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Married a long time, they struggled with sex. She's reserved, he was addicted to porn. Although newbies in the lifestyle, Dustin and his wife quickly learned their play style to be as a stag and vixen or hotwife. He enjoys letting his wife have sex with other men and hearing about the details. It has had a profound effect on their lives. They are happier, kinder, more forgiving, and enjoying sex like never before.You can find them on Twitter @ShowMeSwing
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EP 73 Married Stag and Vixen
And she just turned and said, Hey, I know this is awkward. I've been given a dare by my husband give someone a blowjob. And so he was like, right on.
So that wasn't difficult
And we had talked about the parking lot. And so what ended up happening was they just went straight to a hotel and had sex there.
My first response was jealousy. But there was a tinge there of enjoyment that has developed more as we've gone along every new adventure. I enjoy it more and hate it less.
You don't want her to have a relationship with someone else you just like her having sex with other people, right?
I kind of panicked. You know, I'm a grown man and I remember crying in the bathroom because I'm like, What have I done?
So let's get to it.
(Podcast Show Open)
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My guest today is Dustin he's 46 years old, a copywriter been married for 25 years has teenage children and has only been in the lifestyle two months and you're down there in Missouri. Dustin, are there a lot of swingers in Missouri?
There are yes, there are a lot in Kansas City and St. Louis.
How did this come about? Because you've been married for a very long time. Was everything. Okay?
Well, we were really strong in most areas. We were great friends. You know, we love each other. We were very kind. In so many ways. We we've had a great marriage, but the sex has been difficult for us. And so we reached out to a sex counselor. And she has helped helped us through it. You know, it's been quite a radical change.
Okay, so when you say sex was difficult, what do you mean?
Well, I think that my wife struggled with feeling guilty and like things were forbidden. She was raised, very religious and very conservative. When it came to sex, everything seemed wrong to her. And then I was kind of on the opposite end where for a long time have struggled with pornography. So I was kind of coming at it from the other way where I had unrealistic expectations. And so we just couldn't figure it out. We couldn't mesh.
Well, you then not having enough sex in your eyes?
In my eyes for sure. That's one of the things that has changed is because she's been a lot more open. We've been having great sex.
Okay, so you went to a sex therapist? Did the therapist get you into the lifestyle? I mean, what happened?
Yeah, kind of pretty much what she did was with my wife, she helped her to see that sex was okay. And encouraged her to fantasize and talk about what she what she really wanted. What she liked. What what would make her happy. You know, she had challenged my wife to pick someone up at a strip club. And that was one of her assignments that she had to do.
Female or male, male. Oh, customer. Yeah.
What happened? Like how did you pick someone up? Kind of like your shy wife? She sound I don't know if she's shy, but as far as like, you know, the sexual energy. She sounds like she's more reserved, right?
Yeah. She always has been in a lot of areas of her life. She's changing that. I mean, she she has opinions now that she will stand up for but she's not a very assertive person with her putting herself out there.
Right. So then how did she picked up a stranger at a strip club?
Well, she told me her assignment, and I helped her come up with an idea. And so she went up to the bar, and there was a guy next to her and she just turned and said, Hey, I know this is awkward. I've been given a dare by my husband give someone a blowjob. And so he was like, right on, you know?
So that wasn't difficult
Yeah, no, it was me. And she's not just saying this because I'm her husband. She's very attractive. And so that sort of thing is easy.
And so the guy said, Yeah, sure. And then what happened?
He was part of a bachelor party, and she hung out with that group, and then they left went to a hotel and did more than the blowjob.
Oh, you weren't there at the club with her, right? Yeah, she went by herself. Okay. Did she tell you what happened?
Yeah, that was since that was my first experience. I did not handle it very well. And so I was I was frustrated at the lack of details I was getting, and that was and so we actually had a fight that night where I was just beside myself trying to piece together what happened? She's not the kind of elaborate and so
Well, because she's kind of you know, if she's shy about doing it with her own husband, she's gonna be shy about describing what she did with the stranger. That's right. Yeah. Now in your frustration, did you find that it was turning you on? And yet you weren't getting enough of it? Or were you jealous?
My first response was jealousy. But there was a tinge there of enjoyment that has developed more as we've gone along. Every new adventure, I enjoy it more and hated it less.
So. Okay, so you guys actually had a fight that night?
Yeah. I wanted to know what happened. I wanted to know how we went from, you know, a blow job to hotel. I just, I just want to details. One of the things that we've talked about lately. is, you know, we're trying to do this together. This is a marriage thing. And so, I in order for me to have fun, the thing that I enjoy is getting the details. And so you do your thing, do what you want, but I want to hear about it afterwards.
So but what happened at the hotel room?
Well I still don't know a lot of details. But she told me kind of how he was like, what he was good at what he wasn't.
And and what was that?
Well, he was quite a bit younger. So he had a lot of energy, and he was very eager, and he was pretty assertive. As far as like, moving around in different positions. And she's she's not incredibly assertive that way. And so he kind of took control, which I think she liked.
Okay, but they so but they had sex.
Yeah, the dare was to give a blowjob and we had talked about the parking lot and so what ended up happening was, they just went straight to a hotel and had sex there. In my mind, it was going to be a five minute thing in the parking lot. And it ended up being like, an hour and a half in the hotel. And so I was quite a bit surprised.
So after the argument blows over Did you have another conversation about it? That was maybe a little bit more fruitful? A little bit more constructive?
Yeah, I think I think that I was able to explain without being a jerk that I really enjoy hearing the details. And then we also didn't have a lot of boundaries at the beginning and so we had a lot of discussions about what each of us feel comfortable with. And that's helped a lot. And I think after that first one, or maybe the second one, we were like, Okay, we need to we really need to iron this out.
Oh, okay. Tell me about the second one.
Well, I tell okay, I misspoke. The second one was not the problem. The third one was the problem. Now you guys move fast. Well, yeah, we jumped in with both feet. We really did. The one thing that really made us the forced us to discuss things in detail was we went to St. Louis and this person that I met and didn't know very well I knew him enough that I felt like I could trust him. And we got along really well. And looking back now, like I can kind of see that he didn't have any ill will. But he was going to take her to a club where they were going to be some swingers there. We looked at it as kind of a networking opportunity that she was going to do that. And I knew that the party would be overfilled three or four, you know, and it was my idea. I just said, Well, why don't you just sleep there to sleep at his house? And I'll come pick you up at like eight in the morning. Instead of driving all the way across town to a hotel.
Well, I kind of panicked. You know, I'm a grown man and I remember crying in the van because I'm like, What have I done?
And in looking back, it was a big mistake because we tried very hard to make sure this was just sex, and there aren't any feelings that no one's gonna catch feelings. And so we've done quite a bit to try to make sure that happened, and a lot of it was because of this incident where I felt like they spent too much time together. I just felt like that was dangerous. And so you know from there, the very first rule that we came up with after talking was alright, we're not going to stay the night with anyone.
Okay, so the guy who you said you felt you knew and could trust him was also someone you met on a dating website? Yeah, Twitter. Oh, okay. Twitter, so you really didn't actually know he wasn't a friend or anything? No. Okay. Throughout all of this. You had no interest in going out and doing something yourself?
Well, I I don't I don't have a great explanation for it. But I don't have a strong desire to be with other people. I just really like my wife. And so I don't you know, I mean, she's, she's beautiful, she's sexy. I don't feel the need to go anywhere. And I have like I said, I get a lot of enjoyment out of what she's doing. Okay. My number one motivation is to help her have a good life. But the other motivation is that I get a kick out to really enjoy.
Okay, and I hear that a lot. So then I'm going to get really personal okay.
Okay, yes. Yeah. So
when she comes home from a date, do you guys like get into it right away?
Well, typically, we want to have sex. Pretty soon. I know people have used the term reclaiming and reconnecting right but as soon as possible. I want I want to bring it back to she and I together that we are a unit.
Okay, does she shower up first? Or you know, you want to ravage her as soon as she gets in the house?
She has showered, but typically we just go for, right.
Okay. Now, you described yourself to me as a stag, and the wife as a hot wife. You don't do anything. It's very one sided. And it's all about the wife's enjoyment. Like you get something out of it. And when she's done playing with someone, you're good to go like immediately, right? Yeah, just maybe because you're so new in the lifestyle does maybe the term cuckolding kind of scare you or turn you off? To admitting it?
Well, I think so. I still I still don't know that I would consider myself that and just because the way I would define it as somebody that like, enjoys humiliation, which I don't at all and I think often come from a position of weakness. You know, I think with controls, there's there's kind of this almost like a female led inferiority part to it. And that's not our dynamic at all, and I satisfy my wife. She tells me that all the time, I hope she's not lying. But you know, I'm not I'm not coming from a deficiency or or looking to control.
Most people think cuckolding is the, you know, degradation, humiliation, you're not good enough for her, because that's what we see. Mostly in porn, but there's the other side of it, where there's no humiliation, there's no degradation. Yeah, but it's very one sided in that it's all about her enjoyment. And because so many people think kind of negatively about cuckolding that, you know, you don't want to say that. Yeah, that's what you're into, just because of, you know, maybe misconceptions of what you have. You have no thoughts of having sex with other people.
Well, it's not that I don't have any thoughts about it, and we're working that way it's going to happen, and I'll probably join in for threesomes as well. But, but so far, you haven't yet. Right. It hasn't happened yet. But we are working towards that we've been pursuing couples, you know, as much as we have for bulls, and that's our goal, because she very much wants to make sure that I am enjoying this. And she's she's ready for me to do that. She wasn't at first but now she is.
Oh, okay. So then when you say look forward to a threesome? Is it with another man or another or with a woman?
Just that I would join in when she's with a guy?
Okay, so then it would be an MFM. Yes. How does she feel about you being with another woman?
Well, she says that she's fine with it, and she's all on board. But I'm trying to tell her it's not as easy as it seems. You know, I thought I would be you know, perfectly okay with it to till it happens. You don't really know how you're going to handle it.
You’ve only been doing this for two months. You say? Yeah. How many different partners has she had? Or how many play dates you know, how often has she done this?
Well, I I don't know how much I should share. But have you lost count? We've done plenty. You know, she's been with I'll say over 10 guys. And she has regulars so she's been with some people more than once.
Oh, how do you feel about that?
Well, I'm not as excited about the regular's because I'm trying to limit that exposure. I don't want them to spend a lot of time together.
Right you don't you're you don't want her to have a relationship with someone else. You just like her having sex with other people.
Right? And we're on the same page there. We know several people that are in the poly lifestyle. And that's that's great for them. But for us, we definitely do not want that. We want to stay a unit and only a unit. That's our priority. Even more so than the sex like both of us feel like hey, if this starts to feel weird, we're out.
Right? Now you do realize that even with regulars, you can have a like you can avoid the feels right? That there there's something to be said for Listen, you're found a good person. He's safe, He's respectful, and he provides what you and your wife want. It's really not that easy to find, like a good guy to be doing this with.
Yeah, that's true. It has been difficult to find a really good fit and we have already found a couple which is nice. And I agree that you know that there are scenarios where it's perfectly safe, that there won't be anybody catching feelings. And my wife, she's going to be zero reason in our whole life to not trust her. I've never even caught her in a white lie. She has so much integrity. And so when she tells me you have nothing to worry about, I believe her.
But so very often though, these feelings of jealousy and uncertainty, they're really not about the other person, right? It's about us. It's about you. It's about the person who's feeling the jealousy and because it's insecurity. And so that's something that I guess you guys will continue to work on. And if your wife ever decides that okay, we're gonna bring you know a woman to you it's certainly something she's going to have to work through as well. Do you feel like outside the bedroom? Your relationship has changed because of all of this?
Yeah, it really has. And I didn't see it coming but we are more in love than we've ever been. In our 27 years of spending time together. We are kinder we we go out of our way to bless each other more. We talk more we have much better conversations there and there are reasons I think there are good reasons for that. But it's it's been a miraculous
That’s pretty awesome. Your friends and family don't know obviously Right? Right. And not that our friends and family need to know what we're doing in the bedroom but are you afraid of being found out?
I am I had before this job I have one that's that is a little more public and delicate. And so yeah, I'm pretty nervous about that. And then the worst part about not having friends and family is how lonely it is. We don't really have anybody we we kind of we kind of have some people online that we talked to but you know nobody flesh and blood nobody for my wife to go get coffee with or anything you know right that you can be completely open with.
So, Dustin, is your wife ever going to give you a dare? Is that what it's going to take for you to go out and do something? Is that how you guys are going to do it? I mean, that's terrifying.
You know, I think more likely it'll be a situation where we're with a couple and we are, you know, doing a soft swap. Probably. I think that's coming. We already have a few couples that we just need to arrange time with where I think that's kind of the plan. And then I think something will progress. That's that's what most likely what will happen.
And then lastly, have you found a change in your wife? Oh, who who were what she is now that you've been through this?
Yeah, it's it's been incredible and I I don't want to oversell it or undersell it. I mean she just she went from from not being able to talk about things, to be able to talk about them. It seemed like such a small thing, but like, we're able to open ourselves up to each other. You know, for years I had all this baggage and you know, addictions and you know, to pornography and all this stuff that I was trying to hide from her. And so all that's kind of been out in the open and so I feel very much like she hears me and she likes me even though she knows my junk. She's even more forgiving than before she's become kinder to other people. We both kind of felt like our worldview has changed a little bit as far as how we view people and alternative lifestyles. I feel like for 25 years she hasn't been herself and now she's herself.
My thanks to Dustin for sharing his story. Now if you'd like to connect with this couple they're on Twitter @showmeswing. Alright, next time on consenting adults the naughty hot wife is turning into a cuckoldress and her husband's future looks fabulously bleak.
Whenever I have something regularly going on, he's caged permanently to where he just gets milked which is prostate, milking kind of thing.
No, no, no, stop. No, no, stop. Explain that.
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