I love your podcast - my gf and I had been dabbling our toes in the lifestyle more and more and found your show to be so informative.
I have a question though, after a great 5 year relationship, I'm sad to say that we've finally broken up. After that, I find myself wanting to start a relationship again with someone likeminded about the lifestyle.
However, now that I am again a single guy, I'm not sure what is the best way to find non-judgmental potential partners who have an interest in the lifestyle. Dating sites are a time sucking nightmare and recipe for instant judgement. I can't get into the lifestyle clubs I went to before now that I am a single male. I've also recently moved to Hawaii from OC, and I don't think such clubs even exist here.
With all the people you have met in your shows, has this topic ever come up? Any advice on where to look for a like-minded partner?
Thanks again for all the great material!
Dear Single in Hawaii,
From everything I'm hearing, single males get a lot of "action" in the lifestyle and find people (or people find them) on the LS dating websites. I'm not sure how many single women are on there looking for single men to date though. Perhaps my listeners can weigh in. If you're just looking for playdates, LS websites seem to work well, and some have had success on "regular" dating sites with just being honest in your profile. It's clear that "the conversation" must be had at some point as transparency is always key in any relationship. Here's what our social media followers have said in response to your question, and hopefully more will comment below.
From Twitter @JohnLegendary_
He should definitely relax, and reflect on his previous relationship, and do inner work first. As a bull in the lifestyle, I am also in a relationship with someone who was vanilla when I met her. At the time I only dated women that were vanilla, because I had no interest in dating unicorns. The most important thing a SM needs to understand is that you shouldn’t necessarily need to look for someone with an interest in the lifestyle, but rather someone who is open-minded, especially when it comes to sexuality. The most important aspect when introducing someone to the lifestyle is education (I introduced my gf to the Keys & Anklets podcast), followed by patience, then by great experiences. I would tell him to enjoy being a SM in the lifestyle, and not look for a relationship because he finds himself having difficulty in not being able to participate, attend LS clubs, events because that almost sounds like you’re just looking for a plus one to gain entry, which is selfish. If you are a SM that has done self-work then you can have a great and exciting time in the lifestyle. They’re advantages to both being in it as a couple or SM. I do things both as a couple and as a bull. Your motivations and intentions of being in a relationship shouldn’t be based on being able to gain access to clubs and events that don’t allow SM, but rather your admiration, compatibility and alignment you have with someone else. - Caleb King
From Twitter: @MikeNWendy3
“Normal” dating sites like Tinder will never work for finding a significant other with similar interests in the lifestyle. I believe your best bet is to join multiple lifestyle sites like Kasidie, Lifestyle Lounge, SLS, etc… write an honest profile, let other members know what you are looking for in a partner and in playmates, post pictures of yourself doing things you like, NOT DICK PICS!, have face pics available to people you deem worthy. On those site, join groups that interest you and look for the parties in your area you may want to attend. There are lifestyle parties everywhere, Hawaii included. Get out there and mingle. You are bound to meet a single girl either at a party or a couple may want to hook you up with an open minded friend. But most importantly, as a single male in the lifestyle, you really need to be respectful. You will get a lot farther if couples know you aren’t pushy. Good luck!
The advice given comes from people's personal experiences, and while some may have certifications or other training, none of the content should be considered medical or otherwise professional advice. This page is for your reading pleasure and should be considered for entertainment purposes only. Questions can be submitted via our contact page or social media. Feel free to comment if you have advice.