Ep 13 Ayla's Polyamorous Relationship with Two Best Friends

Ayla (who sounds like Ruth on Ozarks) is in a relationship with two men who have been childhood best friends. They live next to each other and she goes between the two homes. One is the son of a preacher so they aren't totally open about their lifestyle. She talks about how she shares affection and how they work as a triad.

EP 13 – Ayla’s Polyamorous Relationship with Two Best Friends
Transcription:

0:00
Leyna: Welcome back everyone it is another week getting ever so close to the election. Hope you get out there and vote so like regardless of who or what you're voting for, you can get out there and do it, and then you can feel free to continue to complain. Hope you enjoyed the last episode on that sexual healing energy guy, Russell the masturbation coach, we had some funny discussion on Twitter, people like not knowing there was such a thing as a masturbation coach, I didn't know there was such a thing, but a few people did direct messaged me saying that they had heard of the group masturbation, that we talked about done by heterosexual men. So, very interesting. Okay. Today's guest has two boyfriends who are childhood best friends. She says it was the perfect fit for her because she had always been capable of loving more than one person, but she always felt conflicted.

0:52
Guest: I struggled so much before coming to the realization that I was palling I thought that I was broken that there was something wrong with me like I thought like, like Am I just a bad person. Get ready. This is Consenting Adults.

(Podcast Show Open)

1:41
Leyna: My guest today is a young woman from Auburn, Alabama. Talk about Bible belt of the country, right, this will be very interesting. She graduated with a degree in horticulture, he used to work at an entomology and plant pathology lab. She also ran a farm for a year. One of her boyfriends. That's right, one of her boyfriends, is a software engineer the other boyfriend is in animal science. And what's really interesting about this relationship is that her two boyfriends have been best friends since childhood. A lot thanks for talking to us today. How did you meet Did you meet them both at the same time?

2:26
Guest: Yes actually met them at the same time, my roommate at the time was in an engineering club at the college, we went to, and one of my boyfriend's was in the same Engineering Club, and my boyfriend invited my roommate to go to Sam's Club, and of course his roommate came with him and I went with my roommate and his roommate ended up being my other boyfriend. They must have had like a good special going at Sam's Club that day. Well, we never been and so we were seeing if it was worth buying a membership for. Okay so, and they had been best friends. Oh yeah, they've been best friends since they were in elementary, middle school, they came to college together and we're roommates together and everything.

3:10
Leyna: Okay and then you were single at the time. Yes. How did this relationship start, did you date both of them right away or one before the other?

3:20
Guest: Actually I was interested in my boyfriend who's an engineer. Now first, but he had recently broken up with his first girlfriend they had been dating for three years and he wasn't ready to get into a relationship but we were all just friends hanging out and and developing feelings for my other boyfriend at when I was an animal science. And so I ended up dating him, you know, of course they were still roommates and we all hung out a lot together and we were monogamous in the beginning, my first boyfriend and I, but I've always been polyamorous and always had that inclination to feel like something's missing in a relationship and it was actually my boyfriend and animal science who suggested that we open up the relationship, because I'm actually a little bit clunky and I like to do a lot of things with my partner and also he knew that I would just be happier.

4:12
Leyna: So you're okay, you're dating one guy. Yeah, and you started developing feelings for his best friend. Yes. Did he know that?

4:21
Guest: yes he knew from the beginning I've always been very open and honest about how I feel about everything. I didn't cheat on him or anything but I mean he knew, he knew before I started dating him that I had feelings for the other person but, but I didn't even suggest an open relationship because I knew that at the time that he wanted to be monogamous and so I mean I didn't even suggest it, but then he actually came to me and said that he had thought about it and he wanted me to be happy.

4:48
Leyna: So it was your boyfriend who then suggested maybe you should start something up with his best friend.

4:54
Guest: Yeah, and it's kind of funny, it kind of helped our relationship by taking some of the pressure off of him, like I'm, I tend to, you know, have a lot of hobbies and, you know, be really, you know, active and a lot of things and that kind of started doing some of those things with you know his friend and it was kind of more of, well you know you can go hang out with him I don't mind you flirting with him and then it just kind of got to a point to where I was in love with them both and they both thought about it and they were both kind of like, you know, why can't shoot at us both like what's, you know, wrong with that, we're both okay with it, what's you know the issue here. Was there ever any jealousy. No I don't, I don't think there ever really was it, it was kind of a very slow progression. It really kind of evolved over the course of a year or two, I mean I always made sure that they were both comfortable with everything and I really just moved at the pace of what they were comfortable with.

5:47
Leyna: How does that work do you divide your time evenly between the two, do you all hang out together.

5:54
Guest: We hang out together a lot like I said they're best friends so it just kind of works out well to where we can all just hang out together. And as far as like individual time I feel that that's important too and I enjoy having individual time with each of them. I mean, I don't know if it's really equal exactly it just kind of however it works out to where, you know like oh I want to do this thing with, you know him, I want to, you know, spend the night with him tonight it just kind of out, just kind of naturally works out. And if someone feels that things are being you know, time spent and equally or want more time then that's something we, you know, talk about and it's never an issue.

6:27
Leyna: What's your living situation do you all live separately Are you close by. 
Guest: Yeah, right now I live with my boyfriend, That's a software engineer, but I still spend nights with my other boyfriend like we live close enough to rock and you know just walk between them.

6:46
Leyna: So they live like practically next to each other and you just go from house to house. 
Guest: Yeah, pretty much.
Leyna: have you ever been intimate with both of them at the same time.

6:55
Guest: No, we haven't. They're both straight and they don't have any romantic involvement with each other and out of that just something that doesn't really intersect.

Leyna: Do you think their friendship has changed at all since this all started,

7:10
Guest: um, I don't think really so I mean, maybe possibly they're closer because I feel like a lot of times if you're close friends with someone roommates in college and stuff a lot of times one will get a girlfriend other go to girlfriend and they just kind of split off and end up, you know, spending more time with their significant others, and then you know having families and then they don't have as much time for each other whereas in our situation, they're still able to be you know best friends still, you know, 
Leyna: do your friends and family know. 
Guest: My family knows, and my friends know my boyfriend who's an engineer's family. No, but my boyfriend who's the animal science major, his family doesn't know his father's actually a preacher. 
Leyna: Oh yeah, and they're from a small town and it he's worried about, you know how that'll go over, do you guys do live in that small town. 
Guest: No, we actually live a couple hours away so it's not a big issue. We more have our own lives here, you know,
8:10
Leyna: so they grew up together, childhood friends, their families must know each other.
Guest: Oh yeah, yeah, their families know each other well,
Leyna: But one man's family knows about this arrangement, the other family doesn't know.

8:25
Guest: Yeah, but it's kind of funny because I was actually talking to my boyfriend who's an engineer's mother, and then he she was saying, Yeah, I could understand why he was, you know, be afraid to tell him she says, I think that they would get used to it and be okay with it but I can definitely understand why he would be afraid of that because you know he's, He's the preacher in the town you know and

8:44
Leyna: have you been so you've been in polyamorous relationships before. Yes, I've been in one polyamorous relationship before this one is this one any different, because the two guys are such close friends. Yeah,

8:57
Guest: actually my first polyamorous relationship I was young, I was 18 and I, I just really didn't know how to handle things well and they weren't friends to begin with and I had a hard time managing my time and we ended up, you know, breaking up because I just didn't really understand how to manage properly and how to address the emotional concerns and everything but I feel like I learned a lot from that relationship that's helped me in this relationship, and I feel that then being best friends has been, you know, a very big advantage to our relationship working out well because they already knew each other and we're already close and I feel that that's important, even in a relationship like ours in which you know my boyfriends are not romantically involved I feel like it's still important for them to have a close friendship.

9:39
Leyna: You said you learned a few things from your prior polyamorous relationship that's helped you a lot. What are some of those things.

9:47
Guest: One thing is moving at the pace of whoever is the least comfortable with the situation being very patient, like not trying to move faster and making sure to listen very closely to anything that anyone says and addressing their concerns. I felt like communication is really the biggest thing I could have done a better job of communication in my first relationship and,

10:07
and in that relationship. 
Leyna: Were you also involved with two men at the same time.

10:11
Guest: Yeah. And funnily enough, it was actually my roommate at the time when I first met my other boyfriend, my current boyfriend's, we had broken up, but we, you know, we're still good friends and still live together we've been living together for a few months after we'd already broken up that we had decided that, you know, it wasn't working out as far as relationship with us. 
Leya: Um, are you straight. 
Guest: No, I'm actually pansexual, I'm attracted to someone's personality I don't really care about what you know Jenna tell you they have a more focused on if you know, we have chemistry and I clicked with them, you know,

10:45
Leyna: you said that before you always felt like something was missing when you weren't Polly. Do you feel that you have enough now. Do you ever think that you would want to bring yet a third person into this, or actually a fourth.

10:58
Guest: I was actually surprised at I thought that was just a problem that I had with like wanting to seek, others and having the problem was struggling with that in monogamous relationships, and I just thought that that was a problem that I would always struggle with, to be honest I didn't even know that a polyamorous relationship would fix that. But whenever I started dating my current boyfriends and things started, you know, just going well and, and clicking like I just kind of lost that desire to seek other sort of flirt, are the feeling that that something's missing from my life I'm just so happy now I'm just completely content in my relationship I don't have the desire to seek out anyone and I don't have problems with developing feelings for friends like I used to, I mean I'm just, you know, content that's just kind of gone now.

11:45
Leyna: How about your boyfriend's Do either of them want to bring someone else in for them.

11:51
Guest: No, we've discussed it and, you know, made it clear to them that we can, you know, talk about it if you know they do find anyone and they've both said if they're, you know, happy with the way things are, they don't, you don't have the desire to seek anyone else out they both they consider themselves, you know, monogamous before me. They're, you know, happy with the way that things are now but they don't see themselves wanting to seek anyone else out.

12:14
Leyna: They're still monogamous. In a way, well, because they're out there just with you. 
Guest: Right, yeah, yeah I guess so, yeah, so they're still monogamous. 
Leyna: Yeah, and you feel like this is enough this is the this is the magic number for you to two boys, yes.

12:29
Guest: Oh yeah, I'm very happy with the way things are. How about thoughts of marriage and children. I would like to get married to them one day you know of course it's not legal right now, we have considered alternate, you know, like contracts and such, just having a ceremony in there you know different things you can do like making sure that you know, both children are including wills and signing other contracts that are, you know, protect, you know, children and property and stuff and, but it's not quite the same as marriage and that you don't have a lot of the same big legal things like you know like, we wouldn't be next of kin at a hospital and other things like that all the same issues that you had with gay marriage before it became legal, but I would like to marry them one day and I mean they both, you know, have the same feelings towards me we'd like for it to be legal before we did but you know we may end up, you know, going the alternate marriage route if it ends up not becoming legal right and how about children, we would like to have children one day.

13:26
Leyna: How would that work would you, would you have a child with both of them.

13:29
Guest: We haven't completely decided yet if we want to just have it be, you know, kind of like a surprise. And like, none of us, you know, know, or if we wanted to do one biological child with each of them but either way we do it we don't want to tell you know other people we want everyone to know because the way that we would feel is that they're both the father of the children we don't, we wouldn't see them as separate I mean just like if you use a sperm donor you wouldn't say that the sperm donor was the father of your child like we believe that, you know, they would both equally be the father and we would want everyone else to see it that way.

14:01
Leyna: Oh, so you would purposefully not want to know who the biological father is. Yes. And you would then obviously keep it from the child and your friends and family. Yes. Interesting. You said that your family is okay with this. Is that surprising to you. Were you afraid to tell them in the beginning.

14:25
Guest: Yeah, I was I was worried in the beginning, my, my parents are 71, you know, born and raised in Alabama and my father's father was a preacher, it never really came up anything like this and so I didn't really know their opinion, they've always been supportive of me before, But you know what I mean it's just something that I just worried about because it just had never really come up but I actually told my mother first figured out tell separately in my, my mom's one of those sweet little southern ladies. I figured that she'd be a good gauge before I told my father and I told her, and it was right before Christmas. And I told her, she was a little bit confused and kind of, you know, kind of thrown back at first and Tuesday, you know, asking questions, making sure she knew I was dating my first boyfriend at the time that she didn't know about the other one she thought we were just friends. She was like it was his, you know he okay with it, is everything okay and after I you know assured her that, you know, they're both okay with it, they both know when everything all that I explained it to her like, well you know like if you have one child and then you have a second child, it doesn't mean that you know you love the first child any less just because you know you want a second child and that's kind of the way it is for me romantically I love them both equally in their own ways, but, and then after if she can't calm down, it clicked and she understood and she was like well you know they're both, you know, great young man I am. You know, proud you found people that make you happy and then she falls for a sec and she jumped up she said oh no it's Christmas I didn't get the other one a gift I didn't know y'all were dating and we had to go off to the to the store and we went shopping and we talked about what he liked and everything and that just made me feel really accepted and included that she, you know, she thought that was important that he had to give to him and oh she just found out about it because she didn't want him to feel like, you know, she didn't care about him too.

(ad)
Leyna: Okay. So you told your mom How long after that, did you wait to tell your dad,

16:39
Guest: it was maybe a month later, it was the next time I came home after Christmas. And I told him about it and he said, You know I think I kind of, I think I kind of knew I I guess I didn't really think about much but I feel like I kind of suspected. But, you know, as long as they make you happy, then I'm happy for you as long as y'all are y'all are happy, that's what I want for you, and that, you know, that was, that was good. He was very nice.

17:04
Leyna: You said that you're very cognizant of making sure that each gets their own time each person feels like they're being taken care of. Yes, but you also hang out together, you know, as a group as well. So when, when you're all together. What is that dynamic like do you pay attention, I mean, do you sit at the counter you are you're in the middle and how do you divide the affection.

17:30
Guest: Oh yeah, well, a lot of times when we're in together, like if we're sitting on the couch watching a movie I'll either you know sit in the middle and hold both their hands or I'll live with my head and one's lap, my legs and the other or, you know, it's just most of the jet lag times if we're, you know, at home, I'll be showing affection to both or I'll, you know, alternate in public all a lot of times, sit beside you know, one if we go to dinner, you know, one time and the other if I go to dinner the next time and we're walking or something I locked when we ate in a day who I hold hands with it was we're walking or I just kind of go back and forth. Today it just kind of, no no just kind of like you would pay attention to, you know to friends you went and you know neglect one if you were spending time with two friends that just, it just kind of naturally works out.

18:12
Leyna: That's a good point. Um, even in places like Los Angeles, people don't necessarily talk very openly about these alternative lifestyles. What is it like, where you are in that part of Alabama Alabama in general but, you know, do you find other people in the community is there a polyamorous community in Alabama. 

18:36
Guest: Well I'm lucky in that where I currently live is probably the most open place in Alabama, it's where there's a college and there's actually the college has a LGBTQ club and there are a few like you know, activities that they do, like, it's all burned they roll the tumors corner like they had one point rolled it with rainbow paper and they have a little bit of an LGBT community here, and so it's a little bit more accepting than most of the places in Alabama and the smaller towns, you get a lot of funny looks if you know you're walking somewhere holding the hand of someone at the same sex or something and I know there's at least three people that came out after high school and that weren't out at all but they came out after they, you know, moved to another state and went to college, it's just something that a lot of people are afraid to, you know come out about a lot of people like it's something that's, you know, kind of, hush hush everybody's religious here and everybody you know a lot of people think it's a sin and, but in the, in the smaller towns, it's a lot worse and we're just lucky that where we're at is a little bit more open way, which even calling it polyamory is a little bit more, I would say even more taboo than being, you know, in a, you know, relationship with someone of the same sex, like if we go to dinner and you know someone notices that, you know I've been holding one hand and sitting beside the other like a lot of times we get funny looks from wager waiters or like you know he looks if you. A lot of people don't ever really consider that in the funny thing is it's, you know, kind of like you know back in the day to spinster women Oh, poor things they, you know, just having to live together for comfort you know and they're actually just lesbians and they've been you know living together their whole life because they're, you know together but it's kind of the way it is in a poly relationship nowadays people don't think anything about three people going out to dinner together unless they're, you know, outwardly showing affection, and away you can just kind of hide in plain sight and that way like if we're, you know, going to their town, people don't think of the three of us hanging out. Oh yeah, well they were best friends I remember their best friends in high school, that's one of them's girlfriend, you know what I mean, like, right,

20:35
Leyna: right. So, but do you when you were out in public. Do you find yourself kind of just paying attention, so that you're not openly affectionate with both of them as to, you know, get those looks or raise eyebrows.

20:50
Guest: I definitely do that. And if I'm in their town, because I don't want things getting back to his father, who's the preacher, and it's again it's a small town, Everybody talks, everybody knows everybody, with him being the preacher of course everybody knows him, you know,

21:04
Leyna: Right. Can you explain more about that feeling you talk about, you know, missing something. When you were monogamous, even when you thought you were happy in relationship you really weren't Can you kind of expound more on that.

21:18
Guest: Yeah, it's, it's kind of hard to explain, um, like my the boyfriend that I had had previously, he and I had been dating since I was 16, and we dated for three years. He made me happy he was wonderful to me, it was, you know, it was not his fault at all how I was feeling he was an amazing boyfriend and just, I don't know, it's really hard to explain, he did everything perfect. Everything was amazing between us except I just struggled with the feeling like something was missing something wasn't there, something's not right here. And it's just, I don't know it's just really hard to explain but it's, it's something that made me feel that I was broken like I had this amazing man who makes me feel wonderful and I love him and he does everything right and he does so much for me. But why do I, you know, feel like I want, you know, I feel like something's missing or I feel, you know whenever I, you know, around friends I start, you know, if I'm around someone for too long I start maybe developing feelings i i At one point I ended up just basically banning myself from having friends or talking to any my friends because I had started developing feelings for one of my friends and I wanted you know I didn't want to, You know, develop feelings for someone else, and what happened previously in my relationships. I dated two different people before him that I, you know, before I knew really what polyamory was or anything. And what happened was I had, you know, was dating one started developing feelings for another broke up with that one got with the other one started developing feelings for someone else broke up without go without one. Same thing with him right before him, and that's kind of thing and I didn't want to develop feelings for another friend and then, you know, leave him because I was so happy, except for that feeling like something was missing and just being discontent with things and just feeling restless and trapped, and it was not his fault at all and that's something that I feel like a lot of people that may be poly but not understand and a lot of people who are with those people may not fully understand is that it's never the person's fault, who they're with it's not like they're, you know, not doing enough, it's just that I don't know, some people are just made differently and some people are just poly some people are monogamous and some people range somewhere in between to where they could be poly are monogamous.

23:31
Leyna: Now how did you know that those were feelings that were polyamory versus just sexual attraction like you want it to be you know polysexual you want it to just be non-monogamous, were you able to distinguish the difference.

23:46
Guest: Well, I consider myself to be sexual, I don't really have a lot of via don't really feel physical attraction to someone until I've developed an emotional bond with them. And I actually had tried to have an open relationship and flirt and stuff with other people before. And it just, I don't know it just wasn't satisfying and it just didn't. I wanted more. I wanted to actually have a relationship with someone, anyone that I tried to, you know flirt with and stuff I it like in my try to like message in a, you know, in a sexual way or something but it just wasn't, it didn't feel right. I always wanted, you know, more like emotionally, rather than, you know, physically.

24:26
Leyna: So when you say that you were in these like serial monogamous relationships just one after another. And you felt like something was missing. At the same time, was it like, you'd be out and you found yourself, like, did you have wandering eyes and did that make you feel bad?

24:43
Guest: Well it wasn't as much like you know just, you know, seeing someone and being attracted to them it was more of. I mean, wanting an emotional connection with someone else. Yeah, Or like, yes, wanting an emotional connection or developing that with people that were, you know, I was in contact with like friends and, um, and it's just, I don't know, the thing is in the very beginning, I guess I thought of it as a well maybe I'm not with the right person and I think that's why I would end up breaking up with person and end up with another person that you know, I, you know, developed an attraction to saying oh well if I develop an attraction to this person, then I guess maybe the other person and I aren't right for each other because I'm developing an attraction to this person, but then whenever I was in a relationship with my previous boyfriend and everything was going so well I realized that that wasn't really the case it wasn't just that, oh well this person's not right for me and I developed the attraction towards this person, it was that, you know, there was, like, I realized that that was, I guess I that was when I realized that I was polyamorous, it wasn't just, oh well this relationship is not right for me and if I find the right person that they'll be able to be monogamous happily. 
Leyna: It's that even though it really, it really wasn't them it was you.
Guest: Yeah, yeah, exactly. And that's something that I think I think some people may struggle with it I think they're that are poly that just think that, oh well this relationships not right and they move on, that maybe just haven't found, you know the right people to make them realize that you know maybe you know maybe it's something else you know what I mean.

26:13
Leyna: What kind of advice would you have for someone who feels that way, they feel trapped like they've got a great partner and yet, they feel trapped and like something is missing. What would you do about that. 

26:29
Guest: The first step I definitely say is to talk to your partner about it, make sure to reassure them that they're doing nothing wrong that you're happy with them that it's a feeling that you have that is, you know, separate from your relationship with them and it's something that you're struggling with and maybe, you know, ask them how you know they would feel about something like polyamory and tell them that, you know, you, you don't want to, you know, push them in anything that they're uncomfortable with the very first thing that I would suggest is always pay attention to your partner's comfort level, never tried to push them into anything, only suggest or tell them how you feel, never tried to get anything from them. And then if they're open to the idea, then they can y'all can discuss it from there. But the problem is like if you try to push then it'll end up, you know, messing up the relationship you never want to push someone into anything they're uncomfortable with some people are just monogamous and won't be happy in a polyamorous relationship. And, I mean that's something that y'all can discuss maybe if you're, you know attracted, you know, if you just want something, you know, sexual, you can like discuss it, maybe you can you know, be able to sext other people online or something but the thing is it's very personal. It's something that you and your partner have to discuss and come up with and you have to be very communicative an open communication is, is key and making sure that your partner is comfortable and also if you bring anyone else into the relationship, remember that there are people to, like, They're not just you know, a toy or over relationship a they're, you know, they're real people with real feelings and make sure that you communicate with them to make sure that, you know, they understand where you stand and make sure that you know they're, you know 100% You know, aware of the situation, and I mean it's okay if you end up just having you know a buddy for sex or something but the thing is they need to know that they don't need to come in thinking oh well this is gonna be a polyamorous relationship, we're working towards, you know, making everyone comfortable with things being equal, but then you know you're over here like Yeah, well, we only wanted sex you know what I mean, like, just make sure that everyone's aware if you bring anyone in what the conditions are in the very beginning, and then just again move at the comfort level of the person who's the most uncomfortable and be patient.

28:41
Leyna: The poly relationships that you've had have always been you with to other people. How would you feel Honestly, how would you feel if the people you were involved with were also involved with other people.

28:55
Guest: I would be slightly jealous but it would be something that I would be willing to work through. I feel that jealousy is a normal emotion. And it's not necessarily a disqualifier like I would feel that it would be fair for them to be with someone else and it would be something that I would be willing to work on. It's just something that I guess that I haven't encountered yet.

29:13
Leyna: Yeah but you know I mean life and love is not fair, right. I mean, can you see a situation where you're polyamorous where you're able to love people equally and not subtract from the love that you feel for another. And at the same time, have those jealous feelings like you know, maybe you do want your partner to be monogamous with you, but you don't want to be monogamous.

29:36
Guest: Yeah, I mean that's, I mean, the thing is it's perfectly valid to have those feelings, it's just something that, You know you need to, would have to discuss with your partners, and work on and figure out, you know, if it's something that you know what's, what's best for the relationship as a whole, really.

29:54
Leyna: And then lastly, just some words on, like when you came to the realization that okay you're polyamorous and this is what's gonna make you happy and then you went for it. You know, let's talk about the positive side the upside of working through it. Yeah, I mean, people who don't know about it may look at you and say, Okay, that's weird is wrong. Right. Yeah, but you say what?

30:24
Guest: I struggled so much before coming to the realization that I was palling I thought that I was broken that there was something wrong with me like I thought like, like Am I just a bad person, but then, accepting this and realizing there are other people out there like me or that there are, you know, my boyfriend's that are happy being with me and, you know, have, like having the relationship structure this way it just it's such a weight off my shoulders, especially that my family accepted it too I just feel so happy and so much like myself, I felt like before I was trying to fight against who I was and trying to force myself into a box that I didn't belong to, I felt like I was just trying to fit into, you know, society's idea of what, you know, normal should be without listening to my heart and what I really was and it just was such a weight off of me to finally accept that and find people that accept me for who I am and to be in the relationship that I'm actually happy and content and and that I don't have to fight to force myself into. And I'm just, I'm just so happy. Now I'm just, I'm so glad that I came to terms with that, and that I was able to do it, young enough that I have found a good relationship that I can, you know, have the rest of my life in, you know, I'm just, I'm just so glad that I came to terms with things. And do you see yourself being polyamorous for the rest of your life. Oh yes, I definitely see myself spending the rest of my life with my boyfriend. I'd like to get married one day and have children, I mean, you know, I just, I just the same as any normal relationship I have, you know, been with him for a while now, we love each other dearly and we're happy with each other and you're living the dream. Oh yeah, exactly. I mean I would have never thought before them that this was possible. I just, you know again I just struggled with thinking that I was in the wrong and this is bad but I mean it's really not bad I mean what's wrong with people being happy and in love and doing what works for them, you know,

32:18
Leyna: It is so nice to hear about people being happy and content. So thank you a lot, and good luck to you. All right, next time I'm consenting adult, Jay and his wife Angie called themselves, average Swingers, but not really, when you pump it is it like, you know, like when a doctor takes your blood pressure pump or is it like--

32:41
Guest: yeah, Oh yeah, yes yes and how he has to physically stop what he's doing, and grab his ball sack and start squeezing, no actually I start pumping it up and it looks, from my point of view, it looks like you're grabbing your ball sack and pumping it.
Leyna: That’s next time, on Consenting Adults.