept saying no, no. This couple was for twos, you know square they're like us, they're like nerdy square people.  That's not who swingers are. I swear we still did not know, after that, that date until we then said, we connected a couple days later and I kind of took the bull by the horns and I said hey that was really hot. We should do that again. And so we, so we got, we said  we'll go ahead and we'll have dinner, again, and that's where things kind of came out that when we started talking about it, they started using words that, that we didn't understand like talking about, actually they asked us what are your rules about playing and, again, this is, this is how Myrina gets everybody in trouble I said, I don't know what are your rules. She said well we don't do this, you know, we don't play in several rooms and I said oh us either I had no idea what that meant. Yeah, whenever she said I just said oh yeah that sounds like what we would do. And I texted interested and I said, Holy shit, they're Swingers, and I just agreed to everything and I know what it is, what we're doing, I don't know what I've agreed to, but guess what, because it's like three weeks we now have to figure this out we had a three week window to figure out what the hell I had agreed to do, And, and that's how it started. Yeah, pretty

11:08
much, we went on a crash course, listening to podcasts, and I had actually been listening podcast. Previous to this, but I never told Myrina about it because in my mind, there was no point, because I didn't think she would be interested in this, I listen, I have about an hour commute each way to work and to and from and so I listened to, like, a couple of other lifestyle podcasts, and finally I just stopped because it became too frustrating for me because I thought there's no way that my wife would ever be interested in this lifestyle so I'm just torturing myself I'm, I'm just gonna drop this and not even talking to her about it. And so I did. So the point being, I did know a little bit and I have more of a background in terms of just basic knowledge of terminology and then then Myrina did but. So when she said things to me like this one  couple said that they won for the team actually knew what that meant, which basically means, you know when one Half of the couple is not interested in the other, you don't just forge ahead for the benefit of the other things like that, at least I had a rudimentary knowledge but I just agreed to it told me when.
12:20 
Leyna: Hey I want you in my poker game Myrina. 
Guest: That would be a very smart of you.
12:27
Leyna: Okay, so. So you like, you know, you you crammed and tried to learn as much as you can before this date that you have with this couple, take me to that night.

12:38
Guest: Well, we did we had about three weeks we crammed, we got a hotel, and we went out to dinner beforehand, and we're going out to dinner and we realized that the connection that Tristan and the wife had was not there. This particular evening, the husband and I always had been very flirty with each other there would always been like this teasy thing going back and forth and but there for whatever reason that night, the, the hotness the intensity was gone, and we didn't know what to do. Right.
13:14
We were not feeling it, and so we didn't have the ability at the time to, you know, kind of, say, Alright timeout let's talk, or we need breaks so I can talk to Myrina and see what we're gonna do. We didn't know any of that because we—this was all completely brand new to us.
Well we had crash-coursed about it and we knew how to do the step by step checklist stuff. But we didn’t get to the part where it said if there's gonna be no connection what do you do? We had done all the other leg work about how we're supposed to all happen and all that conversation you’re supposed to have with each other and, and the other couple and you're supposed to check in and you only move at the pace of the slowest person and all this stuff and we never dreamed that there would not be the connection between Tristan and the wife, and it wasn't hugely obvious it was just kind of something that something was off, that we, that we knew was going on but we, again, not knowing any differently. We forged ahead. That's what the date was all about. It was setting up this playdate and so
Leyna: Tristan took one for the team. 
Guest: Actually I think a wife, the other, other one took one for the team.
There’s no telling.
14:32
Leyna: So what happened, get to Okay, hold on. So you when you have dinner before you know you're going to have sex with people, do you like at dinner, do you make decisions like, I'm not going to eat that that's too garlicky

14:44
Guest: Oh absolutely, yeah she always watched what you're going to eat, watch, I always watch how much I drink. So I don't want to be accidentally drunk, and you don't realize it you know because it's a social thing and you're just used to drinking so I always watch what I drink, I watch what I eat, I don't get anything real heavy. 
Leyna: Okay so you ate a healthy dinner. And then what?
Gueset: So we got back to the hotel and we started talking about playing there we go again, having read and had having listened to all these podcasts, we had these rules that we thought we were supposed to follow so we started to talk about, is everybody still good to play and things like that. And they started telling us what they normally like they knew we had never played with anybody before they knew we really weren't Swingers, They were very experienced they've been a lifestyle for about 10 years. And were very active in where they lived before they just moved to the area about three years ago and so they knew that we didn't know anything. And then, when we talked about well, what do you like, and what do you don't like, she started talking about all this really crazy shit. I think and I'm sure my eyes got as big as saucers I think Tristan turned like ghostly white because he's like how the fuck am I supposed to be with this woman like I've been with only one woman for 28 years and she started talking about, what was she talking about?

16:14
She's well, first of all, she started out by talking about flogging and paddling. All this BDSM stuff that we had no knowledge of whatsoever. And then she started talking about how she wanted to try fire play. And to this day I don't really, I'm not sure that I understand what that is, even with all the experience in the interim,

16:34
Leyna We actually have an episode on fire play. And like I didn't understand it either, but you guys have probably been in the lifestyle and it doesn't take that long before you realize, there really is something for everyone. Oh yeah, there's a kink for the one right there's a fetish for it and there's just like if you can think about it, it turns somebody on. \
Guest: Oh yeah, absolutely. 
Leyna: So wow so she came at you with all this heavy hitting stuff.

17:00
Guest: Oh yeah, and I was terrified. Because here, You know, my style is completely opposite of that and for at that point 25 years I had been with one woman and one woman who enjoys very slow and passionate, loving sex, and that's what I that's my nature and that's what I knew how to do. And here was a new woman for the first time he wants me to essentially twist her nipples off and hit her. Drip candle wax all over and she didn't go that far, but that was something that was something that she said she liked, and so my thought was, there's no way in hell that I'm going to be able to satisfy this woman, and so for somebody who is I'm very, very concerned about satisfying my partners and so I was very worried that I'm not going to be able to you know to do what she wants me to do. And if those are the, you know the parameters and that's the bar then

17:55
now we actually, we even said, I, because I'm really not kidding you, my eyes were huge Tristan had turned white as a sheet, because I could see it going through his head like holy shit, what am I gonna do, so I even said look we don't, that's beyond where we are you know that we don't know anything and that's beyond where we are so we don't have to do this I mean I was ready to pull the plug because I thought, holy shit, this is not gonna go well, and after you said she was saying all that stuff and I said look we don't have to do this, and she's turned around, she said nope, let's get to it and she likes the hands and started taking off Tristan’s shirt I said, Okay. So apparently she was just laying out her wish list, but that wasn't what necessarily had to happen that evening so, so we forged ahead and got on with it, and it was, it was not great, no it was not a great experience. No, we didn't know anything. So I think the husband had some,… back up a little bit and talk about the toys.

18:59
Leyna: Wait Did someone say toys. Okay, the place to go is Adam and Eve dot com then at checkout just put in my name,  L E Y N A, and you're going to get 50% off any single item just about anything that they sell on the website, and you'll get free shipping and a bunch of free gifts as well so Adam and Eve dot com put my name at checkout L E Y N A and happy shopping!

19:23
Guest: They brought this huge duffel bag full of sex toys vibrators and dildos and I don't even know what was in there because I didn't look. And so she had jokingly or she had said do you want us to bring our sex toys and I said, okay, sure I don't have any because we don't, at the time really have many toys and I actually still don't. But anyways, so I said okay, so they literally showed up with this huge duffel bag full of toys and a girl. It was only a sampling of their collection right yes she said well we we narrowed it down to our favorites and I was like holy shit, I don't even want to know. And so yeah, so they have this huge duffel bag full of toys, we start playing, and she tells the husband. Oh, get the magic wand and use that on Myrina, and I'm like magic wand. What's that, so I don't know Leyna if you're familiar with the magic wand is but it's a super high-powered vibrator. There's two versions there's the battery version, and then the mack daddy industrial plug into the wall the lights dim when we turn it on version. That's what they had. They thought this would be great to try Myrina let's see what happens. And sure enough, he whips out the magic wand plugged it into the wall the lights dim the whole hotel probably went dark brown for a minute, turns this thing on touches it barely to my clitoris, and I probably blew three feet off the bed my eyes rolled back in the back of my head, I couldn't talk, was it was it good. Was it good or was it too much, it was a it was a lot. It was intense, but my body was like my brain was like what the fuck is that turn that off and my body just was like, Oh, hell no, this is amazing. Shut up brain. And so, keep it coming, I think I orgasm, probably very fast like I was so crazy something I had never felt before. Pushed me right over the edge, 
Leyna: Wait, so you've never used a vibrator before?
Guest: I've used a vibrator before but not this industrial strength, magic wand, like I didn't know they can be that powerful. Yeah, and I don't even know what setting they had it on they just turned it on. He touched me, I lost consciousness practically my whole body turned bright red because they were like oh my god, she's very bright red and Tristan said, oh no that’s  normal, that's a good sign that I get so flushed and so yeah I practically was partially paralyzed. So that was the one that was a good thing that did come out of it and, but I will tell you this day we still do not own one of those, because I'm afraid I will hurt myself. I've had the pleasure of using them a couple of times, and some play partners that we have, have them and that's enough. I don't want to get addicted to the Magic Wand because I have a feeling that would be a very bad thing to have happen.
Leyna: You may not be able to come back from one 
Guest: right exactly.
Leyna: right?
Guest: ‘cause how can a man's tongue feel as good as industrial strength. Yeah I think so I let that be a treat for when we're out and other places are with our other lovers, so

22:40
Leyna: Meanwhile while you're having like a seizure what's going on with this person.

22:45
Guest: Well I was with the wife and I, doing what I typically would do which is going very slow and being very sensual I love to kiss, and I love to spend a lot of time, kissing a woman, I love to spend a lot of time caressing her neck ear lobes, shoulders, I have this whole pattern that I that I enjoy, and probably 10 minutes into that she said, Trust and I'm not going to break. I interpreted that as okay I need to step this up a little bit. And meanwhile, actually, Myrina heard that on the other side of the bench, he said that's my fault. That's what I like. That's true. So, I, you know stepped it up a little bit and started going down on her. I started playing with her nipples and she likes, really, really rough intense nipple play which I had never experienced with a woman before because Myrina doesn't like that or at the time didn't like that, you know, I was kind of out of my comfort zone from start to finish with this. And then I start going down on her which I love and I can spend just, you know, hours doing that and she liked it but she wanted to get to the toys.

23:55
Leyna: Well, hello. Magic wand, right? 

24:01
Guest: Well before the magic wand she brought out something that it was a pussy pump, and which, to me it looked like the oxygen mask that drops down out of the overhead compartment on an airplane if there's an emergency and so literally is like a little triangular clear plastic thing that you can put on her vulva and then you pump it up and the theory is that it draws all the blood, and it makes her more sensitive. What it really did though is just kind of make everything kind of puffy and disturbing looking just really wasn't very sexy to me, and
But she liked it so I did that.

24:37
Leyna: Oh my gosh, ou know what I mean and I'm imagining in my head right now and I'm sure you guys are probably seen it like on social media with all this silly, women who would pump up their lips, and sometimes they do it falsely with that thing, and it looks ridiculous. It looks like a monkey's ass right. 
Guest: That's pretty much what I was looking at. 
Eyna: Alright. Gosh, you got, I gotta I gotta give you guys credit for like hanging with it, because, especially for newbies to, kind of, you know, go into it and see heavy artillery. It would scare most… I mean, I'm surprised you were able to get it up. 

25:13
Guest: No did. I was fine. And actually, I'm not sure if I did I use, so we had been on a cruise, probably a couple, actually no, that was before the cruise, so I didn't have any viagra. Now, when we're in a new couple or in a group setting, I always take a little bit of Viagara. And I don't think that I did though for that because we hadn't been on our cruise. So the first time I'd ever gotten it was, you know, had a Mexican pharmacy. And so, but that was the, this was pre cruise and so yeah, 
Leyna: You were so old school. You guys are so old school. Right. In Mexico, and prescriptions at a pharmacy.

25:54
Guest: We are, I tell you we're like the prettiest swingers. I always say, I will I know I do still jokingly joke that I'm the prettiest vanilla swinger that there is. Yeah, and I talked about it my sex life with everybody on the planet who wants to listen but I still, I'm still a prude and I still get shocked by some of these things but, but that's really like how that whole evening went and it was all these crazy experiences, and we ended up not even, I ended up not having sex with him because he did have issues. And so, it was all toy based, and we stopped when we were done playing, we thought we were taking a break and so, because all the podcasts, we listened to talked about you take a break and then you go back in for round two. And so this is good we were at a good breaking point, there have been some oral sex and that was good and I think, did you actually even have sex with her. No I did not. That's why That's why because they didn't. That was all just oral sex so a lot of stuff. She went down on me yeah and and she finished me that way. We thought that was round one and then we're gonna stop and have a drink and some snacks and things and all this stuff and we'll go into round two. And the good stuff will happen. Yeah, and then we're gonna be really awesome. So round one was over and they got up and got dressed and said, All right, we'll see you guys like, back in the neighborhood we were. Yeah, and so they said, Yep, and they clean up their stuff pack everything up and she says, Oh, if we forget anything, just bring it by the house and we were like, Oh my gosh. Oh, okay. So we started to get dressed and they said well you don't have to get dressed, your, your, this is your hotel room and I said well, it's only like 11 o'clock we probably got to go out and find other people. And so they left, and we stood in the doorway of the hotel, and we looked at each other and we started laughing and we said, that was horrible. Let's do that again. 
Leyna: Well, but you wanted to do it again because you knew there was potential.

28:03
Guest: Right. We knew that we were in at that point, even though this was not the experience that we had wanted or planned for or envisioned, none of that mattered what really matters that we had, notwithstanding, we had a great time, and we wanted to do it again and we wanted to do it right,
28:18
and part of the thing was for us and we talked about this often with other couples is that when we were deciding whether or not this was going to be something we wanted to look into when we were listening to other podcasts. We talked about it a lot and it was almost like our sexual fantasy play you we really were hot and heavy, going into talking about swinging and then starting swinging and then in our early journeys, your early adventures, that it's really hot, and we shared a lot of those experience so for that three weeks leading up to this event which we thought was going to be phenomenal. We had really connected reconnected ourselves we were talking about everything we were so excited. And we really worked on making sure that our communication was going to be top notch, When we decided to enter the lifestyle because we swore that would be the one thing that we had to make sure that we had to talk to each other about everything. No matter how imposing and because we knew we were going to trip up and there would be landmines ahead and sure enough we've hit a lot of them, but because we made that commitment from the get go to each other that we, no matter how hard it was or how painful it was going to be when we hit those landmines to talk about it. So we really laid a lot of foundational work before the play day because we had those three weeks kind of in between. So it turned into a great a great experience for that but then also we were super hot and heavy into each other because it was really just sexy as fuck and we were like oh hell yeah, this is awesome so that's why we knew that even though that experience was terrible. We knew this is where we wanted to go for ourselves, we had found the right direction to go in.
29:54
Leyna: It sounds like you had, you already had a good marriage but it sounds like this might have enhanced it. 
Guest: Oh absolutely, absolutely we talk about it a lot and we've had our ups and downs like everybody else when you're married for as long as we are you know there's been times we're like, are we sure this is where we want to go and we want to be together, you know, in the end and you go through that you can't meet someone when you're 23 years old, you're not the same person that you know at 50 anymore. And so we had been through a lot of those things and now we want to be together. And this wasn't even on the radar those times, but certainly for us because of the fact that we made it so important that our communication stayed the primary focus and that we are each other's primary focus and we know that in 30 years, because we're going to go 30 years with this ad will be attorneys it'll work. 30 to 35 years when this is finally subsiding a little bit, it will still be the two of us sitting together on that front porch talking about all of our dirty little widgets are here. And at the end, that's who. That's who we're going to end up being with so right now, you know, we know that's where our safety insecurity comes in and we've had a lot of experiences in the last couple years and we know we're at the tip of the iceberg. There is, like, as you said, There's so much out there that we thought we would never ever ever do, and accidentally keep screwing up and getting exposed to things and trying different things, and it's been amazing. It's just been an amazing adventure.

31:26
Leyna: What have you found that has been something that you're so glad you took the leap because you're able to do this to have anything that stands out.

31:35
The one thing I felt like I didn't want would be having, you know, being involved in a gang bank, or something that was anonymous like where we didn't know the people at all. And we accidentally stepped into a situation where we were in a play room with a gentleman, there were three of us we were having a threesome. And the gentleman that was with us our play me happened to interact with another couple. We didn't know who they were and the five of us started playing. And that to me was so unexpected and so organic and I probably never in a million years, had we said, let's walk in and find a random couple of luck, I would have said, Oh, hell no, that's not how I roll, but because it happened the way that it happened, it was one of the hottest things, and I still don't know their names, and it was. Yeah, I know I know I said to him, I said to him I said don't tell me your name or something like I even said Don't say your name because I didn't want it, it was like, I don't want to know, I just want to just fuck you and then it's just gonna be this crazy anonymous experience and it was so hot. And, I mean, we've done a lot of the other things too that are very hot, but that's the one thing that truly truly stands out in my mind, cuz I was so against it, I was like I would never just walk into a room and and fuck somebody else that I didn't know, but I

32:58
will. I won't. I wouldn't say that I would be completely against what actually happened here where I wound up with three women at a house party like Myrina saying going in, oh I would never say, okay, that will be all over that. It certainly wasn't planned but it just kind of happened. But that's the as far as specific instances that was for me an incredibly hot as far as just general things, and I think, you know, Myrina touched on it a little bit just being open to new experiences and finding your way in the lifestyle and allowing things to come to you and being open to change. When we first started the lifestyle our conception was that we would be just with couples, and it would be, you know, blessed with another couple we'd be swapping, and that would be pretty early on in the process, we were approached by a lot of single men who wanted to have three ways with us. And so that was something that we explored very early on, and that is pre COVID. You know, very important part of our playstyle which we very much enjoy. I had no idea how this was gonna go until it actually happened, it turns out that it's really hot, and I really enjoy that. 
Leyna: Have either of you had bisexual experiences.

34:09
Guest: I think it's pretty common in the lifestyle that women are exploring their bisexuality, I thought that was going to be awesome. I whenever we had watched porn before we got into a lifestyle that always turned me on seeing two women with each other. Porn to me is always very contrived and that turned out and it's not natural and so but the women always tended to be so tender with each other and I really liked that so I thought this would be a great opportunity for me to explore my latent, you know, bisexuality. And when we got into the lifestyle and started playing I realized, no, I really I'm not bisexual at all. I enjoy sex, and I enjoy being touched and caressed and made love to and fucked, and all the things in between. And a lot of times it could be a man or a woman, I don't really enjoy being with a woman I don't enjoy going down on a woman I've tried it. I have had there is one woman that I, that I'm more attracted to and so maybe that's what it is it's maybe more of a, do I have a connection with this person, but I would not call myself bisexual I don't tell people that I am I don't I think that's misleading. If If a woman wants to kiss me or raise my breasts or a lot of times when we're having sex and we're in a group, play situation to me sucking on another woman's nipples, or kissing her, is part of the play, it's part of the excitement of the build up. If a boob is there and not we're moving around and yeah I mean, a woman's boob a man's nipple whatever, I'll do it I'll kiss anybody and love kissing, but I don't get the same emotion, I don't get the same physical excitement, that when a man does it or when a man touches me, or puts his fingers inside my place at or things like are goes down on me. When a woman does it it's just not the same for me, it's amazing, and that would be such a different, different thing I thought it would just be awesome I could double the people I could sleep with. I just you know I enjoy that, but it's just not my preferred method.
Leyna: And so Tristan, you’re straight?

36:20
Guest: Yes. And to be clear, especially when we're having m FM's, there's going to be some contact here and there, it's it's an incidental contact friendly fire I think. And, you know, that's, that's just part of it, and that doesn't bother you, I'm not biphobic.

36:35
Leyna: Are you saying then, because there are so many women who are bisexual in the lifestyle that there's actually a place for you, if you're just straight people who like to have sex with other people that you don't have to have bisexual play.

36:52
Guest: Oh absolutely, again, I think there's a lot of women that are bisexual and that's what they're exploring, but everybody that I've always run into. If you say no, that's not my bag, it's not an issue. It's usually not an issue at all. We've actually played with quite a few couples where the women are not bisexual. So I don't I think it's almost a relief. I

37:13
think because there's, there really is an expectation I think I'm a part of a lot of people mostly men, that that's what they want to see. And I think that it's more common, I think I think that women certainly are more open to it than men are. But I think it's also very common for women to just, you know, Yeah, if it comes along fine, it but it's also situational, no pressure. Exactly.

37:35
And I think that we've I've actually run into some people and some of the women are nervous that they have to be by. And I think it's so important to be able to explain that the lifestyle is what you may get everything is a spectrum, and what how much you play is a spectrum how much you the different experiences you want to have if you're going to get into kink it's all a spectrum. And so it's where you are and sometimes it changes how you feel that night, you may not feel like doing something that you did, You know we could go a month ago. And so you just have to be respectful of that but to understand that you still have the right to say, I'm not interested in playing and the same thing like Justin just said that if, if you're not interested in someone just because she's a woman and you're a woman, and you're open to being, to having a bi relationship or by encounter. That doesn't mean that that's automatic, so I'm in a big with a group and it's everyone's hot and it's sexy and it's just, you know, a couple bodies and piles around you, like I said if there's a nipple that goes by all suck it I know it's awesome because it's exciting and so it's, yeah, there's a real energy. Yeah, that happens in those situations. So that is the situation.

38:48
Leyna: Has it ever gone farther than that. Have there been emotions have you fallen in love. Are you polyamorous, I can ask more questions until you answering…

38:58
Guest: My goodness you have like a whole bag full of questions. Yes, there were emotions I actually fell in love with one of our play partners, and then Tristan was able to meet a beautiful fabulous woman, and fell in love with her, and they kind of happened almost coincidentally actually we were introduced to the woman from the man that, that I had fallen in love with. And it took a while for us to even admit that that was something that was going on but once we again we talked about it very openly. It's bizarre to talk to your husband about these feelings you're having for this man. But and vice versa, because I had the same going in the other direction right. And so fortunately it kind of happened for both of us at the same time it wasn't what they were not a couple. We didn't expect that we didn't think that was going to happen and again, allowing ourselves to experience that and not be afraid of it but to go through it together was amazing, and I think that one thing when you're together for 28 years and you're in love with this person, but I'm in, I fell in love with a man that I met when I was 23. And again we've changed we've grown I still love him, but there's not much that's new and fun and exciting, and that's okay because we built an amazing fantastic life together, but in came this woman who was, you know, puppy dog-eyed over him and loved listening to all the stories and loved hearing about his background and then I'm like yeah I know I've heard it a million times, whatever. and so it was an amazing.

40:48
wonderful thing to see and I felt so happy for him, that he got to feel this excitement about this woman who just found him incredible because he is incredible. But that newness isn't there for me anymore. We've been together for almost 30 years I can try and fake it, but he's gonna figure it out. Yeah, clearly your marriage survived. Whatever happened, not only that it's we, again, it's been stronger and we've not shied away from having those feelings, and, and worked through that right and and have said, we actually had made sex with those partners, even better, and then we would all play together. Sometimes, and we, I mean we we made relationships out of it. And that relationship with her is falling by the wayside my lover that-- No, I mean it has, it has and as far as intense sex is concerned, I mean I texted with her just yesterday, that relationship is physically gone by the wayside, but we're still, we're still connected we're still friends.

41:45
Leyna: How do people accidentally find you guys. It was a joke, how do people find you guys?
Guest: Well, you can find us on our website accidental swingers.com or on Instagram at accidental Swingers, and on any podcast platform accidental swingers podcast.
Leyna: And apparently not all accidents are bad, Myrina and Kristin thanks for sharing your story with us. All right, next time on Consenting Adults, although there is this push for no judgment in the lifestyle, there is still a stigma against bisexual men.
Guest: Especially in the—with bi males, a lot of them are like oh I'll do everything but no kissing. Don't want to kiss you know they're just like, 
Leyna: Wait a second, it’s the kissing part that they won't do?
Guest: Like that, that's too kinky.
Leyna: That's next time, on Consenting Adults.