EP 087 She Owns Me

Power struggles in their marriage led to a turning point both in and outside the bedroom. A man on his third marriage finally figures out the kind of communication it takes to save a marriage--and it leads him down the path of total submission to his wife. Lines can blur between FLR, femdom, and cuckolding but there's no doubt who's in control in this relationship. He's on Twitter at @The_HopefulCuck
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Ep 87 She Owns Me
Transcription:

​Guest  0:01  
When he brings you breakfast in bed, if he makes a mistake, do you paddle him? No, because that happens to me. Oh, and when

Leyna  0:10  
like, like, my eggs are too runny get on all fours that could happen. So let's get to it. The conversations you're about to hear are intended for mature audiences. Listener discretion is advised. So dirty talks, a sex talk. Yeah, it started

Intro  0:25  
off as dirty talk. I was actually like, very excited to see my partner with somebody else. She looked at me and said, so you want to have sex with other people? That's where

Leyna  0:37  
you find it a turn on to hear about what he did.

Intro  0:39  
Yeah. And then it's like, I want to come home and get it the way she got it. Does he know you have a boyfriend? Yes. He's consenting adults.

Leyna  0:48  
We know when my guest today is a 52 year old man. He's been married now to his third wife for three and a half years. They've been together for five years. He's in public service. And then at home, he's like in full service. You're a cuckold? Yeah,

Guest  1:03  
yeah, that's true. My wife and I exist in a 24/7 TPE. She is 100% in charge. Her Twitter handle is at Tatiana FLR, which stands for female lead relationship. She is in charge.

Leyna  1:19  
Now when you say that she's in charge. What are we talking about?

Guest  1:23  
She's in charge. She's smarter than me. She's more capable than me. She's prettier than me. She makes more money than I do. She runs the show. I do as I'm told.

Leyna  1:30  
Okay, and then like, what are you told to do? Well,

Guest  1:33  
it depends. It can be sure. I have a list of cuckie chores that we have to do. Every Wednesday afternoon. You can find me at home clean in the bathroom. She'll text me on a Saturday or Sunday morning. This is what I want for breakfast. And I will bring it to her in bed if she wants something and I am available. And I can provide a for I provided for

Leyna:  1:54  
a lot of men do this for their wives. I know mine does. Like he will bring me breakfast in bed and he will do things for me. So then what makes you a cuck and not the other men when he

Guest  2:05  
brings you breakfast in bed? If he makes a mistake? Do you do paddle him? No, because that happens to me. Oh,

Leyna  2:14  
and when like, like my eggs are too runny. Get on all fours

Guest  2:18  
that could happen. Wow, that could happen if it's not done properly. Now, of course, Tatiana is, is extremely benevolent. But she definitely she definitely exerts punishment here and there. We have a very good communication dynamic, we are very able to talk to each other. She gives me chores, she asked me to do things, she demands things of me. And then I do those. And if she's unhappy with them, we'll have a discussion about it. But yeah,

Leyna  2:43  
let's get into the weeds now, shall we? Sure. Did you start out your relationship this way? No. Okay, so is it fair to say that you started out your relationship just like any other vanilla?

Guest  2:55  
Yeah, so we we are old friends. We've known each other for some time. We had, we had spent a long time out of each other's lives not having talked. Initially, it was everything was normal. And we spent the first several years of our relationship with me thinking that I was on top that I was the dominant that I was in charge. And what we found was that we were best friends. We really liked being around each other. Our relationship overall was very good. But the sex was non existent. And when it did exist, it was lackluster. We were not doing anything at all outside of the norm. And we weren't talking about what we want. That was 100% my fault. I was convinced that she was vanilla, and that if I brought up my kinky side she would she would struggle with it.

Leyna  3:45  
Were you openly kinky in your other marriages?

Guest  3:49  
Yes. Oh, yeah. But not this way differently. How I've never been able to admit what I really wanted until Tatiana, what do you really want, I want her to have the freedom of her sexual expression. I want her to bring me along on her adventures. I want her to be in charge. I want her to be dynamic and capable and in charge and a positive human in my life. And she is all of those things. She's amazing. But what it boiled down to for me was we were unhappy physically. And I came home one afternoon and said, I don't know what to tell you. Like this isn't working. Like I love our relationship. I love our house. I love everything that we're doing. But I think we need to open up the relationship I think we need to find other people to have sex with because we're just not clicking.

Leyna  4:44  
Oh, hold on a second. How did you react to that?

Guest  4:47  
Well, first of all, Tatiana is nothing if not contemplative. So she didn't blow option get uptight. She said, Well, let's have a real conversation. But exactly actly what you're talking about. And we started what can only be described as a month's worth of knockdown, drag out conversations about what it would take for us to find happiness as a couple. Now, you have to remember that when I started this conversation with her, I thought she was vanilla. I thought she was regular,

Leyna  5:22  
regular. Well, okay, so then can I ask you then? So before this, what kind of sex were you having?

Guest  5:30  
Very simple. Well, what it was very simple. The typical sex you have when you don't tell your partner what you want, right? The standard stuff that everybody does that everybody that everybody kind of responds to. So I'll lick you for a while, then you lick me for a while, then I'll put it in, then I'll make your sandwich like like that. There's a lot of research out there as to Parral in particular research that says that women get bored easily. And that's certainly I had come out of a relationship where I was very dominant, and in a very particular style, and I had been in that relationship for a while. And I tried to transfer that style to the new relationship, but it didn't fit with her. And then she is much more powerful than I am. So it was hard for me to do anything from the top with her. So we ended up in a power struggle. So I heard you talking to Anya and the other day, and I've actually recommended that episode, your you with her and her with you. If you really want a female centric view of what this lifestyle is like, those were two really good conversations. Thank you. And for me to understand that I want my wife to be in charge. That was a big step for that was hard.

Leyna  6:42  
For a second, let's go back to your other marriages. Because you said that you were kinky in those marriages you were having. And when you say kinky, what what are you talking about? Like, what kind of things were you doing?

Guest  6:51  
My first wife and I we did a little bit of swinging. Oh, it was it was not, it was a miserable relationship. And we were just trying to try to get through it the best we could. My second marriage was was lovely. She's still a very nice person. I'm sure I haven't talked to her in quite a few years, but she was another person who needed me to take charge. I've spent a lifetime with women who needed me to be on top. And it turns out all I've ever really wanted to do was was be on bottom.

Leyna  7:16  
Okay. So then it's really about not really about the activity, right? It's it's about the dynamic, the power dynamic that you have with each other.

Guest  7:25  
There are a few activities that are like, Well, don't go down on

Leyna  7:29  
me. I've been asking what kind of

Guest  7:31  
know that the You're right. It's the dynamic, it is the power exchange, right? There is something very sexy about the power exchange. I'll give you an example. Yesterday morning, the weather was very bad here. We were trapped in the house all weekend. And on Sunday morning, she set up a scene where she gave me a spank not a punishment spanking which is different but this was designed for fun and it was an over the knee spanking and she had a wooden paddle. She had a leather a leather strap and she spent a good has to be a half hour just smacking you. Yeah, yeah. And and showing me who's boss being completely in control. The whole time I was wearing a chastity device. At the end of that spanking after she had she had made me wear a butt plug in and, and my chastity cage and climb over knee and she was clothed and I was not all of that feeds into my need for erotic humiliation. And then she made me masturbate while she played with the butt plug and smacked my balls with a riding crop. And when I tell you that, I when I came, I screamed and then laughed hysterically. It was just a release of endorphins, a release of joy that I can't explain to you. You are euphoric. No, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. And I was in I was in shaky subspace for a good hour after we didn't have what anybody would consider traditional sex. Like it's it's our version but it's it's just for me, it hits spots in my brain that nothing else ever has.

Leyna  9:20  
Well, in other spots of you too.

Guest  9:24  
That's a fact.

Leyna  9:27  
Okay, you were kinky before? always in control finally found a woman who would take control power exchange. Would you say then that it's not about someone willing to take that role, but someone who really is that way? Like this doesn't seem like it can be acted out or forced or invented?

Guest  9:52  
The way we do it? You could not you couldn't pretend? Right? You can't pretend 24/7 Nobody can.

Leyna  9:59  
Right so She, she enjoys this. She's the most

Guest  10:03  
she's the most powerful woman I've ever met. Hmm, she's the most powerful woman I've ever met she is she trust me when I tell you that I have nothing but love and respect. For Tatiana. She's my, she's my most favorite human. But we're we're at the point now where she's starting to look at going on dates by yourself without when I'm when I'm home, or at work or doing something else where she's going to be on her own. Right total sexual freedom, she should be able to do that. And I have some misgivings about it I'm concerned about is concerned about her safety concerned about whatever. But that's just my ego. And the other day, I looked at her and I said, How would you react? What would you say, if I had a hard time when you were out with somebody else on your own. And she looked right at me. And she said, I'd remind you that you asked me for this, me being uptight or upset about how something played out isn't going to help. All we have to do in those situations, is communicate how to make sure that those things go better the next time, not litigate the things that went wrong this time. She said all that with one phrase, I will remind you that you want this. She's just really powerful.

Leyna  11:11  
Yes. You had some swinging experience with your two other marriages? Do you still do any of that? No. Do you still have any desire to?

Guest  11:22  
If you're asking me if I would like to sleep with pretty women besides my wife? The answer is of course, yes. But I never would. That's not our agreement. That's not our relationship, we have what can only be described as a one side open cuckolding relationship. She plays, I don't know. When she plays frequently, she will bring me along. And I get to be a participant in some form or another. I like a little of the cleanup and the fluffing and the play. But that's not necessary that said at her discretion. She's the only person for me.

Leyna  11:58  
Okay, for our listeners who don't get this hmm. I have to ask you, if this is about being in a loving marriage, and a loving relationship, and you have the desire to be with other women, why? Why can't you? I mean, it doesn't sound very loving that you're denied something.

Guest  12:18  
Yeah, I get it. But I don't, I don't have to justify it to you. Right. I don't have to justify it to any listener. Right. All I have to do is make my deal with Tatiana. And we have it. Now, let me just tell you, I mean this, anybody who thinks that this relationship is unfair to me doesn't realize the energy and effort she puts in to making me part of it. I'll give you a perfect example. A lot of people in in our lifestyle participate in Locktober. It's the idea is yet everybody locks up their penis for the month of October. It's a it's a challenge. It's 31 days. It's a long time. I was nervous about it. I had never been in chastity for that kind of time. And I said, I'm not I'm really not sure about this. And she said, Don't you trust me? And I said, Of course I trust you. She said, I promise I'm going to make this fun for you. And then for most of October, she had ideas and games. She took 10 decorative keys and hid them all over the living room. Right? If you can find all 10 keys, you get x, y and z if you can find all 10 keys. This is the consequence. Right?

Leyna  13:25  
Did you find them? Yes, I did. X, Y and Z. What did you get?

Guest  13:29  
I got I got free for an hour. And I got a release which was very nice.

Leyna  13:34  
No, no, no, no, no. Okay.

Guest  13:36  
She she gave me she gave me a little handjob. It was it was lovely. But

Leyna  13:40  
then you got a handjob. Yeah. Okay. And that was enough. Because you've been locked up for a long. Look.

Guest  13:46  
We still have sex. We still make love. We still have oral sex. I certainly give her a lot of oral sex. We do that. But our sexual dynamic for the most part revolves around things other than pip. She likes really, really large men. And I am not quite so large. Mm hmm.

Leyna  14:06  
Okay. Are you into the small penis humiliation thing? Yeah. Yeah.

Guest  14:13  
Oh, God, she does that. She's quite good at it. Actually. She She prefers larger penises that she makes that clear. And we she enjoys teasing me about that. And I'm a big fan of erotic humiliation. That's, it's new for me to be able to admit that but just I am.

Leyna  14:30  
Let's get into some of these activities that you say you enjoy. So when she's with other men, and you're brought along for the ride, oh, what do you get to do?

Guest  14:40  
The simple answer is I get to do whatever the hell she tells me to do.

Leyna  14:43  
What does she tell you to do?

Guest  14:45  
The last time we had an event, we went to the gentleman's house. She and I were very different schedules and I got a text from her while I was at work. I need you to stop on your way home and buy condoms. Oh, When I got home, she said, You are going to fix me a drink. And you may have one. Because you're driving, I am going to see my friend. Right now what I need you to do is to get caged and then she went into the bathroom. So I went to the other room, I put on my chastity device. I returned to the door of the bathroom, where I got on my knees, I knocked on the door, and I held the key up over my head. She opened the door, took the key, and closed the door. About an hour and a half later, we drove up to his house. We went inside before we before we left the house. She said to me, and this was this was so much fun. She she looked me in the eye and she said, Now tell me. Why should I let you come in with me? Why shouldn't I just make you sit in the car? And I'm telling you I did some pretty fast thinking. And what I said was mistress, if you invite me in, I may be of service. If you don't, I can't possibly help you. Hmm. And it worked. I got inside. So they started to make out she made she made me give him a blowjob while they were making out to get him ready. And then she ordered me into other positions. They went into the bedroom, I was clearly locked as I told you. At one point, she held the chastity key the key to my chastity device over his penis and said, Should I leave it with him? That kind of thing. At one point, she had to call me back into the room they were making loving because they were having sex and because I had left the room to go back into the room. We started in two fold his clothes. Oh, as he had left them on the floor and I didn't want I didn't want that to I wanted to take care of that. Because that's my my love language is acts of service.

Leyna  16:56  
Are you bisexual? Yes. Did she know this before you guys married? Yeah,

Guest  17:01  
I told her. So I'm bisexual but hetero romance, I'm less likely to be interested in a man romantically than I am in a penis physically.

Leyna  17:12  
Right. Okay, so you're interested? Yes, of course, you're interested. Just it's just for the sex. You'd like the activities. Right? So then when you're fluffing the bull for her, I mean, you get something out of it, because you enjoy that right?

Guest  17:26  
Not very much. I enjoy. Plus, there's a there's a erotic humiliation to being ordered to do that thing, which every every guy my age grew up thinking, if you ever do that, that's all you'll ever be. Right? There's no course I don't have those feelings anymore. To be forced to do that to be to be to be made to do that by my wife in that situation creates an erotic moment that I can't explain. It's really it's, yes, very submissive. And it's it's a huge turnon.

Leyna  17:55  
Right? Okay. Do you have fantasies that you guys haven't fulfilled yet?

Guest  18:00  
Yeah, we're, we're just getting started. I mean, as we approach this, I'm very careful not to have specific ideas of what I want. Because she's in charge, right? Either I can tell her what what I want her to do while she's in charge, or I can let her be in charge. Like I have a tendency to top from the bottom, one of the things I'm working on now more than anything else, like I said, is flattening my ego, my ego that could prevent her from doing the things that she want to do, because she's that she wants to do because she's afraid of hurting my feelings. So,

Leyna  18:29  
so I've talked to other cucks, and they described this process in which they will kind of check in with each other to make sure that everything is still okay. And you guys are fairly new in this dynamic yet, it sounds like you guys are like balls to the wall. This is the way it's gonna be. There's really no checking in.

Guest  18:49  
So we have a written out contract that requires and our contract is more about communication than it is anything else. Everything in our contract goes back to if this happens, we will have a conversation, generally speaking, in our 24/7 tpe those conversations go the way she wants them to go. So we do have set aside time once a quarter where we have 50/50 conversations we can conceivably break out of this I have safe words, I have their million ways that I can I can change the dynamic.

Leyna  19:17  
So pulling away from the kind of the 24/7 the power dynamic thing that you guys have going on. Let's talk about the sex that you're having. Because I mean, are you still having good sex?

Guest  19:31  
Oh, god. It's so much better now. It is so much better now. Like,

Leyna  19:36  
is it any different, like, activity wise is absolutely once we opened

Guest  19:41  
up to the idea that she needs, she needs a larger phalluses she needs a larger penis. All of a sudden the world became our oyster there was a million other things we can do. So we have strap ons that I can wear and we have sleeves that go over and we have started to do extensions and of course now We're looking for other people to bring in people who actually have larger penises.

Leyna  20:03  
Wait, right. What's an extension?

Guest  20:06  
So you wear it like a condom? Oh, by the end of it's like a dildo so it makes your penis bigger.

Leyna  20:11  
Oh, so it's okay. It's an elongater stretching. Yeah.

Guest  20:14  
Okay, no, so that she'll know that I'm there. And

Leyna  20:19  
hold on. Hold on, hold on. Wait, your other wives. Did they complain that you were too small?

Guest  20:23  
No, but I mean, we didn't have those kinds of conversations really. And we were swinging so they got what they needed. elsewhere and elsewhere. Oh, okay. Like I I never even thought about it. She has a myriad of vibrators. We do a lot of hand jobs or pegging or those other things to please me.

Leyna  20:42  
Okay, so you enjoy the pegging? Yep. And you're when you're wearing these other things, so that you can please her does it please you I'm not talking in your head. I mean, physically, no,

Guest  20:52  
well look physically, like, so that the sleeve that I wore yesterday has a hole so you can put I can put my penis right inside it, and the whole thing vibrates. So when I'm allowed to do it that way, sure. That feels great. Yesterday, I was all caged up. So I like it was over the cage. So there was, you know, Oh, nothing. What it does do is it provides us with options that will make her happy when we don't have time to bring somebody else in or to go to a hotel or to, for her to do her hair or whatever. So

Leyna  21:23  
within all of this, you guys are still making sure that when you do have sex, you're getting the kind of sex that you want. Not only

Guest  21:31  
not only that, but we've never been closer, there is nothing like sharing your deepest, darkest secrets, with another human being to make you closer to them. It's informed and improved and build our relationship. And so the sex that we're having now is so much deeper and so much more intimate because we're getting exactly what we want.

Leyna  21:52  
You know, ever since we started, ever since I started talking to more cuckold couples, I get a lot of questions from men who I think are on the spectrum. They think they are but they really don't know. Like how to get it. If you're in a relationship right now you have these deep dark desires you you're probably a cuck, like how do you approach

Guest  22:14  
that? Well, it's it's it's a complicated conversation. There's no question about it. You'll never get it. If you don't ask for it. There are very few women out there thinking you know, I bet if I told him I want to fuck Bob. He let me like that just doesn't women just don't think that way at least not on on the large scale. You have to have the conversation but there are all sorts of great female produced resources out there. You've done some great shows i i specifically dropped into a group chat your podcast with Anya and I news podcast with you Anya Tatiana, Scarlett Venus, you these are women who are talking about this lifestyle in a way that that that lifts women that puts women in charge in the driver's seat, men need to approach this from a this this would be good for you because it would be good for you. And not this would be good for you. Because then you'll be my kink dispenser. So if you if you want to be a cuck, you have to put her first that's that's who we are. This isn't about being weak. This is do you have any idea how strong you have to be to hold your wife's legs open for another man. That week? Guys don't do that? No, right? Weak guys throw jealous fits and freak out when their wife doesn't come home at exactly the time. She said, strong guys don't do that.

Leyna  23:27  
Actually, the question is, Are you strong enough to be a cuck?

Guest  23:30  
I say that all the time. There are people who say Oh, I really want to do this. And like you have no idea how you will you have no idea how difficult it is when the person that you love the most in the world is out on a date with another man who is physically superior to you in a lot of ways. We guys can't handle that.

Leyna  23:53  
You can find him on Twitter. He's at the underscore hopeful cuck. Next time on consenting adults, I have found yet another ever so rare unicorn and this one is out with her identity.

Guest 24:09  
Whatever it was, I was into it at the moment and I thought it would be fun if she joined. So I kissed her and played with her a little bit. And she said no, no, no, I really want to watch you with my husband. The jealousy and watching him and taught him talking about how much he's enjoying experiencing whatever we were doing together. And I was so intrigued. I thought oh, this would be so many women's voices.

Leyna  24:31  
That's next time on consenting adults.