Ep 079 Contract for Cuckolding

A contract for cuckolding! Married legal professionals draw up a contract for a female-led relationship and she redlines the part that ends up sealing the deal. She's learning to be more dominant while he enjoys being her cuckold. It's not just an activity--it's an identity. She also talks about a fun movement called #SlutSisters that's uniting women with a common thread.
​Aine is on Twitter @Goddess122217 and her podcast is called "Sexualchemy."

EP 79 Contract for Cuckolding
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Transcription:

​Guest 0:00
I'm a good woman like I am monogamous to my core. I could never I could never do this. Are you talking about cuckolding? Like I think that's what you're talking about. And you could not have seen a bigger look of shock across his face that I knew this word and that I threw it out at dinner. Oh, each of you creates and carries a script for how it's going to go. And the reality is it's never going to go that way for either of you. You fantasize about your wife having these uninhibited slutty behaviors, but when she shows you she's really capable of it.

Leyna 0:33
And did you like it?

Guest 0:34
I did. But again, not the act, but the dominance of me doing it and making him do it.

Leyna 0:43
You're recommending that like bulls. Oh,

Guest 0:45
Oh absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah, we really want to share good experiences and not be not be selfish about

Leyna 0:54
Get ready. This is consenting adults. 

(Podcast Show Open)

Announcer 0:57
The conversations you're about to hear are intended for mature audiences. Listener discretion is advised. So dirty talk. So sex talk. Yeah, it started off as dirty talk. I was actually like very excited to see my partner with somebody else. She looked at me and said, so you want to have sex with other people.
And you find it a turnoff to hear about what he did? Yeah. And then it's like, I want to come home and get it the way she got it. Does he know you have a boyfriend Yes, this is consenting adults.

(End Podcast Show Open)

Leyna 1:30
Welcome everyone to part two of our threesome of episodes for cuck week. I hope you're enjoying the content. And if you do, please show some love for the show and the platform it creates for this conversation by going to buymeacoffee.com/leynanguyen. My guest today is 45 year old Aine who is an attorney from Denver. She has a podcast that focuses on sexuality and spirituality. She's also the co founder of the slut sisters movement. I want to hear about this because I'm seeing her Twitter and she's in a cuckold marriage. Ania, welcome to the show.

Guest 2:09
Hello. Hello Leyna. Thank you.

Leyna 2:11
What is the sloth sisters movement?

Guest 2:14
The slut sisters movement is something that kind of organically started from a hashtag that a girlfriend of mine and I were using as we were kind of traveling around the country going on some what we'd like to affectionately call slutventures.

Leyna 2:29
So, what were you doing Where are you going?

Guest 2:31
Our first trip together was down in her home state of Texas. And we she organized a really wonderful weekend for us with some of her favorite playmate companions, and we had a group sex situation going on down there so that was a lot of fun. And then we decided to take it to the road. So then we went to Vegas, we went to Florida, we've been to Houston again. So we enjoy it. We enjoy traveling together. We enjoy getting into our own feminine slut power together, and just really allowing that energy to flow through us. And so as we were kind of traveling and doing these things together, we started recounting our adventures. On Twitter and we utilize the hashtag hashtag slut sisters and it just kind of took off and people were really receptive to it. They really loved to see the sisterhood to see us, you know, bouncing off each other's energy and creating this camaraderie we actually most recently did a hotel takeover down in Texas. We organized some games together to play at this hotel takeover. And my husband has been very instrumental in creating little gift bags for all of us and bingo games and you know, body counters and things like that, that we all just kind of feed off of each other's energy it's nothing competitive. It's just really fun. And really what is at the core of it, right? It's sisterhood. It is tribalism. It is naming a word that has traditionally been used to keep women down and embrace it and reclaim it into a powerful nomenclature and so we have recently trademarked the word “slutsister” one word together, who knows where it will go, but we feel like the sky's the limit and we're really excited to see where it goes.

Leyna 4:20
Very nice. All right, so you're in a cuckold marriage. How long have you been married?

Guest 4:24
I have been married almost four years.

Leyna 4:27
Now before this marriage. We're either of you in the lifestyle?

Guest 4:32
we were not no. So my husband kind of tells the story he has had you know, some fantasies around cuckolding hotwifing for a long time since his early 20s, but he never had really lived out those fantasies.

Leyna 4:48
Okay, so you get together, you know, like vanilla couple marriage, right? Sure. Absolutely. And then And then what happened?

Guest 4:56
And then what happened the way that things had been kind of progressing for us. We had kind of been getting into some power dynamics in our relationship in the sense that we were both really used to being independent and really calling the shots in our own lives. We both were pretty Alpha when it came to our jobs. And we recognized that neither one of us were very flexible, and we figured out that I was even less flexible than he was. And we also had been having a lot of conversations to about my sexuality and what my dating life had looked like previous to him and so there was this, you know, nugget about power play and then there was this nugget about my sexuality and what he felt he wasn't experiencing with me based on what he heard me talking about with previous dating relationships. And so he came to me at one point about a year into our marriage and said, Hey, look, something's got to give. We can't keep this power struggle going. And I'm going to propose that I take a backseat that I become more submissive to you and that we enter into something called a female lead relationship. And I had never heard of this before, but I was I was liking the words. And so I started doing my own deep dive into what that meant and what that looked like.



Leyna 6:12
And what does that mean because I hear it and it's hard to kind of distinguish from all the other stuff.

Guest 6:17
It means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. I think there are people who live female lead relationships without even realizing it who aren't even part of kink or fetish dynamic and that just means that you know, maybe for them they've decided that she is the more natural born leader and she is best to make the decisions and they can create whatever dynamic they want around that whether she completely absolves herself from any household responsibilities. Maybe she does the banking maybe she earns the money. Maybe she doesn't who knows like everybody's dynamic is so different. But what I discovered when I was deep diving into it is that there was this world of dominance and fetish and kink associated with it. And the deeper I dove, I learned that there were a number of people who adopt the female lead relationship, lingo and dynamic who are also a cuckold dynamics and I didn't even know what cuckolding was at that point. And so when I was diving into that a little bit, I was super intrigued, because prior to him bringing this up to me, probably a few months earlier, I had stumbled upon some folks on Instagram who were considering themselves you know, to be in ethically non monogamous containers, and I was really fascinated by it, but I wasn't ready to admit it. And so interestingly enough, he brings this to my attention at a time when I've had this in my awareness, and I realized that there was some really, there was seriously some turn on for me around this idea, but at the same time, there was a lot of shame around the idea that I wanted it or that I was turned on by it. So it was really an interesting self exploration of myself and my own responses at the time. And then we start talking about, okay, I like this language, let's create a marital contract around it. And so, you know, as I mentioned, both of us kind of in this attorney realm, we created a contract he started it Wait, wait line. Yeah, go ahead. 

Leyna 8:08
An actual contract an actual contract?

Guest 8:11
Yeah, no, totally wrote up a document and we passed it back and forth as lawyers do in red lines. So I had like I said, I had done my research on FLR. I didn't assume he was thinking about this like cuckolding piece but then I read the contract and in the contract, it talks about how I would be free to explore my sexual freedom if I so chose, and I redline that out immediately because I'm thinking okay, first of all, I can’t admit to myself that that feels like a turn on Second of all, my first marriage ended because my first husband was unfaithful to me. I'm not about to turn around and be unfaithful to you. There's a lot of trigger, you know, kind of around this concept. I'm a good woman, like, I am monogamous to my core. I could never I could never do this. And so he sent it back to me redline back in and I just said, Okay, what's going on here and around this time, we were going out for dinner. For a Valentine's Day dinner, and that's when I finally just decided to bring it up to him. Like, are you talking about cuckolding? Like, I think that's what you're talking about. And you could not have seen a bigger look of shock across his face that I knew this word and that I threw it out at dinner. Oh, and he basically was like,

Leyna 9:18
Nice check please 

Guest 9:20
Exactly exactly Check Please, let's go home and talk about this. And also this is hot, but also he felt seen and he felt discovered and you know, felt pretty vulnerable about that. So anyway, that that really is kind of where the in earnest conversation began around ethical non monogamy for us and I'll be really honest, I jumped in feet first, as I do with most things that I am finally able to admit to myself. Yeah, they turned me on and something for me is either a hell yes or hell no. And if it's a hell yes, I'm going to jump in with both feet until I exhaust it and within a month of that conversation, we were exploring me playing with somebody for the first time.

Leyna 9:56
Tell me about that experience.

Guest 9:59
You know, as always, that is in the beginning. It's a little awkward. It's a little weird. We don't really know what our rules are, what our dynamics are. We haven't really had the best communication to that point around it. When you have something in your mind. Each of you creates and carries a script for how it's going to go. And the reality is, it's never going to go that way for either of you. And so then it creates kind of some tensions and some disagreements around how it went. And so for that first time, I think we both had some pretty serious scripts going in our head and it didn't turn out that way. And we also made the mistake of me setting up this play with somebody that I had dated previously. Oh, it was a terrible idea. So you know, for us, what we learned at that point in time is a let's start with neutral people. Who neither one of us know and be our communications going to have to get a hell of a lot better so that we find ourselves feeling safe walking into what is already a completely triggering an unsafe environment, but it's also a big turn on right. When people talk about angst in the context of cuckolding. First of all cultures get angst as well, not just cuckolds, and angst can be a real fine line between excitement and shame, or any other number of emotions, right? And so it really is about how do we play off of that and on that in in a way that's exciting, but also that is creating safety for both parties involved so that nobody's in over their head and in a situation where they're not really sure how they should or could respond. What I will say is communication is so key, and for people who are like us who just need to jump in and make their mistakes first and learn them, learn from them later. Go for it. It's a painful learning curve. But for those of us who Trial by Fire is the only way it's the only way.

Leyna 11:52
What in particular about that first experience was bad.

Guest 11:57
You know, I don't even want to label it as bad but what I will just say is that we weren't probably ready, right? Like we haven't probably spent enough time in fantasy talk in our own play situations, kind of creating the scenario and how it would turn out and the other thing is you just can't anticipate how it's actually going to feel the way my husband he talked about it in this recent episode that we just recorded. You know, he's like you spent 20 years building up this fantasy in your mind and you only think about the fantasy you don't think about the reality of knowing, oh crap, somebody else's touching my wife, and how that is actually going to feel in reality and the fact that like, your wife is able to kind of go through with this, like you fantasize about your wife having these uninhibited slutty behaviors, but when she shows you she's really capable, right? It really it shows you a different side. And then for me, I would say that like the insecurity around Am I allowed to enjoy this to be feeling good and I was thinking about my husband the whole time like in my head I'm like is this hot for him? Does he like this like is this okay? Like how is this gonna feel? And so we were really probably in each other's headspace a lot and it's really difficult until you have a little bit of practice with this to really feel at ease. And then when you come back together to talk about it together and reconnect. It can be awkward. If you are both still feeling these angsty feelings that you had with you in the moment. So honestly, it just takes time and it takes a lot of practice. And when you jump into this type of lifestyle container, you're basically living out your marriage in a combustible chamber with fire and additional kerosene that you're adding on top of it, you know, and so you're just adding and adding and adding additional explosives to this fire and hoping that everything burns hot and bright and beautiful and not like in a way that it's just going to kind of tear the house down

Leyna 15:17
Where are you guys now what kind of activities does your husband enjoy?

Guest 15:22
So where we are now obviously, we still are very much in a female lead dynamic. And I would say that for us that has been a real journey for us. I don't think truly lived that dynamic until sometime this year. We just were talking about it the other day where we realized oh, okay, we actually are in a place now where he's not really trying to top from the bottom anymore. He really is, you know, kind of turned on by this idea that I am empowered and that I'm making the decisions and I'm going to do what I believe is best in circumstances, even if it doesn't feel good to him initially. And even if he's kicking and screaming along the way a little bit. I'm still going to make the decision I'm going to make and ultimately he loves that I do that. But sometimes there's a little bit of consternation along the way.

Leyna 16:09
Is this like in everyday life stuff too, or are we talking just in the bedroom?

Guest 16:15
No. For us, it's everyday life. Okay. When it comes to controlling our finances, when it comes to allowances when it comes to the household chores, he's doing the laundry. I'm not touching it. He's cooking dinner. I'm not doing that like oh there's a lot of ways in which we incorporate that into our domestic life. But then we also incorporate it for sure into our own intimate dynamic between the two of us as well. I'll say for me, I continue to have to learn how to be more dominant in that particular realm both in this like in the bedroom for sure. And that's something that I'm wanting to grow more into, but for sure we also still very much identify first and foremost probably as a cuckold dynamic with him being my cuck and me being a cuckoldress. It is another conversation we were having recently I think we took it to Twitter too is that you know people think about cuckolding being mostly a kink or a fetish but for us it truly is an orientation. It's a way of being.

Leyna 17:16
You don't turn it on just in the bedroom. No,

Guest 17:19
right? Absolutely not. And it is not something that we only try out in place situations, you know, and so it's it's very much an orientation and a way of being for us. We don't think that we could change that any more that we could change, you know, our eye color or the size of our nose. You know, obviously there are things that you can do things to do that but like you know, just in terms of what you're born with, like we believe we're born with this the way sexual orientation is installed. I'm exploring lots of different areas of myself, as I you know, you mentioned early on, I'm a lawyer, but I'm starting to move further away from that and into more of an exploration of who I am and what my purpose is and what the work is that I'd like to be doing in this world. And so I've kind of started a path of study down some routes of shamanism, including plant medicine and sexual shamanism and things like that. And for me, I'm learning as I go through that journey, that there's a part of me that also wants to explore more of a polyamorous aspect of who I am.

Leyna 18:20
Could you like you know, perfect world perfect play date kind of thing? Can you kind of describe what would be an ideal situation for the both of you?

Guest 18:29
Yeah, so for the both of us, I think what we just experienced, I talked about how we did this hotel takeover recently down in Houston and there were hundreds and hundreds of people there. It was so much fun and we have the time of our lives because we've really struggled figuring out our dynamic together. Do we have him present? Do we have him not present? Am I take videos and pictures are we talking about later? are we including him? In the moment, that sort of thing that's been a real journey for us. And this past year in 2021. We played a lot more with a dynamic of having him present which we haven't done for a while and that was more probably around my discomfort because I wasn't quite sure if I could completely let myself go and be uninhibited. But I think that what we recognize is we were really missing some of that connection. And so what I would describe as an as an ideal situation for the both of us is exactly what we experienced at the hotel takeover. So what that was was my slutsisters and I we would organize some room parties prior to events that were going on at night for the actual takeover event and we would have people in our room we'd be mixing we'd be mingling and then eventually you know the the situation would kind of shift towards a play dynamic and he would get to watch me do my thing. And play with different men and he loves to watch me in my element and flirt and just be completely free and uninhibited. And he just loves to be able to witness that to watch it to take pictures to take videos and for us to then just get to really you know kind of connect on that later another situation for us that was really amazing. And connecting was right before that hotel takeover event a couple weeks earlier. We went to Las Vegas for his birthday. And we arranged a play situation with somebody that I've been talking to for some time and he's really well known in kind of the cuckolding porn space and he's just a really great guy and he came over and met up with us at our hotel and we just had a really really fun play session between he and I with “E” present and watching and engaging with us the whole time and it was just really connecting and powerful.



Leyna 20:36
When you say engaging with you the whole time and is he just does your husband just just watch and take pictures.

Guest 20:42
No, no, I mean there's different ways to incorporate him and I doing some play pieces while I'm also with the other person you know, kind of turning it into a bit of a threesome, you know, at times and then other times he is just watching so it really kind of depends on who the person is and how well versed and comfortable the other person is the play partner. One of the things that we haven't been very big on in our dynamic is anybody telling my husband what to do besides me? So we played a little bit you know, with that sometimes depending on who the person is and their comfort level with my husband and my husband's comfort level. With them. Is

Leyna 21:17
Is there ever any interaction between your husband and whichever man you're with?

Guest 21:23
Not often no. I mean, it's if I demand it Sure. No, there could be something if I demand it because I want to see something. My husband is the least you know, kind of inclined toward being attracted to men, you know, first of all, it has to be to everybody's comfort level, right? So if I were to tell my husband to, you know, fluff my play partner for me, which would basically mean giving him oral, you know, that would be the the kind of absolute pinnacle of dominance that I would be putting over him because the last thing he wants to do is do that. Right.

Leyna 21:58
And you've done that. We have done that. And he's he's complies. And did he like it though? Not the act. He just likes submitting to you

Guest 22:09
Yes, my bossiness. Yes, absolutely. 

Leyna 22:13
And did you like it? 

Guest 22:15
I did. But again, not the act, but the dominance of me doing it and making him do it. My husband's incredibly like, just very masculine, right. And he is just really kind of, you know, just just the salt of the Earth Kind of like lumberjacky kind of guy at his essence, and like there's just no there's no part of him that is 
Leyna 22:25
Going to blow a guy. 

Guest 22:27
No, just not going to happen. Right? So it's like in our dynamic if I tell him to put on a pair of like, what we call me “Mantie’s" male panties, that's me asserting dominance over him. That is nothing he would ever choose for himself. We are not into a lot of sissification but a lot of couples are and it's beautiful for them. I think there is a you know, every like in anything, there is a real range of dynamic and we just we would never yuck somebody else's yum. But for us extreme sissifications, not something that is a real turn on for either of us, unless it's really more about me asserting dominance over him. 

Leyna 23:15
Does he do clean up? 

Guest 23:17
He does absolutely loves to do clean up and but generally it's it's oftentimes I'll come home from a playdate by myself, and then we do our reconnection like that, you know, there are times probably that he's less into it than others but but there are also times that we both are just really into it, and it's something that is very connecting for us what we're learning we really love the most that's involving both of us at the same time is that kind of scenario where we can play with somebody who's very well versed and very comfortable in themselves and very comfortable in the lifestyle

Leyna 23:52
And how do you find people like that because sometimes I speak with people who are just kind of getting started in the cucking lifestyle. They're kind of at a loss because I'm hearing that it always works out better when the play partner is you know, pretty much is pretty well versed.

Guest 24:07
So for us, those situations have really presented themselves more the more we've gotten into the lifestyle, the more comfortable we've gotten. We first started out meeting and still do meet some playmates on a website called Kasidie that is really popular in our region in Colorado. That's how we first started meeting our playmates. Since then, we have really gotten to know a lot of people in the cuckolding world and community and so we've met a lot of playmates through other people slut sisters like to share so we make recommendations for each other


Leyna 24:44
You’re recommending like bulls. Oh, absolutely.

Guest 24:47
Absolutely. Yeah, we really want to share good experiences and not be not be selfish about those

Leyna 24:54
I asked you about Kasidie because there seems to be a stigma against bisexual men that I keep on hearing from other lifestylers. When you meet people, do you identify yourselves as a cuckold couple or or does that come later on like in talk

Guest 25:11
On Kasidie we put it out there we are very open about who we are because we're only looking for people who are looking to play in this container. You know, we're not looking to swing we are looking for a very specific demographic. It is much easier when you're just really honest about who you are and what your dynamic is. And so on Kasidie we actually probably present less as a couple and more as a single female because that's kind of how we meet people. What I can tell you is that for me, if I'm meeting up with somebody who seems more maybe less well versed in like the cuckolding sense and doesn't really know how to interface with my husband, that's probably somebody that I'm going to see alone and take some like video footage with and some photos with and then go home and share it with my husband and we reconnect that way. I see what we are much more interested in at this point is meeting people who really are very comfortable in their skin very comfortable in this dynamic and would really be able to enhance the relationship.

Leyna 26:10
Aine’s podcast is called Sexual alchemy. That's sexual chemy. We've got her contact information and her podcast in our show notes. Okay for our third of three cuck week episodes, a lot of people really enjoyed my talk with Krystal Welch in Episode 75. She talked about some crazy things so I wanted to ask her cuck husband some questions, and he was delightfully open.

Guest 26:38
You know, literally you're eating another man's cum out of your wife's you know, freshly fuck pussy. I mean, just in the grossest of terms, that's what it really comes down to power wise.

Leyna 26:49
That's next time on consenting adults.